Chimp goes ape shit [Archive] - The Gemstone IV Players' Corner

Miscast

02-19-2009, 02:48 AM

http://news.aol.com/article/chimp-attack/345471

STAMFORD, Conn. (Feb. 18) -- The frantic owner of a 200-pound chimpanzee that went berserk in Connecticut pleaded with police over the phone to help her stop the animal from mauling her friend, begging them to "Hurry, please! He ripped her face off."

Shit...

Not to blatantly make light of this but this chimp ripped a human's face off with no martial arts training or anything. Just some Xanax. What if we like..trained these things and dropped them into hostile territory before drug busts or terrorist hideouts in the mountains.

...the chimpanzee returned and went after several of the officers, who retreated into their cars...

The cops took cover from ONE of 'em out in the open. Imagine what it could do in a confined space with body armor.

Alfster

02-19-2009, 02:59 AM

Anyone have a link to the pictures of her face (the one that had it ripped off)?

Hips

02-19-2009, 06:35 AM

I lol'd when I first heard about this, considering it happened in Connecticut. Ah, my crazy home state. :heart:

crazymage

02-19-2009, 06:55 AM

http://www.dennisdiclaudio.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/nypost.jpg

Clove

02-19-2009, 06:57 AM

Yeah, we're all pretty pissed in Connecticut. Now we'll never be able to own our own chimpanzees!

Stanley Burrell

02-19-2009, 10:15 AM

Allereli

02-19-2009, 10:27 AM

They're definitely stronger than men. I don't know why anybody would keep a chimp as a pet. It's like having a more human version of a tiger, or any other large animal, so that you lack the safety protocol in your brain to tell you: That is a chimpanzee, not a human. It's just asking for a problem to occur.

:yeahthat:

My sister said she remembered when the chimp got out and stopped traffic. The Advocate said the state knew the woman owned the chimp, but didn't enforce its licensing requirements.

Shitty situation all around, even the hospital sucks.

Keller

02-19-2009, 10:33 AM

This is why I want to own a monkey: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DBuk91phkI&feature=related

Stanley Burrell

02-19-2009, 10:36 AM

This is why I want to own a monkey: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DBuk91phkI&feature=related

That. Is. Fantastic. And I cannot top it with this Dane Cook skit, which you will listen to anyway:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-C0KhNUZ1Q

Izzy

02-19-2009, 10:42 AM

My dad relayed to me a story one of his friends told him that involved his friend seeing a chimpanzee literally tear someone's calf muscle from their leg. I don't know if the whole thing came off in a hand-full, or just got detached and stayed all wobbly-like under the skin...but either way holy shit. Don't piss one of those guys off.

Ignot

02-19-2009, 11:00 AM

What horrific story. I can't imagine a chimp ripping my face off. The sad thing is she was stabbing it and it didn't stop but it probably would have stopped if she sprayed some water on it. Animals are weird that way. I remember when I was young my dumbass dog dug under the wrong fence to escape the yard and she ended up in our neighbors yard with four pitbulls (only one of the pitbulls was nice). Well they pretty much tore her stomach open and her intestines were strewn about the grass. She was fighting back but it was 3 on one. My dad handed me a kitchen knife and he and I started stabbing the pitbulls through the fence. I mean, we were fucking stabbing these things and they wouldn't stop! And I'm talking big ass kitchen knives. These pits were gushing blood. Then the neighbor rushed out and sprayed the dogs with the hose and they ran away like it was the plague.

Pit 1: "knife, psh whatever bitch, I'm eaten this dog"
Pit 2: "water?? OH NOES RUN!"

My dog lived though, if you can believe it. That was traumatizing for me....great now I'm sad.

Also, that Chimp looks like Goliath from Project X. Maybe it just wanted a smoke?

Clove

02-19-2009, 01:27 PM

Wild animals have incredible strength because they need it to survive. Not only are their muscles hard-core but often their limbs, joints, sinews and tendons are arranged to provide maximum leverage for whatever devastation they're prepared to do.

Most people can't handle a couple of dogs or cats that are panicked or in a rage and are hell bent on damage... but these same people think it's a good idea to own a chimpanzee, monkey, ocelot, or wolf. A 200lb Chimp can easily lift 600 lbs and rip your limbs out of your socket. Yeah. Darwin would be proud of our progress...

Widgets

02-19-2009, 01:32 PM

I lol'd when I first heard about this, considering it happened in Connecticut. Ah, my crazy home state. :heart:

This is why I'm moving out of CT here next month...Too fucking crazy, I can't even deal with Hartford, let alone Ninja Killer Monkies

SHAFT

02-19-2009, 02:04 PM

http://www.dennisdiclaudio.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/nypost.jpg

Careful with that. Al Sharpton will boycott your website and then the PC if he sees that.

Stanley Burrell

02-19-2009, 02:05 PM

Also, that Chimp looks like Goliath from Project X.

I'll take your Project X and tell you that the chimpanzee looks like, or rather is...

http://www.residentevilfan.com/encyclopedia/full/mrx.jpg

Mr. X from project Umbrella Co.: No I have not seen an actual picture of the actual chimpanzee, actually...

But it's Mr. X :axe:

Allereli

02-19-2009, 02:24 PM

Hartford

that's your first mistake. Try either ends of the state: Fairfield County or the Mystic area

Hips

02-19-2009, 02:34 PM

that's your first mistake. Try either ends of the state: Fairfield County or the Mystic area

Fairfield ftw!

Widgets

02-19-2009, 02:39 PM

that's your first mistake. Try either ends of the state: Fairfield County or the Mystic area

I only worked out of Hartford with Comcast, but now they laid off people soooo...

I live in New Britain, which isn't much better than Hartford I guess, but luckily I live in a quiet area that no one knows about.

I seemed to like Meriden, but frankly because I don't know anything around here it's VERY hard to find a job in good areas.

ElanthianSiren

02-20-2009, 01:55 PM

They're definitely stronger than men. I don't know why anybody would keep a chimp as a pet. It's like having a more human version of a tiger, or any other large animal, so that you lack the safety protocol in your brain to tell you: That is a chimpanzee, not a human. It's just asking for a problem to occur.

Although I'd rock a pet gorilla and name him Donkey Kong.

bonobos stan.... you know you always wanted a bonobo.

Fallen

02-20-2009, 02:05 PM

bonobos stan.... you know you always wanted a bonobo.

Don't those things hump other creatures into submission? A bit better than genital/feet/face ripping, but still moderately disturbing.

CrystalTears

02-20-2009, 02:10 PM

Don't those things hump other creatures into submission? A bit better than genital/feet/face ripping, but still moderately disturbing.
Death by boonga-boonga!

Clove

02-20-2009, 02:14 PM

Don't those things hump other creatures into submission? A bit better than genital/feet/face ripping, but still moderately disturbing.Pop-quiz, is a chimp a different race than humans, or a different species?

ElanthianSiren

02-20-2009, 02:23 PM

:lol:

As far as I know, bonobos hump each other for just about any reason they can find. I'm not sure about interaction with other species, to be honest. It's been a long long time since I had human sexuality (my teacher was a bit primate-other-than-humans obsessed, which is why human sexuality, though it may sound like an interesting class reaaaaaaaally WASN'T); I could probably have told you 5 years ago though.

TheRunt

02-20-2009, 02:37 PM

Pop-quiz, is a chimp a different race than humans, or a different species?

Well there is no "race" in scientific classification. The standard terms are Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species.

Chimps and humans share the same family but genus and species are different.

Clove

02-20-2009, 02:42 PM

Well there is no "race" in scientific classification. The standard terms are Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species.

Chimps and humans share the same family but genus and species are different.Humor. UR doing it wrong.

Ignot

02-20-2009, 03:48 PM

Death by boonga-boonga!

This made me think of Futurama. Death by snoo snoo!

TheRunt

02-20-2009, 07:18 PM

Humor. UR doing it wrong.

:(

Allereli

11-11-2009, 04:55 PM

She's on Oprah today and reveals her face. See link for video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uMfve801TE&feature=player_embedded

BigWorm

11-11-2009, 04:58 PM

She's on Oprah today and reveals her face. See link for video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uMfve801TE&feature=player_embedded

holy shit thats scary. it doesn't even seem real.

Skeeter

11-11-2009, 05:02 PM

worst plastic surgeon ever.

Danical

11-11-2009, 05:03 PM

Holy fuck.

Suppa Hobbit Mage

11-11-2009, 05:07 PM

Wow... seriously, I think I'd rather have died were it me.

Androidpk

11-11-2009, 05:15 PM

That's depressing.

Stretch

11-11-2009, 05:15 PM

Is it wrong that I immediately thought of that Verger dude from Hannibal when I saw that clip?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/86/Mason_Verger.jpg

Kuyuk

11-11-2009, 05:20 PM

dude from hannibal looks like a prince compared.

yeah, I woulda prolly suicided outa that one.

Hips

11-11-2009, 06:53 PM

I lol'd when I first heard about this, considering it happened in Connecticut. Ah, my crazy home state. :heart:

I still feel the same about CT but HOLY SHIT, that poor woman. :(

Stanley Burrell

11-11-2009, 07:42 PM

There must be some serious medical reason as to why whatever that thing's (face, I think?) was left at that.

Kuyuk

11-11-2009, 09:38 PM

lack of bone?

pabstblueribbon

11-11-2009, 10:27 PM

There must be some serious medical reason as to why whatever that thing's (face, I think?) was left at that.

:bananahit:

Miscast

11-11-2009, 11:52 PM

Jesus Christ. What a great thread name!

Warriorbird

11-11-2009, 11:56 PM

Definitely a testimonial to not having exotic pets.

Paradii

11-12-2009, 12:25 AM

Definitely a testimonial to not having exotic pets.

Or in her case, be friends with someone with exotic pets.

Allereli

02-24-2010, 03:44 PM

Article from NY Times today about the responding officer who killed Travis

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/25/nyregion/25chimp.html

Clove

02-24-2010, 03:54 PM

Article from NY Times today about the responding officer who killed Travis

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/25/nyregion/25chimp.htmlYes, a law to close the loophole that denied Officer Chiafari's disability has already been proposed in the State Senate. The whole chimp situation was insane. Literally.

Travis dictated the events of that fatal day, but Officer Chiafari does not hold him responsible.

“I consider him a victim,” he said. “He should have been in the jungle where he’s supposed to be. Not in a house drinking wine and taking Xanax.”Amen.