Memories that make you giggle...

[Souzy]

I'm highly bored at work, so I just starting reminiscing about random things. I find the most disgusting things funny at times and the guys in my family are insane. So, I was thinking about my cousin and my uncle cos I miss them a lot. Anyway here are my stories.

So late one night I had to pick up my uncle, my cousin and my ex in the ER cos they're stupid asses got in a car accident. The dr. puts my uncle's pelvis x-ray up and starts examining it right. Then, he starts looking closer and notices something hiding in my uncle's sac o' balls. He has that "WTF?" look on his face. Then I had to explain to him that when he lived in San Diego he got shot in a drive by, that the bullet went right through the car door and hit his hip and kinda just settled in that area. Then the dr. yells over to the nurses, "Hey ladies, check this out! This guy has a bullet in his scrotum." Needless to say, the whole ER (which was like 5 nurses and 1 dr.) gathered around to gaze in awe at my uncles balls.

That whole night was funny, I just choose to only tell a couple people the whole story.

OK, next one!

My cousin and his friends play cards one day. The thing you gotta understand about my cousins and his friends are that they are all shiester's. So you gotta pay close to attention to your cards and your money. Then my crazy cousin takes his $20 bill, wipes his ass with it (I mean literally wiped his ass with it), tells the rest of my cousins and his friends, "Aight, I'll know that this bill is mine, cos it smells like ass."

I got a kick out of that though. And I just realized that my family is weird. :smilegrin:

So tell me your stories so I can amuse myself at work!

[Skirmisher]

Originally posted by Lalana
Then my crazy cousin takes his $20 bill, wipes his ass with it (I mean literally wiped his ass with it), tells the rest of my cousins and his friends, "Aight, I'll know that this bill is mine, cos it smells like ass."


Yet another example why I was so happy when I stopped working as a teller.:wow:

[Souzy]

Originally posted by Skirmisher
Yet another example why I was so happy when I stopped working as a teller.:wow:

:lol: Money is like the dirtiest thing! You never know where it's been.

Edited to add, before you lick your fingers to count those bills, think about where they've been. /puke

[Edited on 2-8-2004 by Lalana]

[Skirmisher]

Hell I used to get such vile cash.

In the summer....so much come in all sweaty...others come in reeking of urine and my favorite is the cash that comes in with blood. :?:

Thats why I always kept baggies and Purell handy...nasty nasty stuff.

....wtf...

[Souzy]

Originally posted by Skirmisher
Hell I used to get such vile cash.

In the summer....so much come in all sweaty...others come in reeking of urine and my favorite is the cash that comes in with blood. :?:

Thats why I always kept baggies and Purell handy...nasty nasty stuff.

And to think, people wanna roll naked in obscene amounts of cash.

Tell me a funny story!

[Kitsun]

Originally posted by Lalana

Originally posted by Skirmisher
Hell I used to get such vile cash.

In the summer....so much come in all sweaty...others come in reeking of urine and my favorite is the cash that comes in with blood. :?:

Thats why I always kept baggies and Purell handy...nasty nasty stuff.

And to think, people wanna roll naked in obscene amounts of cash.

Tell me a funny story!

Only new bills, the ones you gotta break in cause they're off the presses.

[Sylphsyte]

that just made me think of paper-cuts all over.. all of those sharp edges. OUCH! so would it realy be a good time and something to dream about? lol

[Betheny]

Money is the dirtiest thing, ever. It's probably one of the only items people don't ever wash, and don't really care about how it looks.

Funny story, let's see... How I found out my brother is gay.

Four years ago, when I first moved out, I was living in downtown Minneapolis, MN. My brother, who lived with my parents, called me at 1:30 AM one night (when he was supposed to be at work). He asked me to come pick him up at the local hospital, but not to tell my parents.

So I did. Of course I grilled him about why he was there. Come to find out, he wasn't the patient. His... uh. Closet boyfriend was. And the closet boyfriend's parents came to pick him up, and of course my brother got abandoned because the parents couldn't know. I didn't even know, at the time.

Would have been not so funny, except as we were walking out, my cousin (who is also gay, and a PAC at the hospital) walks in... and my brother made the mistake of telling him that he had brought a 'friend' in.

Later that week, my cousin called me and asked if I knew my brother's boyfriend had torn his anus with a foreign object.

OMG, so much bad.

End of story.

Im still gagging.

[Sylphsyte]

I was just reminded of this yesterday...
You'd have to understand that growing up, my family had a "no foul language" rule. yada yada. So that's what made this funny.
I was 10 years old and it was summer, My grandmother was over and the family was in the kitchen chatting, when I ... no surprise here... was being rude and tried interrupting my mothers conversation buy telling her I needed ice for my drink. So I said, "mom, I need some ice" no reply....
So I figured I had to talk over everyone, so I yelled real loud.. and not thinking about what was going to come out of my mouth.
I said,"Mom! I need some ass!"
Everyone stopped talking and looked at me...and I squeaked out “Ice, ice, I meant to say ice”
It was so quiet, my heart was pounding in my ears and then my grandmother let out a hoot and started laughing so hard, we thought she was going to stop breathing.
I was just glad I didn't get in trouble.

[Mint]

When I was 14 my older sister, who was married at the time thought she might be pregnant. She didn't want to tell anyone until she was sure so she bought a pregnancy test kit. She came over and used my bathroom to do the test. Well, she was not pregnant but she left the test in my waste basket and went home. Yeah, I got home from school and both my parents are sitting on the couch holding hands and looking more serious than a heart attack. My dad was supposed to be at work so I was all like oh my god someone died. They went into this whole speech about how they loved me and would support me no matter what I decided and that I could trust them totally and on and on and on. It took a lot of convincing that it was not mine. My sister explained later and we all got a good laugh out of it.

[Myshel]

Later that week, my cousin called me and asked if I knew my brother's boyfriend had torn his anus with a foreign object.

At least it wasn't a gerbil.

[Myshel]

One holiday when Jaws hit the theaters, all the family went to see it. My three brothers, my sister and their various spouses. The theater was sold out so we took up a row near the front. Every seat was full. Now my brother is one of those guys who really gets into movies, you know the kind, when he would watch a war movie you can see his head moving with the rat ta ta of the machine guns, kind of thing. So when the part of the movie when the guys head pops out, the lady behind Rex meant to grab the seat but accidently grabbed his shoulders. Rex shoots out his seat and yells SHIT! Needless to say we were all on the floor in hysterics and the whole theater broke up in laughter.

[Myshel]

Another Rex story (I really miss him, he was a character).
The first time he tried to commit sucide, he drank a bottle of booze and took some pills. He was found in time and taken to the hospital. His ex wife came to his side and was with him when he woke up holding his hand. He kept coming in and out of it in a daze. Finally he wakes enough to be coherent, and looks at the ex.. he says.. "Am I in hell?"

[Zeyrin]

I was drunk one night (imagine that). A bunch of friends and I were standing by the main road when we decided to play the "Double Dog Dare" game. Basically, if you didn't do what you were dared to do, you had to be the one to go on the beer run.

Ok, it was my turn to do a dare. I said "Wait, I gotta piss, be right back." The guy who's turn it was to pick the dare, dared me to piss my name out in the road. You know, kinda like how you'd write your name in the snow guys? Being utterly drunk I thought what the hell!! It's 1 am and there's hardly any traffic.

So, as I start to write out my name, I can hear a car coming but I'd be damned if I was gonna be the beer run bitch so I kept going. Everyone was yelling at me to stop and get my drunk ass over to where they were. Naturally, I declined.

I hear the car slow down and thought to myself...Hey, if they haven't seen a dick by now, it's about time. Fuck them. I gotta finish this. I won't be known as the beer run bitch. As I completed underlining my name, the car stopped dead in front of me and it was the familiar Blue/Gold colors of the state police.

My friends were trying to muffle their laughter and I was trying not to shit my pants. The trooper looked at me, look down at my name in piss, looked back at me and started his speech how he could take me to jail, give me tickets that carry a huge fine and all that bullshit cops do. I was thanking God at this time that I hadn't shit my pants.

Yet, without missing a beat, the cop says......

"I would do all that to you but the judge would have to let you go for a lack of evidence."

The cop, laughing hysterically while rolling up his window, drove off into the night.

Naturally, the roar of laughter coming from my friends was enough to make you go deaf and I still catch shit about that.

[Souzy]

Wow these stories are great! Hmmm, I got one that comes to my mind once in a blue moon. This is when one of my girls was giving birth to her daughter. And my girl who is like, I swear a ride or die chick, dudes fear her, for real. Anyway, so she didn't use an epideral or any form of drug, the girl decided she wanted to give birth to her child naturally. So the whole time she was in labor she was cracking jokes with the baby's father. When I saw her, I noticed that she had a popped vessle in her eye. Then she told me that she pushed so hard that her eye vessle popped. That was kinda funny, heh.