off humor GS jokes/thoughts or stories

[Captain Amby]

Okay.. I know some of us are dying to tell something funny that happened to them in the lands... or something they saw. Or something they thought up. I know of a few RP ideas I came up with, that shall never be used in GS simply because the GMs wouldnt allow it. A few stories/RP ideas to follow. :D

[Captain Amby]

Okay.. I will start off with a story... This story is by far, the best I've heard from the lands... well, so far at any rate for me.

Back when I first came back to the lands in about 98 or 99 (I took a break when GS left AOL) I met a girl in I think sea nymphs or such named Snuggles. I was then Kassie at the time.

Snuggles kept hitting on me but saying that poor tired line "oh if I didnt have this girlfriend..." so we started talking about the girlfriend. Snuggles told me she and her girlfriend, named Cuddles, created their personas to be together. For basically private room in the inns kinda work out.

I used to talk to Snuggles a lot via IM back then. One day, Snuggles comes up to me in an IM saying she had something important she had to tell me. I told her to go ahead and say it. She told me that she was really a *he* irl.. and that he was torn in telling Cuddles since he hadn't yet. But after several months of the cybersex inn intimacy, he/she was feeling guilty in regards to Cuddles. I told Snuggles the worst thing he/she can do is keep the truth, if in an intimate relationship and developing a closeness with that individual.

Snuggles went to Cuddles that afternoon and basking in the glow of afterlove, told Cuddles that irl, she was really a man. From IM.. Snuggles told me at this point, Cuddles was very silent. Then Snuggles was silent for a while.

When Snuggles came back, Snuggles yelled at me and said "CUDDLES JUST TOLD ME HE'S A MAN! HE WAS RPing A FEMALE TO JUST HAVE SEX!". I was told by Snuggles that both He/she and Cuddles both puked at this point.

That was the last I ever heard of Snuggles or Cuddles. The next day both were deleted and Snuggle's IM was deleted as well.

I laughed so hard I cant remember laughing as hard since... Maybe some of you will find this a bit funny too.

[Betheny]

Alright. I have a story somewhat similar to that.

There was this lesbian that would always hang out at the place my first character rested at. It was fine, she was a little promiscuous, but oh well. Anyway, she and I became fairly good friends.

She mentioned she lived within 10 hours of me, and wanted to know if she could come hang out over her spring break, since everyone was going to Mazatlan or something like that.

I figured it'd be kinda neat to meet someone, and she knew I wasn't into other women, so I said okay.

She shows up at my door. And she... is a he.

Whooooooooboy.

[Captain Amby]

LOL he didnt tell you that BEFORE he showed up at yer door? I'da slammed the door closed personally. That'd be pretty scary! :P :-O

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

So, whats the rest of the story! Did you let him stay? Or give him the old heave ho!

Originally posted by Suppa Hobbit Mage
So, whats the rest of the story! Did you let him stay? Or give him the old heave ho!

They are happily married with 2 children.

[Gokkem]

Amby, thanks for the laugh. That was SO FUNNY! It's also one reason I don't do cybersex or IG relationships. As someone else pointed out, I get the mental picture of a big fat hairy sweaty guy on the other end.

[Chyrain]

oh my goodness, I think I nearly peed my pants.

[Captain Amby]

Time for another story boys and girls!

This one, involves my character Kassy (I think I stated before when I came back to the lands, my original name of Kassie was taken.. there's a story behind this and its posted somewhere)

Well when Kassy was still hunting kobolds, when I came back in 98 I think.. she met a fearless girl in there named Crystalia (I do believe that was it.. I cant be sure.. so long ago) Anyways. The two of them, became fast friends.

Crystalia had my friendship after she was cursed with the itches by one bad-assed sorc that went to the shack in kobolds to attack little adventurers. Crystalia was arguing with that sorc while being cursed. She and Kassy were telling that so called "Lord" about how he gave them crabs and such.

Soon after they decided to RP each other as sisters, twin sisters to be exact. Both Kassy and Crystalia were very flirty with Crystalia going a bit overboard.

What I mean by this, is that Crystalia found that using cybersex in the inns and such was a great way to gain money in gemstone. She had lots of boyfriends.. and keeping track of them was a full time job. As we got older, she was always the first with 4x items.. 5x.. and the first million in the bank. I don't agree with how she did this, but it was funny to see all these men suckered into giving her things.

Crystalia IM'd me one day and told me to look at her profile that day. On it, it stated that Crystalia was really a he, in the military, and bi-sexual. I almost peed my pants when I found that out. Knowing now that Crystalia was a *He* using these men for money.. made it all the more funny.

As she and I became better known in the lands, we made many friends... I tried to tell some of my friends that my sister was 'a bad person' and that 'she'll use you'.. but most of the time I heard my guy friends saying stuff like "man, your twin is hot.. would you mind if I get with her?" Since Crystalia made me swear at the time, not to reveal her OOC identity. I didnt, cept I tried to warn them.

Moral to this story: Boys in GS really should keep things in their pants til they know for sure what they're going to bed with.

P.S.- for those men that remember this particular bad-assed female.. and remember being in her bed.. Man I wish I was a fly on the wall to see you turn all those different shades of colors.

[Scott]

I've always thought cybersex was so sad, even more so in Gemstone. Surely people can think of better things to do in their life then have computer sex in a FANTASY GAME!

<Jack touches Jill>
<Jill moans>
<Jack moans>
<Jack and Jill have sex>
<Jill says, "that was good, I think my 10x dagger made things intresting>
<Jack says, "yeah well my altered chain made things hot!>


Cybersex is one of the saddest things I've ever heard of.

[Edited on 7-17-2003 by Gemstone101]

[Neildo]

There's nothing wrong with cybersex. People are into different things. Whatever floats your boat.

And no, I don't do it. I've tried it around three times and that was 5-7 years ago.

- N

[Hips]

Originally posted by Captain Amby
it was funny to see all these men suckered into giving her things.

The guy who plays my husband IG used to play a female rogue and did that all the time. :D

[Askip]

Several years ago there was a female character (I do not know the gender of the player) who would entice guys into a room to cyber, then talk them into "getting more comfortable".
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She would have them stow their items into their packs, and set the pack down. She would laugh and take the pack.

:D

[Captain Amby]

well.. this isnt about GS but its a joke/story. I liked it. thought you would too. And if it gets cut outta here, that's okay. loss of a good joke :D

ONE WAY TO DEAL WITH A BAD DAY

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!

Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely
saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.

She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.

When the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it
in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass.

Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello."
I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called
him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"

The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it.
Just dial 823-4863. [Keep reading, it gets better.]

The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I
backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro came flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space.
I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!"

The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed
he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I
noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.

After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello."

I asked, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"

"Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

"My name is Don Hansen."

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home in the evenings."

"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.

After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:

First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying,
"Hello."

I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.

The jackass asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah."

He said, "Stop calling me."

I said, "No."

He said, "What's your name, Pal?"

I said, "Don Hansen."

He asked "Where do you live?"

"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out front."

"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."

"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.

Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."

I said, "Hello, Jackass!"

He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?"

"I'll kick your ass."

"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up.

Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home.

Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.

Glorious!

Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of
my life!

[Drew2]

::laughing... and laughing... and laughing....:::

[Vesi]

Originally posted by Captain AmbyWhen the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it
in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up.

I, for one, think that making other peoples' days bad just to make you happy is sort of strange. I also think it should be in the folder for things that don't happen in Gemstone. What has this got to do with the price of tarts in Icemule? If you get your jollies by calling strange men jackasses, so be it. Thanks for sharing!:rolleyes:

Vesi

[Betheny]

Dude, he was actually kind of cool. He stayed here, though my mom was really weird finding out my chick friend was a dude, but... she ended up latching onto him and trying to set us up.

He was okay, I spent a week at his folks' cattle farm playing with little calves and stuff. Turned out to be a real weirdo though. Like... I would catch him watching me sleeping sometimes, and when I got home, he IMed me telling me he was in love with me. I laughed, but didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I was like okay, that's... um. That's great.

Few weeks later I showed him a picture of one of my brand-spanking new tattoos and he freaked out. "I didn't say you could get that!" I found a few logs on my computer of him playing GS... and cybering with people, etc etc. I was really weirded out by it, so I called him on it, and he told me that he'd be all mine if I wanted him.

We didn't talk for a while, and then these weird rumors started popping up in Gemstone about how I'm a dyke, and I have hot superkinky dyke sex with 'her'. So I called him out. He quit. I don't think he's back. But every time I see a giggly girly empath... I wonder...

[Red Devil]

Amby lies

[Captain Amby]

ehh.. what did I lie about?
and dont folks get a JOKE?

[Captain Amby]

Okay.. when yer sleep deprived you come up with some of your most interesting RP ideas. Here's one I had, that I know GS wouldn't accept.. but it made me giggle all night thinking about it.

I would like to create a male ranger, who has a canine creature for a familiar. She will be named Idaho.

Here is the background to my poor ranger:
My ranger was once a simple farmer, who had a passion for breeding prized hounds as his hobby. Unfortunately, that hobby turned to be his downfall. For he put too much of his time and money into his hounds than into his farm.
So from his mismanagement of the family money, he lost his farm. All he had left were his dogs, his favorite being Idaho.
His only skills aside from farming, were hunting. So he slowly learned his ways of being a ranger from those limited skills. Seeking his fame and fortune in city life as time grew by.
Now... I had some ideas for items he should have.. one of which would be a shield. Here is what his shield would look like:
"Etched upon this vultite shield is a picture of a depressed farmer weeping over his hoe. His pack of adoring bitches gathered around him in comfort."
You can come up with a few more along those lines.. I'll move on to farmer #2... I'll only go up to 2, though I came up with about 5. heh.

Farmer #2:
This poor farmer, we'll call Ted, was in the transporting business for his father. He would hitch his mule and bring the produce his father grew on the farm into the city. Ted, wasn't exactly a clever fellow but he did have greed in his heart. He took the money of the proceeds of the produce one day, and ran off with the Mule.
He became a ranger since all he had enough money for was to buy some arrows and a bow, and his Ass to drag his kills/pelts/treasures into town with. He was seen constantly dragging his ass all over town, and his fame and fortune grew.
Now here is a conversation my friend Arliquin and I create for our farmer #1 and farmer # 2.

Farmer with dogs: Hey Ted, what a fine looking ass you have there. Would you mind trading your ass for my hoe?
Ted: I really have no need for no hoe, but I'll trade you my ass for your bitches.
Farmer with dogs: Well, I won't trade you all my bitches, but I might let you borrow Idaho for some time with your ass.

**moral of story.. get plenty of sleep**

[Bobmuhthol]

Good thing I only read the last paragraph, I would have shot myself otherwise.

[Skirmisher]

Originally posted by Bobmuhthol
Good thing I only read the last paragraph, I would have shot myself otherwise.

Promise?

Well then here you go.

<<Here is the background to my poor ranger:
My ranger was once a simple farmer, who had a passion for breeding prized hounds as his hobby. Unfortunately, that hobby turned to be his downfall. For he put too much of his time and money into his hounds than into his farm.
So from his mismanagement of the family money, he lost his farm. All he had left were his dogs, his favorite being Idaho.
His only skills aside from farming, were hunting. So he slowly learned his ways of being a ranger from those limited skills. Seeking his fame and fortune in city life as time grew by.
Now... I had some ideas for items he should have.. one of which would be a shield. Here is what his shield would look like:
"Etched upon this vultite shield is a picture of a depressed farmer weeping over his hoe. His pack of adoring bitches gathered around him in comfort."
You can come up with a few more along those lines.. I'll move on to farmer #2... I'll only go up to 2, though I came up with about 5. heh.

Farmer #2:
This poor farmer, we'll call Ted, was in the transporting business for his father. He would hitch his mule and bring the produce his father grew on the farm into the city. Ted, wasn't exactly a clever fellow but he did have greed in his heart. He took the money of the proceeds of the produce one day, and ran off with the Mule.
He became a ranger since all he had enough money for was to buy some arrows and a bow, and his Ass to drag his kills/pelts/treasures into town with. He was seen constantly dragging his ass all over town, and his fame and fortune grew.
Now here is a conversation my friend Arliquin and I create for our farmer #1 and farmer # 2. >>

[Captain Amby]

I'd have gone 1 through 5 if that would have made Bob hurt himself.

[Bobmuhthol]

I want to be your friend, Captain Amby.

[Captain Amby]

I'd rather befriend an asp. At least I'd know that'd kill me quickly.

[Bobmuhthol]

:(

[Captain Amby]

::Laughs:: If I thought that might really hurt your feelings, Bob. I wouldn't say it. But I think the only thing that would bother you is if I spell something wrong. Or punctuate it incorrectly. :D

[Red Devil]

I got a really good picture that would go with her 'ranger' story, should i post it?

[Bobmuhthol]

Why not?