Worst Gift Ever?

[Liagala]

Sean2's toilet paper hearts made me think of this. What's the worst gift you've ever received? Christmas, birthdays, whatever.

Mine was when I was in my early teens - I don't remember exactly when. My mother and I always spent Christmas Eve visiting my father's side of the family - that's the only time I saw them, since my father died when I was two. I never really enjoyed those evenings, but whatever. Presents are presents, right? This year, I don't know what happened. Someone (I'm pretty sure she was my cousin, despite being my Mom's age) gave me... an empty box. It was roughly the size of a CD on all sides, and covered with red and green fabric. Under the fabric it was that stuff that seems like a cross between high-quality cardboard and cheap pressed wood. That was it. I opened and closed the thing a few times, trying to figure out where the present went, wondering if she had forgotten to put it in the box before wrapping. I've gotten some odd gifts, but that one definitely wins.

What about you guys?

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I got a half used tube of Preparation H as a white elephant gift once...

[Gelston]

a left shoe.

[CrystalTears]

Striped toe socks.

Yes, like Latrinsorm's but it had fittings for the toes.

[Sean of the Thread]

I got a candle and lotion one year and I instantly thought about regifiting it... then I realized it was the same candle and lotion I gave to my stepmother.

As a joke we just give it back and forth now.

[diethx]

My mom got me a velour track suit for Christmas 4 years ago. I promptly told my step dad not to let her buy my presents anymore. It was a serious WTF.

[Parkbandit]

2001 Boons Farm "wine". Like Sean, we continue to give it back and forth among the people who know the joke.

I bet it tastes like bad vinegar about now.

[Jorddyn]

2001 Boons Farm "wine". Like Sean, we continue to give it back and forth among the people who know the joke.

I bet it tastes like bad vinegar about now.

Thank you for giving me the best Dirty Santa idea ever. I still have a couple bottles of the stuff idling in my garage from my 30th birthday, and the adults tend to fight over anything shaped like an alcohol bottle :)

[The Ponzzz]

I haven't gotten a gift from my family in about 6 years. But back in 2005, a friend of mine got me a bottle of whiskey and a nice flask. It wasn't until later I discovered the whiskey was already opened and half gone and the flask was engraved from his mother from several years ago.

[CrazyEyesMcKinney]

A $25 gift card to a steak restaurant. I AM A VEGAN AND SHE KNEW IT! Bitch!

[Gelston]

A $25 gift card to a steak restaurant. I AM A VEGAN AND SHE KNEW IT! Bitch!

I would have bought you an actual steak.

[Allereli]

My office got 3 boxes of calendars from a client today

Beyond the joke presents (I keep a box of the good ones), I hate getting ugly clothes. This one sweater with all these gold coins sewed on from when I was about ten sticks out in my mind. Otherwise I'm pretty spoiled and get whatever's on my list.

[Keller]

Not unique, I'm sure, but when I was in college my soon-to-be-grandpartnets-in-law gave me a set of Stetson products. Collogne, aftershave, lotion, etc.

[Tsa`ah]

Not unique, I'm sure, but when I was in college my soon-to-be-grandpartnets-in-law gave me a set of Stetson products. Collogne, aftershave, lotion, etc.

At least it was something Wal-Martish. To this day I still get lower rent knock off kits like that from Big Lots.

[Keller]

At least it was something Wal-Martish. To this day I still get lower rent knock off kits like that from Big Lots.

It was from Kohl's.

I got my $9.95 back.

[Methais]

Sean2's toilet paper hearts made me think of this. What's the worst gift you've ever received? Christmas, birthdays, whatever.

Mine was when I was in my early teens - I don't remember exactly when. My mother and I always spent Christmas Eve visiting my father's side of the family - that's the only time I saw them, since my father died when I was two. I never really enjoyed those evenings, but whatever. Presents are presents, right? This year, I don't know what happened. Someone (I'm pretty sure she was my cousin, despite being my Mom's age) gave me... an empty box. It was roughly the size of a CD on all sides, and covered with red and green fabric. Under the fabric it was that stuff that seems like a cross between high-quality cardboard and cheap pressed wood. That was it. I opened and closed the thing a few times, trying to figure out where the present went, wondering if she had forgotten to put it in the box before wrapping. I've gotten some odd gifts, but that one definitely wins.

What about you guys?

Did you at least ask what's with the empty box? I'm curious as to wtf that person was thinking and what the gift was supposed to actually be.

[CrystalTears]

Reminds me of Splash when he gave her the gift and she kissed the box and said she loved it but didn't open it.

[Some Rogue]

And the grandma story reminds me of Christmas Vacation where the old woman wraps her cat up in the box.

[Keller]

And the grandma story reminds me of Christmas Vacation where the old woman wraps her cat up in the box.

Ahhh, yes. I know what I'll be watching tonight.

[Stunseed]

The IRS gave me a letter last year for christmas. Needless to say it wasn't seasons greetings. :(

[Stanley Burrell]

Fuck birthdays.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

My boyfriend's mom got me for their family secret santa exchange and gave me a gift card "wrapped" in an old DVD case.

The gift card was also definitely not new, as there was no balance on it.

Considering she hates me, that wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been.

[Sean of the Thread]

The IRS gave me a letter last year for christmas. Needless to say it wasn't seasons greetings. :(


Seriously? What was that about?

[Sean of the Thread]

My boyfriend's mom got me for their family secret santa exchange and gave me a gift card "wrapped" in an old DVD case.

The gift card was also definitely not new, as there was no balance on it.

Considering she hates me, that wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been.


Damn that's a good idea. I'll get my ex an empty gift card... I can just imagine her with $300 worth of clothes at teh gap register only to find out it's blank. After she tried it all on and shit.


BRILLIANT!

[NocturnalRob]

The gift card was also definitely not new, as there was no balance on it.

hahahaha...your bf's mom is awesome

[Stunseed]

Seriously? What was that about?

They want my '06 tax return back. Just 7800 bucks or so. :(

[Keller]

Damn that's a good idea. I'll get my ex an empty gift card... I can just imagine her with $300 worth of clothes at teh gap register only to find out it's blank. After she tried it all on and shit.


BRILLIANT!

hahahahahah!

You should write some sappy card with it. About how much you want her back, etc. Just so she's not suspicious.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Damn that's a good idea. I'll get my ex an empty gift card... I can just imagine her with $300 worth of clothes at teh gap register only to find out it's blank. After she tried it all on and shit.


BRILLIANT!

Lol, I always check to see how much is on the card before trying to use it. Especially coming from her.

I did re-gift it to her on her birthday and my boyfriend's brother was there when she tried to use it. Apparently she does not check to see the card balance before trying to use it.

[LMingrone]

My mother bought one of my cousins a winter jacket for Christmas. Three years later I open my present from my aunt. Same jacket, and obviously used for a few years. They were very frugal (cheap) people, so I wasn't even expecting a gift in the first place. So obvious though? F'n morons.

Still is one of the best gifts I've received, since it led to so much laughs.

Same family re-gifted my sister jeans we bought for their son's birthday a year earlier.

[Sean of the Thread]

I can't even express how much that I'm using the blank gift card. I can't believe I never thought of it... that's a real fuck u.

I just wish I could be there to see it.

I envision her quote "motherfucker".

[LMingrone]

While we're on the subject of gifts....

I'm finally getting my GF a ring after 9 years of being together. My plan is to wrap each gift in a box, and then wrap each box inside each other. Then have the ring in a tiny box. So one 4'x4' box. Is that good enough for all you women out there? Any better ideas?

[Stretch]

Did you at least ask what's with the empty box? I'm curious as to wtf that person was thinking and what the gift was supposed to actually be.

Hope, Methais. Hope.

[Keller]

While we're on the subject of gifts....

I'm finally getting my GF a ring after 9 years of being together. My plan is to wrap each gift in a box, and then wrap each box inside each other. Then have the ring in a tiny box. So one 4'x4' box. Is that good enough for all you women out there? Any better ideas?

Give her a tandem bike.

She'll get the box in the box by the second box or so.

[Stanley Burrell]

While we're on the subject of gifts....

I'm finally getting my GF a ring after 9 years of being together. My plan is to wrap each gift in a box, and then wrap each box inside each other. Then have the ring in a tiny box. So one 4'x4' box. Is that good enough for all you women out there? Any better ideas?

Do you want your weed grinder back?

Oh. And you two are a great couple from the five seconds I've known you. Things'll work out just dandilly.

Peace, L.

[diethx]

I can't even express how much that I'm using the blank gift card. I can't believe I never thought of it... that's a real fuck u.

I just wish I could be there to see it.

I envision her quote "motherfucker".

I'm really glad there's no one currently in my life that i'd do this to, heh.


She'll get the box in the box by the second box or so.

Yup, it'll be very obvious.

[Back]

While we're on the subject of gifts....

I'm finally getting my GF a ring after 9 years of being together. My plan is to wrap each gift in a box, and then wrap each box inside each other. Then have the ring in a tiny box. So one 4'x4' box. Is that good enough for all you women out there? Any better ideas?

Are you planning on proposing? If not she might get pissed after all that work!

Trying to be helpful here... but that box in a box idea is probably used by everyone at some point or another. In an effort to help maybe put the ring in one of those Babushka russian dolls.

Or perhaps even better.

Step one: Cut a hole in a box...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg

[Jorddyn]

My plan is to wrap each gift in a box, and then wrap each box inside each other. Then have the ring in a tiny box.

And then you'll smash it with a hammer?

Seriously, though. She'll get it immediately. Give her toe socks and put it in one of the toes. Give her one of those soft fleece blankets and tie it to a fringe. Give her a stocking cap and stitch it inside. Give her a scarf and tie it to the end. Give her a jar of homemade jam and put it inside (in a little tiny baggy). Put it at the bottom of her stocking and put a bunch of crap gifts on top.

[diethx]

Put it at the bottom of her stocking and put a bunch of crap gifts on top.

I vote for that. My step dad did it with my mom and she had no idea it was coming.

Plus, you don't have to be a wimp and make jam.

[Ignot]

I say you tie it to your balls. I'm sure when she gets down there it would be the LAST thing she would expect. Then as she looks up at you you say, "will you marry me?" She will say yes and this moment right here is where you go for the anal. This moment is your only chance, don't screw it up!

[diethx]

LOL

[Jorddyn]

I say you tie it to your balls. I'm sure when she gets down there it would be the LAST thing she would expect. Then as she looks up at you you say, "will you marry me?" She will say yes and this moment right here is where you go for the anal. This moment is your only chance, don't screw it up!

Considering the grabby excitement of most women who have just been proposed to, I would highly recommend against tying it to a sensitive body part.

Unless you're into those kinds of things, then by all means...

[Drew]

Striped toe socks.

Yes, like Latrinsorm's but it had fittings for the toes.



I got some as a white elephant gift!


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v24/backwardhatclub/IMG_0840Medium.jpg

[diethx]

I just got a Christmas card from my dad and step mom. In it was a $100 Amex gift card. Definitely not a bad gift at all, I love these. The crap thing about it though was that it was for J AND I. Not just me. Before my dad started giving gifts to J, I still got a $100 check for Christmas. Now that he's giving gifts to J also, I have to split my $100. NO FIAR!??!

[Xeromist]

Last Christmas my girlfriend broke up with me. I'm still not sure if that was my Christmas present or not from her. I didn't get anything else. I think that was my Christmas present. It wasn't a very good one.

[diethx]

Oh damn yeah, you win this thread.

[Methais]

And then you'll smash it with a hammer?

Seriously, though. She'll get it immediately. Give her toe socks and put it in one of the toes. Give her one of those soft fleece blankets and tie it to a fringe. Give her a stocking cap and stitch it inside. Give her a scarf and tie it to the end. Give her a jar of homemade jam and put it inside (in a little tiny baggy). Put it at the bottom of her stocking and put a bunch of crap gifts on top.

I got an even better idea. Put the ring on and punch her in the face. She'll most likely be mad at first, but once she notices the ring shaped dent in her forehead, she'll be super excited and you can hand her the ring right then.

If you wanna go the extra mile, hit her so hard that the ring will be temporarily embedded in her skull. When she wakes up in the hospital and sees that shiny thing in her forehead, she'll forget all about being in the hospital or how she ended up there, and she'll melt right in your hands.

[ElanthianSiren]

my aunt got me an LL bean car emergency kit when I first learned to drive. The crappy part was, I had already bought all that stuff for my car. The good part was, it wasn't too far off. So I returned the kit I bought and kept the nicer one she gave me. I guess that translates into being given money, so not bad.

[Shari]

Umm..worst gift. Usually we all go out anymore, buy our own gifts, give them to our parents and have them reimburse us the money and preted to be surprised when we open them. My mom loves it because she doesn't have to make the time to go shopping. My dad still doesn't get it. I went out and bought the digital camera/printer combo he's giving me for Christmas none-the-less. :D

The worst gift I got was two years ago at my Husband's side of the family's white elephant gift exchange. They are split between guy gifts and girl gifts. For the last 3 years I've gotten: a set of bath goodies by H20 (that wasn't so bad), a picture frame (getting worse), and then...a just-add-water scones kit and a big red mixing bowl. W.T.F.

Now...the guys give each Mag flashlights, Leatherman's, halogen tripod lamps, etc. So one year someone opens this fantastic rolling plastic toolbox and I'm jerking on Scott's arm when its his turn STEAL IT, STEAL IT I NEEDZ IT FOR MY TOOLZ!

So yeah, one of the best gifts I got. I use it every day. I'm thinking next year I want to be a part of the guy gift exchange. Our tripod halogen lamp fell on my last week and broke, so I need a new one. :D

[Ignot]

I got an even better idea. Put the ring on and punch her in the face. She'll most likely be mad at first, but once she notices the ring shaped dent in her forehead, she'll be super excited and you can hand her the ring right then.

If you wanna go the extra mile, hit her so hard that the ring will be temporarily embedded in her skull. When she wakes up in the hospital and sees that shiny thing in her forehead, she'll forget all about being in the hospital or how she ended up there, and she'll melt right in your hands.

Can we make this a jelly doughnut?

[Tisket]

I got a Chia pet once. It was a joke gift but I loved it. I'm a horrible, horrible gardener so I never actually planted it but I still have it somewhere in it's original box. Hey, it could be a collectible one day. Don't judge me!

[DCSL]

And then you'll smash it with a hammer?


I love that movie.

Anyway, worst gifts usually come from my grandmother. She tries. Sometimes she also succeeds. She got me this clicky frog keychain that I just loved. Used it to make noise in class during lectures in high school. Drove the teachers crazy because they couldn't tell where it was coming from. Ah, good times.

But hits like that are rare. Normally she gets me granny pajamas. Like the ankle-length, high-necked, long-sleeved heavy flannel nightgown. I feel like I'm choking in them and they get all tangled up on me while I sleep. I usually just hand them off to my mother. Even in the dead of winter, I prefer to get more blankets than smother myself in heavier clothes.

Not a bad gift at all, but odd... my mother got me a load of antibiotics from Mexico once. Useful.

[diethx]

Not a bad gift at all, but odd... my mother got me a load of antibiotics from Mexico once. Useful.

.............

...too easy. lol

[Tisket]

I'm considering buying these and slipping one to my husband:

http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w66/Sassy_Photos_2007/Gold-Pill-makes-your-poop_6692F20E.jpg

http://www.thisnext.com/item/D2E81DA5/AD91C2B9/Gold-Pill-makes-your-poop

[DCSL]

Yeah, I was half hoping they'd turn out to be something wildly illegal and trippy when I finally got a sinus infection. But no.. just regular amoxicillin. Disappointing.

[Kitsun]

Lol, I always check to see how much is on the card before trying to use it. Especially coming from her.

I did re-gift it to her on her birthday and my boyfriend's brother was there when she tried to use it. Apparently she does not check to see the card balance before trying to use it.

ROFL Revenge FTW

[thefarmer]

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2296/2376949023_2bf7d79d47.jpg

[Kitsun]

I'm considering buying these and slipping one to my husband:

http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w66/Sassy_Photos_2007/Gold-Pill-makes-your-poop_6692F20E.jpg

http://www.thisnext.com/item/D2E81DA5/AD91C2B9/Gold-Pill-makes-your-poop

I'm not sure how to feel about those... I was horrified for half a second, and then I considered the possibilities. I mean, what the hell, glittery poop. How often do you get to see your poop sparkle?

[Tisket]

Exactly!

[Drew]

So one year someone opens this fantastic rolling plastic toolbox and I'm jerking on Scott's {redacted}

Fixed?

[Daniel]

One Christmas I got like 200 bucks total from various members of my family in gift cards to Bed Bath and Beyond.

That got me like a pot.

Awesome.

[Izzy]

Last Christmas my girlfriend broke up with me. I'm still not sure if that was my Christmas present or not from her. I didn't get anything else. I think that was my Christmas present. It wasn't a very good one.

This happened to me, too. Except that it was my 21st b-day instead of x-mas.

[Liagala]

Did you at least ask what's with the empty box? I'm curious as to wtf that person was thinking and what the gift was supposed to actually be.

No, but I should have asked. I was raised to be all proper-like, so I pretended to be pleased with it, and said something about using it to organize my stuff. I don't remember exactly what, but Mom was very proud of me for coming up with something good on the spot like that.

I'm not sure what kind of crack the lady was on that year... Mom's gift from her? Padded, satin-wrapped hangers.

As LMingrone mentioned though, it turned out to be the best gift because Mom and I still get a good laugh out of it every time it comes up.

[Clove]

The strangest gift I ever got was a like 10 years ago from my Dad. It was a stainless steel thermos. I remember opening it and going, "Wow. This is cool!" while thinking "what the fuck possessed him to give me a thermos." Ended up using that damn thing almost every day until the seals wore out. I guess Dad knows.

[CrystalTears]

The strangest gift I ever got was a like 10 years ago from my Dad. It was a stainless steel thermos. I remember opening it and going, "Wow. This is cool!" while thinking "what the fuck possessed him to give me a thermos." Ended up using that damn thing almost every day until the seals wore out. I guess Dad knows.
"I'm picking out a thermos, for you..."

http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f325/swimmerpie3331/TheJerk.jpg

[Ignot]

I'm considering buying these and slipping one to my husband:

http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w66/Sassy_Photos_2007/Gold-Pill-makes-your-poop_6692F20E.jpg

http://www.thisnext.com/item/D2E81DA5/AD91C2B9/Gold-Pill-makes-your-poop

How you even knew about this is beyond me.

[Liagala]

How you even knew about this is beyond me.

This is Tisket... the lady that found the pancake-cooking robot and the neuron mind-reader thingy. Are you really that surprised?

[Tisket]

Man, I still want one of those pancake robots.

[Liagala]

Man, I still want one of those pancake robots.

Srsly. I might actually get breakfast in bed that isn't burned to hell.

[SolitareConfinement]

i was always kind of spoiled as a child...but i witnessed a hilarious yet horrid gift for my sister when i was 16. that christmas I got a car...she got Tampons

[Liagala]

I got a car... he got a computer

[CrystalTears]

I got a car... he got a computer
How's that for being born under a bad sign? :D

[Xeromist]

i was always kind of spoiled as a child...but i witnessed a hilarious yet horrid gift for my sister when i was 16. that christmas I got a car...she got Tampons

Oh man. That's unbelievable. Kind of funny, but the things that must have gone through her head that Christmas..

[CrazyEyesMcKinney]

I'm going to give everyone on the forum carbon emission credits for Christmas this year. Expect more posts in this thread about them.

[SolitareConfinement]

How's that for being born under a bad sign? :D

would you like a gummy bear? they're all warm and soft

[SolitareConfinement]

Oh man. That's unbelievable. Kind of funny, but the things that must have gone through her head that Christmas..

she was quite upset. but pretty much ended up laughing it off because she figured in 2 years she would then get her car.


which she did not

[diethx]

I am loving all the FB quotes in this thread. Please continue.

[CrystalTears]

would you like a gummy bear? they're all warm and soft
Ashliana is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up Its ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.

Quote added for diethx's sake with a personal twist. :D

[Ashliana]

You're Ferris' super-cunty whore of a sister, CT. The worst gift ever was the one your parents gave to the world--your existence. =(

[diethx]

Ashliana is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up Its ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.

Quote added for diethx's sake with a personal twist. :D

LOLOL, win. Yay. :heart:

[Krendeli]

In my early teen years, my grandmother got me General Hospital--the board game.

[CrystalTears]

In my early teen years, my grandmother got me General Hospital--the board game.
Holy shit I didn't even know that existed. :lol:

[diethx]

Holy shit I didn't even know that existed. :lol:

Me neither, that is awesome!

[AnticorRifling]

I got some English leather and a size S flanel from my grandmother.....last year.

[Jorddyn]

You're Ferris' super-cunty whore of a sister, CT. The worst gift ever was the one your parents gave to the world--your existence. =(

Uh, his sister kicks Rooney's ass and winds up saving Ferris at the end. I'd say she's alright.