Dusty old uterus's...uterii...uteruseses. [Archive]

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Moist Happenings

11-21-2008, 01:24 PM

I was just having an interesting conversation with a friend of mine. I was giving her some advice on a book she's writing, and we got on the topic of Sex and the City, Sarah Jessica Parker and such. The conversation is mostly self explanatory, which I'll paste here. Starting riiiiight...now!

Ich liebe Pimmel (12:58:09 PM): Both of those demographics are huge, but I don't know if it hits both completely.
Ich liebe Pimmel (12:58:18 PM): One alienates the other as far as interests go I think
Ich liebe Pimmel (12:58:30 PM): So it's a fine line to walk, but if you do it right it's gold.
Ich liebe Pimmel (12:58:36 PM): You're on a great start to it.
forme (12:58:38 PM): well i think that's about as sexy as it'll get.
forme (12:58:45 PM): maybe
forme (12:59:24 PM): i definitely won't go into danielle steele territory
forme (12:59:35 PM): there will be no pulsating body parts.
Ich liebe Pimmel (12:59:57 PM): Hehe
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:00:01 PM): No quivering members?!
forme (1:00:17 PM): no beads of sweat across arching bosoms
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:00:22 PM): Hehe
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:00:33 PM): Well then I think you have a solid demographic in the gay/bi-sexual market.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:00:41 PM): That's a pretty big one too, and word of mouth spreads really well in it
forme (1:01:28 PM): i was thinking like, candace bushnell only smarter and gayer.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:01:40 PM): Never read her, but I'll take your word for it.
forme (1:01:41 PM): with a little chuck palahniuk thrown in
forme (1:01:48 PM): the chick who wrote sex and the city
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:01:50 PM): Okay that part I can respect. :D
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:01:56 PM): ....god...no...NO
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:02:05 PM): Sex and the city focuses on the Danielle Steele demographic!
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:02:14 PM): And my girlfriend just discovered it and loves it. I can't STAND it
forme (1:02:47 PM): i dunno, everything i know about sex and the city i know from blog posts on Gawker and commercials for the movie
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:02:56 PM): Christ, there's a movie now?
forme (1:03:08 PM): there was. is. i think its on dvd now
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:03:17 PM): Sarah Jessica Parker was hot at 25, but now I'm just begging god for her dusty old uterus to dry up and get her off the screen.
forme (1:03:45 PM): jesus, are you channeling Perez Hilton?
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:03:50 PM): ...Buh?
forme (1:03:54 PM): you sound like a bitter old drunken queer
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:04:04 PM): Hey, I don't have that opinion of EVERYBODY
forme (1:04:18 PM): mrow
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:04:20 PM): But SJP has never been a good actress, never will be, and her only on screen allure is her looks.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:04:28 PM): Take Sally Field, and Diane Keaton.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:04:37 PM): Both were very attractive in their days, and still are at advanced ages.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:04:41 PM): But they're AMAZING actresses.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:04:53 PM): And I hope to see them in films until they're in their mid 90s or later.
forme (1:05:06 PM): i dunno, diane keaton is just kind of nervous and screechy
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:05:14 PM): Hehe, I like that in a girl.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:05:15 PM): So hot.
forme (1:05:17 PM): i mean, she does the neurotic mom thing really well
forme (1:05:25 PM): but that's all ive seen her do
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:05:28 PM): Yeah that Mandy Moore movie she did she pulled that off pretty well.
forme (1:05:41 PM): and/or neurotic human before she was of a certain age
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:05:43 PM): With a period somewhere in there.
forme (1:06:09 PM): that mandy moore movie, that movie with phoebe from friends
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:06:46 PM): She was in PS I Love You?
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:06:49 PM): As what? the mother?
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:06:59 PM): She so was not
forme (1:06:59 PM): no no
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:07:49 PM): ....what movie was it then? I'm sifting through her IMDB right now
forme (1:08:02 PM): hanging up
forme (1:08:04 PM): i think
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:08:18 PM): Ooh okay. Yeah Lisa Kudrow was in that.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:08:21 PM): Never saw it though
forme (1:08:28 PM): she played the mom
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:08:29 PM): See P.S. I Love You. Good movie too.
forme (1:08:42 PM): and The Other Sister, she played the neurotic mom
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:08:51 PM): She does the neurotic mom thing pretty well.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:09:01 PM): Sally Field does the mom thing awesome too.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:09:04 PM): But she was also the flying nun!
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:10:13 PM): Forrest Gump, Mrs. Doubtfire, Steel Magnolias! AWESOME
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:10:23 PM): Put Sarah Jessica Parker in ANY of those roles and you've got yourself one shitty movie.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:10:40 PM): I didn't even like her in that one with Matthew McCougnnahey (sp)
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:10:59 PM): No on screen chemistry at all. Might as well have just watched reruns of Friends because they were better and basically the same kind of thing.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:11:19 PM): Failure to Launch, that was it.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:12:23 PM): SJP's history includes bang up roles in movies like "Dudley Do-Right" and "Mars Attacks"
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:12:47 PM): Her and that old crusty bitch from desperate Housewives both need to get off the screen.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:12:49 PM): Terry Hatcher.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:12:55 PM): All SHE had going for her was playing Lois Lane on Superman.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:13:55 PM): Put Marg Helgenberger (sp) from CSI and In Good Company in either of those roles and she'd do a job 100 times better.
Ich liebe Pimmel (1:13:56 PM): end rant

There it is. Conversation goes on but we've moved onto a different topic. Anyway, Sarah Jessica Parker? Marg Helgenberger? Sally Field? Diane Keaton? Dare I say Barbra Streisand?

Your opinions on their dusty old uteruseses and their acting ability?

CrystalTears

11-21-2008, 01:33 PM

You know how I know you're gay?

Moist Happenings

11-21-2008, 01:33 PM

Hey HM made me read Danielle Steele to figure out women. I had to have gotten at least a LITTLE gay as a result.

MotleyCrew

11-21-2008, 01:46 PM

SJP..can take her or leave her, a bit bubbley for me...Marg Helgenberger, good, Sally Field, excellent, Diane Keaton, great...we won't discuss Barbra, my mother was a big fan of the music <shudder>

Lets add Kathy Bates, no doubt not a looker when younger, but fabulous actress none the less. Michelle Pfeiffer, still beautiful and a great actress. Jessica Tandy, although long since passed, was a beauty that just got better in her acting. Julia Roberts. Although she is still quite young, shes been acting since she was like 2, Drew Barrymore. Same for Jody Foster. Sigourney Weaver.

And on the male side of things, George Clooney, Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Mel Gibson, John Travolta, Nicholas Cage, Anthony Hopkins, Richard Gere, Robert Duvall, Clint Eastwood, Harrison Ford, Tom Hanks, Jack Nicholson, Tommy Lee Jones, Billy Bob Thornton, Gary Sinese, Paul Giamatti, Michael Keaton...

Thats all that comes to mind right now...

Moist Happenings

11-21-2008, 01:48 PM

Ooh yeah I love Kathy Bates. My mother used to make me watch Fried Green Tomatoes with her every now and again, and I've always had a great respect for anyone who can poke fun at themselves on television or in movies. Kathy Bates can definitely do this.

ViridianAsp

11-21-2008, 02:43 PM

Hey HM made me read Danielle Steele to figure out women. I had to have gotten at least a LITTLE gay as a result.

Wait, you read Danielle Steele to figure out women?...

.....

What the hell? I'm sorry but as a woman if you think Danielle Steele's characters and you think we're all like that you seriously need to be shot in the head.

Also SJP has and always will be ugly and a bad actress and I don't get why she's still around.

Mighty Nikkisaurus

11-21-2008, 02:44 PM

Wait, you read Danielle Steele to figure out women?...

.....

What the hell? I'm sorry but as a woman if you think Danielle Steele's and you think we're all like that you seriously need to be shot in the head.

Also SJP has and always will be ugly and a bad actress and I don't get why she's still around.

:yeahthat:

CrystalTears

11-21-2008, 02:45 PM

Tisket

11-21-2008, 02:51 PM

MH, I know you like to see your handle in text but why isn't this in AIM snippets?

Moist Happenings

11-21-2008, 02:53 PM

A) My Agent told me to read Danielle Steele not so much to understand women, but to understand what a particular demographic wanted in a book. That's why I read it. Honestly can't say it impacted my writing style much if at all.

2) It's not in AIM snippets because it's not a funny AIM snippet kind of deal. I just didn't feel like going through the whole conversation in paragraph form leading up to my curiosity about the subject. Therefore, I just pasted the conversation I had already had.

Tisket

11-21-2008, 02:54 PM

I just don't like seeing your new handle on the new posts list. I cannot adequately describe my distaste for it. What the fuck were you thinking?

CrystalTears

11-21-2008, 02:55 PM

It would be great if some publishers concentrated on the women who don't buy Steele bullshit novels.

Moist Happenings

11-21-2008, 02:58 PM

Eh..They wanted me to broaden my demographic range to hit the entirety of what Sword of Truth covered, but they got over it eventually and settled for males and females 18-35.

On topic though I also wanted to mention Judge Judy. No she's not technically an actress, but she can poke fun at herself and realistically...even those court shows are acting. I don't personally like her show, but I wouldn't mind seeing her around in the future. I forget where I heard her say it, but she expressed an interest in hosting a talk show at some point.

Some Rogue

11-21-2008, 02:59 PM

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a64/lrenzo2/horse20face.gif
SJP? Did someone mention my name in this thread??

Methais

11-21-2008, 03:03 PM

http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u4/cgreen1833/thread_gay_midget.jpg

Moist Happenings

11-21-2008, 03:07 PM

Haha. That picture wins this thread, and all others for today. I'd rep you but I did it already yesterday.

Methais

11-21-2008, 08:30 PM

<--- Killing bad threads with awesomeness since 2003.

diethx

11-21-2008, 09:26 PM

<--- Killing bad threads with awesomeness since 2003.

Thank the heavens we have you. :heart:

Beguiler

11-21-2008, 09:44 PM

<--- Killing bad threads with awesomeness since 2003.

:heart: Methais..you always have the last word!

Revalos

11-22-2008, 08:14 AM

Methais/Goatse '12!

Tea & Strumpets

11-22-2008, 08:50 AM

I don't think you're an author, or that you make a living playing poker.

The only thing that doesn't sound like complete bullshit is your agent asking you to read Danielle Steele books so that your books will reach the Sword of Truth demographic. That's sarcasm, fyi.

Moist Happenings

11-22-2008, 12:56 PM

CrystalTears

11-22-2008, 05:36 PM

Yeah I believe Neff is a writer as much as I believe Solkern is a teacher.

Warriorbird

11-22-2008, 05:43 PM

It's far far easier to get a job teaching English as a second language to foreigners than to get published or acquire a legitimate agent. Just sayin. Now... Solkern's claims about women on the other hand...

diethx

11-22-2008, 06:17 PM

Yeah I believe Neff is a writer as much as I believe Solkern is a teacher.

You're full of truths today.

Solkern

01-12-2009, 08:02 AM

Yeah I believe Neff is a writer as much as I believe Solkern is a teacher.

Here CT, you don't believe I'm a teacher, I don't give a shit, but here you go

+7-495-641-38-11

Call me ask for Brandon

Company is wall street Insitiute of language, and if you don't call, shut the fuck up and kiss my ass you worthless skank.

have a good day.

edited: by the way, I've never seen soo many beautiful women in one country
To quote Will Smith: "Russia is the birthplace of the beautiful white women."

NocturnalRob

01-12-2009, 09:27 AM

Company is wall street Insitiute of language
what precisely do you teach at said company?

Solkern

01-12-2009, 09:50 AM

Sorry was in between classes and had little time to make my spelling "perfect"

CrystalTears

01-12-2009, 09:53 AM

Because I give enough of a shit about you to make a long distance call?

Grow up and go back to teaching finger painting. And stop eating the paint.

Solkern

01-12-2009, 09:58 AM

CrystalTears

01-12-2009, 10:04 AM

You bumped the thread almost two months later, not me, all because your name was mentioned, then foamed at the mouth asking me to call you to confirm. Who exactly has the sandy vagina?

I'm not calling you. I still feel bad for your students since they think what you're teaching them is English when you don't seem to have a firm grasp of the language yourself.

Go back to your important job. Remember... 1=red, 2=blue.

Solkern

01-12-2009, 10:16 AM

I don't have a firm grasp, b/c I don't type perfectly on a forum board, your basis is so right CT, you are indeed an ignorant bitch.
roll over a die.

CrystalTears

01-12-2009, 10:18 AM

I don't have a firm grasp, b/c I don't type perfectly on a forum board, your basis is so right CT, you are indeed an ignorant bitch.
roll over a die.:lol: Okay!!

Ignot

01-12-2009, 11:26 AM

:popcorn:

Methais

01-12-2009, 11:52 AM

Not that I give a rat's ass about any of this, but Solkern kinda has you there though....you can't really blow smoke about him not being a teacher after he's basically provided a way to prove it to you and you don't take him up on it.

In other news, I have a gigantic cock.

CrystalTears

01-12-2009, 12:03 PM

Okay fine. I think he's a sucky teacher because he's an idiot here of gargantuan proportions.

Does that make everyone feel better? :tongue:

MotleyCrew

01-12-2009, 12:10 PM

Okay fine. I think he's a sucky teacher because he's an idiot here of gargantuan proportions.

Does that make everyone feel better? :tongue:

Phew! I know I do! :smilegrin:

Ignot

01-12-2009, 12:12 PM

I still think a phone call is in order. :)

Cephalopod

01-12-2009, 12:13 PM

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has been disturbed he's a teacher.

Methais

01-12-2009, 12:15 PM

http://www.home-room.org/blog/GROM/archives/Santos%20teacher.jpg

Tea & Strumpets

01-12-2009, 12:22 PM

Methais

01-12-2009, 12:24 PM

i dunno im a lot less caring about being gramatically correct on the internets than i am off the internets did you see what i did there

Tea & Strumpets

01-12-2009, 12:26 PM

Fuck, I wrote "is" instead of "as" in my PS. There goes my whole argument.

Methais

01-12-2009, 12:29 PM

You also spelled typo wrong.

Trouble

01-12-2009, 12:31 PM

You also spelled typo wrong.

He used the WoW spelling.

Tea & Strumpets

01-12-2009, 12:31 PM

You also spelled typo wrong.

no i dindt thats how i spell it so fu

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a162/DoyleHargraves/GoatseBunny.gif

Nieninque

01-12-2009, 12:32 PM

come on CT, worried i'm going to make you eat your words?
get the sand out of your twat and call, fuck, I'll even give you my skype information.
Once again, you're over your head
you call me out, I shoot back to make you shut your mouth, and all you can say is blah blah blah, obviously i'm worth your time as I haven't posted here in over a month, and you still think about me.
blow me bitch, and call otherwise stfu, and go wash the sand out of your twat

All because i don't type perfectly, or spell perfectly on a forum board, you blow shit out of your ass, once again, this is a forum board, I don't give a damn how I type or spell, IT'S FORUM BOARD, I'm not writing to anyone important.
so unless you fucking man(or women) up and call, stfu.

OK, I refuse to believe that you were browsing the forums and came across a great Neff thread (contradiction in terms though that is), and subsequently came across that post that mentioned your name. As such, I am going to assume that you did a search for your name on the boards and as a result, I have the following to say:

Poof.

Methais

01-12-2009, 12:35 PM

no i dindt thats how i spell it so fu

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a162/DoyleHargraves/GoatseBunny.gif

http://i193.photobucket.com/albums/z186/My_Broken_Heart86/Shojo%20Ai/whoeverdidthisrocks.jpg

CrystalTears

01-12-2009, 12:41 PM

I just think it's funny that he took more offense to this...

Yeah I believe Neff is a writer as much as I believe Solkern is a teacher.
Than to this...

Now... Solkern's claims about women on the other hand...

diethx

01-12-2009, 03:42 PM

It's just odd that someone that is an English teacher never types a grammatically correct sentence. I know Solkern always says "this is a message board so I don't have to spell rite or put sentancs together rite", but it still seems a little far-fetched to me.

P.S. -- If I made any tipos it was because I was literally running full speed past my computer and typed this is I ran past.

All delicious T&S humor aside, I so agree with this statement. Yeah yeah, it's the internet, you don't care, blah blah blah. Every English teacher I have ever had was so serious about teaching me the correct way to write, etc., I find it very hard to believe that anyone who takes such pride in what they do for a living would totally let themselves go, even on the internet, and type like a hillbilly who dropped out of school in third grade to go shovel shit or something. Normally when someone is good enough at something to make it their career, they take pride in being able to do that well. I've never seen quite the opposite as Solkern here wants us to believe.

And Methais, you might not care about it, but you also aren't an English teacher. You sling pizzas, and hopefully soon, delicious hot dogs. Big difference.

NocturnalRob

01-12-2009, 03:53 PM

hopefully soon, delicious hot dogs
yeah, you're praying for the day he'll sling his delicious hot dog right now your throat.

slut :heart:

Some Rogue

01-12-2009, 03:59 PM

Methais slings other men's hot dogs. That's the rumor anyway.

BigWorm

01-12-2009, 03:59 PM

yeah, you're praying for the day he'll sling his delicious hot dog right now your throat.

slut :heart:

I wonder if she'll enjoy it half as much as you enjoyed Daniel's.

NocturnalRob

01-12-2009, 03:59 PM

I wonder if she'll enjoy it half as much as you enjoy Daniel's.
at least get the tense right, guy.

diethx

01-12-2009, 04:00 PM

I wonder if she'll enjoy it half as much as you enjoyed Daniel's.

:rofl: :rofl:

BriarFox

01-12-2009, 04:23 PM

And Methais, you might not care about it, but you also aren't an English teacher. You sling pizzas, and hopefully soon, delicious hot dogs. Big difference.

Hrm. A sauced-up pizza and goatse can look remarkably similar. I see now how Methais began his addiction. It started with associating wrinkly red and white shapes with delicious tastes and just took off from there.

Liagala

01-12-2009, 04:24 PM

Hrm. A sauced-up pizza and goatse can look remarkably similar. I see now how Methais began his addiction. It started with associating wrinkly red and white shapes with delicious tastes and just took off from there.

Did you just imply that goatse can be seen as delicious?

BriarFox

01-12-2009, 04:38 PM

Did you just imply that goatse can be seen as delicious?

QED

Methais

01-12-2009, 06:24 PM

And Methais, you might not care about it, but you also aren't an English teacher. You sling pizzas, and hopefully soon, delicious hot dogs. Big difference.

But what if I serve alphabet soup?

yeah, you're praying for the day he'll sling his delicious hot dog right now your throat.

slut :heart:

I also pray for this day. I'm told my wiener is quite delicious.

A sauced-up pizza and goatse can look remarkably similar. I see now how Methais began his addiction. It started with associating wrinkly red and white shapes with delicious tastes and just took off from there.

A piece of pepperoni would make a perfect goatsehole.

http://arpeggiospizza.com/toppings/pepperoni.jpg

You know what to do Celephais..

TheRunt

01-13-2009, 02:53 AM

A piece of pepperoni would make a perfect goatsehole.

http://arpeggiospizza.com/toppings/pepperoni.jpg

Damn you I'm never going to be able to eat pepperoni again. I'm going to hunt you down and give you and asshole goatse would envy with a giant pepperoni for that. If I can't enjoy them I'll make damn sure you wont

diethx

01-13-2009, 03:11 AM

Damn you I'm never going to be able to eat pepperoni again.

Yes you will, don't lie. Pepperoni is that good. :)

TheRunt

01-13-2009, 11:15 AM

Yes you will, don't lie. Pepperoni is that good. :)

:yeahthat: