By popular demand: Dear Seany of the thread.

[Sean of the Thread]

By popular demand.

We'll start off with our first question:
Nub from puerto rico asks " When wiping your ass takes just as long or longer than your actual shit."

Well first off my friend you have several options. Shorten your shits or don't whipe your ass as much and just wash your boxers more often.



Well that's it for today. Looking forward to more questions from my faithful readers.

~Sean of the Thread

[Sean of the Thread]

We've got another caller out of the NE area.

Rob asks:
"So I'm not computer-retarded. That being said, I'm also not very computer-savvy. I have an old Dell E1505 Inspiron blah blah blah. It's got the Intel PROSet wireless card. Basically, whatever came with the unit. It's a pretty old system, but it's functional for what I need (excel, gs4, and porn).

Recently, whenever I turn this fossil on, it's not detecting any wireless networks (i.e., it's as if the wireless card no longer exists). I restart the computer a couple times, and SOMETIMES it reappears. But more often than not these days, it's just gone.

I've reinstalled the wireless card driver. I've reseated the physical card. Any advice? Do I need to buy a new card? Throw this piece of shit down the garbage chute and just get a new one?"


Simple. That laptop was a product of an infected floppy disk infusion back in the early 80's and has AIDS.

Buy a new one for fucks sake. If you can afford fancy shoes and belts and pay $65 for a perm you can afford a new $200 laptop.
__________________

[Daniel]

lol @ perm

[NocturnalRob]

hahahaha...okay, so even though my laptop is eff'd, i definitely laughed at that.

[Sean of the Thread]

Another poster remarks:

Yeah because burning asshole for hours at work is a fun walk in the park compared to simply taking another 30 seconds to wipe your ass properly. Fucking Brilliant.

I think the extra two flush wiping thing sucks, too, but honestly...not wiping is the answer?


Well mr Drakefang you bring up some valid points. However they can be solved with simple solutions such as taking a finger and tucking your boxers up your asshole for the remainder of the work day. Or try a tampon coated in Novocaine.

Ultimately only you can make the commitment buddy. Hope this helped.


<3 Sean of the Thread

[nub]

By popular demand.

We'll start off with our first question:
Nub from puerto rico asks " When wiping your ass takes just as long or longer than your actual shit."

Well first off my friend you have several options. Shorten your shits or don't whipe your ass as much and just wash your boxers more often.



Well that's it for today. Looking forward to more questions from my faithful readers.

~Sean of the Thread

LMAO...

Shortening shits is like squeezing off your pee before you're done... as someone else said, burning asshole on the walk back to your office chair at the least. Sometimes I go through a whole shit thinking "hell yeah these came out clean" then on the last one something excites me and I snip too early =/

Oh... what ever can I do?

[Sean of the Thread]

Well in response to our faithful reader Nub..

Sir if you're having a burning asshole problem perhaps the problem lies elsewhere. I'd be sure to not accept drinks from anyone you boat with in the Orlando area and definately don't accept any punch from your Halloween friends.

This may alleviate your burning asshole problems. That or lube but we'll leave that for another exciting article.

[nub]

The burning asshole problem would be from still having to go, and ending too early, and waddling back to the office. Luckily I don't work with any females, although I do work with a couple of gay men.

[Sean of the Thread]

Well Mr Nub you may have solved one of the problems yourself. Talk to the gay men about the best anal lube. Slop some on before and after shits or boating with gay friends.


I'm here to listen first and help second.

<3 Sean of the Thread

[nub]

Thanks

[Sean of the Thread]

No thanks needed. That's what I'm here for.

[nub]

So this is also related... ever since acquiring a gf, she stays over, she has long hair and sheds.

Some of it falls to the ground where my underwear are at times. In the morning I put on underwear and go to work (they were clean). The hair then sometimes get into my underwear and I do not notice.

Here is where the relation comes in, I go to work, it's about 30minutes after lunch where I have that regular urge. I go to the bathroom, when I wipe my anal for the 40th time, and after trying to pull as many hairs as I can, I get freaked out by how long some of them are. Which I then remember that it is my gf's hair.

(sometimes they wrap around the sack, cutting off circulation, that bothers me too)

[LMingrone]

So this is also related... ever since acquiring a gf, she stays over, she has long hair and sheds.



Note to self: Don't date dogs.

[Daniel]

Note to self: Don't date dogs.

Seriously. That shit is gross man.

[nub]

Seriously. That shit is gross man.

Not where I come from! ;)

[Sean of the Thread]

So this is also related... ever since acquiring a gf, she stays over, she has long hair and sheds.

Some of it falls to the ground where my underwear are at times. In the morning I put on underwear and go to work (they were clean). The hair then sometimes get into my underwear and I do not notice.

Here is where the relation comes in, I go to work, it's about 30minutes after lunch where I have that regular urge. I go to the bathroom, when I wipe my anal for the 40th time, and after trying to pull as many hairs as I can, I get freaked out by how long some of them are. Which I then remember that it is my gf's hair.

(sometimes they wrap around the sack, cutting off circulation, that bothers me too)


Good question that I'm sure many posters were afraid to bring up. You're a brave soul for doing so.

The answer to this is simple. Get your girlfriend drunk and shave her head whilst passed out. If she wonders wtf up then the next move is to just answer "Huh?" to ever question until she stops asking. Works for me and I'm sure it will work for you.

Hope that helps.

<3 Sean of the Thread.

[Gan]

ROFL

5 star thread.

[Brattt8525]

>> answer "Huh?" to ever question until she stops asking. Works for me and I'm sure it will work for you.<<

Perfect advice, I do it all the time it confuses the kids and irritates the SO enough that he leaves me alone.

[Sean of the Thread]

I'm glad I can bring my experience to the peoples of teh boards.

Please feel free to bring any other questions you may have. I am a board certified Dr of Oncology via $35 bucks from India if it matters to anyone. That and I watched every episode of Murder she wrote and growing pains. I'm more than qualified.

[Jorddyn]

That and I watched every episode of Murder she wrote and growing pains

Can you explain what happened to Kirk Cameron?

[Sean of the Thread]

Can you explain what happened to Kirk Cameron?


Oh troubled one let me explain. He became possessed with the Lord Jesus Christ himself and decided to be a fag. And sing. and stuff.


I hope that explains it.

God Bless


~sean of the thread

[Liagala]

You should become an ordained minister, too (for free). People may need religious advice.

http://www.themonastery.org/?destination=ordination

Sadly enough... at my cousin's wedding in August, the "minister" who will be performing the ceremony was ordained through some site similar to that. It's the bride's father.

http://i534.photobucket.com/albums/ee346/None1414/facepalm.jpg

[Sean of the Thread]

Please this is an ask Sean of the Thread .. thread.

If you have a question or problem let my experience and wisdom help you. Post away.

[diethx]

Why haven't they released a US version of Howard the Duck on DVD yet? And when will they release it? This is very important and I need to know.

[Sean of the Thread]

Why haven't they released a US version of Howard the Duck on DVD yet? And when will they release it? This is very important and I need to know.


Sadly this is due to the fact that ducks shit all over the place. While no duck is same society deems them as such. Therefore Howard the Duck being released would only spread duck shit propaganda throughout the known universe.. ak THE U.S.A.

Until then hang in there poster and keep rocking out!

<3 Sean of the Thread

http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/080325/Superheroes/Howard-the-Duck_l.jpg

[Whimsi]

Dear Sean,

I snore and it is driving my S.O. to the couch at night. Please help.

Sincerely, Whimsi

[Sean of the Thread]

Dear Sean,

I snore and it is driving my S.O. to the couch at night. Please help.

Sincerely, Whimsi

Dear Whimsi,

When you inhale during sleep, air enters the mouth or nose and passes across the soft palate (the back of the roof of the mouth) on its way to the lungs. The back of the mouth-where the tongue and upper throat meet the soft palate and uvula-is collapsible.

If this area collapses, the airway becomes narrow or blocked. The narrowed or blocked passage disturbs the airflow, which causes the soft palate and uvula to vibrate and knock against the back of the throat, causing snoring.

My suggestion would be to take a huge load of semen before bed and gargle then swallow to lubricate the uvula. Thus you're problems are solved.

The alternative is to let your S.O. sleep on teh couch forever. It's quite nice having the bed or couch all to yourself.


<3 sean of the thread

[nub]

I find myself more and more sitting down to pee. Standing up is more messy as you just can't jiggle it enough. Sitting down is also more relaxing, the places I pee the most are my office and my home. It also takes less concentration in the morning when I am very tired.

Is this a problem as long as no one ever finds out?

[thefarmer]

Dear Seany

I have two daughters and I'm splitting up with my wife soon. Is it a good idea to go across the country to take a job?

[Sean of the Thread]

I find myself more and more sitting down to pee. Standing up is more messy as you just can't jiggle it enough. Sitting down is also more relaxing, the places I pee the most are my office and my home. It also takes less concentration in the morning when I am very tired.

Is this a problem as long as no one ever finds out?



Dear poster,

Sitting down to pee is for girls. It does have one benefit of washing your nuts with a quick dip however. If the toilet water is blue I would refrain from sitting and just stand up and pee on the seat.

[Sean of the Thread]

Dear Seany

I have two daughters and I'm splitting up with my wife soon. Is it a good idea to go across the country to take a job?

Yes if you want to support them and get them out of debt.

[Methais]

Dear Seany,

a). Why do Mexicans come to the U.S. to work, but Puerto Ricans come here to get on welfare, steal, and cruise the strip in a beige 1984 Toyota Corolla with a heavily rusted rear passenger door of another color?

b). Other than the work/welfare thing, what exactly is the difference between a Mexican and Puerto Rican, other than Mexicans being from Mexico and Puerto Ricans being from Puerto Rico?

[Bokertal]

Dear Seany,

All the recent boobage around here made me realize something. I really don't seem to care about them anymore. The ol' "fun bags" just look like "feed bags" to me. Come to think of it, I don't really think much about sex anymore either. What has happened to me?

[diethx]

You saw PB naked?

[Some Rogue]

Insert Navy joke here.

[Sean of the Thread]

Dear Seany,

a). Why do Mexicans come to the U.S. to work, but Puerto Ricans come here to get on welfare, steal, and cruise the strip in a beige 1984 Toyota Corolla with a heavily rusted rear passenger door of another color?

b). Other than the work/welfare thing, what exactly is the difference between a Mexican and Puerto Rican, other than Mexicans being from Mexico and Puerto Ricans being from Puerto Rico?

Well this question is obviously two fold. One mexicans come here because taco bell is delicious and they can afford it after mopping wal-marts floors for 48 hours straight. Puerto Ricans come solely for the fact that can afford an 84 corolla and hang a CD from their rear view mirror.


B)Mexicans stink and rape and steal whereas Puerto ricans stink rape and steal and work at mc donald's in Miami.

[Sean of the Thread]

Dear Seany,

All the recent boobage around here made me realize something. I really don't seem to care about them anymore. The ol' "fun bags" just look like "feed bags" to me. Come to think of it, I don't really think much about sex anymore either. What has happened to me?

Sorry pal they call you guys rust pickers for a reason. Maybe this is more to your liking.

http://www.hidawl.net/Lifestyle/Halloween04/ThongGuy.jpg

[Stanley Burrell]

Yo Sean:

What are you going to do about all them snitch-ass haterz trying to put shame in your game?

Peace.

[Bokertal]

[QUOTE=Sean of the Thread;831746]Sorry pal they call you guys rust pickers for a reason. Maybe this is more to your liking.

I expected something a bit more witty than that. Oh well.

[Sean of the Thread]

Sorry the buzz was wearing off I guess.

[DCSL]

Dear Seany,

I think I'm only liked because of my boobs. What should I do?!

[Skeeter]

my advice would be to send me pics and I would judge. But.. alas I'm not Seany :cry:

[Some Rogue]

The real answer is post naked pics and be liked for the total package.

[Tsa`ah]

The only acceptable Solkerning is when it's from a chick.

[Tsa`ah]

Wait .... that probably needs some guidelines.

[DCSL]

I've noticed that many things are more acceptable when coming from a female. Hmmmm. What could be the reason. Reasons. Whatever.

[Stanley Burrell]

Dear Seany,

I think I'm only liked because of my boobs. What should I do?!

The only way to tell; and I'm not a Seany, but would be to upgrade your boobage by two cup sizes and then make a scientific comparison on how much more people like you.

You could also do things people like. With your boobs. The effect is exponential.

You could always try throwing money at homeless people OR sneaking sodium pentathol into everyone's Cheerios...

I just really wanted an excuse to say Cheerios.

But anyway, you know those gigantic MS-Paint blobs people put in order to protect theirs and others' identities when they post up pictures on a message board sometimes? Well, I found out they don't exist in real life, so the only way to truly tell if someone likes you is by wearing a burka and starting a conversation with airport security.

Oh. And pheromones.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

I expected something a bit more witty than that. Oh well.

There's only so many ways you can call someone gay.

[Sean of the Thread]

To the dipshit that gave a negative rep (gray as in useless) rep to this thread I was just having fun with it. Something you should try after you accomplish retracting the corncob out of your intestines... it's gotta be up there pretty far by now.


Rofl.


<3 Sean of the thread

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Dear Seany,

What do you think is the best way to get rid of a hangover?

[Athgo]

Dear Seany,

What do you think is the best way to get rid of a hangover?

Thats easy; drink more!

[Sean of the Thread]

Dear Seany,

What do you think is the best way to get rid of a hangover?

Dear Poster

The correct answer would be to wake up and have more drinks which ends up into a cycle of constant buzzyness. This has side effects however affecting everything in your life (like mine).

My second suggestion is to score some Librium. It will make everything okay.

I've also found that masturbating when extremely hungover to release the feel good hormones works well in absent of either alcohol or librium.


Hope that helps.

<3 Seany of the thread.

[Moist Happenings]

I would like to add that the over the counter stuff they sell now that's basically activated charcoal in a pill form works surprisingly well for one of those "miracle cure" type things. Supposedly it was stuff issued to KGB officers to promote constant alertness. Dunno if I believe that, but it actually does work.

[Sean of the Thread]

It works if you take if before you start drinking in my experience best..and less so the morning after.

Seriously the cure is the hair of the dog. Or librium.

[Bokertal]

It works if you take if before you start drinking in my experience best..and less so the morning after.

Seriously the cure is the hair of the dog. Or librium.

Benzodiazepines ROCK.

[Moist Happenings]

Yeah you have to take it before you start drinking. the charcoal is supposed to absorb the negative bits of the alcohol, or something. I dunno. I'm not a doctor, but it beats digging up charcoal and eating rocks before drinking.

[Allereli]

You should become an ordained minister, too (for free). People may need religious advice.

http://www.themonastery.org/?destination=ordination

Sadly enough... at my cousin's wedding in August, the "minister" who will be performing the ceremony was ordained through some site similar to that. It's the bride's father.

http://i534.photobucket.com/albums/ee346/None1414/facepalm.jpg

sorry about the late reply. Why is that sad? I think it's awesome a dad would want to perform the ceremony. If you have to be ordained to officiate a marriage and you're not religious, who cares how you get it? One of my sister's best friends was ordained and performed her wedding, it was a really nice touch.

[Bokertal]

Sean,

I think I'm going to get fired. Lets buy motorcycles and bar hop across the country.

[Sean of the Thread]

Damn I was most definitely buzzed when this thread started. Sometimes when I look at old posts of mine I'm like... I posted that?

sorry as I've been going through all the old reps and this one popped up.

[Clove]

...Or try a tampon coated in Novocaine...

<3 Sean of the ThreadAnd for God's sake if you try this advice, have someone with a camera handy to document the experience.

[Jayvn]

Dear Sean of the Thread,

What is the perfect angle to pee while standing at a urinal to minimize splashback?

[diethx]

In before the suggestion to forego urinals and use your neighbor's yard.

[Jayvn]

I was 99% sure you were going to say something about when you pee in a urinal diethx <3

[diethx]

I was 99% sure you were going to say something about when you pee in a urinal diethx <3

Don't hate on my huge penis. :(

[Back]

Dear Seany,

I met a woman at a bar last night and she insisted on teaching me Sudoku. She even tore out a page of her Sudoku book and gave it to me with her name and email address on it.

What should I do with it?

[Dhuul]

Sean of the Thread --

I went over to a friends house the other day. He shall remain nameless but lets just say he is very popular on this board and also very successful in game and out of game....anyway, "T" offered to split a bowl with me, snow-covered of course. Well, not to beat around the bush or anything but...is it possible to catch Hepatitis C from sharing a 3 foot glass bong?

[Sean of the Thread]

As per request again via the rep system this thread shall be revived. (Unless I go to jail on the 11th).

And to answer Back's May 16th inquiry all I can say is be happy you met a woman first of all that didn't have a tucked penis and did not wear braces or give you some crazy ass poem. (http://gravity.dnsprotect.com/~gsplayer/forum/showpost.php?p=929172&postcount=1)

Sudoko is good for the brain waves making you more resistant to liberal bullshit and will reduce the amount of money you spend on foil hats. Jordynn may be able to help you invest the spare foil money.

[Sean of the Thread]

Sean of the Thread --

I went over to a friends house the other day. He shall remain nameless but lets just say he is very popular on this board and also very successful in game and out of game....anyway, "T" offered to split a bowl with me, snow-covered of course. Well, not to beat around the bush or anything but...is it possible to catch Hepatitis C from sharing a 3 foot glass bong?


Dear Dhuul,

Putting your lips around anything 3 feet long is a sure way for you to ingest and contract either semen if your in "T"iajuana or Hep C. Either way you're getting a buzz or getting fucked so have at it.

[Sean of the Thread]

Dear Sean of the Thread,

What is the perfect angle to pee while standing at a urinal to minimize splashback?


While the neighbors yard is always a safe option I cannot honestly answer this question with sincere knowledge as I normally end up pissing the bed or watering an antique desk.

My advice is to deuce in the urinal first and then stand and urinate on the deuce to absorb all splashback. Please note that it helps to have a friend guard the bathroom door whilst dropping a deuce in the urinal prior.

[Kuyuk]

Dear Seany,

What happened at your court date?

What did you do with all the money people donated?

Hows your life?

[Sean of the Thread]

I thought I addressed this in the other thread perhaps not.

The judge was happy with the money and my continued progress with AA and community service and set me another court date for 9/11 at which point I should be done minus the rest of the money I owe them.

People didn't donate money they loaned it and it will be repaid. I still need a shit load more to terminate it. Again I applied for medicaid for my f'n shoulder/arm problem and instead they sent me food stamps. Last time I bought food and handed it out to the ones that needed it at the bus station until I got in trouble for doing so.

This time I'm trying to sell off the grocery money at a premium in exchange for cash to get this all behind me.

Life sucks overall with all this hanging over my head but I've landed a job and possibly a much better one. I haven't spoken to my children in almost 8 months. I have nightmares and rarely sleep.

However things are getting better daily imo. What more can I hope for? I'm just ashamed it took me rock bottom to wake up.