IJL Mark 2

[Revalos]

Yes my friends...I come bearing gifts...stories of a date so epic fail it became epic awesome. I'm a bit trashed at the moment as I went out with my work friends after the date this evening, so I'll apologize in advance for spelling, male chauvinism, and making fun of this poor girl. I'm an asshole for doing it, but I should have been given the medal of honor for being the nicest guy on the fucking planet earlier, so I can karmicly pay for it.

So, I check my phone today and there is the usual message from IJL and I almost delete it...but I listen to the whole thing and BLAM they've changed the restaurant that fucking day! I'm glad I just happened to check right before I left work. Apparently the girl wanted something closer to the metro. I would have thought that discussion would have come up earlier, like say three weeks ago when this thing was set up, but anyway...

So I show up on time, and here comes my date running in about 20 minutes late with an inspector gadget style overcoat, sneakers, and a half open backpack. And, for the boobmasters here, zilch in that department.

Let's cut right to the chase. No shingles this time...BUT, she opens with "I really enjoy my job doing research on rat poison at the EPA." EPIC! BUUUUUT WAIT, there must be more!

She's one of these people that cannot continue to eat while listening to someone. Just stare incredulously at whatever I am saying. I wasn't fucking Aristotle this evening...STOP STARING AGAPE AT ME! Waiter starts getting pissed, brings me my food while she's still eating her tempura.

So she's asking all sorts of questions about me, and I figure...I've said enough, so I ask her more about...um...how she likes her job at the EPA. More about rat poison. MORE ABOUT RAT POISON. Really. OK...um, new subject, where do you live around here.

Parents. She lives with her parents. In Fairfax. PARENTS. 29 years old, masters in biology, job with federal government in Crystal City. P A R E N T S!

No, folks, we aren't talking about the "Oh, I live near my parents house" parents. We are talking no rent, not interested in leaving because she's comfortable, born and raised in DC (probably that house) PARENTS!

Has she lived elsewhere? Sure...she tried to live with a friend of hers for about three months...but she moved back home. Did she go away to college? Not really, UVA.

She and her mom went to Japan a few weeks ago on vacation. First time she's been abroad. I guess, hell, you do live with your mom, why not go to Japan with her? She talked all about how different it was. HELL YES IT IS DIFFERENT, IT ISN'T YOUR PARENTS BASEMENT. Turned her vegetarian because of the fish at every meal.

I'm so stupefied at this point. PARENTS. That I just can't help but know more...I must know more! What does she like to do in her free time? Listen to music. Classical music. OK, I can dig that. Oh...only certain classical music. OK, sure, some folk have unusual taste. Oh...1812 Overture. Um, alright, that's a good one, that everyone knows, I mention I like Handel. blank stare...hell, she's got a constant blank stare. Who is Handel? WHO IS FUCKING HANDEL? You like Classical music...riiiiiight.

On to sports. Oh...she doesn't "get" sports. Any. I mean not playing them...I mean not watching them...ANY of them. Win. Doesn't even know the Nationals have a new stadium in DC. Probably hasn't a clue who the Nationals are anyway.

Wow. How much longer have I got. Escape plan Delta in action. Really nice to meet you...oh, what's that? You'd like to have a second date? Can we talk more about how you live with your parents? Can we please? Can you grab my cellphone off the table? Oh, you can? But am I too big of a pussy to not grab it back from her until after she's misspelled her own name as Jem (and immediately brings up the Jem cartoon. Seriously. I have to give props on that one, who would have thought of that) and can't remember her actual phone number on the first try? Do you interact with other people much?

IJL can suck my cock. I get Stood-up, Shingles and Parents on the first three go's. This is the dating pool? "Jem" reveals that she's got four more dates this week through IJL but that she'll be free next week...I bet she will be. Those four guys...if they can achieve the level of apparent interest that I was able to maintain with "Jem" I want to buy them a fucking beer. If they can fucking not cancel their IJL membership right after she drops the parents bomb, I want to buy them a beer.

This is the dating service for the supremely, SUPREMELY desperate. I'm done. I'm going to fucking eat the $900 plus the meal I bought Parents (hell, was she going to even offer to pay dutch like they asked. FUCK NO. She just assumes the guy will pay. Am I too much of a nice guy to care? FUCK YES.)

NO ONE USE IJL. NO ONE. If their "matching" system gives me this? Great self esteem booster? Check. Epic lives with parents fail comedy? Check. Epic rat poison and shingles stories. Check the fuck out!

[diethx]

You're seriously making such a big deal over her living with her parents? You didn't mind SHINGLES and GOOD GUY EX but you mind her living with her parents? Seriously?

[Revalos]

You're seriously making such a big deal over her living with her parents? You didn't mind SHINGLES and GOOD GUY EX but you mind her living with her parents? Seriously?

Parents + Rat Poison < Shingles + Good Guy Ex < Remaining Single Forever

QED

[Back]

Dude, I feel your pain. If it had been the William Tell Overture, that might have been different.

Anyway, fuck dating services. Just put your balls out and go talk to that chick you think looks interesting wherever it may be. Eye contact and a smile before hand does wonders.

[Tisket]

lol dating advice from BL. You're doomed.

[Back]

lol dating advice from BL. You're doomed.

Rag on me all you want but STFU and GTFO unless you want to help a brother.

[diethx]

Rag on me all you want but STFU and GTFO unless you want to help a brother.

She did. She told him not to listen to you. That's the best help he could get.

[Back]

Ok Rev, I’m out. All the sockpuppets want to do is rag on me. So for your sake good night, and good luck. It was never my intention to derail this.

[Revalos]

So I am being too hard on the parents thing. Am I really? Even if you throw in the rat poison discussions at dinner? I am sorry my standards must be too high.

[diethx]

Well I mean, she does what she does. It might not be glamorous but not everyone can be a movie star or whatever. And hey, she's helping the world on its way to being vermin-free, right? And keeping the methods safe for the rest of us!

And while I think it might be a little strange that she's still so comfortable at her mom's place, I don't think it's THAT big a deal. But still, if you felt zero sparks whatsoever with her, then don't date her again.

[Tisket]

Ok Rev, I’m out. All the sockpuppets want to do is rag on me. So for your sake good night, and good luck. It was never my intention to derail this.

I just wish you'd consider this everytime you start to post in any thread.

[Daniel]

You paid $900 bucks on a first date dinner?

WTF man.

[Revalos]

$900 for the 6 months of IJL. Dinner was like $80.

[Daniel]

Oh okay.

[Stanley Burrell]

So I am being too hard on the parents thing.

It depends. Government funding for your average Biology M.S., in their 20s, could probably afford a nice independent free-of-parents-and-roomates lifestyle in sections 7 & 8. You might even be lucky and find someone with running water.

[Allereli]

Living with parents is a deal breaker for me, too. you were a bit harsh on the rat poison thing, it's what she does.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

I just wish you'd consider this everytime you start to post in any thread.

:rofl:

[Drakefang]

Living with parents is a deal breaker for me, too. you were a bit harsh on the rat poison thing, it's what she does.

Really? Huh, I never would've considered it a deal breaker unless the person was honestly wealthy enough to live on their own comfortably or at least without struggling. Perhaps that's because I was in and out of my folks' house like three times. Perhaps digging in and working two jobs instead of one would be better, except it doesn't leave any time for dating. Regardless, I'd never say living at home is a deal breaker unless (and like it sounds in this thread) the woman was incapable of leaving, as in showed no desire at all to be away from the parents. At least I wanted to get out, I just couldn't afford it with the bills I had. Now I'm so damned broke I almost wish I was back.

[diethx]

Really? Huh, I never would've considered it a deal breaker unless the person was honestly wealthy enough to live on their own comfortably or at least without struggling. Perhaps that's because I was in and out of my folks' house like three times. Perhaps digging in and working two jobs instead of one would be better, except it doesn't leave any time for dating. Regardless, I'd never say living at home is a deal breaker unless (and like it sounds in this thread) the woman was incapable of leaving, as in showed no desire at all to be away from the parents. At least I wanted to get out, I just couldn't afford it with the bills I had. Now I'm so damned broke I almost wish I was back.

That's pretty much what I was thinking, in a nutshell. It's not necessarily a bad thing if you're still relatively young. Now if she were in her mid or late thirties and still unable to support herself, that'd worry me.

[Kyra231]

If you flip flop it & were on a date with a 29 y/o guy who still lived at home with mom & dad, never moved out for any amt of time & showed no inclination to & had the means to do so....it would most likely scream LOSER in my book. So same applies to a chick.

If she were making plans/saving large amounts to gtfo & live in the lap of luxury while sharing anecdotes of her glory days at the rat poison factory it might be a bit different but...wth who lets their kids live at home that long & who WANTS to live at home that long?

~K.

[diethx]

If you flip flop it & were on a date with a 29 y/o guy who still lived at home with mom & dad, never moved out for any amt of time & showed no inclination to & had the means to do so....it would most likely scream LOSER in my book. So same applies to a chick.

If she were making plans/saving large amounts to gtfo & live in the lap of luxury while sharing anecdotes of her glory days at the rat poison factory it might be a bit different but...wth who lets their kids live at home that long & who WANTS to live at home that long?

~K.

I dunno, I guess this is one of the few places I really see and accept a double standard. Just for some reason it doesn't seem as loserish if it's a female in that situation.

As far as who lets their kids live at home that long... I know of several people. One of my cousins will be 30 in February, and he still lives at home. One of my closest friends is 27 and she lives at home. She's got two jobs and a boyfriend of almost 5 years, and they're saving money. And those are just two instances.

Shit, if I weren't with my fiance and I were still in NY, i'd probably move back in with my mom while in school to save money (and maybe stay awhile after in order to pay off my massive amounts of loans). True, she's not in school, but she may be saving up or paying off a lot of student loans? Who knows. Anyway, it's not like she's 40 or something.

[Warriorbird]

lol dating advice from BL. You're doomed.

Hookers would've been a better use of Revalos's money. Listen to Backlash!

[Stanley Burrell]

If you flip flop it & were on a date with a 29 y/o guy who still lived at home with mom & dad, never moved out for any amt of time & showed no inclination to & had the means to do so....it would most likely scream LOSER in my book. So same applies to a chick.

If she were making plans/saving large amounts to gtfo & live in the lap of luxury while sharing anecdotes of her glory days at the rat poison factory it might be a bit different but...wth who lets their kids live at home that long & who WANTS to live at home that long?

~K.

Some of the homes in neighboring towns from where I live are bastions of solitude. I would have absolutely no trouble, whatsoever, falling in love with a girl who lived in a really nice Fairfield or Guilford home and moving in for a couple years. The only time it would be a problem would be if hypothetical girl's parents are a burden to a relationship, but with twelve rooms and privacy, I would consider that a bonus, not a hindrance. At all.

I'd never marry for money, but shit, if someone lives in a palace that happens to have their parents around, in a nearby zip code, then I'm just making a whole lot of extra vacation money during my stay.

Of course, the possibilities of this happening are zero to negative. More importantly, if I wanted to, Kyra, I could bullshit your type in three seconds while living in any close acquaintances' vacated second residence and spew lines of manure to remove your panties. Assuming you're single and I felt like wasting my time usurping people more than I already do.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Some of the homes in neighboring towns from where I live are bastions of solitude. I would have absolutely no trouble, whatsoever, falling in love with a girl who lived in a really nice Fairfield or Guilford home and moving in for a couple years. The only time it would be a problem would be if hypothetical girl's parents are a burden to a relationship, but with twelve rooms and privacy, I would consider that a bonus, not a hindrance. At all.

I'd never marry for money, but shit, if someone lives in a palace that happens to have their parents around, in a nearby zip code, then I'm just making a whole lot of extra vacation money during my stay.

Of course, the possibilities of this happening are zero to negative. More importantly, if I wanted to, Kyra, I could bullshit your type in three seconds while living in any close acquaintances' vacated second residence and spew lines of manure to remove your panties. Assuming you're single and I felt like wasting my time usurping people more than I already do.

DIAF man :/

Srsly.

[Stanley Burrell]

Everyone who's poor is a loser, duh.

[Stretch]

I don't think there's anything wrong with someone who sincerely has no interest in sports. Hell, that's probably less of a stigma than dating a dude that has put in thousands of hours into a text-only MMORPG (something a lot of us are guilty of).

For shy people (probably a significant chunk of the folks who use services like IJL, along with the really busy), work / school are two of the easiest things to talk about. Again, I don't think it's a huge deal that she talked about her job a lot.

The clothing thing is kind of a let down, since it is a first impression. Not necessary to dress to the nines, but it sounds like it wouldn't have killed her to doll up a bit more.

[Allereli]

I don't think there's anything wrong with someone who sincerely has no interest in sports.

There's nothing "wrong" with them, but I wouldn't date them either.

[Soulpieced]

I would call and gently threaten the IJL management that your "matches" have been atrocious, and you plan to tell all of your single bachelor friends and half the Internet about your awful matches, shitty planning on IJL's side, and an overall horrible experience. The least they could do is offer 3 or 6 more dates free of charge, or you could demand 1/2 your money back and cancel.

[Revalos]

God my fucking head hurts. I hate that hangovers wake me up early.

Anyway, the parents thing really got to me. Mostly the fact that she was comfortable with it and not planning on leaving any time soon. She makes enough money to live on her own or at least with a roomate. That just doesn't sit right with me at all, especially the not even paying rent part.

And rat poison? At the dinner table? On a first date? Talk about work all you want, I've got no issues, but not about rat poison, I know you do other things at the EPA...or you at least did things in school that weren't tied to that.

Sure, I'm a fucking dweebus and play a text based game online. But is that something I bring up on a first date? Hell no! That isn't a desirable trait...first dates should be about first impressions. I'm sure, like the Asatru thing, it'd come up eventually if we got to know each other better, but I'm not bringing it up instantly. Same goes with shingle's girl asking about my divorce and talking about her good guy ex. There has to be something else to talk about on a first date. Maybe I'm faulting her for the fact that she is totally comfortable talking on and on about rat poison at dinner and about the fact that she lives with her parents. I guess that takes some balls to open up like that to someone you just met.

IJL is getting a call for sure on Monday when they open. I think I was too generic on my initial forms and that's why I'm getting these horrible matches. But just from a purely advertising standpoint...I'd think IJL would try a little harder to get repeat business.

This is probably my fault for not realizing what I want and what I didn't want. Obviously now I know a lot more about myself than I did before, and that's probably a good use of $900 (because I won't get a dime back), because I would have never figured out what those things were without a lot more time.

[Skeeter]

Was this the girl you were dating?

http://scifipedia.scifi.com/images/f/fc/Amy_Acker.jpg

[Kyra231]

Some of the homes in neighboring towns from where I live are bastions of solitude. I would have absolutely no trouble, whatsoever, falling in love with a girl who lived in a really nice Fairfield or Guilford home and moving in for a couple years. The only time it would be a problem would be if hypothetical girl's parents are a burden to a relationship, but with twelve rooms and privacy, I would consider that a bonus, not a hindrance. At all.

I'd never marry for money, but shit, if someone lives in a palace that happens to have their parents around, in a nearby zip code, then I'm just making a whole lot of extra vacation money during my stay.

Of course, the possibilities of this happening are zero to negative. More importantly, if I wanted to, Kyra, I could bullshit your type in three seconds while living in any close acquaintances' vacated second residence and spew lines of manure to remove your panties. Assuming you're single and I felt like wasting my time usurping people more than I already do.

Moron. You don't know my type & you're definitely not mine, I prefer my men not greasy looking & retarded kthx. /agree with Narc on this one. Diaf.

[Stanley Burrell]

Moron. You don't know my type & you're definitely not mine, I prefer my men not greasy looking & retarded kthx. /agree with Narc on this one. Diaf.

You... Can't figure out how to hide the Internet from your oh-so-cunning daughter.

I think you believe you're somehow in control, somehow. That's cute.

[Stanley Burrell]

I would call and gently threaten the IJL management that your "matches" have been atrocious, and you plan to tell all of your single bachelor friends and half the Internet about your awful matches, shitty planning on IJL's side, and an overall horrible experience. The least they could do is offer 3 or 6 more dates free of charge, or you could demand 1/2 your money back and cancel.

It's an Internet dating service. If my best friend told me how shitty his experience had been using an Internet dating service and not to sign on to digital love dot com, I'd laugh. Because it would be a joke. Like, ha-ha funny.

Alright, I'm done being a dick. In this thread.

[Nieninque]

Sure, I'm a fucking dweebus and play a text based game online. But is that something I bring up on a first date? Hell no!

So she has honesty that you dont.
That's one-nil to her.

[Revalos]

So she has honesty that you dont.
That's one-nil to her.

Fine. I should have told her that I wasn't at all interested in her the second I saw her appearance. Is that the kind of honesty I'm supposed to throw out there? Is that how dating works? I thought there was supposed to be some mystery here.

[Nieninque]

I would call and gently threaten the IJL management that your "matches" have been atrocious,

I dont know...sounds like they have been pretty closely matched.

[Stanley Burrell]

Fine. I should have told her that I wasn't at all interested in her the second I saw her appearance. Is that the kind of honesty I'm supposed to throw out there? Is that how dating works? I thought there was supposed to be some mystery here.

Why. Can't. You. Just. Meet. People. Through. Friends?

Is there some kind of thrill/buzz in the e-dating? Does it fall under simply "trying new things?"

Pretend you're trying to sell me the synopsis of why this is a good idea, if you've got some free time, Rev. Editor's letter: I want to figure this out, I'm not bashing you.

[Revalos]

I dont know...sounds like they have been pretty closely matched.

Thanks for that vote of confidence.


Why. Can't. You. Just. Meet. People. Through. Friends?

Is there some kind of thrill/buzz in the e-dating? Does it fall under simply "trying new things?"

Pretend you're trying to sell me the synopsis of why this is a good idea, if you've got some free time, Rev. Editor's letter: I want to figure this out, I'm not bashing you.

Most of my friends are couples due to the fact that I was part of a couple when they became my friends with them over the past decade. I haven't dated since college, and even then I sucked. I needed a way to get back some confidence that I knew what I was doing.

I did the internet thing and it sucked. Worse than this. There, people lied about everything about themselves from day one and nothing good came of it.

I figured why not try this while hanging out with my bar hopping socialite friends. I was just bored really and shouldn't have been expecting more, but I guess $900 made me think I was going to get something more exciting out of it. I'm done though. I've learned my lesson, one way or another. I tried to find the positives in the first date and post them here, and got chided for it. I see obvious negatives in the second one and I get chided for it. The helpfulness of posting here on this stuff is starting to wane I think.

[Nieninque]

Fine. I should have told her that I wasn't at all interested in her the second I saw her appearance. Is that the kind of honesty I'm supposed to throw out there? Is that how dating works? I thought there was supposed to be some mystery here.

I'm just kidding ya.
Seriously, I think sometimes people are so wrapped up in having to find someone to be in a relationship with that it just becomes desperation.

Instead of spending so much time dating, find something you enjoy spending time doing that involves other people, go do it and just see what happens.

If you are doing something that is fun for you, chances are you will find someone else doing the same and you automatically have something in common with them. Something other than desperation, of course.

[Revalos]

Seriously, I think sometimes people are so wrapped up in having to find someone to be in a relationship with that it just becomes desperation.

That may be part of it. It is tough for someone who was in what appeared to be a good relationship for a decade to be alone. Especially with all of my friends in good relationships now.

I was going to be the godfather of one of my friends kids, but they reconsidered because I got divorced. That really hurt me bad. Made me feel like less of a person because of my divorce. Maybe there is some need for a companion that is driving me to do this, I don't know. I can function just fine as a single person now, but I don't fit in well with my long time friends

[Nieninque]

Then your friends are dicks.

[Drakefang]

That may be part of it. It is tough for someone who was in what appeared to be a good relationship for a decade to be alone. Especially with all of my friends in good relationships now.

I was going to be the godfather of one of my friends kids, but they reconsidered because I got divorced. That really hurt me bad. Made me feel like less of a person because of my divorce. Maybe there is some need for a companion that is driving me to do this, I don't know. I can function just fine as a single person now, but I don't fit in well with my long time friends

If the above is what your long time friends are doing to you because you got a divorce then it is time to find new friends. Period. Just because you and your wife fell out of love (or whatever happened) that should not mean you are less capable of being a godfather. I'm a godfather twice and I guess it's something I take seriously. Not only do I blame you for feeling hurt, I'd be very upset with those friends. Not knowing anything but what you posted above, it sounds pretty shitty...and it sounds like they were looking for a godcouple, not a godfather.

[diethx]

If the above is what your long time friends are doing to you because you got a divorce then it is time to find new friends. Period. Just because you and your wife fell out of love (or whatever happened) that should not mean you are less capable of being a godfather. I'm a godfather twice and I guess it's something I take seriously. Not only do I blame you for feeling hurt, I'd be very upset with those friends. Not knowing anything but what you posted above, it sounds pretty shitty...and it sounds like they were looking for a godcouple, not a godfather.

Yeah, I totally disagree with this. If I were going to have godparents for my kids, i'd want them to be a couple. That way if something happened to myself and my husband, we'd know that our kids would be safe in a stable family (not passed back and forth between two homes, perhaps between two people who don't get along, etc). Yeah, so maybe it sucks that they don't want you in that role anymore. Big deal? You can't be their friends without being the person responsible for their kids should they die?

[Drakefang]

Yeah, I totally disagree with this. If I were going to have godparents for my kids, i'd want them to be a couple. That way if something happened to myself and my husband, we'd know that our kids would be safe in a stable family (not passed back and forth between two homes, perhaps between two people who don't get along, etc). Yeah, so maybe it sucks that they don't want you in that role anymore. Big deal? You can't be their friends without being the person responsible for their kids should they die?

I guess we have different views of what god-parenting entails. From what I've experienced, most godparents are not couples but relations or friends that are stable and willing to support the parents (I don't mean financially) not just taking over if something horrible happens. That doesn't mean that the individuals are not in a relationship or married...just sort of spreads out those responsible for your children, potentially. Still, I can't blame you for wanting a couple since that would be a built in mother and father if you checked out. It's certainly up to the individual parents with both what they wish from a godparent while they are living and what expectations they have if they pass.

~shrug~

I just know how I'd have felt if it happened to me and it wouldn't be good. In that situation, I think it would've created a drastic change in my relationship with the people I am a godfather for. I'd assume the difference in our views are either familial or religion based.

[diethx]

Well, I don't believe in religion so it's definitely not that. I'd just want to try to make the best out of a shitty situation I guess. There are no guarantees in anything, but i'd want to try my hardest to set up something stable for my kids should the worst happen. And yeah, a stable couple that are already a family would in my opinion be best. And that's cool if we have different ideas on it, but should the couple involved with Revalos feel the same as me, you can't really say they aren't his friends. They just want what they believe is best for their kids. And while Revalos might be a great friend to them, that doesn't mean he's the best for their kids.

[Sean of the Thread]

That may be part of it. It is tough for someone who was in what appeared to be a good relationship for a decade to be alone. Especially with all of my friends in good relationships now.

I was going to be the godfather of one of my friends kids, but they reconsidered because I got divorced. That really hurt me bad. Made me feel like less of a person because of my divorce. Maybe there is some need for a companion that is driving me to do this, I don't know. I can function just fine as a single person now, but I don't fit in well with my long time friends

That's a crock of shit on your "friends" part.


You do seem very co-dependant however ... sorry.

[Sean of the Thread]

Seriously Jem? JEM?

[Tea & Strumpets]

Well, I don't believe in religion so it's definitely not that. I'd just want to try to make the best out of a shitty situation I guess. There are no guarantees in anything, but i'd want to try my hardest to set up something stable for my kids should the worst happen. And yeah, a stable couple that are already a family would in my opinion be best. And that's cool if we have different ideas on it, but should the couple involved with Revalos feel the same as me, you can't really say they aren't his friends. They just want what they believe is best for their kids. And while Revalos might be a great friend to them, that doesn't mean he's the best for their kids.

That's what I was thinking, but I am far too lazy to explain it. I think Revalos prefers his interpretation anyway.

[Revalos]

Her name isn't actually Jem, it is Jen, she just misspelled it, but couldn't figure out how to correct it on the cellphone.

As to the godparents thing, basically they subscribed to diethx's view on the matter, which I respect...but it just exacerbated the issue of having the divorce affect how people viewed me.

The co-dependency thing is kind of symptomatic of a biological clock like response that is happening to me. I never really saw what was so cool about having kids, but now some of my friends are having them and I'm seeing it. I want to have a kid someday, and if I do, I want to have a real relationship to support the baby. Not some kind of made up bullshit "we have to stick together because of the baby" thing...an actual relationship built on love. And I know that takes time. I feel constrained about how much time I might have left to actually have a kid since I'm not in a relationship now. That is what fuels most of the immediacy for me.

As for new friends, I'm coming to the DC drink fiasco, and I'm probably more open with y'all than most of my long term friends anyway, so I've got that going for me.

[diethx]

As to the godparents thing, basically they subscribed to diethx's view on the matter, which I respect...but it just exacerbated the issue of having the divorce affect how people viewed me.

Well it shouldn't have exacerbated anything. Frankly it seems like it's all in your head, because I can't imagine that any reasonable person would look down on you or think less of you because you got out of a destructive relationship. It doesn't mean your friends respect you any less or think any less of you. It just means that you aren't in the right stage of your life to care for someone else's child should something happen to them. Stop reading so much into stuff, ffs!


The co-dependency thing is kind of symptomatic of a biological clock like response that is happening to me. I never really saw what was so cool about having kids, but now some of my friends are having them and I'm seeing it. I want to have a kid someday, and if I do, I want to have a real relationship to support the baby. Not some kind of made up bullshit "we have to stick together because of the baby" thing...an actual relationship built on love. And I know that takes time. I feel constrained about how much time I might have left to actually have a kid since I'm not in a relationship now. That is what fuels most of the immediacy for me.

First of all, relax. You're never going to find "the one" if you're so fucking uptight and in such a hurry! You have no reason to be in such a hurry to find someone and start popping out kids. You'll make sperm for many, MANY more years to come barring some tragic nut accident, and you don't have to worry really about any sort of birth defects becoming more possible until you're at least 40. You're lucky, our eggs start to break down and can cause defects once we hit 30. So you have tons of time, really.

I have a feeling the co-dependency thing goes deeper than this, but I don't know you personally and therefore can't say for sure. But the best advice I can give is: fucking chill out. Stop being in such a rush to be in a relationship. Enjoy being single for a little while. Stop wasting your money on stupid expensive dating services. You'd be better off playing Gemstone and meeting someone there - I know of a lot of successful relationships that began in Gemstone! ;)

Seriously, chill out, be social and try to meet people casually for awhile, just remember not to act needy because that'll scare gals off!

[Asile]

You'd be better off playing Gemstone and meeting someone there - I know of a lot of successful relationships that began in Gemstone! ;)

OH. MY. GAWD.

Sorry, but for every successful relationship you know that started in GS (or any other Simu game), I must know of at least one (including 2 of my own that somehow happened) that were fucking disasters all over the place. So I personally discourage relationships between players.

Anyway, I'm going to go on a limb and stand in Rev's corner here. That first date didn't really sound so hot, and seriously, this one doesn't sound much like a winner either. If my husband had been living with his parents when we met, with no intention or desire to get out on his own, it would have been a deal-breaker for me...and honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised if guys felt the same way about me if I didn't express a desire to get back out on my own (I did have to move back in with my mom for a few years so I could regroup). And even if all she does work with is rat poison, that's just really not a cool thing to discuss over a meal; as someone else pointed out, she had to have worked with other things at some point that she could have talked about. And ok, I know that some people just aren't into sports or even music of any kind, but there should have been SOMETHING besides rat poison that she could talk about with a relatively well-adjusted person. (Not being into music would be a huge deal breaker for me, but if the guy could talk about a variety of other topics, at least I wouldn't feel like a date was an epic fail.)

I'm really sad to see that you're having such a shitty experience with this, Rev. For the amount of money they charge, and after having seen their ads, I really would expect a hell of a lot more from this service. Even if these matches are partly your fault, having them change the location at the last minute is pretty low.

Just one silly question: if it was supposedly clear from IJL that each person was supposed to pay their way through the date, why or how did you let this girl get away with not paying? I'd make a mention of that to IJL when you call them on Monday.

And even if you decide to stop posting about your "adventures" here, I'm still curious to see how it goes, so PM me or e-mail me (you should still have that) or IM me at LyrrahC. Or I'll start pestering you :P

[Furrowfoot]

Seriously Jem? JEM?

Truly outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous.

[diethx]

OH. MY. GAWD.

Sorry, but for every successful relationship you know that started in GS (or any other Simu game), I must know of at least one (including 2 of my own that somehow happened) that were fucking disasters all over the place. So I personally discourage relationships between players.

Yeah, I find it hard to believe that there's something about GS players that make them so inherently undateable to other GS players, compared with say, someone you'd meet on an online dating site... which, if i'm remembering correctly, is how you said you met your husband, right?

There are gonna be douches and potential mistakes wherever you look to date, whether you're picking them up at a bar, on an online site, or in GS. Most often i'd say the issues stem from the fact that a lot of the failures are long distance relationships (which imho, almost never work), coupled with the fact that GS by nature is a flirty place. But I just can't imagine that there'd be something else involved that makes relationships started in GS more likely to fail than relationships started anywhere else. And at least with GS players, you know that you have at least ONE thing in common, and you don't have to worry about sharing how geeky you may feel for playing.

I've dated several people that I met in GS, only one of which I really regret. And I totally don't blame it on GS. The rest are either still close friends, or my fiance. Yup, I met the love of my life in GS. So I guess you could say i'm biased, but i'd still argue that GS != disaster. :D

[TheEschaton]

I'm sorry, but working on rat poison and living with your parents is never less than good guy ex plus shingles. Get your priorities straight.

At least you're gaining your confidence back to the point you can outright reject losers.

-TheE-

[Clove]

She did. She told him not to listen to you. That's the best help he could get.So full of win and QFT.