Speed dating?

[Stretch]

So, I got roped into going to a speed dating event this weekend.

I'm already dating someone, so I'm looking for suggestions on funny / scary shit to do during this thing. All ideas that won't land me in jail for public indecency / obscenity are welcome.

[Sean]

She's a ho fo sho who was hurtin for a squrtin

[Celephais]

For at least one* of them, stare at their tits the entire speed date.

*infact, if you're no homo, you'll do this for all of them.

[Back]

Very pretty.
Real soft, delicate features.

You're real feminine,
you know,
which is good for me...

because that would be
a simple sort of transition.

You know what I'm saying?

Maybe throw a little rouge
on you, tuck your sac back.

You game?

[Stanley Burrell]

I find using a toothpick to annoy just about anyone.

"Sure-just-a-second-sorry" + toothpick + more teeth-picking objects = acceptable antisocial behavior.

Flipping a butterfly knife open and closed a lot might work too, but.

[Stanley Burrell]

Try doing something really obnoxious with your hands too: Cracking your knuckles like crazy + idly smacking your clenched knuckles together (I have this habit and it bothers the world.) If you're standing, do not remove your hands from your pockets, or do the waiting-in-line-at-the-bus-stop socially awkward idle arm-swinging.

This thread is far more entertaining than it should be.

[Allereli]

just sit down and say, "Hi, do you play text based RPG games?"

[AestheticDeath]

Just scratch your balls and ass the whole time, pass gas, and go on and on about how much you love to drink. That should remove you from the equation quickly enough.

Not real sure about what to do that would be funny though.. Look up embarrassing stories and whatnot online and then just take a couple and tell them to people like they were yours.

[Stretch]

just sit down and say, "Hi, do you play text based RPG games?"

I was already planning to list my occupation as post-cap Grandmaster Rogue...

[AestheticDeath]

heh

[BriarFox]

1) If they have snacks at the event, steal your date's food and then tell her to stop complaining. Or, just as good, get a plate of snacks, offer her something, and then say, "Oh, actually, I want to eat that," and then chew with your mouth open.

2) Ask her if she's into bondage.

3) Tell her you really, really like small animals. And duct tape.

4) Ask her if she shops at Goodwill.

5) Ask if she has any piercings, and then try to stare through her clothes.

This is way too easy.

[The Ponzzz]

Just act like Backlash. Err shit, you said you don't want to go to jail.

[Skeeter]

talk about your genital warts... constantly.

[Furrowfoot]

talk about your genital warts... constantly.

Yeah, and especially promote that you have (choose your VD) and you're looking for a partner that has it too so you don't have to worry about anything.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Tell them "It's not big, but it goes off quick"

[Bothra]

just sit down and say, "Hi, do you play text based RPG games?"

Allereli FTW.

At least if she says yes you've maybe managed to make your night interesting.

I also second staring down her shirt the whole time. Don't divert your eyes in order to avoid getting caught. Just stare, and enjoy it.

[thefarmer]

Ask her if her boobs are real.

Only do this for a very flat-chested woman.

[Augie]

Tell her that it's been a long time since you've been with a woman and ask her if she's into strap ons.

[Tisket]

I'm already dating someone, so I'm looking for suggestions on funny / scary shit to do during this thing.

Tell them you are married and just looking for a potential mistress.

[Tisket]

Tell them "It's not big, but it goes off quick"

Actually, this one will make most women run the other way. lmao. SHM wins.

I wonder what idiot it was that came up with the saying "size doesn't matter"...I'm pretty sure it wasn't a woman.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Tell them you are married and just looking for a potential mistress.

+1

Then proceed to interview them.

Request references.

[thefarmer]

Ask her if she's seen 2girls1cup.

Ask her if she'd like to star in her own sequel.

[Tisket]

Tell them you are Amish and ask if they know how to milk cows and shoe horses.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Tell them you're a member of the FLDS and are looking for a 16th wife before you move your family of 212 people to the YFZ Ranch in Texas.

[Tisket]

Offer them some Rohypnol.

[Drew]

When you are staring at her boobs, compliment her eyes while continuing to stare straight at them.

[Peanut Butter Jelly Time]

Say you have a friend who travels in your pants, that squeaks when he's touched. Then invite her to try to find him. If she doesn't play along immediately, DO NOT DROP IT. Continue to mention said friend, or hint at the friend. If need be, make it squeak yourself, just to prove you weren't lying.

[Skeeter]

go with this for an opening line.

WANTED: Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.

[Parkbandit]

So, I got roped into going to a speed dating event this weekend.

I'm already dating someone, so I'm looking for suggestions on funny / scary shit to do during this thing. All ideas that won't land me in jail for public indecency / obscenity are welcome.


Personally, I would take any suggestions Backlash and Stanley have for scary shit to do during a date.

Go with the experts.

[Drew]

Good point PB, hard to top experience. Although if I had to guess I imagine Backlash just gets girls really drunk and then takes advantage of them and Stanley just asks if they want to see his pet iguana while ingesting the mescaline he just stole.

[Sean]

Originally Posted by Tisket
Tell them you are Amish and ask if they know how to milk cows and shoe horses.

Asian amish?

[Gan]

1. Put on your robe and wizard's hat.

-or-

2. Set 2 pills on the table in front of her. One red, one blue...

[Latrinsorm]

Tell her you want to have babies like hamsters do. Feel free to bring the bloody cage for demonstration purposes (or as a hat).

[Gan]

Asian amish?

Ashmish?

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Hand over a bottle of lotion.

When she requests why you gave it to her/gives you a weird look, pointedly refuse to make eye contact and clearly say, "It puts the lotion on Its skin."

[Jorddyn]

2. Set 2 pills on the table in front of her. One red, one blue...

Or, continually pop pills while talking to her. Ok, so not real pills. Toss some tic tacs in a prescription bottle.

[Allereli]

Tell her you want to have babies like hamsters do. Feel free to bring the bloody cage for demonstration purposes (or as a hat).

I think just telling the hamster story would be good.

edit: especially the part about being lazy and letting the others die. MURDERER!

[Latrinsorm]

From the perspective of the surviving baby, and being sure to implicitly stress that you believe you're a hamster.

[Stanley Burrell]

kljhkyhj

[Tisket]

Asian amish?

Considering his goal, yes.

As a matter of fact, I think he should go dressed in character. And post pics.

[Methais]

So, I got roped into going to a speed dating event this weekend.

I'm already dating someone, so I'm looking for suggestions on funny / scary shit to do during this thing. All ideas that won't land me in jail for public indecency / obscenity are welcome.

Talk about Goatse. Profusely.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/imagedream/Funny/3402_image.jpg

[AestheticDeath]

Find some of the mission impossible glasses with a camera recording through them, and video tape all of it for us, so we can have a good laugh.

Or at least an audio tape recorder...

[Methais]

Show up naked. And/or masturbate profusely.

[Drew]

Memorize the lyrics to this song: http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/0-9/504boyz38/icantell1826.html

Sweetly serenade each young lady with them. If she sings back, you found a winner.

[Fission]

Ask if she believes in sex on the first date. No matter what she answers, you win.

[The Ponzzz]

Bring your laptop and just show them random pictures like tubgirl, lemonparty, goatse, 2girls1finger, BME olympics, bukkake, and zombie porn.

[Stretch]

Despite some misgivings, it went awesomely. Some of the shit that I ended up saying throughout the night:

"I spend most of my free time making music videos to put up on my MySpace page. I'm pretty confident my big break is coming."

"You know, I was nervous going into this thing, but then I remembered that I'm really good at getting things done in three minutes."

"What did I do last weekend? I was at Comic Con, dressed as Robin."

(to the girl that I told I was a resident in a pediatrics program at Hopkins)
"I'm supposed to be on call tonight, but whatever, I hate kids."

"It's not that I hate pets, they just seem to die a lot faster than they should around me."

Oddly enough, I ended up getting almost as many matches as the guy in my frisbee league who dragged me along.

[Stanley Burrell]

Despite some misgivings, it went awesomely. Some of the shit that I ended up saying throughout the night:

"I spend most of my free time making music videos to put up on my MySpace page. I'm pretty confident my big break is coming."

"You know, I was nervous going into this thing, but then I remembered that I'm really good at getting things done in three minutes."

"What did I do last weekend? I was at Comic Con, dressed as Robin."

(to the girl that I told I was a resident in a pediatrics program at Hopkins)
"I'm supposed to be on call tonight, but whatever, I hate kids."

"It's not that I hate pets, they just seem to die a lot faster than they should around me."

Oddly enough, I ended up getting almost as many matches as the guy in my frisbee league who dragged me along.

Good man. I'd've had to have at least two beers before getting that bold.