You know you're drunk when...

[Sean of the Thread]

Fill in the blank.

I'll go first.

You realize you're clicking on a gnat/bug crawling across your screen for five minutes for no reason other than no reason.


This thread has potential!


p.s. This bug clicking may or may not have just occurred before snapping out of it. (hypothetically)

[Methais]

You fall up some steps.

[Asha]

...you need to consume 4000 calories as fast as possible.

[Daniel]

You suddenly realize you're in another state with your pants off.

[Stretch]

You're on the floor and people are staring at you for some reason.

[Warriorbird]

When walking home four miles (in Louisiana) (at 4 AM) seems like a good plan!

[Daniel]

When the alleyway seems like a good place to sit down and think for a minute.

[Warriorbird]

Heh heh heh.

[NocturnalRob]

you explosively vomit all over the hood of a car and then calmly continue to eat your chalupa

[RichardCranium]

When this (http://forum.gsplayers.com/showthread.php?t=16220&highlight=wheelchair) happens to you.

[Daniel]

rofl /thread

[Asha]

HAHAAA Thread over.

[Tolwynn]

Well, there's also this. (http://forum.gsplayers.com/showthread.php?t=20897&page=5&highlight=Dessedemona+wheelchair)

Maybe another love connection for Sean2? :tumble:

[Sean of the Thread]

hahahah pwnt.

And I HEARRRRRRRRRRrrrrdddd that someone else had Dessedemona's back after her Disney wheels incident.

[RichardCranium]

When walking home four miles (in Louisiana) (at 4 AM) seems like a good plan!


I've done this, although I wasn't walking home. I walked about 7 miles shitfaced to a defensive driving class I had to take one Saturday morning. I got there like 2 hours before it started and just passed out on the steps until they got there.

[Daniel]

You Sir, are a true patriot.

[RichardCranium]

I had a severe case of "don't give a fuck" growing up.

[Daniel]

Whatever. I know the mentality. I hope and pray every day that I n ever see a day over 45.

[crazymage]

You're on the floor and people are staring at you for nibbling on your friends nipple.

fixed

[Methais]

I've done this, although I wasn't walking home. I walked about 7 miles shitfaced to a defensive driving class I had to take one Saturday morning. I got there like 2 hours before it started and just passed out on the steps until they got there.

This is one of the greatest things I've ever read.

[Sean of the Thread]

Whatever. I know the mentality. I hope and pray every day that I n ever see a day over 45.

Exactly. I don't want to be sitting in bed one day dying of nothing.

[The Ponzzz]

When you wake up in a car filled with vomit and no shirt on.

[The Ponzzz]

Oh yea...

When you wake up on the couch with no shirt on and your girlfriend is screaming at you due to puking all over her bed.

[NocturnalRob]

Oh yea...

When you wake up on the couch with no shirt on and your girlfriend is screaming at you due to puking all over her bed.

well, what the hell does she except? of course you're on the couch. there's vomit all over the bed

[BigWorm]

You start crying for no particular reason and start repeating the same nonsensical phrase over and over.

[BigWorm]

My girlfriend always thinks its a good idea to do me when I'm drunk. I mean seriously, I can barely perform when I'm sober. What the fuck did you think was going to happen at that point?

[BigWorm]

When you have to hold on to the floor because the room is spinning too much.

[Stanley Burrell]

When you wake up drunk. Two days in a row. I'm really not allowed to tell drunk stories as I've seen people put away bottles of 80 proof in one sitting. Those are the people who get to boast.

[Stanley Burrell]

When you have to hold on to the floor because the room is spinning too much.

Dancing green mice.

We win at life.

[Asha]

When you're listening to your favourite track at the time with your friends, for the 80th time and saying ''no no just listen to this bit!!''

[NocturnalRob]

When you're listening to your favourite track at the time with your friends, for the 80th time and saying ''no no just listen to this bit!!''

hahahahaha...i do that all the time: "No just listen to this part one more time!!"

"Dude...STFUUUUUUUUUU!"

[Methais]

hahahahaha...i do that all the time: "No just listen to this part one more time!!"

"Dude...STFUUUUUUUUUU!"

Who's that chick in your avatar, and where can I find her pr0ns?

[Methais]

When you swear you're never going to drink again. This is usually done while hugging the toilet and breathing heavily, in between vomit bursts.

[NocturnalRob]

Who's that chick in your avatar, and where can I find her pr0ns?

Francesca Lee

http://florchakh.com/2007/07/16/firefox-girl-the-riddle-has-been-solved.html

http://www.onemodelplace.com/member.cfm?ID=58976

http://www.francescalee.com/

http://www.modelmayhem.com/member.php?id=701824

[Stanley Burrell]

You end up having children and a GemStone subscription simultaneously?

[Martaigne]

When you swear you're never going to drink again. This is usually done while hugging the toilet and breathing heavily, in between vomit bursts.

Not always in between... sometimes it's like:

"I'm never going to driBLEEEAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHhhgain!"

[NocturnalRob]

you lean over to vomit into the toilet and you realize that you're sitting on the toilet with explosive diarrhea and you've just vomited all over your crotch.

[Methais]

Francesca Lee

http://florchakh.com/2007/07/16/firefox-girl-the-riddle-has-been-solved.html

http://www.onemodelplace.com/member.cfm?ID=58976

http://www.francescalee.com/

http://www.modelmayhem.com/member.php?id=701824

None of those links contain her doing pr0n :(

I did find the original pic of your avatar though:
http://florchakh.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/francesca-lee-white-boob-tube.jpg

/fap

[NocturnalRob]

None of those links contain her doing pr0n :(


yeah, sorry. i haven't been able to find any.

and yeah, she fap-tastic.

[Asha]

I thought the original pic was best when I saw it.
The one in your avatar looks wierd unless I cover her mouth and nose.

[NocturnalRob]

I thought the original pic was best when I saw it.
The one in your avatar looks wierd unless I cover her mouth and nose.

you're clearly gay. stfu.

[Asha]

:rofl:

[Sean of the Thread]

I thought the original pic was best when I saw it.
The one in your avatar looks wierd unless I cover her mouth and nose.

Her face is the same in both pictures... as it's the same exact picture with the clothing photoshopped.


Durr.

[NocturnalRob]

Her face is the same in both pictures... as it's the same exact picture with the clothing photoshopped.


Durr.

my comment stands. And stop looking at her face

[Tisket]

And stop looking at her face

Then you should have cropped your avatar from the neck down.

[Daniel]

When you swear you're never going to drink again. This is usually done while hugging the toilet and breathing heavily, in between vomit bursts.

When you'r ein between vomit bursts, hugging the toilet and breathing heavily and thinking to yourself "This fucking blows, but god knows I'm be right back here tomorrow".

[radamanthys]

When suddenly, old friends need to be called, messaged, or emailed.

Immediately.

[Sean]

When you decide to make spicy Indian soup after drinking bottle of tequila. It doesn't end well.

[BigWorm]

When suddenly, old friends need to be called, messaged, or emailed.

Immediately.

Doubly so for any exes.

I'm so sorry I cheated on you with your sister. Come over and get nekkid and I'll make it up to you.

[Asha]

Her face is the same in both pictures... as it's the same exact picture with the clothing photoshopped.


Durr.

Bullshit. One is darker and richer and the other pasty and fucking wrong!
PASTY AND WRONG!!

[radamanthys]

Doubly so for any exes.

I'm so sorry I cheated on you with your sister. Come over and get nekkid and I'll make it up to you.

So true...

It's worse when they're engaged.

[Asha]

..swinging your fist at someone who can easily end you.

[NocturnalRob]

So true...

It's worse when they're engaged.

it's even worse when they just got married.

"HEY, HOW WAS THE HONEYMOON!? COME OUT AND WEAR THAT DRESS I LIKE!"

really, rob? jesus...

[BigWorm]

you lean over to vomit into the toilet and you realize that you're sitting on the toilet with explosive diarrhea and you've just vomited all over your crotch.

Ah, the ole shit and puke at the same time dilemma. My solution to this is to continue shitting but to ralph into the bathtub. This is an option in both of the bathrooms at my place, but in some places you're just fucked.

[BigWorm]

When even your super desperate friend tells you not to go home with that chick but you choose to ignore him because that chick is easily a 10 when seen through your beer/Jaeger glasses.

After the My New Haircut party I went to a few months ago, I haven't drank Jaeger since and don't plan to any time soon. In an emergency situation, I might be able to take down a red headed slut, but even that would be pretty painful.

[NocturnalRob]

Ah, the ole shit and puke at the same time dilemma. My solution to this is to continue shitting but to ralph into the bathtub. This is an option in both of the bathrooms at my place, but in some places you're just fucked.

last time i tried to rock that option, i didn't realize the shower curtain was in the way. or maybe i did, but didn't keep in mind that i can't actually barf through a shower curtain. Needless to say, that curtain was disposed of.

[BigWorm]

you're a chick and you sleep with NocturnalRob

[NocturnalRob]

you're a dude and BigWorm's mouth is on your dick

fixed

[BigWorm]

you're a dude and BigWorm's dick is on your mouth

fixed

Yeah dude you were pretty wasted that night

[RichardCranium]

Yeah dude you were pretty wasted that night



...

[NocturnalRob]

Yeah dude you were pretty wasted that night

yeah, you tricked me good with that wig and makeup.

http://i18.tinypic.com/2vlpgzp.jpg

[Sean]

Originally Posted by BigWorm
After the My New Haircut party I went to a few months ago, I haven't drank Jaeger since and don't plan to any time soon. In an emergency situation, I might be able to take down a red headed slut, but even that would be pretty painful.

A simple You know you're drunk when... you goto a My New Haircut party would have sufficed.

[BigWorm]

fixed


A simple You know you're drunk when... you goto a My New Haircut party would have sufficed.

Not now chief, I'm in the zone.

[CrystalTears]

When lying down right in the middle of the dancefloor seems like a good idea.

[Sean]

Originally Posted by BigWorm
Not now chief, I'm in the zone.

This makes me laugh and cry.. much like Douchebag Beach.

[RichardCranium]

That reminds me of a guy I used to work with. This wasn't the brightest guy I've ever met. One day he was trying talk some shit and we're going back and forth and finally he tells me "Shut up before I put your dick in my mouth". We never let him forget it either.

This is the same guy that married a stripper and one day makes the comment "You couldn't handle my wife". So I ask him "Didn't she used to dance at the Gold Club?" He says yes so then I tell him "Well actually, I think I did handle her a few times". He didn't want to play anymore.

[BigWorm]

...you decide to take a nap on the bar

[RichardCranium]

...you decide to take a nap on the bar

Done that. Folded my arms up on top of the cash register and took the night off.

[wood1559]

A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!"

[Asha]

This makes me laugh and cry.. much like Douchebag Beach.

I've shown it to a few people and none of them thought it was even funny.
I cry laugh at the thing.

[Back]

...when you open another beer before you finish the one you are working on.

...when you think sleeping with that semi-cute chick from another department is a good idea after the Christmas party.

...when you have a permanent goofy grin and sleepy eyes on your face.

[Back]

Now for a “Don’t Be That Guy” story...

At one company Christmas party they hired an authentic belly-dancer. The owner of the company was Indian and the party was in the bottom floor restaurant of WTC 2. Fairly posh. Anyway, the belly-dancer is doing her thing, no one else is dancing because it’s a show, and here comes “Don’t Be That Guy” with a dollar bill in his mouth, drops to his knees in front of her and starts shimmying his shoulders. Yeah, he was a skinny white boy.

He seemed cool until then. After that I avoided him politely. I mean, it all kind of made everyone chuckle at first... then turn away and say, ew?

He was later arrested at work by the police for stealing a client’s CC. He purchased goods on said client’s CC, had them shipped to the client’s office and sent one of our drivers to go get it.

“Don’t Be That Guy”

[ViridianAsp]

When you call ME to give your drunk ass a ride home.

(My friends who do drink have done this)

[Sean of the Thread]

When you try to jerk off to a moldy bra with a stranger from the alps.

[Methais]

When you try to jerk off to a moldy bra with a stranger from the alps.

I do that when I'm sober.

[Asha]

..You take Ketamine

[Asha]

...when you open another beer before you finish the one you are working on.
.

LOL Exactly.
And when you wake up the next day and clean up, most of the beers are over quarter full.

OH and you listen to Zero 7 pretty much ALL NIGHT.

[Back]

..You take Ketamine

:rofl:

...when you think smoking cat-nip will get you high.

[Asha]

..When you smoke pot because sober you'd feel like shit.

[Apathy]

...you notice that the cigarette you've been smoking was lit backwards.

...you're too lazy to walk to the bathroom so just piss on the bar (under, whatever).

...you find Bill Engvall slightly funny.

[NocturnalRob]

:rofl:

...when you think smoking cat-nip will get you high.

It doesn't?

[Snapp]

When you go pee and realize you didn't just forget to zip up, you forgot to put your soldier away. :(

[Daniel]

When you go pee and you forgot to zip down

[Back]

...when you pissed somewhere other than your toilet. Which does not move, btw.

[Back]

When you go pee and realize you didn't just forget to zip up, you forgot to put your soldier away. :(

You are such a slut. If I tried that I’d get arrested.

[Apathy]

...you unzip to pee then realize thats your thumb hanging out of your zipper while you're pissing.

And of course, whenever tequila shots seem like a really really really REALLY good idea.

[LMingrone]

..when you sleep walk and dream your mother's SL500's front seat is a urinal.

..When you sleep walk and dream your girlfriend's little brother's Little Tykes house is a urinal. (Do I have a problem!?)

..when you tell drunken stories to strangers on a text mmorpg message board.

[Celephais]

One evening in college after a night of drinking, both me and my roommate got up around the same time, I went over to my computer... he went to his... then I turn around to see him lift up his keyboard; soaking wet he dumps it on the floor and says ... "I peed on my keyboard last night..."

The next year he went into his girlfriends dormroom and peed in her closet.

I woke up one night in a duct-tape prison, my friends had fully encased my lower bunk bed in duct tape... as well as taping me to the support bar on the top bunk through my belt-loop (I was able to easily escape that). I was mad because I made it to bed w/ my shoes off... and they put my shoes back on me (as per the rule).

Got into a raging fight w/ my roommate (snow day and we celebrated w/ crystal palace vodka, and then drunken sledding), and I ripped his posters off the wall, and locked him out of the room after screaming "Friend's don't punch friends in the head". The next morning when I woke a neigbhor feigned asking if he could "borrow a paperclip" when he knocked on my door, then said "oooh, what happened in here!?" when he saw the mess. ... He seriously thought borrowing a paperclip was a good ruse.

My sister woke up in a random dormitory on their couch, hearing the residents discussing asking who she was and if anyone knew her...

At a friend's apartment that no one really liked (he liked to change your background to goatse) we would put all our empty cans in his bathtub, and then when we had to piss everyone would just fill up the cans, so in the morning he thought he had a bathtub full of undrank, open beers... nope, they were all full of piss.

The bartender at the bar across the street from me walked me back to my apt after a night of 151 and LITs, to make sure I got into it okay, after he tried every key on my keychain I realized I told him the wrong apartment door... and then when I finally got into my apt, I threw a giant (MASSIVE) baked potato at him. (Yet he still comps my drinks all the time).

... that's enough for now.

[Daniel]

Some personal examples:

When fucking the fat bitch in her boyfriends bed after you ask him to leave seems like a good idea.

When going to sleep, on the front lawn, in the rain seems like the best thing you have going.

When you kick your friend in the face for trying to help you off the lawn because "he's stealing your shoes".

When you decide to walk through dupont circle (GAY CENTRAL in DC) distributing the Washington Blade (Serving the LGBT community since 1969) with a hard hat you stole from a construction site on.

When you cause the evacuation of an entire hotel.

When you get into an argument with the police over whether or not a keg constitutes an open container, on the las vegas strip.

When you wake up in the middle of Ohio.

When you wake up in Canada

When you end up sleeping in the hallway because you can't figure out your keys.

When you wake up with your head resting on the open glove compartment door.

When you wake up with your head on the gas pedal, because you think someone who hit your car is towing it, and you go back to sleep, relieved.

When you get banned from a fraternity at the University of Washington for excessive drinking.

When you decide to throw a hennessy bottle at a cop car as you drive by.

When you are ass naked in a club, on a stage, doing your hoochy mamma dance.

When you win said hoochy mama dance competition.

---

God I love my life.

[Back]

Dan wins. I can’t compete with that. Not even close.

[LMingrone]

When you end up sleeping in the hallway because you can't figure out your keys.


For some reason this reminded me of last night. I went out to cook some swordfish on the grill after massive tequila consumption and could not get the lid open. So of course I break out the tools. I tried to get the hinges off, tried to unscrew the frame...to no avail! So I finally gave up after 45 minutes, and drooled myself to sleep.

Today I wake up to take out the trash and realize I the grill was spun around. I was trying to open the wrong side. Moran.

[Snapp]

S
When you are ass naked in a club, on a stage, doing your hoochy mamma dance.

When you win said hoochy mama dance competition.



Pics or it didn't happen. :D

[Warriorbird]

I woke up after passing out on the steps of my college president's house. I had a scholarship from him. There were some people passed out beside me on the lawn... but I didn't freak or try to explain... I waved to the president and said, "Hi Vic!"

He looked totally flabbergasted and waved back. I didn't lose my scholarship.

[Daniel]

Oh snap! reminded me of another one!

When you are dancing and screaming at the top of your lungs on the top of the religious dormitory on the campus of an all african american female college (Spelman), which is like 100 feet away from the president's house.

When you wake up the next day and drive to jacksonville.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

When you decide it'd be great fun to jump on a trampoline after taking about ten types of vodka shots.

[Jahira]

When you know people are drawing on you and that you would really like to stop them, but for some reason can't open your eyes or get up enough energy to do anything about it

[Back]

When you decide it'd be great fun to jump on a trampoline after taking about ten types of vodka shots.

Whats wrong with that? Sounds fun to me.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Whats wrong with that? Sounds fun to me.

Oh it's really fun when you're doing it, but afterwards you have about five people all ralphing at once.

[TheEschaton]

When you find yourself walking down a dirt road in Africa and see flashing lights coming from a building, decide to check it out, find yourself in the middle of a private Afrikaaner party, and you and your British drinking buddy are challenging some apartheid asshole to a drinking competition and then fighting every guy in the bar in the name of SWAPO (the South West People's Organization). No worries, by the time that happened, "every guy" was like 4, and they were drunker than we were.

Oh, and when you wake up in your ex's bed is always a fabulous one.

Or, when you get so drunk you hang off the bars on the T (public transportation) and make gorilla noises at everyone, then rush into the local pizza place, grab someone's pizza, and start chucking it everywhere....and then crashing at a friend's place on an air mattress, only to puke all over yourself because when you try and get up, the air mattress fucking wins.

-TheE-

[RichardCranium]

When you wake up in the middle of the day on the stairwell of some apartments you've never been to before.

Two seperate occasions.

[TheEschaton]

God, I don't even count waking up in strange places any more.

When you wake up covered in blood.

When you wake up naked and can't figure out where even one piece of your clothing is.

When you wake up in your bathroom/tub is one from college, for me.

When you think trying to hitch a ride from random people is a good idea - it works better if you have girls with you. Some real super sketchy moments there.

When you think it's a good idea to tip the bouncer.

When you try and tell the cabby which way to go and end up even further lost.

[Apathy]

Ooh! Your own blood or someone else's?

[TheEschaton]

Someone else's.

Caveat: I should have qualified that I was both drunk and high. I was having sex with this girl, and we had been both snorting coke, and suddenly she was like, "fuck, I'm bleeding", she had a pretty bad nose bleed, but didn't stop us.

Of course, I didn't remember this at all, this was told to me by my friend who was having sex in the bed about 5 feet away when I inquired why I might be covered in blood.

[Daniel]

Yea...luckily I've never done shit like that.

[Paradii]

....you start hollowing out halves of pickles into mini shot glasses, filling them with cheap vodka, and eating the whole thing.

[Paradii]

or when you get kicked in the nuts by a chick in a crowded bar in a city you don't live in, thrown out of said bar, get picked up by the cops for crossing the street illegally because you were being thrown out of a bar, run from the cops, realize you lost your cellphone and are completely lost, fall asleep at a bus station bench, and get rudely awakened by a rent-a-cop at 4:30 am by a karate chop.


and then stumble for three miles until you arrive at the conference you were in town to attend 15 minutes ahead of schedule.

[Asha]

..When you stare at NocturnalRobs avatar for a fraction too long and seriously think about wanking.

[Skeeter]

When you wake up realizing you need to apologize for all the things you said to people the night before.

.... Then your friends tell you the really bad shit you said that you don't remember.

apparently I'm a raging asshole once I get Tucker Max drunk.

[Furrowfoot]

...when you decide that people drawing all over your face with bingo daubers is as amusing as they think it is.

...when (whatever type of music you don't normally like) sounds good.

[NocturnalRob]

..When you stare at NocturnalRobs avatar for a fraction too long and seriously think about wanking.

you don't have to be drunk to do that. just a heterosexual male.

[AnticorRifling]

You get home, manage to take out your contacts, see your blurred reflection in the mirror (you're drunk and near sighted) and think someone is in your bathroom. You then proceed to try and fight said person, take a swing, miss (again drunk and near sighted) fall over and then go to bed.

You wake up the next morning and get ready for work. Your boss calls and says you're not coming in today (he's the one that drove you home). You think good and lay down still dressed. Nevermind that being dressed for work that day you put on a sock, a shoe on the opposite foot, and a polo, no pants.

You wake up thinking "Well at least I didn't puke". Then you walk into the bathroom to find that you did, in fact, puke just not in the toliet. Dried vomit in the tub, sink, on the floor, mirror, ceiling, clothes hamper, etc.

[BigWorm]

When you shart in the shower the next morning.