Rapture Notification System

[Martaigne]

I signed up!


For $40 per year you can join a rapture notification system that will notify your heathen friends and family that Jesus has returned and taken you back to heaven with him and those punk sinners have a second chance:

We have set up a system to send documents by the email, to the addresses you provide, 6 days after the “Rapture” of the Church. This occurs when 3 of our 5 team members scattered around the U.S fail to log in over a 3 day period. Another 3 days are given to fail safe any false triggering of the system.

Wow. I know Christians are wacky, but come on. All that’s missing is the Timothy LaHaye endorsement, maybe a free copy of Left Behind when you sign up.

My favorite part is that the whole thing is triggered when their team members fail to log in. I can just see the rapture false alarms that will cause untold panic (and laughter). Or perhaps “This is a test of the emergency rapture system…”

http://www.youvebeenleftbehind.com/

Source: http://www.kevindhendricks.com/2008/06/05/rapture-notification-system/

Discuss.

[Clove]

How do they plan to collect/utilize the proceeds for the service, after they're gone? Or is the last year free?

[Clove]

Or perhaps “This is a test of the emergency rapture system…” "...had this been an actual rapture, you'd now be experiencing hell on Earth with all the other soulless freaks."

Do you think Obama will get a notification? Or is the Antichrist expected to know already?

[Martaigne]

I'm interested in the fact that by their numbers, only three of their five representatives are expected to be involved in the rapture, and two are apparently expected to linger in torment.

I'm also interested that their representatives are only in the United States.

Oh, and everyone in Colorado is going to hell for banning bibles.

[Methais]

http://ui31.gamespot.com/1854/wallpaperbioshock1280x800d.jpg

[Martaigne]

What, no rapture coming out of some guy's ass, Methais? WTF?

[Kalayil]

Do you think Obama will get a notification? Or is the Antichrist expected to know already?
Obama practices Islam, in addition to being the Antichrist. I don't know how either of those things gets their notifications anyway.

[CrystalTears]

Obama is Christian, FFS.

[Martaigne]

Pfft, he's obviously Islam, like his namesake, Obama bin Laden.

By the way, how could you let yourself get trolled like that, CT? :P

[Methais]

What, no rapture coming out of some guy's ass, Methais? WTF?

Sorry, no. But here's a Goatseshock consolation prize:
http://www.2kgames.com/cultofrapture/features/coverfinalists/10.jpg

[CrystalTears]

By the way, how could you let yourself get trolled like that, CT? :P:wtf2: are you talking about?

[RichardCranium]

I think the post you responded to was sans italics, CT.

[Clove]

http://www.cfiwest.org/info/Rapture.htm

I'll go 15 cents on the dollar.

[CrystalTears]

I think the post you responded to was sans italics, CT.
I don't assume forum n00bs know the rules so I figured they'd make that known somehow. :D

[BigWorm]

Obama practices Islam, in addition to being the Antichrist. I don't know how either of those things gets their notifications anyway.


Obama is Christian, FFS.

I like how you felt the need to correct the part about him being a Muslim but didn't bother to mention that he's also probably not the antichrist.

[CrystalTears]

Because him being the AntiChrist seems more possible than the Islam part. :D

[RichardCranium]

Because him being the AntiChrist seems more possible than the Islam part. :D

Well he does have not one, not two but THREE Islamic sounding names.

/italics

[Some Rogue]

WTF, everyone knows the Pope is the Antichrist.

[Methais]

WTF, everyone knows the Pope is the Antichrist.

I thought Andrastemeradan was the antichrist?

[Ashmoon]

I thought Andrastemeradan was the antichrist?

Not Tsin?

[Methais]

Not Tsin?

He's more like Walmart. But without the good prices.

[Stanley Burrell]

http://ui31.gamespot.com/1854/wallpaperbioshock1280x800d.jpg

Woah.

[Methais]

Woah.

Woah.
http://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g118/sarah1348/BillTed3.jpg

[Stanley Burrell]

LOL

I think I played Bioshock and didn't even realize that the designers might've been poking fun at the RL Rapture. I never really analyzed the plot. Like the Flood in Halo being a cosmic doppelganger of the biblical flood in something that would annihilate the entire human race; save one, Master Chief Noah.

I know Kung Fu.

[Back]

Religious nuts have no shame. Pimping God should be the eleventh commandment.