Am I stupid?

[Brat8525]

I have been in what I thought waS a realtionship, but now think its been more of a one way check valve. I do everything to make it work, to the point of bending so far backwards, that my feet are chasing my ass.

My partner, when I say anything comes back with I guess I can't give you what you want. Yet when I go to leave, this person swears they love me, and that they want me in their life forever.

At Christmas I spent alot on their family, yet I wasn't allowed to put my name on the items, so I had to buy double presents for alot of them. I made the entire dinner, consisting of a smoked turkey, a Honey Baked Ham <64.00 buck just for the ham> the stuffings, stuffed mushrooms sausage and creaM chees cresent rolls etc. The only person who said thanks was ole granny. My partner didn't even say thanks, or anything.

If I mention anything about hurt feelings, all I get is dont throw that in my face, if you didn't want to do it then don't do anything for me. I try and talk, and all I get is well your making me feel bad!!!!!! And being the kind of person I am, I feel horrible that I make them feel bad.

So am I supposed to bury how I feel, am I incredibly stupid? I love this person and want to make them happy, but am left feeling like I am an abusive persons wet dream!

[DaMaGe]

Yeah, you're gettin' played.

You have to look out for yourself first and foremost.


-Adam

[Ravenstorm]

Go with the feeling.

Seriously, if you are asking yourself if this is wrong for me, chances are good the answer is yes. You already know that. A relationship is between equals where both people compromise to make a happy middle for both. If that's what you want and what you're not getting, do you really need to ask others?

Raven

[Kitsun]

If your in a proper relationship, you should be able to take your partner aside and 'discuss' things that are troubling you. If your willing to bend over backwards but your partner won't give you an inch, then your definately in a bad spot. I'd try to seriously get on level with the partner and if it fails, I'd walk away and consider myself lucky. Love is a selfish thing, but it doesn't have to be goddamn deaf.

[Meos]

damn will you be my "partner" I would love you forever if you could whip up a dinner like that.

[Tendarian]

Id settle for the cream cheese crecent rolls,those sound incredibly delicious.

I agree with the others,drop that bone head and find someone more giving like yourself.

[Souzy]

He's taking you for a ride. You can be my sugar momma! I'll treat you better than him too. ;)

Edit because of my damn typo's

[Edited on 12-29-2003 by Lalana]

[Hulkein]

Why do you refer to this 'partner' in such a vague way? 'them,' 'this person,' 'they'?

Doesn't sound like much of a partner anyway if you can't even talk to 'them.'

[Edited on 12-29-2003 by Hulkein]

[Bobmuhthol]

<<Am I stupid?>>

Yes.

[Brat8525]

Well, the replies are all the same, and I know your all right. It's hard I guess to think you invest all your love and energy into someone who I guess just doesn't give a damn.

It's funny how everytime I go pack up, its I do love you, please don't leave yadada. I have always tried to give people the benefit of the doubtr, and normally blame myself when something goes wrong. I have never been in love until now, maybe that's the problem. I never thought anyone was worth my caring thAT much, guess I picked the wrong person.

I really want to hate them, but I can't, I guess my soft side just is too soft. But yes it's time to reclaim my spine, and walk

Thanks

[Souzy]

Don't be a sucker anymore and give him the boot. If he starts that crying crap, laugh in his face and walk away. Love is blind and you only hoped for something that was never there. So kick him to the curb.

[Bobmuhthol]

This thread has shattered a thirteen year buildup of dreams of love.

Thanks, you jerks.

I'll never love anyone because of you.

[AkMan]

Leave it to Bob to make smart ass comments in a serious thread about someones love life and personal problems.

Brat, from what you said it may be time to leave your relationship. As others have said, if you are even considering it, then well it's probably time.

[Parkbandit]

I agree.. you will never change him/her.. so don't stay in it thinking you will. Get out now while you still can.

[HarmNone]

If it were me, and I felt I had invested a great deal of myself in this relationship, I would sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with the ungrateful wretch.

I would insist on no interruptions while I explained my feelings, my wishes, and my intents. I would then give the other person a chance to express their feelings, wishes and intents. It would be made clear, up front, that if this discussion became a battle, it would be ended, as would the relationship.

Once that is done, and the results sorted out, you can better arrive at a decision as to what you need to do. Just remember, there is a huge difference between a lover and a slave. You wish to be the former, not the latter.

HarmNone

I go through this conversation with a female friend of mine damn near bi annually. I'll tell you what i tell her all the time. Ge tthe fuck over it and move on.

[Kurapira]

Originally posted by Brat8525
Well, the replies are all the same, and I know your all right. It's hard I guess to think you invest all your love and energy into someone who I guess just doesn't give a damn.

It's funny how everytime I go pack up, its I do love you, please don't leave yadada. I have always tried to give people the benefit of the doubtr, and normally blame myself when something goes wrong. I have never been in love until now, maybe that's the problem. I never thought anyone was worth my caring thAT much, guess I picked the wrong person.

I really want to hate them, but I can't, I guess my soft side just is too soft. But yes it's time to reclaim my spine, and walk

Thanks

What you have my dear is the need for co-dependency. This is not love. It is the urge to be accepted. So don't grab the first jackass (the one you have now) that walks by. Let them come to you. Entice the man a bit..slow down, breathe.

You don't need him. He sucks. You can see it in some aspect...because you are noticing how shitty he is treating you. Fuck 'em.

<<edited because I can....not spell! aldkfjaio>>

[Edited on 12-30-2003 by Kurapira]

[Czeska]

If he's begging you to stay, maybe it's time to wonder if it's for things like those yummy croissants.
Seriously though, for a shallow, selfish person to cry, express "love" and beg when they're threatened with losing someone who bends over backwards with little or no thanks for it? Not too much of a reach, is it.