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longshot
04-30-2008, 01:38 PM
Apologies if this has been posted before... I thought of this after reading the "It's me! Everygirl ever," story. This was a real exchange that happened on Craig's List.


Craigslist Meets WallStreet…Classic

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG’S LIST
--------------------------------------------

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.
I’m not from New York . I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810

------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE ANSWER

Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful”
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.
Classic “pump and dump.”

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 4th, 2007 at 9:32 AM and filed under Wallstripped, Wallstrip, WallStrip.com.
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NocturnalRob
04-30-2008, 01:51 PM
hahaha...yeah, i remember this from last year...made its way around the email chains in nyc. fucking hilarious. everyone claimed to know the guy who responded or have fucked the girl who wrote the first post. classic.

Jahira
04-30-2008, 02:18 PM
Very true. I love when simple economics can pwn people

Sean
04-30-2008, 02:20 PM
Originally Posted by NocturnalRob
hahaha...yeah, i remember this from last year...made its way around the email chains in nyc. fucking hilarious. everyone claimed to know the guy who responded or have fucked the girl who wrote the first post. classic.

Thats the one where the guy fucked up and forwarded it from his company email and his name never got removed?

Gan
04-30-2008, 02:54 PM
If that has any truth to actually happening - its gold.

NocturnalRob
04-30-2008, 03:11 PM
Thats the one where the guy fucked up and forwarded it from his company email and his name never got removed?

hahaha...no, that was a different one. I think I still have that one laying around. Gotta check my yahoo (who the fuck still uses yahoo mail?) and see if i can find it.

longshot
04-30-2008, 03:13 PM
The one about the birthday party is also great... the intern from London I believe.

NocturnalRob
04-30-2008, 03:25 PM
The one about the birthday party is also great... the intern from London I believe.

that one, i do have. it's not very funny though. just speaks to this girl as a complete control freak, having her friends arrive at staggered times and with a strict set of instructions on what to say, etc

Dear Friends,

Thank you for all your replies and I am glad all of you can come this Friday to celebrate my 21st with me. Please read ALL the following to ensure your entry into the Ritz.

Lucy's 21st Birthday Party at The Ritz Hotel London

Friday, 18th of August
9pm Champagne Reception
10pm Photo Shoots
10:30pm Blowing Candles

Mid-night Pangaea, Mayfair

I have arranged the Ritz to host a Champagne Reception with a selection of Ritz Champagne for all my guests, this will be on me so please come and indulge.

A specially made birthday cake has also been ordered and the Ritz waiters will kindly serve you each a generous slice with Ritz cutleries, etc...also on me.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR ENTRY:
* When you arrive, take the Hotel entry on the opposite side of the Green Park tube station [Please refer to your arrival time at the end of this email]
* When asked "how can I help you Sir/Madame?", you reply "I am here for Lucy's Birthday Party at the Rivoli Bar"
* You will be escorted to the lounge area next to the Rivoli bar, where you will hopefully see a gorgeous group of ladies.

If you experience any issues getting in or getting to the Ritz, please call my mobile on ????? ??? ??? and my PA Ms G??? will kindly deal with your queries between 8:30pm to 10pm.

STRICT DRESS CODE:
Gentlemen: Jacket, shirt, and please also bring a tie (no jeans, trainers, flip-flops, polo-shirts)
Ladies: skirt/top, cocktail dress (no denim, min-skirts, flip-flips, bad tastes)
Advice 1: It goes without saying that the more upper-class you dress, the less likely you shall be denied entry.
Advice 2: Photos will be taken between 10pm to 10:30pm, and these will be distributed once processed, therefore you may want to be well-groomed!

Finally...
I will be accepting cards and small gifts between 9pm to 11pm...<wink wink> hehehe

I very much look forward to seeing you all at the Ritz this Friday.

Lucy

ARRIVAL TIMES: [Please stick to these as best as you can, thank you]
9:00pm: Lucy, Sophie S., Kajai, Mandeep, Preet, Sanami, Su, Lisa, Kate.
9:15pm: Phoebe, Sophie Se., Theo, Dmitry, Ed, Nikolay, Paul, Nick, Harry.
9:30pm: Marco, Andrea, Jess, Ovi, Yuki, Olga, Kim, Marcelo, Ulyana, Krystal, Dan.
9:45pm: Sunita, Alan, JingJing, Emma.
10:00pm: Anthony, Rachel, Roger, Uli, Yogi, Gharzi

Lucy Gao
Citigroup | Real Estate Equity Research
Xth Floor, Citigroup Centre (CGC1)
25 Canada Square, London E14 5LB
Direct Line: +44 2?? ??? ????
Fax: +44 2?? ??? ????
Mobile: +44 7?? ??? ????

longshot
04-30-2008, 08:42 PM
I forgot... Lucy Gao. I love that one...

There's nothing, NOTHING, that can top the Aleksey Vayner video. If you're sending your resume to an i-bank, don't put the link to this video on it...

http://www.veoh.com/videos/e1336748NgyMqyG

IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING!

And the parody done by Michael Cera is fantastic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAV0sxwx9rY

"Impossible is the opposite of possible"

longshot
04-30-2008, 08:47 PM
I totally forgot this one too... oldie but a goodie.

CHUNG IS KING!!

-------------------

So I've been in Korea for about a week and a half now and what can I say, LIFE IS GOOD.... I've got a spanking brand new 2000 sq. foot 3 bedroom apt. with a 200 sq. foot terrace running the entire length of my apartment with a view overlooking Korea's main river and nightline......Why do I need 3 bedrooms? Good question,.... the main bedroom is for my queen size bed,...where CHUNG is going to fuck every hot chick in Korea over the next 2 years (5 down, 1,000,000,000 left to go).... the second bedroom is for my harem of chickies, and the third bedroom is for all of you fuckers when you come out to visit my ass in Korea. I go out to Korea's finest clubs, bars and lounges pretty much every other night on the weekdays and everyday on the weekends to (I think in about 2 months, after I learn a little bit of the buyside business I'll probably go out every night on the weekdays). I know I was a stud in NYC but I pretty much get about, on average, 5-8 phone numbers a night and at least 3 hot chicks that say that they want to go home with me every night I go out.

I love the buyside,.... I have bankers calling me everyday with opportunties and they pretty much cater to my every whim - you know (golfing events, lavish dinners, a night out clubbing). The guys I work with are also all chilll - I live in the same apt building as my VP and he drives me around in his Porsche (1 of 3 in all of Korea) to work and when we go out. What can I say,.... live is good,... CHUNG is KING of his domain here in Seoul.....

So,.... all of you fuckers better keep in touch and start making plans to come out and visit my ass ASAP, I'll show you guys an unbelievable time....My contact info is below.... Oh, by the way,... someone's gotta start fedexing me boxes of domes,...I brought out about 40 but I think I'll run out of them by Saturday.....

Laters,
CHUNG

Peter Chung
The Carlyle Group
Suite 1009, CCMM Bldg.
12, Yoido-dong, Youngdeungpo-ku
Seoul 150-010, Korea
Tel: (822) 2004-8412
Fax: (822) 2004-8440
email: pchung@thecarlylegroup.co.kr

Daniel
04-30-2008, 09:01 PM
Well, I'd hope someone working for the Carlyle group would be getting ass. If you're going to lose your soul, might as well get something out of it.

Gan
04-30-2008, 10:05 PM
I forgot... Lucy Gao. I love that one...

There's nothing, NOTHING, that can top the Aleksey Vayner video. If you're sending your resume to an i-bank, don't put the link to this video on it...

http://www.veoh.com/videos/e1336748NgyMqyG

IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING!

And the parody done by Michael Cera is fantastic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAV0sxwx9rY

"Impossible is the opposite of possible"

More on Aleksey
http://gawker.com/5002014/the-triumphant-return-of-aleksey-vayner

He's back!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impossible_is_Nothing_(video_r%C3%A9sum%C3%A9)

NocturnalRob
05-01-2008, 12:55 PM
More on Aleksey

http://www.yale.edu/rumpus/archives/pdf/rumpus_02may.pdf

pages 12-13 outline his shit from when he was a pre-frosh at yale. hysterical.