What is a friend to do?

[GSLeloo]

So... here's the situation. My best friend is, I admit, a bit nuts. She is annoying and hyper and can really get on your nerves... and in her liking a certain guy she has sort of stalked him (driving by his house, showing up at his work, text messaging him, etc). But the fact is she is harmless. The guy in question is dirty and an asshole and yet she likes him.

My friend isn't exactly beautiful and so this shallow asshole won't like her because of that. I know it but she refuses to see that. First he tells her he won't be her friend anymore. Then he revokes that and starts hinting that they will hook up. Then he tells her he won't hook up with her because she's ugly...

Already he's fucking with her and making her feel like no guy will ever want her. Today he texted her and he called her telling her that Monday and Tuesday in school he is going to embarass her horribly. She calls me nearly in tears and tells me she is afraid to go to school now.

And I do not know what to do. I told her he's trash and not worth getting upset over but I know she won't listen to that. So what do I do? I seriously don't know how to protect her. It's not like I can stop him in class because I'm not in that class with her so any advice? If not how to prevent it, how do we get revenge on the asshole?

[Lord Deprav]

Get out of the ghetto.

Deprav

[HarmNone]

I agree with Daina. At this point, there is nothing you can do except be there for her when she needs you. :(

HarmNone

[Weedmage Princess]

Does he have a car?

[Satira]

First of all, don't get revenge on him. That's just going to make this even longer and more drawn out than you want it to be. He may have just told her that to get her to back off, that's what I think.
She needs to stop talking to him, looking at him, messaging him, everything. Basically pretend he's dead and not there. Yes I know this is cliche in the sense of ignore it and it will go away. But I don't think she should be a shrinking flower either. Just act like she's better than he is, and fuck him.
Lets say he does decide to do something... She's going to have to deal with it, because there's really nothing she can do. Except skip school for one day, and hope he forgets about it. It would be better just to go and face it though, and if he does do something act like he's totally ridiculous for even trying anything with her.
From the sound of it though, he won't do anything. He only told her that to upset her and get her to stop obsessing over him. I hated school.

[GSLeloo]

The problem is I know her. I know she is not only depressed but has the potential to be suicidal. This kid she has convinced herself that she loves him and if he does this to her I'm scared she will try to kill herself.

[Skirmisher]

Thats when you have to seriously think a little bit and stop worrying about her being mad at you and talk to her parents if you are really that concerned.

A real friend will take the risk of having her feel betrayed and alive rather than keeping her all secure in the privacy you two have till she is prematurely dead by her own hand.

#1 reason i've never had a long relationship: Girls are fucking annoying. God, i'd shoot myself i had to go through all that high school crap again.

[HarmNone]

Yep. If her parents are caring parents, please go to them and let them know you feel their daughter is at risk. I am a parent, as are others here, and I know how much it would mean to me to have someone alert me to a possible danger to my child. :)

HarmNone

[Edaarin]

Heh. I've been looking for something long term for two years. Almost found it, only to reconfirm my assertion that women are completely, utterly insane.

[GSLeloo]

i don't know what her parents would do if I told them. I know she told me they once threatened to send her away because she was misbehaving...

[HarmNone]

Whatever they might do, Leloo, it beats the hell out of finding her dead, eh? :(

HarmNone

[Vesi]

Originally posted by RangerD1
#1 reason i've never had a long relationship: Girls are fucking annoying. God, i'd shoot myself i had to go through all that high school crap again.


Originally posted by Edaarin
Heh. I've been looking for something long term for two years. Almost found it, only to reconfirm my assertion that women are completely, utterly insane.

Well, you men ain't no bed of roses. <grins>


Seriously, if you think she is going to hurt herself, then you need to alert her parents. This is out of your control to deal with. Your friend might get upset with you... but upset is better than dead. She'll thank you later.

Hang in there and just be there for her. (you sound like you will anyway)

Vesi

[Tsa`ah]

It's been said already, contact the parents. From there, providing the parents seem uncaring, contact social services.

Daina really hit the nail on the head. Outside of informing the parents, there is nothing you can do but be there when your friend needs you.

One thing you may want to do, and not want tohear, is look at yourself. Your plea is that of a classic co-dependent. If you don't believe me, attend an ALANON meeting. Do some introspective; talk to a professional if need be, but do it before you start diving into abusive relationships with addicts.

You can't change people and you certainly can't help people that don't want help.

[Edited on 12-21-2003 by Tsa`ah]

[i remember halloween]

i dunno. i remember this type of thing in HS. it was common. i highly doubt she will commit suicide. if you are good friends with her you should know how serious she is about suicide. chances are you'd know for sure if it was a good possibility, you wouldn't just suspect that it might be. this is part of growing up though. she doesn't sound like the sharpest tool in the shed, but this will be a learning experience. hopefully she will be able to recognize it as that after not too long.

[JustMe]

Originally posted by Edaarin
Heh. I've been looking for something long term for two years. Almost found it, only to reconfirm my assertion that women are completely, utterly insane.

Stop looking for it. When it comes, it will come. If you look for it, you'll just find yourself in all the wrong situations.

To Leloo: Everything has been said. Suicide isn't something to joke about, if you think she would actually do it, she just might. Help her in any way possible, even if it means she'll be pissed off at you for awhile. She'll thank you later.

[Caramia]

I'd say the boy is doing it for one of two reasons, or perhaps both -- to get back at her for "stalking" him, and just to be mean. Young boys often do that kind of thing because to them it's an easy solution. They aren't mature enough yet to realize that people have feelings and you don't just say and do bad things to others because you can.

When you're a "pest" to someone, sometimes they think if they're mean and ugly to you that you'll go away. That somehow it will end the other person's obsession with them.

Your friend needs to know that people worth loving and caring about don't act like this. And thinking you are in love with someone who doesn't return the love, or the respect, and treats you abusively is not healthy.

I'd second chatting with the parents and risking her getting mad. I also hope the parents send her to therapy, because someone who is suicidal needs help.

I wouldn't skip school, then he'll think he won, but I would encourage her to always be in the company of someone else, so she won't feel alone -- and brave out the situation. If she just brushes off what he has to say or laughs it off, few will make a issue of it.

[Edited on 12-22-2003 by Caramia]

Originally posted by Weedmage Princess
Does he have a car?

Fuck with the man Never fuck with a man's car.... and you wonder why im mean to you pppffffft


leloo tell her to grow up a guy is not the end of the world

[Weedmage Princess]

Heh. What kind of car do you drive, Edine? I am on my way to Chicago ;)

I think you got a lot of good advice already Leloo. I just want to echo what everyone else said about telling her parents or someone if she's honestly capable about killing herself.

I remember when ::sits in her rocking chair and wraps her shawl around her tightly:: I was about 13 years old. I was in LOVE with this boy named Mark. I mean I had it BAD for this kid. Well, I was also pretty overweight as an adolescent...something to the tune of 5'2-5'3, 155 pounds..heh. :o ..so when someone told him how I felt despite their saying they wouldn't... :flamed: Well needless to say the feeling wasn't mutual. (I believe his response was "Eww, she's fat!" haha) and I cried about it for a good hour or so. Then I looked in the mirror and said, "I'm crying..OVER A BOY?!?!?!" I started to get over it...and about a week later, I had a new object of affection.

You see there's ALWAYS going to be someone else. It might take a little while, but there's WAY too many guys out there to get too hung up over someone who doesn't feel the same as you. To not move on, is to cheat yourself. Tell your friend. Besides what goes around, comes around lots of time and to use a quote yet again that's been used many times recently, "karma is a bitch." One of my finest moments as a teenager was when I bumped into Marky at age 17...the weight is all off and I'm looking good now ;) He didn't remember me but I remembered him...and reminded him. After all that he STILL had the nerve to try and hook up...it felt nice to be evil to him. :thumbsup:

**edited to add that I DONT really have a rocking chair NOR do I have a shawl cause I know I set myself up for that ::glares at Edaarin, Wezas, Edine, Tijay and Michiko::

[Edited on 12-22-2003 by Weedmage Princess]

[Myshel]

My son had a girl in HS stalk him for awhile. He never knew she exsisted until one day she wrote him a note and in it listed what he wore to school everyday since the beginning of the term, down to his boxers (you know how you guys like to wear those baggy jeans). Kind of freaked him out, she wasn't very attractive and he wasn't interested in her romanticly. Once she made her affection known to him, he noticed her following him, driving by the house, ect. ect. It really creeped him out, because he was upfront with her telling her he wasn't interested. I have to say my son handled it very well, he didn't tell his friends because he knew they would redicule her, he always said hi and she continued to send him notes about his attire. Which he found funny. It was oddly flattering to him but at the same time made him uncomfortable.

Well Weedie I drive a Acura,

And as we can now all see Weedie is a old hag who wears a shawl and sits in a rocking chair... she is also was a tramp who had a new guy every week.
::snickers to himself::

[Moist Happenings]

This one time, this girl had this other girl talk to me because she wanted to go date some guy with big ears instead. Anyway this other girl was psychotic, but she seemed nice and it just looked like maybe she had emotional problems or something. So in conclusion, i'm going to talk to this girl and cheer her up. So never fear!

And of course this has nothing to do with YOUR situation.

You owe me checkers, wench.

[Latrinsorm]

Did anyone understand what Neff said? Pronoun trouble. Makes for some fun Looney Tunes, but here it's just confusing. She? Which other girl? The girl who talked to you was psychotic? WTF??

To be topical: talk to her, Leloo. As much as possible. Talk talk talk talk talk. Make absolutely sure she won't go through with it. Sleep over her house if necessary.

[Moist Happenings]

Yes. she was psychotic. then they went and told me that some people did some stuff. then this one time I went and she made it known that she wasn't psychotic anymore but then they went and proved themselves wrong by hitting things with hammers.

In conclusion, Canada is a land of contrasts.

post conclusion: Danny was a good girl but some guy made her go nuts because she is broken. I will fix her.

[Souzy]

Why the Hell was she texing, calling, or even visiting him at work? Yes, that is insane Leloo. Tell her to step back and look at what she's doing to herself and allowing him to do to her. Plus, I'm assuming she goes to high school with you too? Golly, she is too young to even make it seem like it's the end of the world for her, and over one boy. Boys will come and go. I don't care how unattractive you are, you will meet someone. Tell her to lose his number (if she hasn't memorized it yet), stop going to his damn job and stop texting him. She looks like a freakin' psycho doing all that. If she's going to make one call to him, make sure she tells him to fuck off and shove his ego up his ass. She's boosting up his ego by sweatin' him this much. Sorry to say Leloo, but tell her to get off his nuts. Be a friend and state the truth to her, that's what friends are for, I would. Ask her if she realizes how she looks in your eyes. Life is too short to go insane over one boy in high school or ever! Oh and if he talks shit in school, tell everyone that only bitches run their mouths and he's only mad because she told him to fuck off.

[Edited on 12-22-2003 by Lalana]

[Moist Happenings]

Though I have limited knowledge of the situation, i'd say that with this girl "backing off" may not be something possible Lalana. Leloo had her talk to me once online and then apparently she's been freaking out over me since then, talking about me and stuff. But apparently i'm some top secret programmer for the pentagon, which is cool.

Note: I told her PENNINGTON, not pentagon. :P

Anyway, I dunno how exactly to help the situation. She's a really scary girl.

[Souzy]

LOL Neff! Your such a dingleberry. Leloo's girl is insane. She should tell her to stop now, before matters get worse. If he talks crap in school, it'll prolly be the truth. So she should get the hint and get a clue. Get off his nuts.

[Scott]

<<<**edited to add that I DONT really have a rocking chair NOR do I have a shawl cause I know I set myself up for that ::glares at Edaarin, Wezas, Edine, Tijay and Michiko::>>>

I started that old shit and I'm ommited? :(

[Moist Happenings]

No way. She should do everything he wants because if she does everything he wants then maybe he'll like her and then they'll get married and have kids and be happy for ever and ever and ever.

Girls are stupid.

[Souzy]

Oh Lord, that is all.

Guys are supreme assholes.

[Moist Happenings]

no YOU shut up!!

[Souzy]

I'll stalk you.

[Moist Happenings]

No way. Apparently i'm guarded by the Army. There's no way you could break into the pentagon

[GSLeloo]

I yelled at her today.. I told her that yes the guy is slime and an asshole but she allows him to do it because no matter what she will go and talk to him again. She put her head on the desk and pretended to be asleep. Oh well. My parents said it pretty well... I can help her all I want but somehow she will eventually turn around and screw me over.

[Souzy]

Originally posted by GSLeloo
I yelled at her today.. I told her that yes the guy is slime and an asshole but she allows him to do it because no matter what she will go and talk to him again. She put her head on the desk and pretended to be asleep. Oh well. My parents said it pretty well... I can help her all I want but somehow she will eventually turn around and screw me over.

Well, your parents are right. You can state your opinions to your friends and give them advice. But, it's up to them to want to listen to it. If she wants to make an ass of herself, let her do it. She will eventually realize that she's making a total fool of herself. Instead of listening to a person that actually cares for her, she's choosing a boy that doesn't give two shits about her over you. So hey, at the end she's going to want to come cry or whine to someone about it. You can either tell her "I told you so" or you can be there to hear her whine about "Why are all boys assholes?". I would tell her "I told you so". She needs to hear it from someone, if not you then someone else. Sorry again Leloo, but your girl is an idiot and obviously the type that will let guys shit all over her.

[GSLeloo]

Oh I know she's an idiot. I just feel like I'm obligated to help her for some reason. I don't really want to see her hurt but I do know she wouldn't life a finger to help me if our places were switched.

[Ravenstorm]

And despite this, you call her your best friend?

I'd forget about her problems and concentrate more on your own.

Raven

[Souzy]

Hmmm I agree with Ravenstorm. She wouldn't do shit for you, but you would go out of your way to help her. Actually to just help her period. I would definitely just worry about yourself and not her stupid ass. She prolly wants and makes people pity her, so you can be there for her. Ditch the girl and worry about yourself. Let her make a fool out her own damn self. You tried, she pretended like she didn't hear you, so forget it. You have more patience than I do. I would've stood up, yelled in her ear to open up her eyes and realize that she is a complete moron for doing all that.

[Weedmage Princess]

Guys suck. That's what it boils down to.

Oh and Sintik the reason you were omitted is because the life expectancy rate for human males is 75 I believe, so I figured your antique crusty ass kicked the bucket already

[Edited on 12-22-2003 by Weedmage Princess]