Marriage and Myspace

[Ambrosia]

I have a question for anyone out there who is either married or in a serious relationship...

My husband and I both have myspace's. He's unhappy with the fact that I have a new one (I deleted my old one about a year ago.) The only people on it are my best friends and my sisters, who all live across the country.
Well, I've caught him getting on the Myspace IM/Chat room and BSing with random chicks, now they are starting to show up as his friends on his profile. He doesn't come to bed until 4 or so in the morning.

Anyway, him and I got into a heated argument about him and these random chicks, and as to why he feels like talking to them. I've seen his IM logs and I still haven't figured it out, the conversations are stupid to say the least. Now a few girls are showing up on his profile.

Do I have the right to be mad at him for this or should I just blow it off?

[CrystalTears]

First, why would he be unhappy that you have a new one if he's using Myspace too? If he's using it a lot, he really has no room to be upset with how you use it.

Second, I'd have issues with him getting to bed at 4am, and it really wouldn't matter if he were looking at porn, talking on the phone with a friend, or getting chipfaced in the kitchen. Those are expectations that need to be addressed, and it really shouldn't matter what the activity is.

I have a problem with people who spy on their spouse's IM logs. There's already a trust issue being breached here. You didn't even find anything really incriminating. So what is the real issue here? That he's coming to bed late and neglecting you, or that he's talking to some random people?

Honestly talking to people is something you and him have to talk about, and shouldn't really worry about IMO. Not all relationships are the same, obviously, so you need to state what you feel comfortable with and for what reason, and vice versa. There seems to be a communication issue on both sides with you two, so you need to hash that out.

I personally don't care about any of that up until the moment that I get neglected and get put to the backburner. Again, doesn't really matter what he's doing that's causing it, it would get nipped in the bud either way.

[Gan]

First, why would he be unhappy that you have a new one if he's using Myspace too? If he's using it a lot, he really has no room to be upset with how you use it.

Second, I'd have issues with him getting to bed at 4am, and it really wouldn't matter if he were looking at porn, talking on the phone with a friend, or getting chipfaced in the kitchen. Those are expectations that need to be addressed, and it really shouldn't matter what the activity is.

I have a problem with people who spy on their spouse's IM logs. There's already a trust issue being breached here. You didn't even find anything really incriminating. So what is the real issue here? That he's coming to bed late and neglecting you, or that he's talking to some random people?

Honestly talking to people is something you and him have to talk about, and shouldn't really worry about IMO. Not all relationships are the same, obviously, so you need to state what you feel comfortable with and for what reason, and vice versa. There seems to be a communication issue on both sides with you two, so you need to hash that out.

I personally don't care about any of that up until the moment that I get neglected and get put to the backburner. Again, doesn't really matter what he's doing that's causing it, it would get nipped in the bud either way.

^^^
Good advice.

-From a married person.

[RichardCranium]

My wife and I combined our profiles into a new one. Haven't had a problem yet.

[Some Rogue]

My wife and I combined our profiles into a new one. Haven't had a problem yet.


Except for her secret one..

[Ambrosia]

First, why would he be unhappy that you have a new one if he's using Myspace too? If he's using it a lot, he really has no room to be upset with how you use it.

Second, I'd have issues with him getting to bed at 4am, and it really wouldn't matter if he were looking at porn, talking on the phone with a friend, or getting chipfaced in the kitchen. Those are expectations that need to be addressed, and it really shouldn't matter what the activity is.

We talked about it, however, he doesn't seem to care. I work a normal 8-5 job so I don't stay up late, he takes care of the little ones during the day, so on top of him being on all night, he's on all day too.



I have a problem with people who spy on their spouse's IM logs. There's already a trust issue being breached here. You didn't even find anything really incriminating. So what is the real issue here? That he's coming to bed late and neglecting you, or that he's talking to some random people?

Honestly talking to people is something you and him have to talk about, and shouldn't really worry about IMO. Not all relationships are the same, obviously, so you need to state what you feel comfortable with and for what reason, and vice versa. There seems to be a communication issue on both sides with you two, so you need to hash that out.

I looked at his logs after I was erasing pictures and found some very raunchy photos. I'm more angry at the fact that he stays on Myspace damn near all day and all night talking to random young girls. (18-20 and live in our area) We are 26.

I've been trying to take the time to figure out why it even bothers me to see if it's something I can deal with on my own, but I think what I am most pissed about is that he doesn't hold himself to the same standards as he holds me. If I talked to a random guy, it would be an all out war... he would be accusing me of cheating on him... etc. *shrug*

[CrystalTears]

I looked at his logs after I was erasing pictures and found some very raunchy photos. I'm more angry at the fact that he stays on Myspace damn near all day and all night talking to random young girls. (18-20 and live in our area) We are 26.
At least they're of legal age? :D j/k


I've been trying to take the time to figure out why it even bothers me to see if it's something I can deal with on my own, but I think what I am most pissed about is that he doesn't hold himself to the same standards as he holds me. If I talked to a random guy, it would be an all out war... he would be accusing me of cheating on him... etc. *shrug*
And that's what needs to be addressed. He's created a double standard which is unfair. The problem is that he may say that, well, you're not interested in being on Myspace as often as he does, so he'll feel like he's being treated unfairly as well. At that point you state that you don't mind him using Myspace, but there needs to be some compromise and moderation in his use.

Perhaps you should stress to him how the time you're home is when you wish to share time together, and that he should utilize his computer time to his advantage that won't compromise his time with you. If he puts up a fuss about having to make a sacrifice for you for some random people out there, then this is a deeper issue.

Of course you'll have to give him reason to get off the computer earlier once in a while. Wink wink, nudge nudge, know what I mean, say no more. :D

[thefarmer]

You have larger issues than Myspace.

-Also from a married person.

[Asha]

It's good to have other contacts other that just your partner. So making new friends and keeping in touch with old ones on myspace is a great idea.
I see how it looks to you though.
Remind him that you still like to fall asleep with with him near you, even make it worth it while :) lol
Try to reach an equilibrium where you are happy and he is happy too, that he still has time to himself / outside interests.
Don't spy on his conversations. Just ask outright what you have on your mind.
That way you can create solutions to what's actually becoming a concern rather than something you are formulating in your head.

[Gan]

At least they're of legal age? :D j/k
I wouldnt rely on Myspace for a legal accurate representation of age. Or anything else on the internet for that matter.


You have larger issues than Myspace.

-Also from a married person.

Truer words hath not been spoken.

En PC veritas.

[Celephais]

Blowjobs.

[Asha]

exactly my point

[CrystalTears]

I wouldnt rely on Myspace for a legal accurate representation of age. Or anything else on the internet for that matter.
Dude, it was a joke. Your lack of sense of humor lately is sickening! Stop it! With me of all people. Fucking hell. :tongue:

[Bobmuhthol]

<<I've seen his IM logs>>

This is one of the lowest things imaginable. I've done a lot of elaborate and hilarious stuff to manipulate logs before to fuck with the person reading them, simply because it shouldn't be done.

[AnticorRifling]

You have larger issues than Myspace.

-Also from a married person.

This.

[Gan]

Dude, it was a joke. Your lack of sense of humor lately is sickening! Stop it! With me of all people. Fucking hell. :tongue:

I blame it on too much work. :(

[Ambrosia]

<<I've seen his IM logs>>

This is one of the lowest things imaginable. I've done a lot of elaborate and hilarious stuff to manipulate logs before to fuck with the person reading them, simply because it shouldn't be done.

That would be great if he actually knew how to even find an IM log, much less manipulate it. I'm the computer geek... he knows just enough to be dangerous.

Anyway, for all those 'winkwinknudgenudge' answers.... we've never lacked in that area.

[Gan]

Anyway, for all those 'winkwinknudgenudge' answers.... we've never lacked in that area.

Then why is he staying up until 4am with young chicks on myspace?

The evidence does not support your claim, ma'am.

[Alfster]

This thread is full of fun-e

[diethx]

I'm not married, but I know if I caught my fiance not only chatting with young girls in our town until 4am, but receiving raunchy pictures of them, that would be a big problem. There's a huge difference between watching porn and getting porn from/of local girls you talk with until the wee hours of the morning (and no, I don't believe anyone said there wasn't before someone gets all UPPITY). Cuz shit, if it's gone that far, how do you know what goes on when you're at work and he's home all day?

I'd be putting an end to that really fast, and i'd recommend you do something similar :/

[Crazy Bard]

Why are you 26, with a myspace.

[AnticorRifling]

26 is the new 23.

[Clove]

At least they're of legal age? :D j/k


And that's what needs to be addressed. He's created a double standard which is unfair... etcExcellent advice...
You have larger issues than Myspace.

-Also from a married person.True enough...
<<I've seen his IM logs>>

This is one of the lowest things imaginable. I've done a lot of elaborate and hilarious stuff to manipulate logs before to fuck with the person reading them, simply because it shouldn't be done.STFU she didn't ask you...

I'm not married...See above...

--

CT has pretty on-target advice with this kind of thing. Maybe she should start a column. I also agree with the Farmer, there are deeper issues to explore than MySpace use.

~signed, Clove the married person.

[Skeeter]

Sounds like you are both horribly insecure. Good luck with that.

~Also a married person.

[CrystalTears]

CT has pretty on-target advice with this kind of thing. Maybe she should start a column.
Are you kidding me? I'm a little too open-minded for some women. They'd go ballistic if they knew how little these things bother me.

[Clove]

Sounds like you are both horribly insecure. Good luck with that.

~Also a married person.I don't think that's exactly fair. I think I'd be annoyed enough to confront the issue if my wife was at home all day- and then online until 4AM at night. When exactly are they supposed to be a couple together?
Are you kidding me? I'm a little too open-minded for some women. They'd go ballistic if they knew how little these things bother me.Eh, doesn't mean they might not need to hear the CT Perspective.

[Allereli]

This is no help whatsoever, but I'm reminded of that scene in Little Children (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0404203/) with the panties...

Sounds like some real counseling is needed

[DCSL]

I would not, personally, judge myself by anyone else's standards of normalcy and security. Like CT's mentality illustrates, we are all often very different people. We all have different places we draw the line. I don't care when my boyfriend goes to Hooters (the racks there aren't that great anyway) or judges best breast contests at his shows, but if some other girl, or anything else for that matter, were to get in the way of our personal time, I'd be royal pissed. Or if he broke a promise to me in favor of something else, it had better be important. I take promises of any kind very seriously. Better not to promise at all than break it.

The key for me has been that if there're issues, you need to have them out as soon as possible. That shit festers something fierce. You say you've talked to your husband about it but he won't admit that there's a problem, let alone try any sort of compromise? That's a HUGE problem and one I can't believe hasn't come up in your relationship before. What've you done about it in the past?

Actually, I think you're more secure than everyone else seems to think you are, because you're actually thinking about the problem and not just reacting to it. Being willing to listen to distanced, relatively objective points of view is a good, important step.

[Methais]

Here's what you do:

1. Go to bed.
2. Set alarm for 2am.
3. Sneak in the computer room and see if he's wanking it to local barely legal (but probably really underage) sluts. If he is, stand quietly in the back until he's about to blow his load. Then burst into uncontrollable laughter and ruin his mojo. Then do whatever you feel is necessary next...violence, foot up ass, etc.



OR. . .

Pretend you want to have a threesome and ask if he knows anyone off the top of his head that's willing to participate. If/when he's like "Yeah there's this chick from myspace...", act like you're excited about it and get him to tell you more about her, and if he's really stupid he'll spill the beans without even knowing it.

Then tell him you were talking about you and 2 guys, not him and 2 girls. Then get on your myspace and search random local guys' profiles as if you're looking for another cock for your big night and see how he reacts.

Or if you really want to go the extra mile, take remote control of his computer if you're able to while he's wanking it and make things like lemonparty and meatspin show up on his screen and then walk in and ask him why he's beating off to gay porn.

[Asha]

just create another Myspace slut to test him with.

[Miss Ismurii]

just create another Myspace slut to test him with.

I like this one.

[Stretch]

We talked about it, however, he doesn't seem to care. I work a normal 8-5 job so I don't stay up late, he takes care of the little ones during the day, so on top of him being on all night, he's on all day too.


Sounds like quite a catch.

I know if I was a young nubile woman I'd be all over unemployed MySpace addicts.

[Bobmuhthol]

<<That would be great if he actually knew how to even find an IM log, much less manipulate it. I'm the computer geek... he knows just enough to be dangerous.>>

The issue isn't "I think he's making everything up," it was more, "I think you're fucking retarded to do what you did because of how invasive it is." You don't deserve a relationship the second you pull something like that.

<<just create another Myspace slut to test him with.>>

Again, this isn't an effective way to deal with anything. You can be damn sure that whoever does this (Ambrosia in this case) has nowhere near the necessary objectivity to not be biased and immediately jump to a conclusion about something that isn't abnormal behavior (btw, what's the proper etiquette for responding to a girl on the internet who is trying to sleep with you?). Baiting someone into doing something you don't want them to do is the least convincing way to show that they're prone to doing it.

Summary: If you want to end your marriage, go ahead and continue reading IM logs and creating fake myspace accounts, since that's all you'll accomplish. However, you can just skip these steps and go straight to the divorce. If you care at all about your marriage, you won't do either of these things (anymore).

[Methais]

Bob will you be my girlfriend?

[Bobmuhthol]

Fuck yes.

[Asha]

Bob will you be my girlfriend?


Fuck yes.

The PC.

A place for relationships.

[Warriorbird]

I'd be more mad that he was doing it on Myspace. How gauche!

The other issues here should be pretty obvious.

[Skeeter]

Doesn't sound like she has much of a relationship in the first place.

[diethx]

See above...

Uhhhhhh....


I have a question for anyone out there who is either married or in a serious relationship...


I'm not married, but I know if I caught my fiance

Engagement qualifies as a serious relationship. L2read, srsly.

[Tisket]

Not a single Wezas joke in this thread. Wow.

Ambrosia, you might want to consider changing your avatar.

[Clove]

Uhhhhhh....





Engagement qualifies as a serious relationship. L2read, srsly.Blah, blah, blah... every woman over 25 has "a fiance".

[Ambrosia]

Why are you 26, with a myspace.

Because my best friends from high school and my sisters who live over 1,000 miles away communicate through myspace.

We don't always have time to make phone calls, and it's easy to send/post pictures of the family.


just create another Myspace slut to test him with.

Out of the many things I would do.... I wouldn't go that far.


Sounds like quite a catch.

I know if I was a young nubile woman I'd be all over unemployed MySpace addicts.

You have no idea how much this has been on my mind even before you mentioned it.



Summary: If you want to end your marriage, go ahead and continue reading IM logs and creating fake myspace accounts, since that's all you'll accomplish. However, you can just skip these steps and go straight to the divorce. If you care at all about your marriage, you won't do either of these things (anymore).

I never said I was going to end it, I more or less wanted to know if I was stupid for feeling like he's crossing the line staying up until 4 and 5 am chatting or if I was overreacting.

To be fair to him, I think it's fked up what he's doing, and it pisses me off... but I'm not going to end a relationship when there is no proof that he is/was/has cheated. However, I'm not going to stand around and do nothing IF he screws me over either. I really just wanted someone else's take on the whole situation and my sisters and friends already don't like him, so it would be biased coming from them.

[AnticorRifling]

Point him to this thread, I'm sure he'll appreciate you getting opinions on your personal life from e-strangers.

[Clove]

... but I'm not going to end a relationship when there is no proof that he is/was/has cheated. However, I'm not going to stand around and do nothing IF he screws me over either.Fixed it.

[Ambrosia]

Point him to this thread, I'm sure he'll appreciate you getting opinions on your personal life from e-strangers.

I'd rather get input from 100 strangers than 5 people who know us personally. At least this way, people can give me options and things to think about. Unbiased input from strangers is much better than what I would have got from the small group of aquaintences we have. The input from my family and friends would have been 'leave him' with no other options or discussion.

[AnticorRifling]

Chances are they are right.

The old saying of "Love is blind" fits here. You might think they hate him to hate him but chances are they are outside the situation looking in. They see your relationship as the fish in the fishbowl, knowing there is more out there. You see it as a fish in the fishbowl, it's your whole world and you just accept that the walls have always been there and always will.

[Gan]

Point him to this thread, I'm sure he'll appreciate you getting opinions on your personal life from e-strangers.

This would turn into the thread of the year if she did this.

:rofl:

[diethx]

Blah, blah, blah... every woman over 25 has "a fiance".

Stop being a retard. And even if that were true, mine actually got down on his knee, gave me a ring, and asked me to marry him. ;)

[Keller]

Ambrosia, you might want to consider changing your avatar.

This post is full of win. Nice. :rofl:

[Methais]

Because my best friends from high school and my sisters who live over 1,000 miles away communicate through myspace.

We don't always have time to make phone calls, and it's easy to send/post pictures of the family.



Out of the many things I would do.... I wouldn't go that far.



You have no idea how much this has been on my mind even before you mentioned it.



I never said I was going to end it, I more or less wanted to know if I was stupid for feeling like he's crossing the line staying up until 4 and 5 am chatting or if I was overreacting.

To be fair to him, I think it's fked up what he's doing, and it pisses me off... but I'm not going to end a relationship when there is no proof that he is/was/has cheated. However, I'm not going to stand around and do nothing IF he screws me over either. I really just wanted someone else's take on the whole situation and my sisters and friends already don't like him, so it would be biased coming from them.

To be fair to him, I should inform you that here on the PC, we hate everybody.

[Skeeter]

It's not just on the PC. I pretty much hate everyone in daily life too.

[Gan]

To be fair to him, I should inform you that here on the PC, we hate everybody.

Yes, Yes!

We are equal opportunity offenders here. :yes: