ROFL

[Nieninque]

So, I got an email from my brother who has apparently been knocking off some 17 year old girl and his wife found the emails they were sending to each other and emailed them to half the world.

Fucking comedy.

[Clove]

So, I got an email from my brother who has apparently been knocking off some 17 year old girl and his wife found the emails they were sending to each other and emailed them to half the world.

Fucking comedy.

I didn't get one.

[TheEschaton]

"knocking off" is some British way of saying "fucking", right? That is pretty hilarious.

[Nieninque]

You must have been the half that didnt get it clove :(

[Stanley Burrell]

So, I got an email from my brother who has apparently been knocking off some 17 year old girl and his wife found the emails they were sending to each other and emailed them to half the world.

Fucking comedy.

What?

[Drew2]

Post them here IMO

[Stanley Burrell]

Nien:

knocking off isn't defined yet, but these are pretty close: (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=knocking+off)

[The Ponzzz]

How old is your brother. That is pretty funny.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

You need to smack your brother around some. I don't think I'll ever understand infidelity.

[Nieninque]

OK.

This is from her to him, entitled Love you! Phone me I will be awake:


I dont really know what to say, i wanted to email you as i miss you so much, so if i was writing to you then it wouldnt fel such a long time since i have spoken to you.
I love you so much,
When i first met you back in vicky arms, i remember looking at you, taken back with how friendly and kind you were, I remember Nick dictating to you, and you writing it all down. i was watching your face, then you spoke to him, "your name please professer" i remember watching your lips move as you spoke i was taken back by that, it shocked me, I remember driving back, and gazing out of the window, hoping that again i would get to see you.
I remember, how exited i was at your leaving do, trust me, i dont squeeze into pvc , for a bunch of people i dont really know. It was amazing watching you in your tight outfit. and i wanted to get so close yto you, but i was scared, i couldnt face rejection so i didnt attempted it.
What i have never told you is the email address that you gave us, was the wrong one, what you dont know, is i had emailed you loads, between you going to Trinidad and the wedding, i never had a reply so i took that as a silent rejection, and no longer wanted to think about it.
Then i think to being sat on your lap at the wedding i didnt want to move, it was fanatasic i felt so comftabe and content. This was when i found out that you hadnt received my emails, but by this time your wife and you were back together, so i couldnt do anything.
and i have never been so shocked when you were at our house in nov 07! what no one knew is i was due to go out that night, to talk to a friend and mend a vey damaged friendship unfortnatly i never went, and i have now lost a very very close friend of mine. BUt through it i have found my best and closest friend fro life. I spent the first part of the evening working out how i was going to get you on your own, so i had pretended to need anything from the shop, making sure that i had re filled mum and nick glass enought that they couldnt come in the car with me, wathcing yours very carefully choosing my best moment.then it was simple, by giving your wife my bed, but also mentioning that there was only room for 1, knowing that althoguh i could of tided my room, there was not any room for you. knowing that she was tired and mum and nick go to bed so early. i knew that was my next chance to see you and if i thouhgt i could of risked spending that night with you all night i would of done. i still wish now that i could of done.
Why wasnt i nervous about coming to Trinidad, i couldnt wait to see you. I was going to wait till your wife went to approcah you regarding England, but i just couldnt i had to tell you, and i had to be careful i was yet again scared of rejection, and didnt know, how i could live with you if u had rejected me. i was petrified and the night i sent it, you had just turned off your laptop i laid awake all nigh worried about the fact you had read it and was just going to ignore it, the next few weeks i didnt know what to do, i didnt know if i was going to be a quick fling and i was waiting, for you to say that you dont want arelationship and the mucking about has to end.
But now, althought the last few weeks have been very hard, i have never been happier, yes i dont want to go to England, but i know that i am going back to say goodbye and pack up my life, and nothing has made me happier to know that i am coming back for an amazing life, and i cant wait!
i am so exited i know that the hardest part of the next few months for me, will be telling my family why i am returning so please dont worry, if i phone you in tears, as being apart from you for so long and coping with it will be hard for me, but i cant imagine what you are going to go thorugh and i want you to know i am always here for you, whateve time of day, and i love you so much! and i just hope that i can make you happy for the rest of your life,
Love you! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And from him to her:


Right my darling, my turn...

True story, never been told before.

When I first met you I felt very sorry for you, you were injured after the bike accident.
I watched as you tried to carry on normally with everything you did and my heart went out to you.
I watched you move you mouth and i cant help myself but I wondered what it would be like to kiss those lips?

As we left I was in the car with Martin, and my mind kept wondering back to you.
I found that strange as I knew you were underage, and totally out of my league, never mind my age range.
I thought about you lots over the coming months.

When I was told you would be at my leaving party I was over the moon.
I knew I would be able to get to know you, just a tiny bit better.
That I did, but I never expected the feelings I had for you that night to surface so much!
But, ever mindful that it was not my house and you were the daughter of a partner (as it was then) of one of my closest friends, I kept my distance.
I even became bashful when you sat on my knee. Mind you I never wanted you to get off!!!

I did make a mental note to keep in touch with you and that is the reason for offering my email address.
I hoped that one day, maybe...

Anyway, I never heard from you and now we know it was the email address that was wrong. How stupid do I feel? lol
I put it down to you not wanting to get in touch, especially with a man so much older than yourself.

When I got the invitation for the wedding, I had planned to come on my own.
As ever, she got her foot in the door and came too. Pity.
I watched you most of the day and night and was amazed at your energy and your ability to keep going. You must have been knackered?
You looked fantastic and I wished we would both be outside, alone just for a minute...
I would have pulled you towards me and kissed those beautiful warm lips, just once...
Even if it meant getting into trouble, I wanted to do it.
When you sat on my knee, I didn't want you to move and just wanted to bury my face in your neck and stay there, forever.
It gave me a bright glow inside, it really did.
Obviously, the same old things came into my mind and I didn't do anything untoward...

Mind you, those sexy lips were busy that night! I was green with envy!

When we came over the night after the inquest, my mind was racing and I didn't even know where I was going really.
When I saw you that evening my heart sang with the birds.
You really brightened up my day!
When you asked me to accompany you to the garage, I thought, wow, some time alone with this sexy young lady.
As with most old blokes, I was hoping something would happen but I would never force the issue and am not a confident enough person to take the first step.
Imagine my horror when we got back and you told everyone you were molested by the old git!!!
I could not bring myself to face rejection. I can't stand it.
So, you can imagine my delight when you said what you said?
I was hoping we would be parking the car about 20 miles away from the house, just so we had more time together and I could hold you.
Boy did I want to sleep with you!!!, You are one sexy lady Amy!

As the evening wore on and everyone drifted off to sleep we stayed up talking.
I really hoped we would be able to explore where our new friendship would take us.
I thought, after what you said regarding your past, it would be one night and then over.
I loved the way you come and sat on the floor. I so wanted you to get in that duvet with me and was over the moon when we kissed.
I was a real fool to let you go to bed but I thought you were having second thoughts after Lyla spoke and asked you to come to Trinidad.

I thought that was it. One night which you regretted and it would never happen again.
I am not a great lover and am very inexperienced with the art of making love.
Also, I have no confidence regarding my body or how to use it.
But to finally feel your lips on mine, the curve of that great arse, the small of your back and the roundness of your shoulders, wow, you blew my mind.
I really wanted you to stay the night, but again it was not my house but the house of a very close friend.

When I was going to sleep I could do nothing but think of you.
I wanted to stay another night just so I could be alone with you again.
When you came down in the morning I hoped you would be noisy enough to wake me.
I never expected a kiss and was as pleased as punch that I got one.
I am sure that is the moment I started to fall for you...

Anyway, I left that day and came back to Trinidad.
I hoped the move for you would come off and yes I have to admit it, I hoped we could take up where we left off.
Sorry, but I did.
I was very unsure at first, when you arrived. I did not want to put you in a situation you didn't want to be in.
I was aware that you were 4000 miles from home, in a strange house, with strange people and even in a very strange country.
I wanted to make you feel at home.
Secretly, I also wanted you!

When I got the email from you I was over the moon again (you have a habit of making me feel that way ;-)).
I was ready to explore you and see how far our friendship would grow.
Never in a million years did I expect to fall hopelessly in love with you as I have done tho! lol

You are one of the best things that's ever happened to me. You and my kids.
I love you more with each passing second.
I worship the ground you walk on and hope that I will forever live up to your expectations.
You deserve so much, I hope I can deliver.
I have a new quest in life and that is to make you happy.
Whatever it may be I will endeavour to make it happen for you.

As I asked you to be my wife today I was expecting you to again say no and put the ring on another finger.
But no, you have made me the happiest man on earth. Unfortunately, you had to go home the same day.
It will be for a short period only. I love you and want you by my side, always.
Your are now, my life.
The kids will come round to the idea in time, so don't worry about that.

Amy, my darling love, I love you sooooooo much.
Please remember, I am always, yes always, here for you, no matter what.

Forever (and a day)
Gary
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Then this from his wife, as she posted the emails out from his hotmail account:


so everyone this is what my husband as done with a 17 year old.....what a foolish man to try and blam me i wounder if the ring is my miss 3 dimonds one.....this is nothing but pedo behavoir

[Stanley Burrell]

You need to smack your brother around some. I don't think I'll ever understand infidelity.

Not to mention pedophilia.

Although technically you ain't no chide no-how-no-more 16+ in the U.K. The italics represent my Afrocentric Southern Baptist e-accent: Indeed, go fuck yourself if you're offended/apathetic/read over this.

[Nieninque]

The funny part is my family are real pains-in-the-arse for sending out stupid chain letter emails and garbage jokes, that I delete 90% of them before I read them. I thought this was another one of them (from the title), and very nearly deleted it, but something made me read it.

Hahahahaha

[Xaerve]

1) That chick needs to focus on school, instead of your brothers ding-dong; her letter was painful to read.

2) Your brother loves the comma! (And his game is weak!)

Pretty funny shit, I could see my sister getting a kick out of something like this happening to me too...

He won't be in legal trouble will he?

[CrystalTears]

Holy fuck, doesn't anyone know how to write anymore?!

[Stanley Burrell]

Wtf, was he bragging about it or something?

In the States, that's legally 3rd degree murder for the offended party taking action.

[Nieninque]

1) That chick needs to focus on school, instead of your brothers ding-dong; her letter was painful to read.

2) Your brother loves the comma! (And his game is weak!)

Pretty funny shit, I could see my sister getting a kick out of something like this happening to me too...

He won't be in legal trouble will he?

Only in a divorce court.
Age of consent in the UK is 16, so it aint no paedophilia like the stain man is talking about.

They have a really shitty grasp of the English language. I am ashamed to read their stuff half the time. This was comedy gold though.

[Parkbandit]

so everyone this is what my husband as done with a 17 year old.....what a foolish man to try and blam me i wounder if the ring is my miss 3 dimonds one.....this is nothing but pedo behavoir

Jesus.. is she related to Stainley? I can barely decipher this.

[Nieninque]

She's a DNB (Dirty Northern Bastard). They can barely speak up there, let alone read and write.

[Stanley Burrell]

Jesus.. is she related to Stainley? I can barely decipher this.

The answer is yes, Michael. She (vBulletin GemStone IV Players' Corner Forum userhandle "Nieninque" elaborating upon a distraught relative in the thread "ROFL") is, in fact, making secret messaging concerning a direct connection of her family heritage to that of my own.

You've cracked The Matrix, PB. Feed yourself a Viagra.

[Drew2]

I'm kinda jealous, I wish a married man would fall for me and write me love letters.

[Nieninque]

I just sent him an email back saying:

Smooth.

[Drew2]

am not a great lover and am very inexperienced with the art of making love.
Also, I have no confidence regarding my body or how to use it.


I'm no expert, but I imagine it girls love it when you profess your poor sexytime skills.

[RichardCranium]

She's a DNB (Dirty Northern Bastard). They can barely speak up there, let alone read and write.

I thought they were northern monkeys?

[Nieninque]

I thought they were northern monkeys?

That works too.

[Clove]

I thought they stopped using lead paint in the UK about the same time as the US?

[Clove]

You need to smack your brother around some. I don't think I'll ever understand infidelity.

Couldn't Beth explain it?

[Gan]

LOL

[Drew2]

LOLOLOLOL

CLOVE IS WINNAR OF THE DAY.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Couldn't Beth explain it?

Oh no you didn't! I have to admit, I did laugh ;p

[Clove]

Oh no you didn't! I have to admit, I did laugh ;p

I felt a little bad... just a little. Glad you laughed.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I felt a little bad... just a little. Glad you laughed.

I've said it before, we all make mistakes. I just made a very public one. Looking back it's funny, and believe me, if it was someone else, I'd be making fun of them too.

[TheEschaton]

I am not a great lover and am very inexperienced with the art of making love.

I hope you save this one for awhile and use it against him for the rest of time.

-TheE-

[Nieninque]

So much mileage in that email.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

So, I got an email from my brother who has apparently been knocking off some 17 year old girl and his wife found the emails they were sending to each other and emailed them to half the world.

Fucking comedy.

How old is your brother?

[NocturnalRob]

I hope you save this one for awhile and use it against him for the rest of time.

-TheE-

Why save it? Just bring it up every day: "Hey, remember that time when you admitted you sucked in bed? Yeah. That was funny."

[AnticorRifling]

I'd make a t-shirt and give it to him for christmas.

"I admitted that I suck in bed and all I got was this t-shirt"

[Nieninque]

That's not a bad idea!

[Gan]

hahahaha

[NocturnalRob]

I'd make a t-shirt and give it to him for christmas.

"I admitted that I suck in bed and all I got was this t-shirt"

I would mention something about the imminent divorce on the back

[Clove]

Really you ought to just parcel out that email into several t-shirts. Turn it into an annual tradition. Birthday, Christmas- whatever.

[NocturnalRob]

Really you ought to just parcel out that email into several t-shirts. Turn it into an annual tradition. Birthday, Christmas- whatever.

Every birthday..."36 years old, and I still suck in bed."

Rinse and repeat.

[Xaerve]

I'm going to use this line, actually...


I am not a great lover and am very inexperienced with the art of making love.
Also, I have no confidence regarding my body or how to use it.

Then show the chick my ass and ask her if its "over the moon"...

[Snapp]

Wow. Definitely can hold this shit against him for the rest of his life. Fucking hilarious.