A Bit Gassy

[Arkans]

So, yeah, I'm at work and I'm a bit gassy. It smells pretty bad, but whenever I let one go I kind of slink really low in my chair and convince myself people don't smell it or anything.

Ever smell anything really bad from the cubicle next to you? Ever convince yourself that the walls around you act like some magical barrier that prevent the smell? Ever be really glad the person next to you doesn't speak a lick of English because you just KNOW they'll be the one blamed?

- Arkans

[Gan]

Everytime you need to fart, get up and walk down the aisle and let it go.

Its called crop dusting.


That way you dont load up your seat cushion with the noxious smell that reappears every time you sit down.

You can also go sit in a co-workers chair fart and stand back up (causing the cushion to expand and hold in the fart/air you just evacuated) - thats called loading the cushion. Its great to see their reaction when they sit back down and compress the air that was inside the cushion.

Office fart games can be quite fun if you have some friends as co-workers (and they're guys).

[Arkans]

Holy shit, Gan...

You gave my "average" work day the potential to be "fucking incredible".

- Arkans

[Gan]

Crop dusting works even better on an airplane. You just have to work at making it silent.

Roaring down the aisle like a pickup with glass packs on wont work.

[Arkans]

I've mastered the art of letting them rip.

These are the really quiet ones that just escape in a steady, weak hiss, that sometimes give a little burn. The ones that have absolutely no force of quantity to them, but smell so vile that you're almost disgusted with yourself, but the pride is just too glowing.

- Arkans

[Gan]

http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u119/travis420auto/fart.jpg

[Gan]

I've mastered the art of letting them rip.

These are the really quiet ones that just escape in a steady, weak hiss, that sometimes give a little burn. The ones that have absolutely no force of quantity to them, but smell so vile that you're almost disgusted with yourself, but the pride is just too glowing.

- Arkans

You are now hereby known as fart ninja.

:lol:

[Gan]

http://skeptically.org/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/god-adam-fart.jpg

[Gan]

http://www.doublespeakshow.com/images/2006/08/bush_fart.jpg

[CrystalTears]

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/7/73/Fat_bastard.jpeg

Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they?

[Sean of the Thread]

I enjoy the art of crop dusting and do it whenever possible... especially at restaurants.

However I got fucking blasted on the escalator at the mall the other day. There was no escape.

[CrystalTears]

At least it wasn't a long elevator ride. My aunt did that to me when we went up the Empire State building. I wanted to kill her.

[Arkans]

I was at my local CVS to pick up a prescription for my girlfriend and while walking towards the back a man passed by me.

I didn't pay much attention, but the smell hit me hard. I was totally crop dusted and it smelled so bad that I thought someone had taken a shit and hidden it somewhere on the shelf.

Bravo, old man, bravo!

- Arkans

[TheEschaton]

I got hit by a stink bomb by a cute girl the other day. Those are the worst, because it's like cognitive dissonance - most of your senses are makin the pp tingle, but then the smell just knocks you out.

[Stanley Burrell]

Make sure it isn't a wet one.

[Stanley Burrell]

...Gauge yourself properly, brethren.

Lest you may shat the holy grail of that which is the pair of Dickies on-sale flat-pressed wannabe khakis that the Nigerian sweatshop serf tailored you from overseas.

Good luck.

[Celephais]

I can't tell if one of my coworkers is constantly letting them rip at his desk, or if he honestly just smells like ass. There was one day I really thouht he shit his pants, and he needed my help with something too, but I just told him I was busy and then dicked around here.

[Skeeter]

The guy playing to my right at the poker table last week shit himself. He was about 400 lbs and it was god awful. I was winning big but had to cash out because I had tears in my eyes from the smell.

I guess that was payback for the $300 I had already taken off of him.

[Gan]

I enjoy the art of crop dusting and do it whenever possible... especially at restaurants.

However I got fucking blasted on the escalator at the mall the other day. There was no escape.
LOL. Live by the sword, die by the sword.


I was at my local CVS to pick up a prescription for my girlfriend and while walking towards the back a man passed by me.

I didn't pay much attention, but the smell hit me hard. I was totally crop dusted and it smelled so bad that I thought someone had taken a shit and hidden it somewhere on the shelf.

Bravo, old man, bravo!

- Arkans
This had me laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. Now folks walking by my office are looking at me strange(r than normal).

:lol:

[Methais]

I've had the flu for the past couple days, and the farts I've been ripping (especially during a violent ass explosion on the toilet) have been ludicrously epic.

Remember that scene in The Goonies where they fucked up all the plumbing pipes and that guy Troy was taking a dump and got propelled into the air by the water? Apply that situation to me, but substitute the water with a massive fart.

On a side note, here's the trailer for Goonies of the Caribbean.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJSp2jNI7Co

[radamanthys]

Cubicle Crop Dusting was one of my favorite pasttimes at work. It was even better because I had and office.

It was my weapon of choice in the war against the prols.

[Khariz]

I ate some polska kielbasa today. People will suffer later.