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Jack
01-10-2008, 09:49 PM
Allright, I'm stuck. I'm not entirely happy with this, but it's close. To give you all a little background on the weapon, it's six enchants, permablessed, and bonded to my warrior. Right now it's ugly as sin, but I want to fix that. Anyway, here's what I have so far, any additions, corrections, etc. would be appreciated.

A heavy mithril maul

Two slabs of brilliant silver mithril have been carefully forge welded together, their slightly different shades intermingling and swirling about each other, showing the painstaking process that forged the massive head of the maul. The long veil iron haft has been carefully turned and twisted before being tempered under extreme heat leaving a light blue tint to the metal. To provide a proper purchase on the weapon, carved stark white ivory inlaid with gold has been affixed to the bottom two feet of haft.

thefarmer
01-11-2008, 05:36 AM
Two slabs of brilliant silver mithril have been carefully forge welded together, their slightly different shades intermingling and swirling about each other, showing the painstaking process that forged the massive head of the maul.

The first part doesn't make much sense, IMHO. Take out the part that it's 2 different slabs? I suggest saying something about the naturally occuring different shades of the silver, instead of 2 slabs.

The long veil iron haft has been carefully turned and twisted before being tempered under extreme heat leaving a light blue tint to the metal.

Plan on having a veil iron block to use. Also in my mind I see a haft that isn't straight (turned twisted part), which I'm not sure you're going for. Also veil iron is known for its strength. Twisting and turning it doesn't make it seem very strong.

To provide a proper purchase on the weapon, carved stark white ivory inlaid with gold has been affixed to the bottom two feet of haft.

The part after the comma doesn't make sense to me either. Realistically, I'm not sure an ivory handle would be good handhold. Is it an entire block of ivory for the last 2 feet? or is it ivory and gold on the veil iron haft? Probably needs adjusting.

Jack
01-11-2008, 05:18 PM
How's this sound for the show:
Two diiferent alloys of brilliant silver mithril have been carefully forge welded together, their slightly different shades intermingling and swirling about each other, showing the painstaking process that forged the massive head of the maul. The long veil iron haft has been tempered under extreme heat leaving a light blue tint to the metal, and providing an exceptional amount of strength. To provide a proper purchase on the weapon, deep azure valnalin hide wrapped with gold wire covers the final two feet of the haft.

Sylvan Dreams
01-11-2008, 05:39 PM
How's this sound for the show:
Two diiferent alloys of brilliant silver mithril have been carefully forge welded together, their slightly different shades intermingling and swirling about each other, showing the painstaking process that forged the massive head of the maul. The long veil iron haft has been tempered under extreme heat leaving a light blue tint to the metal, and providing an exceptional amount of strength. To provide a proper purchase on the weapon, deep azure valnalin hide wrapped with gold wire covers the final two feet of the haft.

Forge welded? It sounds awkward to me.

You'll need veil iron.

How can you tell that the veil iron has been tempered under extreme heat? Is that a property or effect that everyone should be able to tell on sight?

Velnalin is not spelled correctly.

Jack
01-11-2008, 05:43 PM
forge welding is a blacksmithing process, basicly two pieces of iron are superheated, and then pounded together to become one. The color of the metal would change when tempered, so I would think it would be something visible. The maul's current description includes a veil iron handle, so hopefully thta will fly, if not I can always switch to steel or the like.

Stanley Burrell
01-11-2008, 06:14 PM
veil iron handle

If someone actually makes a veil-iron handle I will personally end them.

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11-24-2020, 01:38 PM
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11-24-2020, 01:39 PM
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