Methais
11-09-2007, 11:52 AM
Ask yourself: Am I Gay?
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent therest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, butgay-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicatetouch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just thinkabout how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass overhere, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy,snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any suchnonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits.Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to use a public bathroom or urinate in a parking lot, youcrave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; hedefecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man willnever be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latteto your lips, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four differenttypes of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handingout free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain toremember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a"fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other thancotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying totune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at aslow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs thathand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list becauseyou are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on theverge on being a fudgepacker.
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent therest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, butgay-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicatetouch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just thinkabout how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass overhere, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy,snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any suchnonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits.Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to use a public bathroom or urinate in a parking lot, youcrave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; hedefecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man willnever be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latteto your lips, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four differenttypes of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handingout free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain toremember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a"fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other thancotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying totune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at aslow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs thathand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list becauseyou are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on theverge on being a fudgepacker.