Tsa`ah
10-15-2007, 07:38 AM
I guess a little backstory is needed.
My cousin J has been divorced for some time now and hasn't had any real relationships since. Married and had a kid way too young (I don't have any real room to talk). Both of them worked up until the point the kid came and his then wife decided she wanted to be a stay at home mom at that point. Obvious financial trouble happened with one income, a child, and a stay at home mom with no concept responsible spending converged.
She let herself go physically ... gaining 150 lbs. It bothered him, but he stuck with it. She started screwing around, kept spending more money than earned and even through all of that he gave her three more years of his life under the condition that she get a full time job, or go back to school full time, or get a part time job and go to school part time.
In that last 3 years she switched degree paths 7 times and ended up with some office certificates and no degree. When she landed a 14 per hour job with benefits at a law firm ... well she beat him to the divorce punch. He didn't argue or contest. He accepted joint custody, took care of 2 car payments and all of the credit debt she racked up and left the house with his clothes and tools only.
Fast forward a bit ... he gets a welding job with KBR as a civie contractor in Iraq. He's in Iraq for quit a while, comes back with some fat bank. In that span of time the ex has managed to finish 2 associates (paid for by the firm she was working for) and show some professional worth by getting promoted and pay bumps, which you would think is a good thing ... but not.
Since J has been back stateside, he has started up his own semi-seasonal business with me, attends the CioC ... and to everyone's dismay still forks money over to the ex without batting an eye.
Maybe it's just me, but if my wife and I ever divorced and we were civil enough to factor children out whenever it was in their best interest ... I certainly wouldn't fork cash over without question if she were to be considered financially stable.
J's ex makes around 20 per hour now as a paralegal. I was shocked when he told me he was forking over 800-1300 bucks a month to the ex for bills ... even though there's no alimony involved and he has custody of his kid no less than 2 weeks a month and pays his ex monthly for the healthcare deduction from her paycheck.
This kind of hit the fan with me and the wife around 1am this morning. My wife is usually more vocal about J's ex than I am, but damn if I didn't give him both barrels while half asleep.
Apparently his ex is seeing a few people in the Chicago area. Any time J has his girl, the ex is running around Chicago on the weekends letting low lifes sponge from her. She went out and got herself a new gas guzzling SUV 3 months ago, and with her spending habits and driving record, she can barely afford the insurance premium and the monthly payment. Since J gave her a grand 2 weeks ago, she decided to ask one of her boyfriends for a 300 dollar loan to keep up with her payment.
She dumped the kid on J without notice on thursday night and blew into Chicago to spend the weekend with the boyfriend that was going to loan her the money. The boyfriend got what he wanted until it was time for her to leave sunday night and then he had to "run to the atm" while she waited in the apartment parking lot for his return. The other side of the road was apparently a commercial district, but she ended up calling the guy 2 hours into waiting for him and he was "in an accident, presently at the hospital, and looking at an arrest for wreckless driving" ... and she believed him despite his story that he got in a wreck on the interstate 10 miles away from his apartment with 20 or so ATMs right across the street.
So she's stuck in a Chicago southern burb with no money, almost no gas ... believing the story she was fed by this guy and being completely sympathetic to his plight, she calls J because she knows he'll bail her out of it again.
I wouldn't have even known about this had not lost his wallet and laptop at a hotel earlier this week when he stepped out of his room to get breakfast. Since he's waiting on replacement credit and checking cards, he called me to make sure he could use the business account for a withdraw and to watch his girl while he drove up the Chicago to bail his ex out of her own stupidity.
He's a good guy and I wouldn't call him gullible. I just think he's sheltering his daughter from her mother's stupidity way too much. I think the wife and I, and pretty much everyone in the immediate family, have exhausted any argument we have about him carrying his ex around financially ... especially when it's going to land him back in a debt hole.
What exactly is it going to take to convince him to just seek sole custody of his child and cut the strings?
My cousin J has been divorced for some time now and hasn't had any real relationships since. Married and had a kid way too young (I don't have any real room to talk). Both of them worked up until the point the kid came and his then wife decided she wanted to be a stay at home mom at that point. Obvious financial trouble happened with one income, a child, and a stay at home mom with no concept responsible spending converged.
She let herself go physically ... gaining 150 lbs. It bothered him, but he stuck with it. She started screwing around, kept spending more money than earned and even through all of that he gave her three more years of his life under the condition that she get a full time job, or go back to school full time, or get a part time job and go to school part time.
In that last 3 years she switched degree paths 7 times and ended up with some office certificates and no degree. When she landed a 14 per hour job with benefits at a law firm ... well she beat him to the divorce punch. He didn't argue or contest. He accepted joint custody, took care of 2 car payments and all of the credit debt she racked up and left the house with his clothes and tools only.
Fast forward a bit ... he gets a welding job with KBR as a civie contractor in Iraq. He's in Iraq for quit a while, comes back with some fat bank. In that span of time the ex has managed to finish 2 associates (paid for by the firm she was working for) and show some professional worth by getting promoted and pay bumps, which you would think is a good thing ... but not.
Since J has been back stateside, he has started up his own semi-seasonal business with me, attends the CioC ... and to everyone's dismay still forks money over to the ex without batting an eye.
Maybe it's just me, but if my wife and I ever divorced and we were civil enough to factor children out whenever it was in their best interest ... I certainly wouldn't fork cash over without question if she were to be considered financially stable.
J's ex makes around 20 per hour now as a paralegal. I was shocked when he told me he was forking over 800-1300 bucks a month to the ex for bills ... even though there's no alimony involved and he has custody of his kid no less than 2 weeks a month and pays his ex monthly for the healthcare deduction from her paycheck.
This kind of hit the fan with me and the wife around 1am this morning. My wife is usually more vocal about J's ex than I am, but damn if I didn't give him both barrels while half asleep.
Apparently his ex is seeing a few people in the Chicago area. Any time J has his girl, the ex is running around Chicago on the weekends letting low lifes sponge from her. She went out and got herself a new gas guzzling SUV 3 months ago, and with her spending habits and driving record, she can barely afford the insurance premium and the monthly payment. Since J gave her a grand 2 weeks ago, she decided to ask one of her boyfriends for a 300 dollar loan to keep up with her payment.
She dumped the kid on J without notice on thursday night and blew into Chicago to spend the weekend with the boyfriend that was going to loan her the money. The boyfriend got what he wanted until it was time for her to leave sunday night and then he had to "run to the atm" while she waited in the apartment parking lot for his return. The other side of the road was apparently a commercial district, but she ended up calling the guy 2 hours into waiting for him and he was "in an accident, presently at the hospital, and looking at an arrest for wreckless driving" ... and she believed him despite his story that he got in a wreck on the interstate 10 miles away from his apartment with 20 or so ATMs right across the street.
So she's stuck in a Chicago southern burb with no money, almost no gas ... believing the story she was fed by this guy and being completely sympathetic to his plight, she calls J because she knows he'll bail her out of it again.
I wouldn't have even known about this had not lost his wallet and laptop at a hotel earlier this week when he stepped out of his room to get breakfast. Since he's waiting on replacement credit and checking cards, he called me to make sure he could use the business account for a withdraw and to watch his girl while he drove up the Chicago to bail his ex out of her own stupidity.
He's a good guy and I wouldn't call him gullible. I just think he's sheltering his daughter from her mother's stupidity way too much. I think the wife and I, and pretty much everyone in the immediate family, have exhausted any argument we have about him carrying his ex around financially ... especially when it's going to land him back in a debt hole.
What exactly is it going to take to convince him to just seek sole custody of his child and cut the strings?