Autobiography

[iJin]

This whole thread is just going to have my thoughts and rants, the rants of a teenager. Also to help me with a autobiography I'm writing for my senior year. Feel free to read. Oh and to those that don't have anything good to say, stfu. This is a "Members Journals" thread area, so :p

For most of you that dont know, my name is Jen. My name is Jen and I'm one year away from being considered an adult.

So yesterday, I was sitting at home and god forbid watching a section of "True Life" on MTV. It was about high school graduation. I currently am a senior in high school, and so far, it hasn't gone the way I hoped for. I'm in a alternative high school to catch up on credits for graduation. Going to school is such a struggle. I don't look forward to seeing other people, nor making any friends. I just go to school, do my work, go home. No talking no nothing. Occasionally a sentence will slip out of my mouth in the form of a "Hey, whats up? Oh I'm fine".

They say high school is hard. I never thought so (Other than the mindles teachers I was forced to have.) it all came natural to me. I was a freshmen my first year, and people thought I was a senior. Heh. I had alot of friends, people know who I was. I was really ahead of the crowd. In Jr. High, I wouldn't of dare to think I wanted this for my high school years. It just happened. Freshmen year, was really layed back. I did my work, met some new great people, and enjoyed my teachers whom I found "cool".

Sophomore year, had to be the hardest year of my life. Stress levels were rising at home. My mother got fired at her job. My father didn't help us at all. My brother was no where to be found. My grandmother got diagnosed with cervical cancer. so everything was pretty much crap. So I started ditching school, not caring for homework, and in all of this, I was feeling like I just wanted to sleep. A neverending sleep.

My mother took me to a psychologist. He was a nice man. He listened to my thoughts, and gave me advice. Heh, I'd always remember how'd he give me a gold star on my folder with all my paperwork. He'd always ask me the stereotypical psychologist questions, "Do you know how your feeling?" "How do you feel about that?" "Do you feel like you could do more?". all these questions, asked me how I felt. I felt empty. Apathetic for the most part. I then was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Oh great, theres a medical term for my feeling of crapness and reoccuring self-harm thoughts. Joyous. I was then prescribed 50mg of Prozac. "Oh wonderful, the cure". Or so I thought.

This wasn't the first time I saw a psychologist. I was a troubled girl while growing up. I was drawing morbid pictures in pastels that looked so vivid, and writing poetry to deal with all my pain. I was only 10 years old. As I got older, the more familiy problems I had to endure. I saw and experienced things I shouldn't have. Not at a young age.

I tried to comfort myself. I was alone for for the first 14 years of my life. I wouldn't changed anything in the past if I had the chance though. Thinking back I'm actually happy I got through it. I got through it alone, and I have a feeling of accomplisment. For now, of course.


I'll write more later. I'm in class.

[Kuyuk]

was this an ad for prozac?


K.

[iJin]

was this an ad for prozac?


K.

Oh that too.

[Sean of the Thread]

You need a hug.



















And I need a blowjob.

[TheEschaton]

High school senior, Xy, sounds right up your alley.

[RichardCranium]

High school senior, Xy, sounds right up your alley.

Wait, she's in a wheelchair?

[Sean of the Thread]

My wheelchair episode was hawt.

[Stanley Burrell]

Depending on when you were diagnosed as being BPD, you technically either shouldn't have had, or really shouldn't have had.

Parents often times place their kids in therapy for their (the parents') psychological benefit at expense of the child. One of the most basic tenets of family therapy is that it should benefit the family. This can and should, IMHO, mean that a parent or parents has/have to be willing to bare the responsibility of seeing their own personal therapist to deal specifically with the issue of a perceived problem child (super-technically, an individual is only psychologically abnormal when their disorder causes them "discomfort." There's a lot of room for interpretation, I do believe.)

Family dynamics tells us that the basic instinct for any parent to be told what to do when therapist browsing by proxy is "how dare I be told what to do (especially after all this)," which, IMHO, is ironically similar to the sociopath/ASPD and/or classic BPD individual. One exists a bit more functionally in society.

Ultimately, what it boils down to, is your being able to accept the past:

Use your own personal past, meant only for you, that no one else can manipulate to make your present more productive and, in retrospect, just as easily be able to say to yourself, "Why should I dwell on past event X since all it does is make me feel bad/unhappy/depressed/isolated/etc" and shrug it off because you don't deserve to feel like that. Use this to filter out the bad from the good.

Focus only on your uncertain future. This should never be more than a week in times of dire circumstance. Take things one day at a time.

As far as the future really goes, from a non-DBT standard I was just using, I, as well as most people, need to develop a better M.O. of eating, drinking and being merry. For Tomorrow we may die. And all that jazz.

Small steps, as always. These things don't happen overnight. Don't view everything as a setback and when you do, laugh in the face of its impermanence. Your distant future/past should not control your present you.

.

And sorry to nitpick, but try not to use too many apostrophized conjugations unless you're trying to sound like you're GemStone RP-ing bastardized speech :-P (I'd also stay far away from mentioning MTV because review panels will see three large capital letters as they half-read college essays and will immediately give you the "teeny bopper" brand of ill omen.)

[iJin]

Stanley, I totally get what your saying. I also agree with everything you said. Surprisingly, the first time I ever got a response like that.


Hahah, oh and I know. I just wrote it as if I was speaking it to someone in person. My mind tends to run off when I'm talking about myself. Of course the final result won't include all of that, plus, I still have to write more and attempt to fit it all in 5 paragraphs.

Lol, and no MTV.

[iJin]

My grandmother passed away two days ago. My grandmother who was living with her didn't tell my mom cause she didn't want to upset her. My mom cried for hours and me and my sisters did our best to comfort her. It's strange though how I didn't cry. I mean I feel bad for her, but I was never really close to her. I just know shes better now than being in pain.

Father left this morning to work. He'll be gone for a couple of days or weeks. My mom made me laugh when she said she was relieved. Heh. They never did get along and when they do, its pretty scary.

So yesterday I got a callback from a hollywood singing audition. i was really excited but my mom said she couldn't take me cause it was too far and she has things to do. I would drive myself but, Im scared driving on my own. I space out way too much. Anyways, I've been singing for 15 years. I was lead choir in my old high school. When people say you have to be born with the ability to sing, I beg to differ. I think anyone can sing as long as they try and learn the proper techniques. Then again, I've heard a couple of people with voice lessons and still sound like a dying goose. ugh.

IMO, I think Resident Evil: Extinction was pretty good. Though, I had a feeling it lacked something. Oh and the oh-im-so-scary-and-powerful monster at the end who dies that rediculous way, was gay as hell. Seeing Las Vegas in ruins was pretty sweet though. Seeing that guy climb the paris tower thing, makes me wanna go try it.

I started my autobiography last night, and yes I shortened it up and made it not sound so entirely emo. Most of you might have the impression that im a depressed kid, which your wrong. Im only depressed sometimes you guyss. Hah, but I spend half my time laughing or making fun of something.

Oh I just remembered. Pissing off empaths in TSC at the Landing is now one of my favorite pastimes. Me and my long time no see friend Ismurii were sitting around, chatting in whispers. She's one of those empaths who don't nod when they're going to heal but she wait a couple of second and waits to see if anyone else is going to heal. So she was saying to me how this other empath named Keraa hates her cause she doesn't nod before healing. So she was pretty much doing that just to piss her off. Keraa did get mad and right after Keraa told her something I chuckled. I was chuckling cause the whole thing was amusing, not because I was provoking Keraa. she glances at me and shes like, "We dont need empaths like you here. so its best you two leave". By that time, I was practically laughing my ass off. All I said was, "All I did was chuckled." Then this other empath named Syyre started doing the same thing. Healing without nodding. whatever. They kept binding Ismurii and I kept surging her and breaking her free. Its funny how they didn't bind me. I'm assuming they think Zuie is old or something. rofl.

At that note, Zuie trained last night. Yesssss. Wellp, time for me to go do something productive aka sleep.

P.S I'm not in a wheelchair. :tumble:

[TheEschaton]

You've been singing since you were 2?

[Celephais]

You've been singing since you were 2?
She's been playing GS since she was 2, singing since she was 16 months.

Sorry to hear about the grandmother... hope she went peacefully.

And grats on the callback and the train!

[Sean of the Thread]

This thread officially has some serious potential now.

[iJin]

Singing or mumbling the ABC's counts! Or atleast in my opinion. But if you want the technical truth, singing since I was about 5.

Thank you Celaphais. She did leave in peace.
Oh and you made me laugh. Playing GS since I was 2, heheh.

And Sean, still no wheelchairs. sry.

[Some Rogue]

Most of you might have the impression that im a depressed kid, which your wrong. Im only depressed sometimes you guyss.


Nah, I would have gone with ADHD. :yes:

[Sean of the Thread]

And Sean, still no wheelchairs. sry.

You're underage so I've been reserving adult comments.

[iJin]

Nah, I would have gone with ADHD. :yes:

How about you go hunt your rogue cause all he does is sit on his ass in VC. kthnx. Hehe.

[Some Rogue]

How about you go hunt your rogue cause all he does is sit on his ass in VC. kthnx. Hehe.

LIES. I'm not even in Vaalor at the moment.

:club:

[Celephais]

You're underage so I've been reserving adult comments.
Something tells me that in 7 months you're going to come back and edit all of these posts...

(Yeah I looked at her birthday because I was going to make a comment about how in 7 months she'll be able to buy lotto tickets and porn! So obviously life is on an upward swing!)

[Lianon]

That's crazy...

Zuie is the most bubbly person I know in GS by far.

Jen =/= Zuie?

Here's my autobiography:

Once I was single and got a (count them, one) blowjob.

Then I got married and got none.

[AestheticDeath]

Its a game.. This is not.

Jen = Zuie

[Bobmuhthol]

Pics or it didn't happen.

[AestheticDeath]

Actually there is a Zeui too.

Dunno if they are the same.

[iJin]

Haha. Yes I play Zuie.

Oh yeah, there's Zeui and Zieu in game too. Except I don't play Zeui. Poor girl, many people confuse her with Zuie and she gets..killed and whatnot. Haha. I play Zieu, of course. It's easy to recognize who my characters are by their last name. They all have it.

Anyways onto my post:

So, after my boyfriend leaving back to FL I decided to get a cat. I didn't realize how alone I was till he left. I'm not completely social, so..a cat will do. My mom saw this ad in a pennysaver of a 3 year old cat. I decided oh what the heck, I'll go check it out. As I got there, the women was old but she looked 13, I swear to god. She was really sweet. We went up to her apartment and I saw the cat and I nearly squealed. She's the cutest cat ever. She's a grey-gold tabby cat. Oh and I named her after one of my friends GS characters, Starkly. Heheh.

Anyways, after that we got home. My dinner consisted of 4 Oreo's and 3 strawberries. For some reason reminds me of that gay ass movie that came out and did poorly in the box office, "Blood and Chocolate". Ugh, and the directors were from Underworld. How sad.

Today is the 9th day and last day that we pray for my grandmothers passing (Even though it's only been 4 days). We're all supposed to go over to my grandmothers house and eat and then go up to the bedroom where my grandmother passed, and pray. I heard the whole family is gonna be there, oh joy. I'm not close with the rest of my family. I'm barely close with mine. There was a point that I was, but I grew up and teenagers just like to be left alone. Heh.

I did some thinking yesterday about what I want to do for my career. Since graduation is only 7 months away or so. I decided I want to be a choir teacher. There aren't many around and I just love to sing so I think being one is a good choice. Either that or a psychologist. Don't laugh. Heh. But main choice is choir teacher. Oh, I remember when I was in the 7th grade and still knew how to draw insanely well, I said I was going to be an artist. I was dumb. Now I completely despise drawing. Ever since that one incident.

I have to get 3 letters of recommendation for my notebook. I'm going to ask my junior choir teacher. A close friend is doing another, and I need one more. Still need to find out who. I need to take professional pictures for the cover. Good god, is that going to be uncomfortable. All this stress I've been in has made me me less photogenic. I'm stretching that "less".

Breakfast timess.

[Sean of the Thread]

I'm starting to wonder if you're related to Kevin.

[Nieninque]

Or Stanley

[Sean of the Thread]

If this poster is for real they've got serious fucking issues.

[Nieninque]

Well, Grannie passed away 2 days ago (on the fourth) then today it is four days ago and they prayed for the 9 days since she passed away.

It's either an elaborate troll, a very elaborate spam bot or Backlash.

[Jolena]

She did mention that her grandmother had died and they were not told by the other grandmother who lived there. So perhaps it really has been 9 days, but they've only known for four days. :shrug:

[iJin]

If this poster is for real they've got serious fucking issues.

rofl, and what leads you to believe that? When in reality, we all have serious fucking issues.

[Bobmuhthol]

One example would be that a 17 year old is posting 'journal' entries on the PC during class. I wish I had that privilege, but I actually have to learn in school. :(

[Celephais]

How is this so hard to figure out... her grandma died 4 days ago, 9 days of prayer is a religious thing, they're just not going to do all 9 days, so they're doing the 9th day of prayer today. She stated this autobiography was for her senior year (project?) so she could probably get away with telling teachers it's for school.

[Lianon]

Zuie rocks!

[Bobmuhthol]

<<She stated this autobiography was for her senior year (project?) so she could probably get away with telling teachers it's for school.>>

I wish I had that privilege, but I actually have to learn important things in school. :(

[Some Rogue]

<<She stated this autobiography was for her senior year (project?) so she could probably get away with telling teachers it's for school.>>

I wish I had that privilege, but I actually have to learn important things in school. :(

And yet, you're posting here now....

[Bobmuhthol]

I'm not in school....

[Some Rogue]

You should be.

[iJin]

<<She stated this autobiography was for her senior year (project?) so she could probably get away with telling teachers it's for school.>>

I wish I had that privilege, but I actually have to learn important things in school. :(

Hah. Office aid, Goverment, Chemistry, and Algebra II are the important things I had to learn in one month.


How is this so hard to figure out... her grandma died 4 days ago, 9 days of prayer is a religious thing, they're just not going to do all 9 days, so they're doing the 9th day of prayer today

Exactly. I'm not sure if it is a catholic thing, but I'm assuming it is since my grandmother was catholic.


She stated this autobiography was for her senior year (project?) so she could probably get away with telling teachers it's for school.

Yep, graduation requirement. Teachers either said to use Livejournal/Deadjournal/or any form of blogging under their permission. Hah.

And I decided to do it here, cause I thought what the heck, I'm sure a few people could get a kick out of reading what goes on in a seventeen years old mind.


Zuie rocks!

<3

[Bobmuhthol]

<<You should be.>>

Who are you to dictate where I should or should not be?

<<Office aid, Goverment, Chemistry, and Algebra II are the important things I had to learn in one month.>>

No matter who you are, you don't learn very much chemistry in a single month.

[Some Rogue]

<<You should be.>>

Who are you to dictate where I should or should not be?



I AM JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ALMIGHTY.

[iJin]

Lawl.


If you went to my school, you would have to. kthnx.

[Sean of the Thread]

Hey I didn't say I couldn't figure it out.. I just said it's getting bizarre as shit.

[Celephais]

<<She stated this autobiography was for her senior year (project?) so she could probably get away with telling teachers it's for school.>>

I wish I had that privilege, but I actually have to learn important things in school. :(
Somehow I doubt what you're learning is important ... no matter how AP it is.

[Sean of the Thread]

Agreed

[Bobmuhthol]

<<Somehow I doubt what you're learning is important>>

I'm pretty sure chemistry, calculus, statistics, anatomy, logic, and number theory are all very important.

[Stanley Burrell]

<<Somehow I doubt what you're learning is important>>

I'm pretty sure chemistry, calculus, statistics, anatomy, logic, and number theory are all very important.

If you can get undergrad credits for them, then heck yeah.

...Or you can use the force to take 'em again undergrad and make dean's list while not having to buy a textbook and tap some of that MIT freshwoman poonitytangtang in the meantime, good Alex :saint:

[Daniel]

Lawl

[Sylvan Dreams]

Where are the dark drawings and poetry? Seems to be all we're missing here.

[iJin]

Where are the dark drawings and poetry? Seems to be all we're missing here.

Hah, I'll get right on that.

[iJin]

Kay guys, by many requests, here is a "dark poem" rofl. My friend gave me this one:

"Bleed from me this sin
That in the pool I may drown
And be truly pure "

...I don't know if haikus count. Hm, Anyways:

So last night was exhilerating. I was in TSC with a couple of friends just minding my own business, then comes Zatharas (He's either A) Thirteen B) 24 hour drunk or C) Asshole and all of the above.) and he runs his mouth about Zuie and blah blah. Then he was talking shit about Tenken who's Zuies boyfriend. So Tenken gets mad and Zatharas keeps on pushing the thin line there. He already took out my patience days ago so I really didn't care to stop Tenken from doing anything. Tenken then mists to Zatharas and ewaves and pretty much electrifies Zath. Zath died and Cladia stayed there and blahblahblah. Tenken got arrested payed his fine and got his crap back. Zath then goes and cries to Cladia or whatever. Tenken is invisible in the park and Zath is hiding. Then the park got quaked ,he fell, tenken blew him up. Zath died alot. Lol. Then here comes Cladia and starts dispelling Tenken from invisiblity. He got mad, so he killed her. Then, seeing as much heat he stirred up, we just made our way to Illistim. So effing quiet there. Hah.

But yeah, thats my little GS tale.

Going to Knotts tomorrow or something. The perks of living in California. So much to do, yet gas is fucking pricey as shit. I feel like staying over at my aunts house in hollywood for the weekend, but it's already Saturday so that wont do. Monday I get my new schedule and start my new classes. Nice.

Almost finished my autobiography. Sadly, you all wont be able to read it. But it's full of gore, blood, guns, icecream, and porn .

10k till my sorc turns 56. Yessss.

[Some Rogue]

Now where's the dark drawings? WTF!?

[Sean of the Thread]

Still biting my tongue. Talk about discipline.