Seeking some Advice

[Izalude]

Alright... I'm not one normally to spill my guts out like this, but I've gotten to the point at which I'm really not sure what else to do...

I've been very depressed lately. And I mean scary depressed... The worst part is, I really can't figure out why. Things are going pretty well for me right now. I was recently promoted at work. I got a substantial salary increase. I LOVE my job. And I was given a car by my company... So I should have nothing to worry about, right?

Wrong... Let me explain.

On April 16th, I was hurt in a pretty bad car accident. I had corrective surgery on my ankle to fix the damage last month, and things have for the most part gotten back to normal. I can run, climb stairs, etc without any issues. Physically speaking, I am fine...

However, when it comes to driving, I nearly have a panic attack every time I sit behind the wheel and see a cop, or when having a close-call on the Highway (New Jersey Drivers SUCK!). Just before I'm about to start my commute home, I get all nervous and jittery. The whole ride home, I can't relax... My eyes are constantly darting around wildly, scanning for any possible threats.

This isn't the only thing that stresses me out...

It's gotten to the point in GS where it makes me physically sick when I bump into a few certain people in the game. I do my best to avoid them like the plague, but someway, somehow, they always seem to appear where I am. Alot of horrible shit happened within the last several months that I'd rather not get into, but needless to day it's got me very frustrated. There's even a GM who savagely attacks my one character's RP just because it doesn't conform strictly to game lore.

I have a Meeting Hall Organization in game that's in dire need of my attention. If I leave, I'd be flushing 7 years of work down the toilet, because there's not a single person that has the time, will, or drive to fix it.

I haven't slept well in weeks. I've completely withdrawn from most of my friends... I find excuses not to go out, and when I do go out, I'm miserable. At work, we usually bust on eachother all day... But I stopped all together. When people start ripping on me, I just keep my mouth shut and continue working. I've also lost about 15 lbs because I'm not eating well. I'll have maybe 1 meal per day...

Thoughts? Tips? Advice?

Thank you in advance. I really appreciate it.

- Kevin

[Gan]

You need to see a professional about the panic attacks. See if you have that option on your medical plan with your job.

With regards to the game thing... I cant help you there. Perhaps working out your other panic issues will help you have the opportunity to sort the game issues out.

Good luck to you bub. And congrats on the job success, thats outstanding.

[FinisWolf]

I had a friend ( a couple actually) that went through the trauma of being through a vehicular accident that went through the same types of things you are stating you are going through. In the end what worked for them was meditation.

My friend when faced with driving did some focused mental mediation before driving that included breathing techniques and placing their mind on something else, something relaxing to them. My friend started out working at learning to relax taking the better part of five minutes while sitting in the car. My friend is now down to zero minutes of meditation though as I understand it, sometimes the need for meditation does come up.

While driving, if my friend encountered a "close call", they would take a few deep breaths and go to their happy place in their mind.

Another friend uses books on tape while driving to escape driving stressers.

I guess the real key is to discover what works for you. I know mind over matter works. If you are willing to work at learning to make it work. By no means is it instantaneous, although I am sure that if you honestly try, you will find that it at least helps some from the very first attempt.

Personally, I use music to escape driving stressers. I play my music rather loud in the car, and I only play upbeat music, no matter the genre.

As far as the PRO, well ... not a lot of advice I can provide. I seem to be going through the same thing you are. No one is willing to take up some of the responsibility, or to help. So if you discover the fix for this, I would be interested to hear it.

Gan is likely correct regarding your IG stressers. Address the stressers with driving and that trauma. and you will likely help yourself with your IG experience. Also, as Gan said, some counseling may very well help you. Some people just need to talk about a bad experience with someone safe.

I wish you the best of luck addressing this.

Finis

[Skeeter]

certainly sounds like PTSS. You need the happy cloud. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist with a good reputation.

[FinisWolf]

Yea, I guess meds could be an answer, I just personally prefer to stay away from meds as long as possible. But there are times when the need is there.

Finis

[Izalude]

Thanks guys...

GS was my escape from worldy issues, but now it seems to be a source of a whole new set of issues thanks in part to the actions of a few unnamed people. I'm doing the right thing by walking away for awhile.

I'll look into a psychiatrist, because I don't think mearly talking about my problems will solve anything. I've tried that with several friends & family members and the end result is the same... I'm even more stressed out, frustrated, and upset at the end than when I started.

[Landrion]

However, when it comes to driving, I nearly have a panic attack every time I sit behind the wheel and see a cop, or when having a close-call on the Highway (New Jersey Drivers SUCK!). Just before I'm about to start my commute home, I get all nervous and jittery. The whole ride home, I can't relax... My eyes are constantly darting around wildly, scanning for any possible threats.


I felt this same way after a car accident where I suffered a neck injury years back. It should pass, right now, your survival instincts are saying "I got hurt doing this, Im going to pump you full of adrenaline in case something bad happens". This is normally a good thing, but a pain in your ass right now. Fortunately, each time you engage in the activity without getting hurt you're gradually desensitizing (fancy word hahah) yourself. Eventually your system will stop hypering you up, it just takes time. But thats just the panic feeling, the depression may not.

BTW I feel your pain with the Jersey drivers. I live here too. I fondly refer to other drivers as "the enemy".



This isn't the only thing that stresses me out...

It's gotten to the point in GS where it makes me physically sick when I bump into a few certain people in the game. I do my best to avoid them like the plague, but someway, somehow, they always seem to appear where I am. Alot of horrible shit happened within the last several months that I'd rather not get into, but needless to day it's got me very frustrated. There's even a GM who savagely attacks my one character's RP just because it doesn't conform strictly to game lore.

I have a Meeting Hall Organization in game that's in dire need of my attention. If I leave, I'd be flushing 7 years of work down the toilet, because there's not a single person that has the time, will, or drive to fix it.


You'll probably hear that you are taking a game too seriously from at least someone. Its supposed to be fun, I know that nauseous feeling you describe (from a work situation in my case). Avoiding people probably isnt going to help you. Youll either have to work things out with them and get it resolved or move on. If you're the sole reason a MHO is working or not, it really isn't working. A game is supposed to be leisure - not stress.



I haven't slept well in weeks. I've completely withdrawn from most of my friends... I find excuses not to go out, and when I do go out, I'm miserable. At work, we usually bust on eachother all day... But I stopped all together. When people start ripping on me, I just keep my mouth shut and continue working. I've also lost about 15 lbs because I'm not eating well. I'll have maybe 1 meal per day...
Thoughts? Tips? Advice?
Thank you in advance. I really appreciate it.
- Kevin

The symptoms vary, but that sounds like clinical depression. Change in eating, withdrawal, misery, problems sleeping. Its good that youve decided to check in with a professional. It isnt a sign of weakness. Its a lot harder and takes more courage to go and get help than do nothing about it.

[War Angel]

Izalude,

In regards to the panic attacks, please do seek some kind of help, I know it sounds silly, but talking to someone works. It may not bring you to where you feel 100% safe driving, but voicing your concerns and having someone walk you through how to cope with them might make you loosen up the death grip you have on the steering wheel. :) (Not said in jest, I was in a head on collision 3 years ago, and there are still certain triggers that make me want to pull over)
Secondly, in regards to Gemstone ...
For a lot of people, this becomes home, and I know that when in game things go horribly wrong, it can take a toll on your real life. Please realize your personal happiness is far more important than an in game PRO. If you need to take time off, do it. The walls of text won't fall apart without you.
When you work through this and find yourself a little bit stronger in the end of it all, it will be worth it.

[Keller]

Sounds like an e-relationship gone south.

Nothing a bottle of Jonny Walker and a couple of asian hookers wont solve.

[Izalude]

I've seen two doctors today, both seem to agree that it's PTSD. I was given Xanax and Zoloft, and told to take it easy for a few weeks. I'm going to be meeting with a councilor every Thursday for an hour.

In regards to GS, what my doctor said is that I turned to GS as an escape as to not to deal with my real issues... And when things went sour there, it only forced me to deal with the true issues. It'll heal in time... But for now, the doctor reccomends I remove myself entirely from the situation.

[Landrion]

I've seen two doctors today, both seem to agree that it's PTSD. I was given Xanax and Zoloft, and told to take it easy for a few weeks. I'm going to be meeting with a councilor every Thursday for an hour.

In regards to GS, what my doctor said is that I turned to GS as an escape as to not to deal with my real issues... And when things went sour there, it only forced me to deal with the true issues. It'll heal in time... But for now, the doctor reccomends I remove myself entirely from the situation.

Thats great, good luck to you man.

[Sean]

1. New Jersey drivers are the best in the world, we're ready for everything!

Well I guess I really only had 1 point.

[Keller]

I've seen two doctors today, both seem to agree that it's PTSD. I was given Xanax and Zoloft, and told to take it easy for a few weeks. I'm going to be meeting with a councilor every Thursday for an hour.

In regards to GS, what my doctor said is that I turned to GS as an escape as to not to deal with my real issues... And when things went sour there, it only forced me to deal with the true issues. It'll heal in time... But for now, the doctor reccomends I remove myself entirely from the situation.

Glad to hear it.

But I wasn't kidding about the asian hookers. Just make sure they've got some meat on their bones. There is nothing worse than pelvis on pelvis action.

[Skeeter]

certainly sounds like PTSS. You need the happy cloud. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist with a good reputation.

I'm a fucking super genius.


http://a0.vox.com/6a00c225234aa9549d00c2252860008e1d-320pi

[Gan]

I've seen two doctors today, both seem to agree that it's PTSD. I was given Xanax and Zoloft, and told to take it easy for a few weeks. I'm going to be meeting with a councilor every Thursday for an hour.

In regards to GS, what my doctor said is that I turned to GS as an escape as to not to deal with my real issues... And when things went sour there, it only forced me to deal with the true issues. It'll heal in time... But for now, the doctor reccomends I remove myself entirely from the situation.

Glad to hear that the docs are going to get you back on track.

As for the GS escape issue, I think thats something thats happened to a lot of people who play it, especially if the game is or becomes an escape from the issues of real life.

[TheEschaton]

You discussed GS with a doctor who wasn't a headshrinker?

I demand someone make a fake conversation based on this idea, not reflecting James' situation of course, but with the basic premise of discussing GS with a doctor, complete with pictures, preferably involving cats.

-TheE-

[Clove]

For the record Izalude after I was rear-ended hard enough to total my 3 year old Honda and throw me into I-95 traffic it was literally years before a car could travel behind mine without causing me a good deal of anxiety. I consider myself lucky that it didn't provoke panic-level anxiety or PTSD. In my opinion you're experiencing a normal human reaction to trauma- keep seeing the doctors and taking the meds and you'll heal up.

[Izalude]

Thank you all for your support and well wishes. I'm very happy that people of the PC close rank and stick together like this when one of us falls by the wayside.

[Stretch]

Don't ever let a hobby become a chore.

I think I've resigned myself to being a Gemstoner. Since 2001, I've found that I've followed the exact same seasonal pattern. Play for 12-18 months, then get bored and quit for 12-18 months. Bug catches again, and then I go through the hassle of either reactivating or tracking down who ended up with the rogue.

I think it's probably easier for me to quit than you though, since Gemstone is essentially ProgressQuest for me, while I think the interactions are more important important for you. I think the point stands though -- once you stop having fun, just remove yourself from it for awhile.

Glad to hear at least some things are going well for you.

[Skeeter]

Thank you all for your support and well wishes. I'm very happy that people of the PC close rank and stick together like this when one of us falls by the wayside.

Yet no mention of me just nailing it. Even picking the right drug.

Man I could've saved you a few $100

[Izalude]

So it's been awhile, so I figured I'd post an update.

I've been on some pretty wicked anti-depressants & anti-anxiety medication since starting to drive again. I nearly have a heart attack everytime I have a near-miss in the car, or when a cop pulls up behind me. The anxiety part works to an extent, however...

The anti-depressants seem to be doing the exact OPPOSITE of what they're supposed to be doing. They make me feel like I want to throw myself off a bridge or something. Don't get me wrong... I'm not stupid enough to do anything that drastic, but with all the other crap going on in my life right now, it just makes things even harder.

The medication also makes my skin alot thinner when it comes to taking comments at work, even though I know they're joking around. It affects me more, and I have to walk away either agitated or I just shut up.

It just seems like when everything starts to go right, something terrible happens... And things just seem to get compounded bigger and bigger from there.

When it comes to work, I couldn't be happier. I've got my dream job. I get along quite well with my collegues, and they're behind me 100%, but I feel like I'm letting them down with all these issues I've been having over the past few months.

I've also met someone, who I believe is mildly interested in me at best, or at worst wants me to throw myself off the bridge too! J/k. Anyways, there's been alot on my mind, and I'm not much of a talker. When it comes to my friends and their problems, I'm always their support, and their listener. I just feel like I really don't have anybody else to turn to. People I talk to always tell me that they're willing to listen to me and my problems, but in the end it always turns around with me listening to them, and trying to be their support.

I just feel lost or trapped...

[Jolena]

If the medication isn't working the way it should, you should speak to your doctor about it, Kevin. There are plenty of medications that they can try, and not all of them work well with each individual, so this is not something that you can't fix. Its been what, 2 months, since you started them? Time enough, I would think, for the doctor to determine if they are working or not, and from what you say they are not. So..in short, go back to see him and ask for a different prescription. Trial and error, my friend. :)

As for the rest, you have my number, you can call any time you wish and I hope you know that. I wish I could tell you something more than that, but I'm going through my own issues as well with the death of my father, so I know that sometimes it can feel as if you are helpless against the conflicting and awkward emotions of depression.

[Anebriated]

I cant believe I missed this the first time around. You know you can always come to me man. That being said... there are 2 ways to get past the GS issues. 1, make a new char that nobody/few people know about. My professional opinion is to make something to play with my new little cleric or 2 put the accounts on hold and try something new. I know youve already been playing other games so maybe you just need to shelve your GS stuff for awhile and come back to it someday if you decide you want to. I swear though if I hear youve sold....

As far as the driving thing, the answer is way out of my league so im not going to attempt an answer that hasnt already been said. However you can give me a call again anytime you need to calm your nerves, I know Jersey drivers are close to the worst(they can thank NYC drivers for taking #1).

[Izalude]

Yeah, unfortunately, the Zoloft wasn't working... So they put me on Effexor which is even worse... But the doctor wants to give it some more time... So in that sense, I guess we'll just see.

The counselor on the other hand iis useless. She makes me talk the whole time, and I feel like I'm entertaining her, rather than having her try to help me.

[Warriorbird]

Talk to your doctors ASAP. There can be some very negative anti depressant reactions. A college roommate of mine suffered some and it wasn't a good scene.

[Stanley Burrell]

What is a "wicked" antidepressant?

How's your sleeping? Do you get any palpitations or lightheadedness? Have you had any blood pressure work or echos done?

Communicate with your prescribing Dr.! And don't let the frustration of there not being a magic bullet bug you out. There never is one, ever, really.

[Izalude]

Talk to your doctors ASAP. There can be some very negative anti depressant reactions. A college roommate of mine suffered some and it wasn't a good scene.

I called her yesterday, a week into the new medication, and that's when she told me to just stick with the Effexor till my 2 week temp perscription runs out... But like I said... The Zoloft actually worked for 5/7 days of the week.

It's strange though... It seems that whatever mood I'm in, it stays like that ALL DAY. If I'm in a shitty mood, it'll stay like that. If I'm in a mild-mannered mood, it'll stay like that, etc etc etc.

[Izalude]

Sleep? Well... when I started on the medication back in August, I slept like a baby... Now I have really REALLY bizarre dreams if/when I do sleep. On my Doctor's request, I've been writing down a dream journal.

I average about 4-5 hours of sleep, when I plan on getting 7-8.

[Izalude]

I started on Zoloft & Xanax. The Xanax is alright, but it makes me really tired. The Zoloft regulated my mood to a point, but if I got depressed or upset about something, I couldn't shake it for the rest of the day.

The Effexor is makes me less anxious, but I always feel depressed regardless of what's going on.

[Stanley Burrell]

Did you recently STOP any sort of medication?

Yeah, Effexor can give you pretty vivid dreams. So can Lexapro, if that's what your Dr. recommends next, which it may or may not be, depending on your feedback regarding the Effexor.

[Izalude]

I changed one medication from Avonex (25 CCs) once a week to Betaseron (15CCs) once a week for MS so there would be no drug interaction between the Avonex and Zoloft, but that's really it. The only adverse effect from that I've noticed is that Betaseron makes me feel all hungover, and like I was just afflicted by the sorcerer's itchy curse the next morning.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

I started on Zoloft & Xanax. The Xanax is alright, but it makes me really tired. The Zoloft regulated my mood to a point, but if I got depressed or upset about something, I couldn't shake it for the rest of the day.

The Effexor is makes me less anxious, but I always feel depressed regardless of what's going on.

Zoloft always fucked me up.. if something got to me it made me like, crazy.

I take Wellbutrin as an anti-depressant (also helps with anxiety) so if you're still trying to find which medication works for your specific brain chemistry by all means look into it.

The goal with medication is to make it so that your illness is not adversely affecting your life.. therefore if your medication is messing up your life it's not serving it's purpose very well. Hang in there!

[senorgordoburro]

I have a lot of friends that either have been diagnosed with PTSD or have mild signs of it. Medication can help, but they have always found that talking is the best thing that helps them get through it. We went through some pretty tough combat and saw a lot of grotesque things happen to our friends, and the enemy for that part, and whenever any of us have nightmares or other things, we find that just talking and joking around is the best. I feel that one of the best things for you would be to find people that have similar anxiety attacks that have been brought on by motor vehicle accidents. The more you have in common in regards to the attacks and the incident that caused them the better. Thats why for my friends and I, we don't talk about our experiences with others in detail. We keep it between us, but always talk about all of it so that nothing is bottled up, that's when you need to be careful. Either way, you would probably have better luck talking it out with a close friend or someone with a similar condition than you would with a shrink. In my opinion, shrinks serve a purpose, but when it comes to PTSD, that is not one of there strong points. Good luck to ya.

-Matt

[sst]

Glad to hear it.

But I wasn't kidding about the asian hookers. Just make sure they've got some meat on their bones. There is nothing worse than pelvis on pelvis action.

thats why you go at it from the back...

[sst]

Recent studies have shown that working out has the same as if not better effects than antidepressant meds, considered getting into a regular workout regimen a shot.

I've got a few buddies that are suffering from PTSD pretty hard for similar but at the same time different reasons. If you don't feel the counselor is doing you a service find somebody else. Keep at it, in time things get easier (or so they say) talking about things seems to be helping them the most.

[Izalude]

Thanks guys... I'll stick it out for another few weeks, and hang in there... If it doesn't improve, then I'll tell my psychiatrist that she sucks.

[Kyra231]

If you are on Effexor more than 4-5 weeks please try and make sure your dr. does NOT take you off it cold turkey but weans you down in dosage, it has a high rate of patients who have major withdrawal symptoms(been there, done that) and a lot of physicians do not seem to know about the withdrawal. :(

Good luck with everything.

~K.

[Miss X]

My sister has panic and anxiety disorder, long story but she's also been on an SSRI and a benzo and she found she wasn't able to get "upset" like she normally would. Even silly things, she couldn't muster the emotion and she hated it. She's now having cognitive behavoural therapy and has stopped all her meds and she's the best she's been for months. She was suicidal for a while but since starting the therapy she's been more and more like her old self.

It was a nightmare for a while but she's definitely seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now. The worst thing is she's put on 30lbs in 2 months of the meds!

[Izalude]

I've lost alot of weight since August when I started all of this because I've completely lost my appetite. I eat because I know I have to, and not because I'm hungry.

[Izalude]

My bad luck never ceases to amaze me...

Today I'm walking from the train station, going over a crosswalk, when a guy yapping away on his cell phone, not paying attention hits me. It spins me around, knocking me flat on my back near the sidewalk. Instead of stopping to see if I'm okay, he takes off.

After I regain my composure, I stand up, brush myself off, and contue walking towards my bus stop to get to work, and a few people stop to ask if I'm okay. I thank them for their concern, but aside from a slightly bruised ego, I was fine. One person mentioned that the guy was actually laughing.

It was a late model Honda SUV with Purplish-blue color, the guy was in his late 20's-early 30's with short black spiked hair. He was talking on one of those thin razor or katana phones.

But the worst part about this whole story is... Part of me wishes that he just finished the job.

[Shifted]

Well, an important thing i can think of to ask, do you wish he would have finished it, or could you care less if he had finished the job? Neither is really a good thing, but there's a big difference.

[Izalude]

I have a very apathetic outlook on everything right now. I wouldn't actively seek trying to get killed by getting run over by a car, but I wouldn't have cared if it did do the job, if that makes sense.

[Shifted]

Very much so. Like i said, not a good thing either, but better than actively seeking. Sounds about like my life.

I hereby nominate you for Vice President of the Karma's Bitch Association. Something else happened today, so I think I'll keep the Presidency for another term.

[Anebriated]

the guy was in his late 20's-early 30's with short black spiked hair. He was talking on one of those thin razor or katana phones.

I dont know why but I just pictured half of long island.

[StrayRogue]

Hang on in there bud.