Wedding manners

[SpunGirl]

I'm definitely interested in what some of my GS - playing peers have to say about this. I'm getting married in less than a month, and I'm about to tear my hair out over the guest list.

I was raised to believe that when someone receives and invitation in the mail, the only people invited are the people ON THE INVITATION. So if it says, "Mr and Mrs so and so," that does not mean "bring your son's girlfriend that we've never met."

But I've gotten THREE RSVPs now that include uninvited guests (and I didn't write "so-and-so and guest," either). Is this just not commonly known about the invitation addressing, or is it just not commonly practiced anymore? I can't figure it out. Thoughts?

-K

[Warriorbird]

We didn't have that happen...but...if spacing is limited, I'd publicize and open reception and church/place of worship space by invitation only. Some of our friends did that.

[Bestatte]

It is rude for your invited guests to extend their own invitation to other people. It puts a financial burden unfairly on your shoulders, plus it's a gross violation of good manners and ettiquette.

However, rather than risk offending these sloths who are obviously ignorant - or worse - enduring people you didn't invite tromping all over your dance floor and drinking your wine...

You might call these three people and say something like:

"I'm so glad you sent in the RSVP promptly, and I really appreciate that. However I noticed you added someone to my guest list, and I'm afraid our budget simply cannot extend any further. Your friend/neice/mother/girlfriend is more than welcome to attend the ceremony, and I would be delighted to see her/him/it there. Unfortunately though, we will not be able to accommodate seating for them at the reception."

When in doubt, blame it on the budget. If they try pulling the "Oh that's alright, I'll pay for their spot at the table" then tell them the caterers have already been given a final count and there will not be a meal for the uninvited guest.

If they pull the "well if they can't go neither can I!" crap, tell them you're SO sorry they feel that way, but you simply cannot change your wedding plans and you will miss them dearly.

And STICK with your plans.

She who almost had to deal with that at her own wedding :)

[Makkah]

How ironic that this topic sprung up. I got invited to my boy's wedding yesterday.


rht

[SpunGirl]

Thanks, Bestatte, that sounds like a good idea. We invited these cousins of my dad's because they're family, even though I haven't seen them since I was around 13. We put Mr and Mrs on the invite, and not their kids, since I've never met them.

We got the RSVP back today saying that not only will they be coming, but they are bringing their adult (26) daughter and her new boyfriend. Snort.

This is like something worthy of Dear Abby. "Please, readers, don't bring uninvited guests."

-K

[Bestatte]

Ya know I probably would've put up with Cousin Whoever showing up.. but I would have taken it as a personal insult to see her boyfriend there. Well unless of course he brought a gift equal to or exceeding the value of the meal I had no intention of feeding him :)

[Black Jesus]

thats what you get for inviting douches