Advice, please.

[SpunGirl]

What is perhaps the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me has got me wondering what to do.

Here's the background. Chad was my first love, without a doubt. I was 15 and he was 18. We dated for something for like 8 months before he left for college, 2000 miles away. Naturally we broke up, but we kept in touch for years and became great friends.

When I lost my virginity, he knew about it. When I started dating the guy who is now my husband, he knew. When we moved in together, he knew. So naturally I e-mailed Chad when Jake and I got engaged.

His response was that he no longer thought we should devote any time to this "decaying" friendship and that we shouldn't ever talk, ever again.

We've both moved from our hometown, so there's no chance of us seeing each other except by freakish coincidence. I don't email him, nor do I want to. I did, however, buy a used book from amazon.com about two weeks ago.

I get the package in the mail. The return address on the label was... his name, his state. Yes, it could possibly not be him, but I think it was.

Should I just let it go or maybe use it as a chance to get back in touch? I'm totally weirded out.

-K

[Ansherak]

Hmmm, a toughy, how long ago has it been since you two have last spoke?

I think in your shoes, I'd be tempted to drop a line and explain why....Worst case scenario is he gives you the cold shoulder, then you just shrug it off and move on.

D-

[SpunGirl]

Jake and I got engaged in March of 2002, so that's when he and I last had contact.

-K

[Ansherak]

Ahh, so really, only around a year and a bit, well lots can change in a year, I'd still drop a line and "test" the waters so to speak.

D-

[Betheny]

Men suck. It's best to just let things go. Go lesbo, or... join a convent. :D

[HarmNone]

He never said anymore than that he felt you should end your friendship? No word as to why he felt that way? Was he friends with your husband, as well (could he have been angry about your engagement to Jake)? Might he have feelings for you himself?

So many questions arise, and so few answers. To me, it would seem understandable for you to drop him a line, if for nothing than to clarify what went wrong in the first place. To have such a close friend turn away so quickly, and without explaining why, would be very difficult to take, I would think. You need closure, and you have a right to ask him for it. With luck, whatever was wrong will have righted itself and you will have your friend back.:)

HarmNone

[AkMan]

Good advice HarmNone. But if you bought a book from him, don't you think he'd recognize your name? If he didn't take that opportunity to contact you, I doubt you'll have much luck tryin to patch things up. Sounds like a serious case of jealousy to me.

[Warriorbird]

I'd avoid it, completely.

[Drew2]

My first reaction is to say just let it go. Write him off as part of your past and move on.

However, I was in a situation similar to that, and I know that's not easy to do. At all. That's almost like losing an arm and telling yourself to forget about it. It's not like turning off a switch. It still seems like you have control of the situation, though. If you don't respond, it will end. If you do, you could open up something you don't need. I guess it all depends on what you're willing to put yourself through for this guy.

Just keep in mind... if he still doesn't want to talk, you could be setting yourself up to fall again.

Good luck.

[Weedmage Princess]

I'm going to agree with the Too--er, Tayre.
Same thing happened to me when I first started dating my husband a couple of years back..a couple of friends turned their backs on me, decided they no longer wanted anything to do with me cause of it. I was damn upset about it and couldn't understand why (especially considering they've dated people throughout the course of our friendship and I had no problems) ..then I said to myself..."If they can't see how happy I am and be happy for me, then they're not really my friends now, are they?" I let it go. One of them I started talking to again recently...and it's all good...the other...no word, and I've given up caring. So the same thing with you. How much of a friend is this dude to you if he can't be happy for you that you've found someone?

[Wezas]

<passive aggressive>
Damage the book and then send it back saying that it was damaged when you got it. Then demand a refund.
</passive aggressive>

[SpunGirl]

Something is wrong. I tried to edit and it posted twice.

-K

[Edited on 11-13-2003 by SpunGirl]

[SpunGirl]

Heh. I doubt he'd know it was me, we have maybe one or two friends left in common that don't talk much anymore. So he has no way of knowing what my new last name is, or that I'm now living in Las Vegas instead of Arizona.

His last name is Blomberg, I'm thinking it's pretty uncommon. I guess my reluctance to go, "hey, guess who," is because I'm still bitter about the fact that we couldn't be friends just because I was engaged. Weedmage makes a very good point about that.

But good advice from everyone, thank you.

-K

[Edited on 11-13-2003 by SpunGirl]

[HarmNone]

I guess it is just me, but never would I leave hanging something that I wished closure on. I am the type who will seek to find out what went wrong rather than ponder the unknowable. :)

HarmNone likes answers

[Caiylania]

I would make contact. If you believe in fate, then perhaps this is a chance being given, if you don't then what could it hurt?

Friends have made contact with me after years of loosing touch, and become stronger for it, others have moved on. I agree with Harmnone, if you need closure, then go for it. Either way, you will get a friend back or the ending you need.

Let us know :)

[Black Jesus]

make it easier on everyone and just hang yourself

[Moist Happenings]

Originally posted by Black Jesus
make it easier on everyone and just hang yourself

Have you ever contributed anything useful?

[AkMan]

Yes he contributed to his community once.

Every village needs an idiot.