Critique Me

[Danical]

I've decided to come up with a few alters so I can have something prepared.
These are for my gnome. I'm trying to show by his clothing his engineering/tinkering/gadeteering interests. I'm not really intersted in shows but rather long descriptions.

Boots - durable pyrothag hide boots fortified with glaes toe-plating

Gloves - grease-stained pyrothag hide gloves well-worn at the fingers

Apron - scorthced pyrothag hide furnace apron coated with soot

Cloak - grease-stained wool cloak overstuffed with tools

Overalls - grease-stained wool overalls fastened by glaes cog-shaped clasps

Eyewear - Glaes-framed goggles equiped with adjustable magnifying lenses

[Vimp]

won't get the cloak done because of the 'overstuffed with tools' bit.

[StrayRogue]

Never heard of a furnace apron either.

I like all the others though. Might want to vary the grease-stained thing though.

[Satira]

Boots - durable pyrothag hide boots fortified with glaes toe-plating
Fine.

Gloves - grease-stained pyrothag hide gloves well-worn at the fingers
Fine.

Apron - scorthced pyrothag hide furnace apron coated with soot
Never heard of a furnace apron. Also, I may just not know what it means, but what is scorthced?! Is that supposed to be scorched?

Cloak - grease-stained wool cloak overstuffed with tools
The tools are an issue. I'd change it to something like oversized lumpy pockets.

Overalls - grease-stained wool overalls fastened by glaes cog-shaped clasps
Do smudged instead of grease-stained again.

Eyewear - Glaes-framed goggles equiped with adjustable magnifying lenses
Equipped. And have a backup ready in case they won't make the magnifying lenses.

[Danical]

Thanks for correcting the spelling errors.

RE: repetition -- I had a few other friends comment on the repetition of grease-stained. I was thinking of a few others (e.g. grit/grime).

RE: apron -- materials engineer that would have to mold and shape metal for parts. Thus, he would most likely have to work with a blast furnace and have the need for protection. I figured pryothags leather would be a perfect material given their ability to shrug off heat damage.

RE: overalls -- I need another material for overalls ... wtf would wear [b]wool[\b] overalls?

I'll work on em. Thanks for the help.

[Satira]

Suede or sailcloth

[Stanley Burrell]

"A pair of gnomish aviator's goggles"

Argue the whole idea of the Gillywack to any merchant naysayer and put in some etched crosshairs in the show.

I dunno.

[Shalla]

Boots - durable pyrothag hide boots fortified with glaes toe-plating

OK.



Gloves - grease-stained pyrothag hide gloves well-worn at the fingers

Something about the grease-stained doesn't appeal to me. I hope you roleplay removing them when or if you're eating. If you're into game-dating. Your partner would be like, "You want me to hold your hand with THAT?" j/k




Apron - scorthced pyrothag hide furnace apron coated with soot

Use another word besides coated. For this really, I would advice a show. It would provide more detailed idea of your profession or what you do.



Cloak - grease-stained wool cloak overstuffed with tools

Ovestuffed with tools won't work, especially if it's pocketed. How else can you put stuff in it if it's already over-stuffed?



Overalls - grease-stained wool overalls fastened by glaes cog-shaped clasps

Once again. A show would be a really good idea for this. The apron's show would focus more on your dirty profession. I think for your overalls you can personalize it more. More to your character's personality.



Eyewear - Glaes-framed goggles equiped with adjustable magnifying lenses

I don't wear glasses but I thought the frame is the metal/aluminum/plastic part holding the lenses? Isn't glaes = glass like? So you have glass frames and THEN the lenses? I don't see anything wrong with magnifying lens. They can't say it's out of genre because they have telescopes in game. How can there be telescopes and no magnifying glass/lens. It wouldn't make sense.

[Danical]

I hate show descrptions because I don't check anyone else's so I assume most wouldn't check mine.

I dunno, I'll try and develop them then.

Suede is good. I was thinking some type of linen composite a la the turn of our industrial revolution.

Glaes is glass, strickly speaking. But it's much, much stronger than steel and generally a dark/black color. I figured glaes would be a good choice for the toe-plating/glasses since most of the entire garb this char is wearing is generally covered in grime; no use getting shiney metals if it's gonna be covered most of the time.

"A pair of gnomish aviator's goggles" -- heh, conjures up images of that warcraft 3 unit; gyrocopter or something.

[DCSL]

I suggest you read the alteration guidelines under the verb ALTER in game, so you'll know for yourself what will be acceptable and what won't. The fact that you think something from the industrial revolution would be means you haven't really boned up on the rules.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

I hate show descrptions because I don't check anyone else's so I assume most wouldn't check mine.

I dunno, I'll try and develop them then.

Suede is good. I was thinking some type of linen composite a la the turn of our industrial revolution.

Glaes is glass, strickly speaking. But it's much, much stronger than steel and generally a dark/black color. I figured glaes would be a good choice for the toe-plating/glasses since most of the entire garb this char is wearing is generally covered in grime; no use getting shiney metals if it's gonna be covered most of the time.

"A pair of gnomish aviator's goggles" -- heh, conjures up images of that warcraft 3 unit; gyrocopter or something.

Show descriptions have their uses.. not only do they keep your wardrobe from being way too long (and then people won't look at you anyway) they allow room for more precise detail. If you're worried about people not seeing the shows, then post the outfit here and those who actually look at outfits will see it anyway! But yeah, an inventory of only long descriptions is usually overkill. For smaller pieces, like the goggles or glasses and maybe even the gloves, a show would be perfect.

I also reccomend a lot of what other people have. No on the stuffed-with stuff.. for the overalls, maybe you could do some grease-stained heavy (color) overalls with a few tiny tool handles peeking out from the top pocket, and then use those awesome clasps for your cloak... like, a worn (color) wool cloak fastened with oddly-sized glaes cog clasps.

Which leads me to my other suggestion.. put colors in your alterations! People will usually notice colors. ^_^

[Danical]

The fact that you think something from the industrial revolution would be means you haven't really boned up on the rules.


1) linen exists in GS
2) I'm trying recreate something (re: linen) similar to what humanity has had since 8000 BCE
3) the IR just made it a fuck of a lot easier to make.

But thanks. Didn't know about the alter verb.

[Stanley Burrell]

I am pretty sure that airships exist in GS and that there have been Gnomish sky captains on this mention.

I am also pretty sure that the Gillywack had its own elevator that played corny elevator music in this airship that I am pretty sure about.

Goblin skull bowling, dybuks and about 903940920384903 other examples of post-industrial themes exist within contemporary GS: I am pretty certain that "goggles" in and of itself is damn suggestive.

Go with it, or ask for a schwartz ring :thumbup:

[AestheticDeath]

Go with it, or ask for a schwartz ring :thumbup:

I saw Tsin with a schwartz ring I think. Is this unique or something? Just an alter? What gives.

[TheEschaton]

"I see your schwartz is as big as mine."

It's a fairly obvious OOG reference to Spaceballs.

-TheE-

[Shalla]

I hate show descrptions because I don't check anyone else's so I assume most wouldn't check mine.

The people who doesn't have patience to look at show descriptions, doesn't have patience to read a whole text of long alters either, much less roleplay. The whole purpose of the show, like I said is to add detail to your character. Correct me if I'm wrong, isn't your purpose for having this "Engineer" outfit for roleplay? I assure you that the people out there who roleplay WILL take the time to notice your outfit, and inspect your shows. They are the ones you should be concerned about, because other people simply wouldn't even care to look at you.

Majority of the people that roleplay post here anyways. So they probably already know. They might even help you with the show.



Suede is good. I was thinking some type of linen composite a la the turn of our industrial revolution.

With your filthy profession. Suede, I think is a really really bad idea. Didn't you mention working with a furnace? Suede would be too hot as well. I think linen is a good idea. It breathes better.



Glaes is glass, strickly speaking. But it's much, much stronger than steel and generally a dark/black color. I figured glaes would be a good choice for the toe-plating/glasses since most of the entire garb this char is wearing is generally covered in grime; no use getting shiney metals if it's gonna be covered most of the time.

Glaes Frames and then magnifying glass? I think that would be over-kill and will make you look like one of those four-eyes with humungous magnified eyes and face. Then again, that's probably how you want him to look. so thumbs up. Or You replace glaes-framed with something else but leave the rest.

[Danical]

The people who doesn't have patience to look at show descriptions, doesn't have patience to read a whole text of long alters either, much less roleplay. The whole purpose of the show, like I said is to add detail to your character. Correct me if I'm wrong, isn't your purpose for having this "Engineer" outfit for roleplay? I assure you that the people out there who roleplay WILL take the time to notice your outfit, and inspect your shows. They are the ones you should be concerned about, because other people simply wouldn't even care to look at you.

Majority of the people that roleplay post here anyways. So they probably already know. They might even help you with the show.

Excellent point and duly noted.




With your filthy profession. Suede, I think is a really really bad idea. Didn't you mention working with a furnace? Suede would be too hot as well. I think linen is a good idea. It breathes better.

Agreed.




Glaes Frames and then magnifying glass? I think that would be over-kill and will make you look like one of those four-eyes with humungous magnified eyes and face. Then again, that's probably how you want him to look. so thumbs up. Or You replace glaes-framed with something else but leave the rest.

Just sorta pushing the glaes . . . guess it's not that important. But the "adjustable" nature of the googles could either reduce or increase the humungoidness of the eyes. I'm thinking like how you can rotate binoculars to increase/decrease magnification (probably more akin to jewelers/dentists glasses). I also thought this might be an excellent item to add scripts. Would be fun.

[Amber]

Goblin skull bowling, dybuks and about 903940920384903 other examples of post-industrial themes exist within contemporary GS: I am pretty certain that "goggles" in and of itself is damn suggestive.


Just for the record, bowling isn't post-industrial. It's believed to have actually originated in Egypt, about 5000 years ago. though others believe it originated in Germany about 2000 years ago. Either way, it's been around long before the industrial revolution. It was outlawed in England in the 1300s. http://wvwv.essortment.com/historyofbowli_rkdx.htm

[StrayRogue]

Goggles have already been released before as well.

[Warriorbird]

Goggles have been released multiple times. There's even some in room descs.

Of course there are light switches in a room desc too.

:P Dex.

[DCSL]

:P Dex.


What the. I don't object to goggles. I think I have some up on my alteration hall of fame somewhere, even. He said something about a linen composite from around the industrial revolution.

I guess I wasn't clear. I had no idea all of you were jumping down *my* throat with the references to stuff. Yes, linen has been around for-ev-er (I can't believe you guys think I wouldn't know that) but a linen composite (depending on what the other parts are) may not have been.

And as for all the crazy out-of-genre shit you see all over the game... you all should know damn well that just because the GMs make the mistake doesn't mean you get to also. I often think they hold the players to higher standards of rule-obeying competence than they do themselves. But yeah. The argument of "But they released flashlights on the Dhu!" doesn't mean you get to have something that was made around the same time as a flashlight.

You guys are giving Simu way too much credit in the consistancy department. They are the queens and kings of "Do what I say, not as I do."

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

You guys are giving Simu way too much credit in the consistancy department. They are the queens and kings of "Do what I say, not as I do."

Definitely. I mean, the Elves somehow figured out how to refine a metal to the point that it floats, but a GM argued with me about whether or not clip-on earrings were In Genre.. basically, the Elves can figure out how to make flying contraptions, but not attach a bent piece of metal to the back of an earring so it can just be clipped? Wtf?