Joke

[Kuyuk]

Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and said to him..."Take me ...young man...Take me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little old Woman: Hell, no. He just yelled, "April Fool!" ...And that's when I shot the little bastard.

[CrystalTears]

Two men were driving through North Carolina when they got pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolled down the window and "WHACK," the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick.

"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.

"You're in North Carolina, son," the trooper answered.

"When we pull you over in North Carolina, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."

"I'm sorry, officer" the driver said, "I'm from New York and didn't know your laws here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean and gives the guy his license back. The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK," the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.

"What'd you do that for?" the passenger demands.

"Just making your wish come true," replied the trooper."

"Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked.

"Because I know you New Yorkers," the trooper says, "two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, 'I wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!"

[Wezas]

haha @ CT's joke.

no offense Kuyuk.

[ElanthianSiren]

Eighty year old woman's been arrested for stealing for the second time, and the judge is looking over her. She's wearing tatty clothes that might have been white at one time but need a wash, and her titan hair's greasy, flopping everywhere. Her husband, also bent and stooped with age, is standing with her, clutching her hand tightly.

The judge, struck by compassion, sadness, and a little shame asks the woman what she did.

"I stole a can of peaches, your honor," she says.

Knowing that he can't just let this woman go, he asks her how many peaches were in the can that she stole.

"Two," she says.

"This being your second offense," the judge says, "I have to impose a sentence of two years in prison, one for each peach that you stole in the can," the judge says formally.

"Your honor," her husband interjects anxiously.

"Yes?"

"She also stole a can of peas."

[Kuyuk]

I laughed at CT's joke too. :(


K.

[Anebriated]

I chuckled at all 3.

[Stretch]

Women's rights.