Begging for a job

[Kuyuk]

I wrote an e-mail to a restaurant earlier more-or-less begging to get a job there. Here it is.


Greetings,

I apologize first because this e-mail may be out of place and awkward, however I feel I can best explain myself here rather than any other media. While the primary purpose of this e-mail is to inquire about the off-chance of any culinary positions opening up for the summer, I would also like to give you some information about myself in e-mail even if there are no openings available.

My name is Patrick Diehl, and I am for a lack of a better term, a culinary journeyman. I am just finishing up college at New England Culinary Institute, graduation should be in June. I've been working for the past year at The Gingersnap Bakery, doing an assortment of tasks, mostly wedding cakes and special occasion cakes. For my first internship I worked out in Idaho at the South Fork Lodge, working mostly saute station but also garde manger and brunch.

While I currently reside in upstate New York, I'm looking in Atlanta for a job is for a few reasons. My partner is graduating college on May 20th, and is looking to go to one of several Grad Schools in the country in the fall, however, as we're waiting for replies we have no clue where we plan on ending up. Atlanta comes into play because I have a place to stay in Decatur, and plan on living there until we decide where she'll be going to school. At the current time, I believe she plans on staying in New York until the fall with our son while I move to Georgia and try and get a job.

The reason I am writing to you and not one of the many other restaurants in the Atlanta area, is because I am looking for an small to medium sized upscale environment that promotes fresh, seasonal product while the Chefs are willing to further my education. Based on some of the reviews, menus and your website, I feel that Canoe would be a great place to learn. I wrote learn instead of work, simply because when I am in the kitchen, I enjoy doing everything from scrubbing walls to making a confection, and I try and learn everything that I can from any job.

Since my partner does not graduate until May 20th, I wont be available until June 1st if there are any openings. I apologize again for the awkwardness of this mail, and look forward to hearing from you soon.


Patrick Diehl
www.chefdiehl.com/resume

[Alfster]

I wouldn't send that

haha

[Sean of the Thread]

I think it isn't very professional and while lacking tact it is borderline begging.

In a stack of properly submitted resumes I would put this letter to the side.

[Kuyuk]

Understandable, but hey, cant hurt too much.



K.

[Bobmuhthol]

"rather than any other media"

Medium.

"garde manger"

Knowing nothing about culinary arts and a fair amount about French, the position "Eating Guard" makes me giggle.

"While I currently reside in upstate New York, I'm looking in Atlanta for a job is for a few reasons."

That 'is' is out of place, ie. shouldn't exist.

"for an small to medium"

A small.


I'm only pointing these out because they're the most obvious errors and neglecting them is a sign of carelessness.

[Kuyuk]

My bad. I can cook, not write.


K.

[Tisket]

I would eliminate the apologies at the start and end of the email. Those are what make it sound like groveling to me. Other than that I didn't think it was bad.

[Alfster]

i'd also run your resume through a spellchecker

[Kuyuk]

<<i'd also run your resume through a spellchecker>>

Thanks, more eyes catch more errors.


K.

[Alfster]

Fully competiant in most any computer activity.

[Kuyuk]

Already changed :)

[Daniel]

I wrote learn instead of work,

Not on second page but you missed this as well (Bob got the others I saw)

[Daniel]

I'd also A) take out all the apologies and everything else and B) Tell them why they should want to hire you. Explicitly: Ie. I'm an awesome chef and would be a great asset to your organization because:

You also forgot to omit the "is" like bob mentioned.

[BLZrizz]

I can't tell if you've sent the email already. If you havent, ill send you a suggested revision.

[Sean of the Thread]

I'd also A) take out all the apologies and everything else and B) Tell them why they should want to hire you. Explicitly: Ie. I'm an awesome chef and would be a great asset to your organization because:

You also forgot to omit the "is" like bob mentioned.


Yes.

[Kuyuk]

Yeah, already sent it.


My bad.


K.

[Leetahkin]

:nono:

Never send things like that in haste!
A few more days of perfecting your letter wouldn't have hurt your chances.
An email like that should follow the lines of a cover letter to go with your resume.

If I were you, try to find some more places of interest to you to work at, and supply more email cover letters.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket..."

[The Ponzzz]

Start looking for another place, heh!

[Kuyuk]

I already have 2 other applications in at other restaurants.


K.

[The Ponzzz]

I'll tell you, I did this to my last job, and it got me in. Just you must make sure everything is 100% right on before ya sent it. I'm king of grammar errors, so I just had my girlfriend at the time look it over and a few friends.

Obviously people here can help.

[Sean of the Thread]

Don't listen to leetahbra she is dumb.

Don't you have a portfolio to submit with a non groveling letter? I've seen plenty of pictures (not counting the one of you pissing in your livingroom) of your work around here.

[Kuyuk]

<<Don't you have a portfolio to submit with a non groveling letter? I've seen plenty of pictures (not counting the one of you pissing in your livingroom) of your work around here.>>

I think that's the nicest thing Xyelin said about anything to anyone. I think he implied that my pictures would help me get a job. Thanks Xyelin! :up:

And yes, if they decide to putter through my webpage, I got pictures on there--not all of them, but some at least.

K.

[Sean of the Thread]

<<Don't you have a portfolio to submit with a non groveling letter? I've seen plenty of pictures (not counting the one of you pissing in your livingroom) of your work around here.>>

I think that's the nicest thing Xyelin said about anything to anyone. I think he implied that my pictures would help me get a job. Thanks Xyelin! :up:

And yes, if they decide to putter through my webpage, I got pictures on there--not all of them, but some at least.

K.


Everything I've posted in this thread was being serious.

[BLZrizz]

Well, that's ok. I'll give you some pointers so you don't make the same errors in the future. All the criticism I give is purely constructive.

1. Keep professional correspondence strictly within the 5 W’s:

Who: Who am I?

What: What am I writing to you for?

When/Where: When/Where can I do that “what” above?

Why: Why should you choose me?

The apology, however well intentioned, is a big no no. An apology implies wrongdoing. It’s the first sentence this person will read, and starting off with an apology will put a negative haze on everything else to follow.

The first paragraph also conveys a lack of confidence: words like “off-chance”, “even if” imply that you’re not really sure about yourself, and if you even deserve a shot. So what if they don’t have an opening? You need to sell yourself…convince them that if they don’t have an opening, they should make one for you.

2. Second paragraph – too many qualfiers: “for lack of a better term”, if you cant define yourself, why should I bother? Graduation “should be” in June? Are you thinking of failing out? Don’t talk about an assortment-name each thing you do, here or in your resume.

Revise like this: I am so and so. I am studying at the New England Culinary Institute, graduating in June with a degree in whatever. Currently, I am working at The Gingersnap Bakery, supervising/overseeing/managing/whatever the Special Occasion Cake deparment. My relevant work history is listed on my enclosed resume.

3. Third paragraph – you can cut this out. That you live in NY can only hurt things, unless you say you’re willing to fly down for an interview and are willing to move for the position. The personal stuff about your partner is at best unnecessary information and at worst unprofessional.

4. Fourth paragraph – the why, the most important one. Use active words here, I’m creative, dynamic, energetic, blah blah. I love my work. I’m searching for opportunities with a successful, cutting edge restaurant, and I would fit in well at Canoe. I have much to offer, but I am also willing to learn.

5. Fifith – more negative stuff. Just close with “Thanks for your time. Have a great day, and I look forward to hearing from you.”

[Sean of the Thread]

BLzrizz is the money!

[Kuyuk]

Thanks BLZ, you have really good advise, and it is really stuff I should have known before writing.


One of the major problems I had when writing was even how to approach them, which is how I started with the apology.


When I write another letter to the next restaurant, I'll take your advice. :)


PS. I know you were Xyelin, and I thank you for it. I was just pointing out the fact you do not give out very many compliments.

K.

[Daniel]

That's what the email is, a cover letter. It serves the same function and can be very effective in any hiring process but you need to stay away from apologizing and the negative portrayals. If you can't portray yourself in a position light than don't expect an employer to. They are *looking* for your faults to see if they can work around them on the job.

That said a cover letter should be loosely constructed in this manner.

Header:
Paragraph 1: Who you are, what you want
Paragraph 2: Why you'd be good at what you want, why they should take the time to look @ ur resume
Paragraph 3: any relevant information not included in the resume or the aboth mentioned paragraphs (i.e. Dates available, or special things like hey I live in NY but am moving to the ATL so I'm not retarded just looking ahead)

If you want you can check out this website and get some information about resumes\cover letters etc

http://www.american.edu/careercenter/students/career/handouts.html

or you can post things like this in the future and I'm sure I or someone else can help ya out.

[BLZrizz]

Glad to help. Many folks on this board are knowledgeable and well-intentioned. It's never a bad idea to toss something up for consideration (before you send it, that is).

[Kuyuk]

<before you send it, that is>


Key words I wont forget soon.


K.

[Latrinsorm]

Here's the only letter you'll ever need:

Hi I'm Dave Kuyuk you should hire me because I have access to big knives and if you don't I'll cut you to fucking pieces YES THIS IS A WRITTEN THREAT.

Very truly yours,
Bill Kuyuk

[Kuyuk]

lol. So true. I'd go all Fried Green Tomatos on their ass.



K.

[AnticorRifling]

Construct a resume and proper cover letter. Send those two pieces of paper along with pictures of your work. That's it. No letters begging for a job, no letters asking if there are openings. I don't know how the chef world works but if that letter hit my desk it would be shredded after the first few words. It has no place in a professional work environment.

[Kuyuk]

<<It has no place in a professional work environment.>>


I have yet to see any kitchen that is professional.


K.

[Kuyuk]

Got a reply this morning:


Have passed your information along to the chef (Carvel Grant Gould) and pastry chef ( Robyn Mayo). Direct line to kitchen is XXXXX.


I thought about addressing the letter to them in the first place, but sometimes the GM makes the calls. So I didnt. At least I got that!



K.

[ElanthianSiren]

Even if you don't get that specific job, you've gleaned some very important experience from the letter. Good luck and congradulations on the response.


-M

[Stunseed]

< I don't know how the chef world works but if that letter hit my desk it would be shredded after the first few words. It has no place in a professional work environment. >

As a hiring manager for my company, I would have to agree. I would by law have to store your application, but it would rot in a little white box.

[xtc]

The letter is grovelling. A lot of the other points have already been made.

One point you keep using the term partner which to me is code for same sex partner. How liberal is Atlanta? If you aren't gay perhaps you should change the word partner to girlfriend or fiance or something else. If you are gay maybe it would be best to omit your partner from your letter.

[Kuyuk]

Partner doesnt mean same sex to me.

We've been together almost 9 years, not married, not engaged, but I think 9 years is a bit long to just call her a girlfriend.


K.

[El Burro]

Free milk is soooo gooood

[Alfster]

The first time I read it, I thought "partner" sounded gay

[Hulkein]

It sounds very gay.

[CrystalTears]

I read partner thinking he was referring to a person he works with or in collaboration with for work on other projects.

Why in the world are you even discussing your girlfriend/spouse in a letter for a job?

[Kuyuk]

<<Why in the world are you even discussing your girlfriend/spouse in a letter for a job?>>


Where she goes to grad school ultimately decides where I end up in the US, in the meantime, while we're waiting, I plan on moving to GA.


K.

[Sean of the Thread]

<<Why in the world are you even discussing your girlfriend/spouse in a letter for a job?>>


Where she goes to grad school ultimately decides where I end up in the US, in the meantime, while we're waiting, I plan on moving to GA.


K.

Which is exactly why you don't mention her in resume/letter.

[Kuyuk]

Perhaps, but I never really considered the e-mail a cover letter until you guys mentioned it. I meant it more as an informal letter.


K.

[CrystalTears]

It doesn't matter. When you're asking for a job (or begging in your case), regardless of the format or avenue (be it snail mail or email), you're still representing yourself, no one else. You really don't have a reason to mention your spouse. It's not relevant to your job, no matter how much you feel it is.

If what you do depends on what your girlfriend does, then you really shouldn't mention her. They won't take you since you're basically sucking her tit for support. Shows lack of cojones, know what I mean? :P

[Warriorbird]

The man wears diapers and uses kiddie toilets.

[Hog]

Dude..just get grow some nads and talk to them face to face. Waddya some kinda gurl?

[Kuyuk]

<Dude..just get grow some nads and talk to them face to face.>


I live in NY, they're in GA.



K.

[Latrinsorm]

Real men have supersonic jets at their beck and call. Tch.

[longshot]

Kuyuk,

Any communication is a representation of yourself.

You learn from this... it's no big deal.

But, realize what you sent them was nothing short of horrendous.

[Kuyuk]

Well, I got a job.


Assistant Pastry Chef at www.basinharbor.com


Free room and board with the position and it's a $5.50 raise/hr (if I work 40 hours), it's a salary job.




K.

[Warriorbird]

Free room and board seems pretty sweet.

[Wezas]

yeah, $5.50 isn't great, but free room and board makes the deal alot nicer.

::edited to add::

Err, you said $5.50 raise/hr? Over your last job? Or $5.50/hr plus a raise at some point

[CrystalTears]

it's a $5.50 raise/hr
What does that mean?

[El Burro]

I think it means he'll be making $5.50 more per hour than his prior job.

[Wezas]

If that's the case it sounds like a great deal. (not that I knew how much you were making at the last place)

[Sean of the Thread]

At any rate who doesn't want an extra $220 in change laying around a week.

[Kranar]

Congrats!

[Kuyuk]

Yeah, it's a $5.50 raise per hour than my current job, and a huge status change.



K.

[Wezas]

I thought you weren't working right now.

[HarmNone]

Congratulations, Kuyuk! :)

[Kuyuk]

Wezas: I am working currently, just been looking for a better job for a few months.

Thanks everyone who said congrats or other nice things :)

K.