Interracial dating...what's the BFD?

[Edaarin]

So I was having lunch with some of my friends from high school earlier today, and for some reason this became the focus. More specifically, the issue was how we felt about Asian girls dating white guys. Basically, we were in three camps.

Asian friend #1: is against it completely, 100%. Actually, his explanation was kind of disturbing...suffice to say it sounded almost eugenic. But he thinks that all white guys in these relationships have that "Yellow Fever" Dragon lady fetish. Also doesn't think much of the women.

Asian friend #2: feels slighted whenever he sees an Asian girl with a white guy, as if the existence of it is taunting Asian men everywhere that they're not good enough. But not as strongly against it as #1. Blames both white guy and Asian girl equally.

Me: I don't really care. I've found that Asian girls who were raised here are more likely to date white men because Asian guys are prone to be more oppressive. People have their own preferences, so what's the difference if they like white guys? It's not really that much different from not being attracted to certain body types.

However, I'm also not a huge fan of white guys who go out of their way to make it clear that it's nothing more than a fetish. Maybe it's unfair, but I generalize these guys in two categories: douche bag rich white boy and Otaku Asian wannabe fucks like our exiled beached whale.

White friend: has never dated anyone not white, but seemed to be more in my camp. Made cracks consistently throughout about wang size and white people, which got old after the fortieth time.

So, your thoughts on the issue? I'm actually rather interested to hear longshot's perspectives, having been that white guy in the middle of a sea of yellow. Did you have to take any shit from guys like AF#1?

[SpunGirl]

I don't see a problem with it for any reason, really. You're attracted to who you're attracted to, love who you love, whatever. I've dated Hispanic guys twice that I can remember, but it was never an issue like "omg" or anything.

My cousin (who is actually Korean, and adopted) married a girl from Honduras. I don't think anyone in our family cared. Her family was cool at the wedding, they didn't seem to care that their daughter was marrying a Korean guy from a family full of whities.

I agree with Edaarin about the fetish thing. I knew a guy in college who was constantly going on and on about how "Asian pussy is so wet," and yeah, he was retarded.

-K

[longshot]

Originally posted by Edaarin

So, your thoughts on the issue? I'm actually rather interested to hear longshot's perspectives, having been that white guy in the middle of a sea of yellow. Did you have to take any shit from guys like AF#1?

When I was in Japan, I didn't get any shit from guys. Some white guys do sometimes, but I think it all depends where you are. You're going to find people like your AF#1, it's just a matter of how many, and if they are drunk enough to act on their feelings.

Now, I don't know if the Japanese looked down on the girls I was with. It's quite possible they did. I lived in a hick town, and the girls I dated did not come from the town. It was obvious I wasn't taking from the local talent pool. The girls came from the city, and they looked like they did. I didn't dress like I'd spent the last 16 hours watching Cartoon Network either, so I think that went a long way in not pissing people off.

In other words, I think if I looked like a real shitbag, and I was nailing some chick that they could have realistically been nailing, then I think I would have had problems.

I also tried to be pretty respectful, especially if I was the only white guy. I made it a point to try and not be a shitbag, because there were plenty of guys in Japan that are there because they feel they can get laid easily, and generally make life miserable for everyone else.

In terms of "protectionism"... from what I've heard, Korea is the worst. White expats have told me stories about people getting jumped by gangs of Koreans for dating a Korean girl.

And not surprisingly, a lot of this continues in America as well. A Korean guy that lived in my hall in college was identical to your "AF #1". He said he'd neven touch a girl that had been with a white guy.

This is not to say that all Koreans are like this... because they aren't. I bring up the generalization as an example.

I never seriously dated an Asian girl in college, so I don't have much experience with it. From what I've heard, the girl usually gets a lot of shit from the guys in her circle of friends. I think a lot has to do with how long she's grown up in the US for. If the girl is an exchange student or off the boat, and all her friends are as well... as a guy, you better fucking win them over before you try some shit. I think that's true in almost any situation though...


Originally posted by Edaarin
Maybe it's unfair, but I generalize these guys in two categories: douche bag rich white boy and Otaku Asian wannabe fucks like our exiled beached whale.


I hate the Otaku. I almost feel like I have to prove that I'm a normal human being when it comes up that I know Japanese.

I met up with a friend at a sushi restaurant tonight, and at the counter was an older guy with an Asian girl way out of his league. She was Chinese.
He was too old to be an otaku, but he was a fucking dork. This pissed me off. I'm not even Asian, but to me, it just seemed wrong.

But then again, can I really fault the guy for wanting to do better? And if he treats her well and she really likes him, who am I to dissapprove?

But, it definitely took a second for my idealism to set in. My first thought was, "Fuck you, asshole".

[Sean]

I have no problems with it nor do I see the big deal, i'd be a bit of a hypocrit if I did.

[DCSL]

Got no problem with it. I'm always mildly surprised when people do, but it's brought up on a semi-regular basis because I am a white girl dating a Filipino guy. We've gotten dirty looks and some nasty comments from passers-by but nothing from people close to us, thankfully.

My boyfriend's brother had a more confrontational experience. He was walking around on campus with his blonde girlfriend when a guy got off a bus, walked over them and headbutted my future brother-in-law in the mouth. While he was sitting there, all stunned, the weirdo told him to stay away from blondes. We were all really shocked because it happened at an eclectic part of the university campus where hippy free-love is more the norm.

I really hate the sort of attitude your AF#1 has. Makes me want to break out in violence. Well. Really, any sort of racism has that effect on me. I also can't stand wannabe-Asian otaku. When I was taking Japanese, the class was filled with them. I sat in a corner and rebuffed offers of DDR and bubble tea after class.

[Satira]

I never have a problem with any combination. And I wouldn't discriminate against dating anyone as long as I was attracted to them.

Back when I was in high school, our school was very divided racially. I was really good friends with a lot of people who were black, and a lot of white people didn't like me for it.

I had a friend that I was going to go to a dance with as a date, and the counselors actually asked us (in a roundabout way) to reconsider because they didn't want to start anything with any of the students or student's families.

OY.

Completely stupid if you ask me.

[Drew]

http://www.thatvideosite.com/view/1167.html

[Caiylania]

I've never understood racism, and that includes any issues with dating someone of a different skin color or culture. My friend Trace lives in Australia and is dating a man who moved there from Kenya. Her family freaked on her and it almost ruined her relationship. She stuck by him but they give her crap about it all the time.

Her grandmother actually told her "I don't want black grandkids". In my opinion racism and those who claim to not be racist (as her family does) but don't think people should 'mix' are ignorant idiots.

People can and should be with someone who makes them happy- regardless of skin color, culture, hair color, height, or nose size.

[radamanthys]

if they're happy, it works.

I get sick of the black dude hanging all over the "big-assed white girl"... but noone is at fault there... it's just that they're usually both really hideously ugly and it's just gross. nothing racist about it, they're just gross looking people, usually. Acne and belly shirts. eew.

I think everyone should be a nice shade of yellowish cocoa someday. then there'd be a reason to hate people cuz they're fucking stupid rather than the fact that they have a different skin color. intelligencism all the way. I descriminate against fucktards.

[FinallyDomesticated]

My friends will swear they have no issue with interracial relationships and yet they are still unable to just refer to them as a normal relationship.

I have black female friends who bitch that its unfair that white women are taking all their good men and who view the black men who date the white women as traitors of some sort.

Generally all the girls also think men who are of a different 'flavor' are more likely to treat a woman better.

Personally, I think my only concern is the children of such relationships. I have a very close friend whose mother is white and father is black. Growing up, she was too white to hang with the black kids and too black to hang with the white kids. She spent alot of time feeling left out.

[Bobmuhthol]

I honestly do not approve of interracial couples. :(

[Drew]

I'm gonna kill my chances of attaining public office by posting this, but I would never date a black woman. At this point in my life I won't date someone if I can say "I wouldn't marry them" and I can say that about black woman. The reason is simple, kids. I want to have them and mulatto kids are often excluded by children of both races. I know this from personal experience with a few friends of mine who were mulatto and through a few studies that I read that identified higher feelings of isolation amongst mulatto children.


I know that there is at least one person here whose kids are mulatto and this is in no way a condemnation on them or anything like that. It's a sensitive issue I know. Those are this octoroon's thoughts on the matter though.

[Amber]

Gonna give us your reasons here, Bob?

[Bobmuhthol]

Not really, because there really no way to describe it without it coming down to one of the following, depending on your interpretation: racism, inexplicable personal taste. Some of my social opinions were obsolete before I developed them, unfortunately.

[Caiylania]

Not wanting to be with someone of a different race yourself may not mean racism. Perhaps you just don't want to be part of a culture.. I can believe that there is more to not wanting to date a black, hispanic, asian, etc... than meets the eye. But it depends on the person. To a point, its your call. You can not want it for yourself, but that is where judgement should end.

If someone else is dating someone inter-racially and you view it as wrong that is where I would ask you think about that. Why does it matter to you?

As for the kids, I have known plenty that fit in just fine and its about society needing to stop being idiotic and there wouldn't be a problem. People need to just be people. Be proud of culture if you can define it/trace it... But to exclude others based on skin color = racist. If a child thinks they are not black enough, white enough, I would tell them then those people aren't worthy of their friendship anyway. Plenty of other people would care less.

[Czeska]

My husband is half Korean. I'm Northern European pale white.
His brother married a Cuban woman. My gods, the kids are fucking gorgeous.
I don't have an issue with interracial relationships, but there are some races I personally find more attractive than others.
Of course.. I prefer dark haired guys to blondes, and really dont see that any differently.

[Vixen]

I hate this. I think its stupid for people to care about racial lines being mixed in relationships. My mother who claimed to never be racist, would always tell me about this particular reaaaallly close black guy friend I have, I love him, but you can never date him. Used to PISS me off. I try to forgive the fact that she grew up in the redneck south in the 60's, but it was hard. She has now since changed her attitude. She had to. My godchildren are both mixed and the most beautiful babies ever.

[AnticorRifling]

I personally say live and let live. I've seen beautiful girls of every race/creed/color and would have been more than happy to date them.

I've dated black girls before and it is akward. Not from the couple but from those outside the couple that don't approve. We just laughed it off and never paid it any mind.

I can, to some extent, understand why your friend is against it. Pride is one of my big faults as well so I recognize it in his stance. To him it's a slap in the face when a woman of his people dates outside meaning that they aren't good enough. I don't have this issue because I try and make everyone my people but I do see the pride invovled.

There are plenty of caucasian men that are just as stupid as your friends and think "I'm white, so I get to decide who white women date." Every ethnic group has stupid people.

[Sean]

Originally posted by Drew
I'm gonna kill my chances of attaining public office by posting this, but I would never date a black woman. At this point in my life I won't date someone if I can say "I wouldn't marry them" and I can say that about black woman. The reason is simple, kids. I want to have them and mulatto kids are often excluded by children of both races. I know this from personal experience with a few friends of mine who were mulatto and through a few studies that I read that identified higher feelings of isolation amongst mulatto children.


I know that there is at least one person here whose kids are mulatto and this is in no way a condemnation on them or anything like that. It's a sensitive issue I know. Those are this octoroon's thoughts on the matter though.

The fact that you still use the phrase mulatto somewhat dates you, but anyway, I agree that it was probably an issue back when your friends were children but I see your concern as much much less of an issue now with interracial dating becoming more of a commonly accepted practice and the number of interracial children increasing.

Will they still go through an identity crisis when they're older, most likely teenagers? Probably, but what teenager doesn't...

[Van]

If your character is over the level of...say 75...don't give relationship advice. Because, quite frankly, you've given up the social life for the game! That's tongue-in-cheek, btw.

I've dated interacially, a couple of different times. There are differences in attitude and action. There are a lot of reasons for the differences, but they are there. I don't think one is better than the other, but the differences do exist. It's also true that some women are "different" physically than others. It's due to diet, activities, and environment...none the less, there are a lot of things that make us all different in some way.

I have two requirements that must be met before even date #1 occurs. She must have the same basic hobbies as I, and the same basic views on religion. Minus a relationship with a lesbian I had in my youth (good times!) I've been on track with the religion part. A physical attraction helps but I don't care honestly. I've dated drop dead gorgeous women, and I've dated ones that were just butt-ass-ugly. And although I make a point of it in my post, it doesn't and didn't matter at the time. I find that on average the better looking a women is, the more likely she'll have something "odd" either in her history or the way she acts. The diamond in the roughs were always the most friendly and best relationships to have. Eye candy gets old after a while, and the true personality starts to shine...I would say after about a year or so the real personality of a person will begin to shine. It takes about that long for someone to stop "acting".

If you all look seriously at the topic of relatioships, you will find that if the two points I bring up are not included in a relationship (hobby, and religion) then it's going to fail 99.99 percent of the time soon after the "passion" is gone.

Unfortunately race is an obsticle for a lot of people still, but be aware that if you date out of your race, you will also face these obsticles as well.

[Van]

Will they still go through an identity crisis when they're older, most likely teenagers? Probably, but what teenager doesn't...

I'm not picking on you, but consider this for a moment. A teenager will go through growing problems regardless of race. If you "add" to these problems with a race that has problems identifying with one social group over another, then you complicate the already delicate teenage psychi.

Make no mistakes about it. A child that can not identify with his or her peers will have far more problems than one who gets to join the "in-crowd". And if you don't know, the in-crowds begin forming as early as preschool and Kindergarten.

The problems of being a mixed race are not the same as being a rich kid or a poor kid...these types of problems are "added" to the others.

Children are strong and will often learn from these events, but if you remember your own youth, children are brutal at times...unforgiving in their social punishments.

[Sean]

Originally posted by Van

Will they still go through an identity crisis when they're older, most likely teenagers? Probably, but what teenager doesn't...

I'm not picking on you, but consider this for a moment. A teenager will go through growing problems regardless of race. If you "add" to these problems with a race that has problems identifying with one social group over another, then you complicate the already delicate teenage psychi.

Based on my personal experience of having gone through it I'll simply agree to disagree with you on the added problem of race to that issue. I personally didn't and still don't see it as much different as the rest of the teenage dilemna of popular/unpopular, fat/thing, attractive/unattractive, athlete/drama, rock/rap, etc. it's all about findind your niche and where you fit in the social scheme.

That being said I understand that everyone doesn't have the same experiences I had and those experiences also vary based on many factors such as where you grew up so anything I say is based soley on my personal experience and nothing more.


Make no mistakes about it. A child that can not identify with his or her peers will have far more problems than one who gets to join the "in-crowd". And if you don't know, the in-crowds begin forming as early as preschool and Kindergarten.

The problems of being a mixed race are not the same as being a rich kid or a poor kid...these types of problems are "added" to the others.

Again while I disagree I understand where you're coming from.


Children are strong and will often learn from these events, but if you remember your own youth, children are brutal at times...unforgiving in their social punishments.

Of course but whose taking more punishment socially? The fat kid or mixed kid? I'd still vote for the fat kid.

[Wezas]

Originally posted by Czeska
I don't have an issue with interracial relationships, but there are some races I personally find more attractive than others.

This statment reflects my opinion perfectly.

[Trinitis]

Personally I have no problem with anyone dating anyone else. Be it of colors, sex, what ever. I do get into large arguments with my parents about this, as they are old, and view thingd differently.

That being said, I'm going to refrain from what I really wanted to add to the thread because I can't think of a good way of wording it without sounded like a moron.

[xtc]

Being the product of a multi-racial marriage I am obviously for inter-racial dating and marriage.

I have dated Asian (Oriental, hope this term isn’t offensive) girls before and if there were any objections from friends or family I was unaware of them.

I think children of multi-racial marriages do face unique challenges finding their identity. There will always be ignorant, narrow minded haters. I think the severity of this problem depends largely on where the child grows up. Despite growing up in a suburb of Toronto that was a WASP bastion, I faced few race problems. I guess because Toronto is/was so diverse. I have had some Muslims get pissy with me because I have chosen not to practice Islam formally. (However it is very much apart of me). I think being the product of a multi racial and/or religious marriage also has advantages. It gives you a unique perspective on a host of social issues, the ability to see both sides on debates, especially ones about race and religion. Certainly it has worked in my favour politically. The Conservative party has asked me several times to run as a candidate and I am sure part of the reason is that I am a walking example of Canadian diversity.

On the other hand comes the question if everyone inter-marries the world becomes one indeterminate race, do we lose something if this happens? Is the desire to preserve ones race, bad or racist? Is it possible to promote and practice the preservation of one's race without becoming a raving KKK lunatic?

[Skeeter]

I could definately go for some Latino Heat

[Van]

Of course but whose taking more punishment socially? The fat kid or mixed kid? I'd still vote for the fat kid.

Unless your the fat kid beating up the mixed kid. Not funny, I know, but possible.

And your 100% right, it depends on a pletheora of factors. Far too many things affect ones views and social standing than can be discussed on a message board.

I think we all agree that it would present challenges - to date interracially. In the end though, like minded friends can be found and social groups that are accepting of it are growing more common as the parents and grandparents of yester-years pass on. Of course they re-train their kids from time to time...it's up to us (everyone included) to stop the cycle.

[Sean]

Originally posted by Skeeter
I could definately go for some Latino Heat


I always figured you for someone who'd be more interested in latina heat than latino heat.

[CrystalTears]

I don't have a problem with interracial relationships. It's hard enough to find someone you're happy with to have to worry about their race/background/heritage and whatnot. Do what makes you happy.

Although I understand where Drew is coming from, as my cousin has a black father and white mother, and she had a really difficult childhood. She was socially unacceptable as black children wouldn't accept her for not being completely black, and white children wouldn't accept her for not being completely white.

They mocked the poor soul, she would pine and beg to have hair like her mother. She hated how she looked. And it's sad because she is SUCH a beautiful person, inside and out. She was just a psychological mess. She tried to kill herself twice. Her parents are also the nicest, sweetest, most considerate people I had ever known, so everyone was very taken aback by how much she had to struggle with it.

When you see something like that in action, you tend to want to look away from that happening to your own kids. Not because you have anything against dating someone from another race, but just to save your child that extra pain in their life.

I never pegged my family to be racists. They really aren't, or so I thought. We have friends from all over. However I'll never forget the day when I was dating someone who was mulato and brought him home. They were nice to him and all, but when I was alone with them, they would say, "It's not serious, right? I mean.. he's practically black." I wanted to die. I thought my family was possessed. It's like I didn't know them anymore and didn't tell them anything else about my life for many months after that. Sad, now that I think about it, that my family was like that.

[Czeska]

I remember when my dad was the only white guy in an all black band, and they played "Play That Funky Music". Hee.

[Sean]

I know I mentioned this before in the chat but I suppose I should say it here too, I understand what you're saying and realize that events like that do happen but I wouldn't consider them the norm. And joking aside how long ago was this?

[Jorddyn]

I have no problem with anyone who chooses to date someone of a different race.

However, there are certain members of my family who have a very hard time with it, including my father, brother, and sister-in-law. I don't know that I could seriously date someone of a different race because I would not want someone I cared about to be treated poorly by my family, and I do not want the difficult relationship I have with parts of my family to become flat out impossible.

Jorddyn

[Van]

Is the desire to preserve ones race, bad or racist? Is it possible to promote and practice the preservation of one's race without becoming a raving KKK lunatic?

The desire to preserve a race is inherintly "racist". Because only through selection can you actually "preserve" a race. However, the desire to understand and honor heritage is not racist. It's a fine line, and most are not able to differentiate. It sounds as if you can.

I can honor the Indians (and I hate that people call them Native American Indians because they didn't found America, the Inca's and Aztecs were here before that, yada, yada) but I don't have to go around scalping people and demanding that my children marry only Indian blood.

More and more people are beginning to define themselves by the way they act, rather than their skin color, and eventually affirmative action will go away, but for now, we live in a time where racism still exists.

I feel that some people depend on racism to define themselves. It's sad, but true. It's like if they didn't have racism they wouldn't have a reason for being such as asshole and worthless. I mean, if someone wasn't so oppressed then they obviously must be responsible for their own actions...right? I think it boils down to pesonal responsiblity and the willingness, or unwillingness to accept it. But I digress.

It's becoming more common and acceptable to see interracial relationships. There are a lot, and I mean a LOT of small towns that will still string yo up for it, however.

[DeV]

Interracial dating is something that is so simple in its own right that it is unbelievble how it is still such a complex controversial issue. We're all human after all. We have thoughts and emotions, flesh and blood, dreams and goals, and last but not least needs and desires we look to others for fulfillment. We waste so much time trying to tolerate each other when we should be accepting and open to things that are new and different from us.

I am madly in love with my girlfriend, who happens to be white, so I am speaking from experience. While things can be a bit complicated at times, it makes things interesting and exciting when it comes to many facets of the relationship. You can't pretend that you're both colorless so you tend to learn and absorb another culture with a passion simply because you are loving someone from a different culture/race with an even greater one. I feel like I'm getting the best of both worlds and I think it's a beautiful thing.

I also don't think interracial children suffer any more than children who look, talk, or act differently than the *norm* especially in school. They tend to understand diversity and tolerance at an earlier age than most.

There are people who fall in love without regard to race, religion, or culture, and that is a wonderful thing. There are people who fall in love with people with the same skin color, religion, and background, and that too is a wonderful thing. It is very difficult to create general rules for love and dating, even on a personal level, and I think this should be done as little as humanely possible. Bottom line, to each their own is my motto.

[Van]

I am madly in love with my girlfriend, who happens to be white...

I'm curious. What types of cultural divesity lessons has her being white taught you? I'm really interrested how or what you've learned from her.

[Van]

1 - my cousin has a black father and white mother, and she had a really difficult childhood...
2 - tried to kill herself twice...
3 - I never pegged my family to be racists.

This was your parents siblings children. I can see this happening in a lot of ways. Without knowing your parents ANY, and certainly not being able to judge, however, being a parent myself I can see where your parents might have been coming from. I doubt they disliked the boy because of his color, necessarily...I think they were speaking more to just being afraid for their potential grandkids...having already seen what "can" happen.

---edit---
After reading over my post, I don't think my point was communicated well. What I'm saying is that often parents will make decisions which seem one way, but are actually something totally different, and based solely on wanting to "protect" their children. For instance, if my daughter wanted to die her hair black, wear black nail polish, and dress in black every day - I would communicate to her that she might be making a mistake. This doesnt' mean I"m prejudice against goth's, it's just that I realize she will be shutting some doors fo opportunity within our community, by doing so. If it turns out that she really liked that life style, had lots of friends into that, then sure...I'm all for it. But if she's just testing the waters, so to speak, I would feel I neglected her as a parent if I didn't warn her of the dangers.

[Edited on 1-13-2006 by Van]

[Back]

My white mom married a mexican man. His daughter is engaged to a black man. Her east indian friend is engaged to a black man. Her black friend is dating a white cop. When we all have dinner its like being at the United Nations.

[CrystalTears]

You have a point. It could have just been them being precautious and not wanting to see the same thing happen again. That makes more sense.

I suppose it just shocked me at the time cause I was only 16 and being asked if I was serious with a boy was just.. huh?! :D

[Edaarin]

My mom has told me more than once that she won't come to my wedding if I marry someone that's not Asian. I still can't figure out if she's serious or not, but the way things are going there's a good chance I'm not going to marry within my race.

I've dated a half-black, half-white girl before, and the worst comment I ever got was a joke from a friend of mine about not taking the "embrace diversity" approach my school was trying too seriously. I got much dirtier looks and comments the couple times I've gone out with a white girl, even within the Asian community. I've been called a race traitor and worse, which rather pissed me off. I'm not in VSA or ASU or any other Asian communities, but it doesn't mean I'm a self-hating Asian. Annoys the crap out of me when other people facing the same struggle I am try to trip me up.

Admittedly, there are certain types of girls that I'm not attracted to. I can't stand it when girls can't speak articulately, and I don't find aggressive assertiveness endearing. At my school, that cuts out the majority of the black girls that I've met.

Also, the term 'Oriental' isn't PC when describing Asian people. Things that come from the Orient (easiest example is those rugs), yes, but people, no. I don't have a problem with it, as I think that most words are only as derogatory as the person saying them make it.

[Van]

It's certainly true that personal experiences shapes ones view of the world.

Case Study #2: My wife, at the age of about 15, brought a brotha home to meet the parents (deep south, hicksville usa). They didn't have a problem with it, not one bit.

About three months later, they broke up, and her next boyfriend turned out to be this oriental kid. Her dad went BALLISTIC. We're talking barred the doors, locked in the room, phone turned off, etc...

Answer is...

He was vietnamese and her father did 4 tours in vietnam. He recognizes that the kid had nothing to do with it, at all....but just didn't care and was willing to break all the rules to ensure his daughter didn't date someone that was vietnamese.
<shrug> go figure...

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by Edaarin
My mom has told me more than once that she won't come to my wedding if I marry someone that's not Asian.

My grandma has said something similar, except it is if I marry someone who isn't Catholic.

I guess everyone comes with their own string of prejudices. Race is just one of the more obvious.

Jorddyn

[DeV]

Originally posted by Van
I'm curious. As was I before I entered my first interracial relationship. She is not the first woman I've dated outside of my race, but in doing so initially I have accepted *obvious* cultural differences and learned what makes our relationship work so well when they are embraced instead of ignored as if they don't exist and we are the same inside and out. Obvious differences would be the ways in which we communicate, even down to our style of speaking. Family, style of dress, food, music, dance, even sex and so much more.


What types of cultural divesity lessons has her being white taught you? Her being white has taught me that she is not the same color as I. We both understand there are societal-cultural circumstances that make us different and to not acknowledge and embrace those differences would not be wise in my opinion. Considering we are both women I'd say the cultural diversity we take from each other is even more important because we have many differences to deal with on top of having differing skin colors. From our communication styles, positive and negative stereotypes in either culture versus what we have observed ourselves, or what we were *raised to believe*, discrimination and prejudice we might encounter can be analyzed from two points of view instead of one, understanding the positive or negative behavioral differences of either culture while avoiding ethnocentricism. We've learned quite alot from each other because we make the effort, and we care to know.

I've been with women of different races before and never attempted to learn more about what made us different than what I saw at face value.

Ultimately, it is a neverending process, Van. Race is simply one factor; culture encompasses so much more.

[Van]

Case Study #3: My sister in law engaged to a boy and scheduled to get married in a pentacostal church. The DAY of the wedding, the grandmother totally goes ballistic and won't let us set up a video camera. She claims it's satanic, which is obviously retarded. The preacher steps out of it and says "well, what ever you all decide I'm okay with because I don't want to get involved..."

Come to find out, the groom has a cousin that's black, and the church refused to have the black person on video sitting in their church.

One of the congregation actually defected to a local methodist church at that moment, we called the preacher of the methodist church and they showed up with Vans, moved the wedding and ALL the decorations....totally setup again in a new location in less than two hours, and continued on.

I'll bet there are some prejudices against several different groups as a result of this incident...

<shrug>

[Edaarin]

Originally posted by Drew
http://www.thatvideosite.com/view/1167.html

I don't think Drew got proper approbation for this excellent George Washington Carver reference.

[xtc]

Originally posted by Backlash
My white mom married a mexican man. His daughter is engaged to a black man. Her east indian friend is engaged to a black man. Her black friend is dating a white cop. When we all have dinner its like being at the United Nations.

You guys could all move to Toronto.

I spent Christmas evening with my friend who is Jewish and his second wife was raised Catholic but has converted to Buddhism, their 3 children and his one child from his first marriage to a Jewish women. The other guests included a white Presbyterian couple and a Lesbian couple.

We sat around a fire in the backyard singing Christmas carols that the Lesbian couple knew every word to and my Jewish did a solo of Silent Night.

[SpunGirl]

I'll give an example of a family I know. I've become close with the mother of two of the kids on Jake's basketball team. Michelle is a white messainic (sp?) Jew, and their father, Joe, is black. First of all, just in the looks department - he's very dark, and she is pale and a nautural redhead. Not to sound like a pedophile or anything, but those kids are going to be HOT. They're extremely good-looking.

As far as I've been able to tell, the kids have had *no* problems socially. This may be due in part to the fact that Vegas is very diverse to being with, and you see interracial couples here constantly. I think another part of it has to do with the parents of these kids making sure they understand their background.

Michelle and I were talking at a game the other day, and she mentioned to me that Joe hates it (and will politely reprimand) anyone who calls him "African American." He was born to two black parents, but his father was in the military and he grew up in Japan. He doesn't feel that he's "African American," and of course neither are their kids. Michelle said she would never refer to herself as "Hebrew American," or necessarily "Jewish" (when it comes to race distinctions). They've decided, and made sure their kids understand, that they are simply "American."

I think that's nice.

-K

[Edited on 1-13-2006 by SpunGirl]

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
Michelle and I were talking at a game the other day, and she mentioned to me that Joe hates it (and will politely reprimand) anyone who calls him "African American."

This poses an interesting question. (Disclaimer: I'm white and live in Iowa, so I'm rarely in the minority, and maybe I'm just clueless.) Why does the nomenclature constantly change for race? I certainly understand that some terms are derogatory, I just don't understand how "Black" or "Korean" or "Indian" falls into that category. How is African American less derogatory? It certainly isn't less confusing.

Also, if a black person is in the US, they are African American. What if they're in Canada? African Canadian? What about a white South African in the US?

What if it is the same person, just travelling?

Why can it not just be a descriptor, such as "Blonde" or "Brunette", "tall" or "short"? Really, for those to whom race doesn't matter, does it matter if they call you "White" or "Caucasian", "Black" or "African" so long as they treat you as they would anyone else? And for those who race does matter, is it really going to stop mattering because they use the current proper term?

Jorddyn, not very PC I guess

[Shalla]

I was going to start a thread if anybody here ever experienced any prejudice about their race. I can honestly say that I have never experienced any racism towards me since I came here in Canada. The only racism I've ever experienced is here.. with ben and others in the internet.

When I went to highschool here.. I could speak english but insecure about it. Everybody else was very curious though, asking me what my background is and befriended me. When they heard I speak english fluently they thought it was great.

Interracial relationships are so common in Toronto and surrounding cities that it's not even a big deal at all. They live their lives like normal people.. because they are normal people like everybody else.

However, one or 2 of the caucasian guys I've dated after things didn't work out not necessarily had a problem with interracial dating at all. They just prefer that I dated someone else who is white. Prefer, but not enforcing it. I don't know why. If I mentioned I'm dating someone. They would ask. Is he asian? I was like wtf? does it even matter?

My black friend too would go on and on about black guys are way better in bed simply because they're well endowed. That they don't even have to do anything like going down on women like white men do ( which some black guys don't do for some reason ) because having that schlong is enough to satisfy them apparently. This of course is not a generalization because I know some black guys who do. But they all don't have problems with interracial dating I suppose. Just their own manly egos.

I think there is a difference between a misconception from a stereotype and racism. I have known people who would stereotype are open minded enough to welcome information to change their mind otherwise. My mom had a choice whether she wanted to migrate and take us with her to the U.S or Canada. She realized raising her kids is better in Canada.

[Edaarin]

A lot of my black friends prefer to be called black (well, they prefer to be called by their names, but you get the point). I don't think it's a matter of being offensive so much as being inaccurate.

Similarly, I'm guessing some white people resent the _____-American categorization. You're either American or you're not, I guess.

EDIT: To slightly piggyback off of Shalla's post, nothing annoys me more than when someone compliments my English. Yeah, thanks jack ass, I guess 19 years of practice paid off, huh.

[Edited on 1-13-2006 by Edaarin]

[SpunGirl]

I agree with you, Jorddyn. I've never seen anything wrong with plain "white, black," whatever. Especially where white people are concerned, it's not like you can tell what their cultural heritage is. I'm white, blonde and blue-eyed, but if someone can't tell I'm Dutch by heritage I wouldn't go all berserk on them. Really, aside from a few family traditions, who cares?

The graveyard supervisor at my work is black (his name is Sean, for future reference). It stands to reason that when describing suspects in reports we use the term "black" a lot, we say BMA (black male adult) HMA, AMA, BFA, WFA, whatever. I'm sure you can guess what they mean. But one day we were talking about a suspect. Marty thought he was hispanic, I thought he was black, and we were arguing about how to describe him. Every time we said "black," this guy Xander would glance at Sean like, "omg is he going to get mad?" Finally after the fifth or so time, Sean said, "Hey, Xander, I know I'm black. Calm the fuck down."

It was funny.

The only thing I guess is an exception is the term "Indian," if you say that I'm going to guess you're talking about someone from the India-ish region. And I don't see a problem telling people I'm Native American, either, because I was fucking born here. But please don't even get me started on that.

-K

[Shalla]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
I think that's nice.



I have a friend too who is of east-indian descent and was born in Malaysia and would say he's malaysian.

I think the whole african-american, asian american is retarded too. If you say online I am canadian or I am american. People would assume you're white.

Given if you migrated to america, I can understand people saying.. I'm filipino-american. But if you were born there. Just say. I'm american. If people end up confusing you for someone who is white, that's their problem. :lol:

Reminds me of Ms. Chang from Seinfeld. ahahah.. She's not chinese! I've been duped!

[Czeska]

Friend in college was white South African. He moved to Cincinnati when he was in his teens I believe. Bet he doesnt go by African-American.

Many years ago, I was working at a GAP store in NJ. One of our employees was Korean (grew up in jersey). I was working on register, and we were running a contest, so I asked this woman (maybe late 50s in age at the time) if anyone helped her.

She looked incredibly uncomfortable and leaned over, whispering, "The ASIAN girl"

I leaned in and whispered, "It's ok ma'am.. she knows she's Asian."

[Sean]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
but if someone can't tell I'm Dutch by heritage I wouldn't go all berserk on them. Really, aside from a few family traditions, who cares?

When people don't recognize at 1st glance that I'm dutch it cuts me deep. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night over it.

[xtc]

Originally posted by Tijay

Originally posted by SpunGirl
but if someone can't tell I'm Dutch by heritage I wouldn't go all berserk on them. Really, aside from a few family traditions, who cares?

When people don't recognize at 1st glance that I'm dutch it cuts me deep. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night over it.

I knew you were Dutch because so many Dutch people are Republicans.

[Sean]

Originally posted by Shalla

Originally posted by Tijay
When people don't recognize at 1st glance that I'm dutch it cuts me deep. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night over it.

Do people confuse you for Jamaican Sean?

Well if you want to get technical I'm half jamacian so I'm not really sure if someone can confuse me for something I actually can be considered. But anyway, it was a bit more obvious to people when I had my dreds. Now I'm just a generic black guy.

The best was if I'd be out eatting, specifically something meat based, and people would come upto me and ask if I was rastafarian. It's also amazing how many people would ask me if I was a rastafarian without knowign what a rastafarian actually is.

[Alfster]

Right about now, I'm betting Shalla feels kinda stupid.

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by xtc
On the other hand comes the question if everyone inter-marries the world becomes one indeterminate race, do we lose something if this happens?The term "race" when applied to different groups of humanity is not a scientific term. It's arbitrary and appearance-driven. Therefore, the only things we would lose would be superfluous labels.

On the other hand, the annihilation of culture is something to keep an eye on.

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by Tijay
It's also amazing how many people would ask me if I was a rastafarian without knowign what a rastafarian actually is.

They have dreads and wear colorful hats and smoke pot.

Duh.

Jorddyn, so helpful

[Back]

Originally posted by Latrinsorm

Originally posted by xtc
On the other hand comes the question if everyone inter-marries the world becomes one indeterminate race, do we lose something if this happens?The term "race" when applied to different groups of humanity is not a scientific term. It's arbitrary and appearance-driven. Therefore, the only things we would lose would be superfluous labels.

On the other hand, the annihilation of culture is something to keep an eye on.

If we were to become one race then wouldn’t we end up being inbred?

[DeV]

Originally posted by Edaarin
A lot of my black friends prefer to be called black (well, they prefer to be called by their names, but you get the point). I don't think it's a matter of being offensive so much as being inaccurate.Precisely.

I don't even like saying the word African American, possibly due to laziness when I can just as easily say, "black".
It is the politically correct term to use as far as college term papers, scholarly journals, news media, and the like, but black is a very sufficient identifier as is.

[Shalla]

Originally posted by Alfster
Right about now, I'm betting Shalla feels kinda stupid.

Well gloating is stupid. You must know how I'm feeling then.

Besides, I had no way of knowing Tijay is Jamaican the same way I had no idea he was half dutch. I probably should've asked if he was jamaican.. a mistake which was corrected. That's the end of it.

[Sean]

Just a random observation... It's interesting how people (non-black people to be more specific) respond differently when you refer to yourself as african-american as opposed to black for the most part. There seems to be a lot less tension when I refer myself african-american despite it being inaccurate.

[Wezas]

A black co-worker at my last company used to work at a camp with mainly white kids. There was one white kid that was pretty young and he never remembered my friend's name (Joel). He always called him "Brown Boy".

Joel being the same co-worker that tried to get me to say the N-word while a bunch of us were out to lunch one day. They found it hilarious that I wouldn't say it in public.

One of my brothers I wasn't sure about. I mean he had black, asian, hispanic friends, but we'd be watching TV and instead of saying "Throw me the clicker (remote)", he'd replace "clicker" with the N-word.

I assumed he was just joking, but I still remember it.

[Myshel]

My best friend was married to a japanese guy (he died a few years back), and they had 5 kids. I can still remember my shock when she said her kids got racial comments. I mean I'm a white girl from the south but it never dawned on me that there would be racial prejudise against asians. When I expressed my shock and asked if she was ever a victim she said yes, but more in Japan than in the states. White yellow.. not much difference imho.

Of course I saw a lot of it against blacks and hispanics, I never thought I was prejudised at all until I saw a Oprah show once. It opened my eyes to the ingrained prejudise that (re:the commercial where the lady grabs her purse closer when the young black man gets on the elevator) I didn't realize I had. I think the point is we all have to reexamine ourselves, come to terms with who we are and how we think, if we like what we see and change.

25 years ago, I used to think, what about the children, what a hard life they will have not being of the same race. Now days I don't think it makes a difference. I read once, in 500 years we will all be the same color.

[Myshel]

Originally posted by Tijay
Just a random observation... It's interesting how people (non-black people to be more specific) respond differently when you refer to yourself as african-american as opposed to black for the most part. There seems to be a lot less tension when I refer myself african-american despite it being inaccurate.

I have a problem with the labels, we are all americans (speaking of US citizens on the board). Why do we have to put a ______-American. I mean anyone can see I'm white, your black, ect. I just don't get that.

[Van]

Instead of using the term Woman, we should be politically correct and say "Testosterone Challenged".

[Warriorbird]

I dunno. There're some burly women out there.

[HarmNone]

I don't see what difference the color of one's skin, or one's country of origin makes in any situation, romantic or otherwise. A human being is a human being, as far as I'm concerned. :shrug:

[Sean]

Originally posted by Myshel

Originally posted by Tijay
Just a random observation... It's interesting how people (non-black people to be more specific) respond differently when you refer to yourself as african-american as opposed to black for the most part. There seems to be a lot less tension when I refer myself african-american despite it being inaccurate.

I have a problem with the labels, we are all americans (speaking of US citizens on the board). Why do we have to put a ______-American. I mean anyone can see I'm white, your black, ect. I just don't get that.

I'm not advocating either way, I was just saying I use different labels in different situations depending on who I'm talking to and the level of comfort it gives them.

That aside though black does have certain connotations, but basically meaning the same thing as african american... but if I'm mixed am I really black?

[SpunGirl]

I always got irritated at the people who like the word "womyn."

-K

[Van]

Originally posted by HarmNone
I don't see what difference the color of one's skin, or one's country of origin makes in any situation...

This is a noble statement, and in a lot of cases race or national origin shouldn't matter. However, there are examples where I feel it does and should remain to matter.

Presidential candidates should always be American citizens, IMHO. We all know that a lot of money can solicite a pretty significant voting base (i.e. Ross Perot who set records for 3rd party vote totals because of shear money). Do you really want the likes of Khalif or Sharohn running for president of the united states?

However - to remain on topic - I do feel that relationships should "always" discuss the topic and decide as to whether a different race will matter to "them" as a couple. Unfortuantely, we've proven that it matters to a lot of people outside the relationship. I think both should discuss it in the frame of either accepting it or not accepting it, or in the least, propose a method of handling it so that both partners have the same position.

[Edited on 1-13-2006 by Van]

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by Tijay
There seems to be a lot less tension when I refer myself african-american despite it being inaccurate.

That's interesting. I've noticed that I tend to be nervous about offending someone who refers to himself (or herself) as African-American. Part of it is lack of familiarity, part of it is that I really don't want to offend and yet I know that little voice in my head that chants "DO X NOT Y DO X NOT Y" will invariably cause me to do Y instead.

Jorddyn

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Backlash
If we were to become one race then wouldn’t we end up being inbred? My point is that genetically speaking we already are. Not to the extent of (for instance) a brother and sister reproducing, but "black" and "white" aren't genetic distinctions.
Originally posted by SpunGirl
I always got irritated at the people who like the word "womyn." I know, it's so awkward. They should go with "vag-haver". :yes:

[Sean]

If black and white are PC why is yellow deragotory and instead we use asian?

I mean we use asian to describe people of asian background born here... but we don't use african or european to describe black or white people born here. Not that I want to run around calling people yellow I just thought it to be interesting.

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by Van

Originally posted by HarmNone
I don't see what difference the color of one's skin, or one's country of origin makes in any situation...

This is a noble statement, and in a lot of cases race or national origin shouldn't matter. However, there are examples where I feel it does and should remain to matter.

Presidential candidates should always be American citizens, IMHO. We all know that a lot of money can solicite a pretty significant voting base (i.e. Ross Perot who set records for 3rd party vote totals because of shear money). Do you really want the likes of Khalif or Sharohn running for president of the united states?

However - to remain on topic - I do feel that relationships should "always" discuss the topic and decide as to whether a different race will matter to "them" as a couple. Unfortuantely, we've proven that it matters to a lot of people outside the relationship. I think both should discuss it in the frame of either accepting it or not accepting it, or in the least, propose a method of handling it so that both partners have the same position.

[Edited on 1-13-2006 by Van]

What you've said does not belie my point, Van. There are those two-legged creatures who walk this planet having neither fur, nor feathers. I do not count them amongst the human beings; yet, color or country of origin have nothing to do with the lack of humanity shown by this ilk. That is simply my opinion, but it stands as such.

[Satira]

I'm so confused why people think Asians have yellow skin.

Occasionally there are some yellow undertones, but that really depends on where you're from in Asia...

[Sean]

Originally posted by Satira
I'm so confused why people think Asians have yellow skin.

Occasionally there are some yellow undertones, but that really depends on where you're from in Asia...

Your skin isn't white and my skin isn't black yet we'd both be described that way. The actual color doesn't really have much bearing on it.

[CrystalTears]

Yeah, I've never understood the yellow reference for Asians,as I've never seen the olive in latin people either.

Does that mean Tij is gonna start calling me olive now? :cry:

[SpunGirl]

Or red. In one of my soc classes we watched the part of Peter Pan where they sing the song, "what made the red man red." The Navajos in the class got really uber mad about it.

-K

[Satira]

I recognize it's not the exact shade, but what I'm saying is I see about NO resemblance to the color yellow. White and black I do.

[Van]

What you've said does not belie my point, Van. There are those two-legged creatures who walk this planet having neither fur, nor feathers. I do not count them amongst the human beings; yet, color or country of origin have nothing to do with the lack of humanity shown by this ilk.

Despite reading the sentence where you clearly stated that race or nationality shoudln't matter in "any" situation, I must have missed your point to mean something other than what it said.

I wasn't arguing your prespective of the categorization of inhumanity. I was arguing the ponit you made where race and nationality should "never" matter in any situation...when I feel it should. It's not saying you are "incorrect" necessarily, but that I merely have a different view.

But your response was rather vague, and speaking to humanity rather than the point of racial equality. Albeit demonstrative ratial inequalities could be likened to inhuman, I think it's taking it a bit too far (again, my opinion).

[HarmNone]

Then, we shall agree to disagree, Van. I understand what you're saying, but we look at things differently. :)

[Van]

Originally posted by HarmNone
Then, we shall agree to disagree, Van. I understand what you're saying, but we look at things differently. :)

Not to pick a fight, or hijack the thread, but I'm curious if you would consider other nationalities as viable presidential candidates?

[CrystalTears]

Actually it would probably be better to start a new thread with the topic of other nationalities as viable presidental candidates than to continue it here. It could be rather interesting. :)

[HarmNone]

Ish. We are a bit off-topic, but I'll answer your question:

I would not vote for, or against, a candidate for any office based on skin color or nationality. Those factors, to me, have no bearing on the suitability of an individual to serve. I would feel it necessary for the person to be a citizen of the country he/she hopes to serve.

*Heh. Sorry, CT. You and I were posting at the same time, apparently. I shall shaddap! :D *

[Edited on 1-13-2006 by HarmNone]

[Drew]

Originally posted by Tijay
The fact that you still use the phrase mulatto somewhat dates you,


I actually didn't know that this term was not PC anymore. What's the appropriate term now?

[HarmNone]

Ummm, question, Drew...

Why does there have to be a term? What's wrong with person?

[Sean]

Generally Biracial. But I've also heard Multiracial or the fallback of interracial.

[Ravenstorm]

Originally posted by Edaarin
My mom has told me more than once that she won't come to my wedding if I marry someone that's not Asian.

On the bright side the road is clear for you to marry a cute Asian guy. At least as far as your mom is concerned.

Raven

[Van]

"mixed" is something used here a great deal. I've also heard "high-yelluh" but I'm pretty certain that's only one of those "only if you are one can you use the term". Kinda like a fat person who jokes about his own weight...

[Drew]

Originally posted by HarmNone
Ummm, question, Drew...

Why does there have to be a term? What's wrong with person?


Because I was describing the child of a black and white parent. I don't want to have to type "the child of a black and white parent" every time instead of mulatto which is much easier and already has the same meaning.

As far as biracial, it's pretty generic, I was referring to one specific thing.

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by HarmNone
Ummm, question, Drew...

Why does there have to be a term? What's wrong with person?

I'm going to probably sound racial, but when you're trying to describe or refer to someone and don't know names, their race is sometimes the easiest way to distinguish them.

Me: Joe gets that report.
Them: Joe who? Joe black? Joe Irish?
Me: Heh, Joe black.

Okay so we're not very PC here. Sue me. :D

Oh and I still use "mulatto" mostly because I'm hispanic and we still use that term. :shrug:

[Edited on 1/13/2006 by CrystalTears]

[Sean]

Originally posted by CrystalTears

Originally posted by HarmNone
Ummm, question, Drew...

Why does there have to be a term? What's wrong with person?

I'm going to probably sound racial, but when you're trying to describe or refer to someone and don't know names, their race is sometimes the easiest way to distinguish them.

Me: Joe gets that report.
Them: Joe who? Joe black? Joe Irish?
Me: Heh, Joe black.

Okay so we're not very PC here. Sue me. :D

I'm sure if you say that to the wrong person... they will... or atleast your company.

[Sean]

Originally posted by Drew

Originally posted by HarmNone
Ummm, question, Drew...

Why does there have to be a term? What's wrong with person?


Because I was describing the child of a black and white parent. I don't want to have to type "the child of a black and white parent" every time instead of mulatto which is much easier and already has the same meaning.

As far as biracial, it's pretty generic, I was referring to one specific thing.

I know what you were refering to and I know what you mean but it doesn't make it anymore PC. Personally I don't really care but I've seen some people get really offended by Mulatto.

[CrystalTears]

Yeah that's what's nice about this place. No such thing as saying it to the wrong person. We've been fortunate that way. But I do agree with you that unless you know how someone will react to a racial term, to not even bother saying it.

Then again this is the company that has men mentioning my boobs on a daily basis, so we're far from normal. :D

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by CrystalTears

Originally posted by HarmNone
Ummm, question, Drew...

Why does there have to be a term? What's wrong with person?

I'm going to probably sound racial, but when you're trying to describe or refer to someone and don't know names, their race is sometimes the easiest way to distinguish them.

Me: Joe gets that report.
Them: Joe who? Joe black? Joe Irish?
Me: Heh, Joe black.

Okay so we're not very PC here. Sue me. :D

Oh and I still use "mulatto" mostly because I'm hispanic and we still use that term. :shrug:

[Edited on 1/13/2006 by CrystalTears]

Heh. I hear you, and I see that kind of thing often. My solution is to always know the surname of the person to whom I'm referring, or to ask for the surname of the person to whom another is referring.

I don't get bent out of shape if someone says: "Please give this to Jack, in Quality Control...the black guy, not the other one." It's just something I prefer not to do. :)

[Van]

When someone says to me "the black one?" I typically have to say "I can't remember..." because quite frankly I often don't remember if the guy was white or black. I will remember his hand shake, his demeanor, short or long hair, etc....but for some reason I typically just ignore the whole race thing. It's easy for me...but I do recognize that it's not so easy for a lot of people.

[SpunGirl]

I think I've mentioned this before, but I have two little cousins who were adopted from China. DNA-wise they're not sisters, but they are sisters. My Aunt gave them both "American" first names, but kept their Chinese names as their middle names. My Aunt's husband is Jewish, and their last name is Kravitz.

Those little girls have very international names;)

-K

[DeV]

Originally posted by Van
I will remember his hand shake, his demeanor, short or long hair, etc....but for some reason I typically just ignore the whole race thing. I find it amazing that you can remember all of those characteristics about a person except for the color of their skin. Very interesting.

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by HarmNone
I don't get bent out of shape if someone says: "Please give this to Jack, in Quality Control...the black guy, not the other one." It's just something I prefer not to do. :)

Which leads to another interesting question - what if Joe Smith and Joe Jones are both in QC, about the same height, same hair color? (This is actually the case in my facility, but both women are hispanic, so race descriptor doesn't help either)

Why is it somehow wrong to use the most obvious difference as a descriptor when it is skin color, even though it is perfectly acceptable to use eye color, hair color, height, weight, or age?

Jorddyn

[HarmNone]

I don't think it's necessarily "wrong" to use such descriptors; although, it's not something I would choose to do. Descriptors such as "the fat one", or "the old guy", however, could be taken to be insulting. To me, it's just easier and more respectful to use the person's surname.

[xtc]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
Then again this is the company that has men mentioning my boobs on a daily basis, so we're far from normal. :D

I am sorry I am not quite sure I understand your point.....I think I need a visual here.....could you please post a pic of said boobs?

xtc filling in for Wezas

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by DeV

Originally posted by Van
I will remember his hand shake, his demeanor, short or long hair, etc....but for some reason I typically just ignore the whole race thing. I find it amazing that you can remember all of those characteristics about a person except for the color of their skin. Very interesting.

And this is the point I've been trying to make... Skin color is a descriptor, just like any other. It isn't who a person is. If someone can't see past a skin color, not allowing them to say the word isn't going to change their opinion. (Very poorly written sentence)


Jorddyn

[SpunGirl]

LOL, Van, you'd make a bad witness at a crime scene.

-K

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by HarmNone
I don't think it's necessarily "wrong" to use such descriptors; although, it's not something I would choose to do. Descriptors such as "the fat one", or "the old guy", however, could be taken to be insulting. To me, it's just easier and more respectful to use the person's surname.

How can you compare the color of your skin to being fat or old? Being fat or missing a finger or whatever are basically defects of a person. You view the color of your skin as a defect?

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
How can you compare the color of your skin to being fat or old? Being fat or missing a finger or whatever are basically defects of a person. You view the color of your skin as a defect?

I don't think she meant that, I think she meant that some people view certain terms to be offensive. "Fat", "old", and "black" are all descriptors which can all be taken as offensive. Which is silly.

"You can't insult a pig by calling it a pig" ~ My Grandma

Jorddyn

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by CrystalTears

Originally posted by HarmNone
I don't think it's necessarily "wrong" to use such descriptors; although, it's not something I would choose to do. Descriptors such as "the fat one", or "the old guy", however, could be taken to be insulting. To me, it's just easier and more respectful to use the person's surname.

How can you compare the color of your skin to being fat or old? Being fat or missing a finger or whatever are basically defects of a person. You view the color of your skin as a defect?

Heh. I do not. However, I am well aware that some others do. Some people will take exception to be called "the fat one", or "the old guy". I can't imagine anyone taking exception to being identified by their surname when there might be confusion otherwise.

In addition, I don't consider being fat a defect. It is something that most people could remedy, if they chose to do so; however, it's not a defect in my eyes. Being old is certainly not a defect. Some people are old at 30. Others are young at 90. ;)

[Wezas]

Originally posted by xtc
xtc filling in for Wezas

Managing just fine asking her in the chat room.

Thanks though.

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by HarmNone

Originally posted by CrystalTears

Originally posted by HarmNone
I don't think it's necessarily "wrong" to use such descriptors; although, it's not something I would choose to do. Descriptors such as "the fat one", or "the old guy", however, could be taken to be insulting. To me, it's just easier and more respectful to use the person's surname.

How can you compare the color of your skin to being fat or old? Being fat or missing a finger or whatever are basically defects of a person. You view the color of your skin as a defect?

Heh. I do not. However, I am well aware that some others do. Some people will take exception to be called "the fat one", or "the old guy". I can't imagine anyone taking exception to being identified by their surname when there might be confusion otherwise.

In addition, I don't consider being fat a defect. It is something that most people could remedy, if they chose to do so; however, it's not a defect in my eyes. Being old is certainly not a defect. Some people are old at 30. Others are young at 90. ;)

Heh, I shouldn't have used defect. Mea culpa. :D

I suppose what I mean is that you were born with your skin color. It's a part of you from day 1. Being fat or old or whatever occurs through time and life, sometimes against your control or whatnot. In any case, it may be something you're sensitive to in the first place. Why would someone be sensitive to be mentioned by the color of their skin?

[Van]

How can you compare the color of your skin to being fat or old? Being fat or missing a finger or whatever are basically defects of a person. You view the color of your skin as a defect?

Wow, you think age is a defect? I thought it was natural to grow old...and not defective in nature. Anyways...What I'm saying is race isn't the only form of discrimination. It was a valid comparrison not only in law, but also in treatment. If you've never seen a group of kids rank on the fat kid...well then your missing out (tongue-in-cheek).

[Van]

I find it amazing that you can remember all of those characteristics about a person except for the color of their skin. Very interesting.

Yea, it sounds very unlikely, I realize...while I'm not trying to build myself up as someone incapable of a little discrimination (god knows I'm not perfect) it just happens that I remember having several conversations with people in the past and they would ask me if the guy was white or black and I honestly couldn't remember. I could tell you if spoke articulately...and often by what the person said they could tell me if he was white or black...but I just typically don't remember that sort of thing.

[CrystalTears]

Read the whole thread before responding. I apologized for using defect. I chose poorly.

Personally I don't believe that you don't remember skin color but you remember how someone shook your hand. You don't remember any detailing of people when you meet them?

[Edited on 1/13/2006 by CrystalTears]

[HarmNone]

Why someone might be offended by any of these things, I don't know. I can't get inside that person's skin, nor have I experienced what that person has experienced. I just know that some people ARE offended, and I try to avoid things that might, without my knowledge or intent, offend someone.

[Van]

Personally I don't believe that you don't remember skin color but you remember how someone shook your hand. You don't remember any detailing of people when you meet them?

Admittedly my admission is suspect...<shrug>...but maybe it's just a peculiarity of mine.

I actually had a girlfriend once, several years back, and I forgot that she was black - I just didn't really remember that fact. I was recounting it with a friend the other day and he said "you mean so-and-so" and I was like, yea...that's her. It never really occured to me that I should identify her as black.

I had a boss once that was black (well actually, several bosses that were black, but that's a different story) anyways....this one was black. After about 3 years of working at this place, my family finally had a chance to meet her, and my wife commented that she didn't realize my boss was black. I just never mentioned it...never seemed important....never really came up in conversation.

[Wezas]

African American STOLE MY BIKE!

[Sean]

I don't take issue when people describe me as black like if someone asks "Which one was Sean again?" and someone responds "Oh the tall/big black guy" thats fine. I take issue when people use (in a serious manner joking aside) it to descibe and attitude/behavior pattern though such as "Hey you don't act black" there's no such thing as acting black, white, mexican, etc. in my mind it's much more a product of your environment.

[Van]

well, this is one of the most interesting threads in a while, but I've got to jet. Hope no one thinks I'm runnin off.

[xtc]

Originally posted by Tijay
I don't take issue when people describe me as black like if someone asks "Which one was Sean again?" and someone responds "Oh the tall/big black guy" thats fine. I take issue when people use (in a serious manner joking aside) it to descibe and attitude/behavior pattern though such as "Hey you don't act black" there's no such thing as acting black, white, mexican, etc. in my mind it's much more a product of your environment.

So the whole premise of the movie Undercover Brother was wrong? After seeing it I realised it was right on about white people liking mayonnaise.

[Sean]

I'd say the premise was meant to be what it was... a joke.. a really funny joke at that..

Conspiracy brother was awesome and I'm all for black man's kryptonite.

[Daniel]

Lol. So, so, so many comments to this thread.

1. Vinh is scared of black girls. hahahaha

2. I'd fuck a girl from any race, in fact I'm trying to fill up my map...if you know what I mean.

3. I think interracial kids have an advantage when growing up. It might be difficult as a kid growing up, but then again that only makes the kid trouble and there is the tangible benefit of being comfortable in different circles or cultures that can go a really really long way when trying to assimilate into different things in life.

I used to hate being the "Black kid" or the "white kid" growing up and I kinda hated the fact that I could never really associate with my cousins until I was older, but the fact is now I find myself with the ability to identify and relate to far more people than my black or white friends can.

I mean, that doesn't mean shit to alot of people but it does to me. <shrug>

[HarmNone]

I agree, Daniel. The environment to which one is exposed as a child has a great deal to do with how one views these things. Being raised as part of the expatriate community, I'm sure, colors my attitude toward differences amongst people.

[Snapp]

Having dated a wide variety of races, I'm in no position to have any issues with interracial dating/marriages. Live and let live. I don't see why anyone cares who other people date. Everyone has their preferences. :shrug:

[Edaarin]

Originally posted by Ravenstorm

On the bright side the road is clear for you to marry a cute Asian guy. At least as far as your mom is concerned.

Raven

Ouch. On a side note, have you ever seen this feature in Detail Magazine (http://www.gapsn.org/project2/images/detail.jpg) about Asians fitting the mold for gay? I can't believe this vaginal belch didn't get fired for it.

Also, Daniel doesn't discriminate, he likes big women of all races equally.

And half-Asian, half-white kids are always athletic and smart.

[Edited on 1-13-2006 by Edaarin]

[Ravenstorm]

Originally posted by Edaarin
On a side note, have you ever seen this feature in Detail Magazine (http://www.gapsn.org/project2/images/detail.jpg) about Asians fitting the mold for gay?

Heh. Amusing. Though shouldn't it be gay or Asian or metrosexual?

Raven

[Back]

Originally posted by Tijay
I'd say the premise was meant to be what it was... a joke.. a really funny joke at that..

Conspiracy brother was awesome and I'm all for black man's kryptonite.


It was stupid. And very obviously meant to be. Hilarious! Dougie Houser... Man, this aint Taco Bell.

[Myshel]

Originally posted by Van
When someone says to me "the black one?" I typically have to say "I can't remember..." because quite frankly I often don't remember if the guy was white or black. I will remember his hand shake, his demeanor, short or long hair, etc....but for some reason I typically just ignore the whole race thing. It's easy for me...but I do recognize that it's not so easy for a lot of people.

I find this a really weird statement... as I can remember if someone was black, asian or white as well as if they had blonde hair or brown eyes. I have to say your very unobservant.

Its another thing to say well I remember that guy was really well read or good person, but to negate his appearance to me is strange.

[ElanthianSiren]

I don't care who other people choose to date. I come from a family that has its share of racial diversity, so it never seemed like a huge deal to me. A few of my friends in college had some problems with their families though.

Personally, I don't find certain physical traits in other races attractive. For that reason, I probably wouldn't, but I don't see the "BFD".

-M

[Daniel]

I don't like big women. That was ONE night in vegas. God damn.

[Back]

Originally posted by Daniel
I don't like big women. That was ONE night in vegas. God damn.

She and all the rest of them are probably chanting your name tonight.