Are platonic relationships impossible?

[FinallyDomesticated]

The following happens to me both in GS and in "real life" all too frequently and I'm really wondering is it just me? Is there something I could do to prevent this?

I'll become involved with a man who I really click with. We'll hang out and become what I think is good friends. Then one day, out of the blue, he'll make some flirty/amusing comment. I don't want to seem like the psycho analyst of all so I don't say anything about it. I just let it go. Next thing you know, he's stepped into the boyfriend position in his mind while I'm still thinking we're good friends. This comes out in the open - one way or the other - that we're on different pages. Suddenly, he cries that he was led on and I think he's at fault for ruining our friendship. Then the relationship - friend or beyond - is over.

Is it impossible to maintain platonic relationships when you're single? Am I wrong to not question where we stand? Do I maybe laugh at the remarks or look over them a bit too much?

I really miss some of the guys I've been through this with. I hate that they walk away feeling hurt and betrayed. I hate feeling guilty but not knowing what I feel guilty about.

What are your thoughts?

[Latrinsorm]

No.

I would carefully examine how you act or ask for specific examples of how you "led them on" if I was you, to avoid further needless suffering. It's also possible that you happened to become friends with men who were incapable of becoming platonic friends with women and your behavior is not at fault.

[Fallen]

In GS, most certainly. It helps if your character is a racist. There are some females that due to their race, there is no possibility whatsoever anything would happen. If your RP is based on a different focus, you may lack such strict boundries.

[Makkah]

It can happen, IRL... although sometimes it is hard.

excuse the pun

[Fission]

There's an easy way to keep things platonic - marriage.

In all seriousness, though, just by going from what you've said, if you're not rebuffing the flirting, that's probably where the trouble is really beginning. Intended or not, tacit approval is often seen as an invitation to continue.

[HarmNone]

Platonic relationships are definitely possible, and quite enjoyable, if you make it clear from the beginning that you're not interested in anything else. :)

[Gan]

What HN said. Set unmistakable boundries from the start, and never cross them if thats your goal.

Remember, women speak a different langage than men. Its because they're from venus and men are from mars.

[Sylvan Dreams]

Originally posted by HarmNone
Platonic relationships are definitely possible, and quite enjoyable, if you make it clear from the beginning that you're not interested in anything else. :)

I don't think the flirting is that much of a factor in it. I've flirted with male friends that I've had zero interest in. Flirting is just fun and they make good targets to practice on anyway. Without knowing her, it's possible that the things she's doing she thinks are no big deal, but are flirting to the guys in question.

IMO, I think there's just a lack of communication going on. From my (not so lengthy) experience with such things, it's women who'll blur the friend/boyfriend line more often than men.

[Brattt8525]

I keep all of my girls away from men in general unless it is for picking boxes or a group hunt. When she does sit at the statue in Teras I am always sure to keep things very up and up no flirting or anything that might lead anyone to think she is interested at all. People can take things the wrong way quickly and before you know it things like this happen.

[Jolena]

Jolena and the rest of my girls have all had very long-lasting fulfilling platonic friendships with a variety of men in GS. Some of them are considered some of their best friends, even. I think it just takes a lot of communication and the other party to understand without a doubt from the very beginning that it is nothing BUT friendship.

[Artha]

It's entirely possible in GS.

[ElanthianSiren]

Totally possible. Being one of those people who is not very relationship savvy (or simply doesn't care about how other people feel about what she says), I found making it very clear that I have a boyfriend, who might as well pull the sun up every morning on his back has helped a lot. Most men, once you say no are going to be too shy to approach again. I'd definitely analyze who you are flirting with and why. Try to see a pattern in what men you choose as your targets. There may be something in YOUR selection process that's leading to this kind of situation.

Good luck.
-M

[Warriorbird]

I've had a ton of totally platonic friendships in GS. RL, too. One of the things that made me disliked in high school was the number of girls I was just friends with. I always found that funny, I'd have thought that the number of girls I actually DID do things with would've been far more a cause for offense.

I think it was more than anything an acknowledgement, even when that young, that some people would never work in a relationship with me, but they could be okay people anyways.

My character flirted with a ton of female characters in GS, but I also made it pretty clear that I didn't cyber. That diffused a lot of things too.

[Edited on 11-20-2005 by Warriorbird]

[Asha]

They are100 percent possible.
After being friends with someone for so much time you believe them to be more than friends, in the way of a different kind of love.
What I'm saying is, some girls I would have love to have been with sexually, 10 years later I find the idea wierd and uncomfortable, sort of like (shudder) incest.

Do one of two things:
Make friends with sickeningly ugly guys.
Fuck them first then laugh at how shit they were.

Then be friends.
/sarcasm

[Czeska]

Originally posted by Fission
There's an easy way to keep things platonic - marriage.

This made me almost spit out my drink laughing.

[Shari]

I have YET to have any of my characters get into a serious love-type relationship, and its not like I haven't tried.

Just like myself in reality, my characters tend to project at "one of the guys" attitude. Usually that draws a lot of the male population to hang out with them, but not ever become very serious with them. Obviously since I'm engaged in RL I don't feel like I have some void I need to fill through a text game. But I still think it would be fun to have Jesae in a serious relationship. :shrug:

[4a6c1]

Pfft. Of course platonic relationships are possible. Just umm, have sex with them, get bored with them and then become friends like everyone else in the world. GAH. Complainer.

[Satira]

I thought Jesae was engaged to Tijay?!

I'm probably thinking of the wrong person. ...Or it was a joke.

[4a6c1]

No no. Jesae is engaged to Wezas.

[4a6c1]

(irl)

[AnticorRifling]

Yeah it's doable IRL, I have several friends that are female and just friends.

Yes it can happen in GS, I've never been involved with anyone in any capacity other than friends...to the best of my knowledge. I am a heavy sleeper so for all I know I got married.

[Shari]

Jesae briefly dated Tijay.

I guess what I mean to say, there was no talk of marriage going on with any of my chars.

And the Wezas comment is just mean.

[Artha]

Yes it can happen in GS, I've never been involved with anyone in any capacity other than friends...to the best of my knowledge.

But...you told me I was the one :sniffle:

[StrayRogue]

Totally possible on both fronts.

[DeV]

Originally posted by FinallyDomesticated
We'll hang out and become what I think is good friends. There's nothing wrong with a little friendship.
Then one day, out of the blue, he'll make some flirty/amusing comment. This is the part where you guage his intentions with regard to the flirtatious remark. Once you get a feel for where he's coming from you can set things straight or prepare yourself for the aftermath of not addressing it at the time. i.e...

Next thing you know, he's stepped into the boyfriend position in his mind while I'm still thinking we're good friends.
I just let it go. Don't. Make sure the boundaries of the relationship are set and known. They may be testing the waters with the flirtatious remarks to see what your reactions will be. Sometimes, no reaction or at least a non-negative reaction may be just the ammunition he needs to activate boyfriend mode.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Originally posted by FinallyDomesticatedNext thing you know, he's stepped into the boyfriend position in his mind while I'm still thinking we're good friends. This comes out in the open - one way or the other - that we're on different pages. Suddenly, he cries that he was led on and I think he's at fault for ruining our friendship. Then the relationship - friend or beyond - is over.


Based on your very own verbiage, I'd say you also think of the relationship as more than a friendship, and I'd naturally assume you've lead them on or have let it go beyond being friends.

Only based off what you said. If it's happened a number of times, like I'm guessing from the post, it sounds like you are doing something to encourage it.

I think we (normal people) know what we do, even if it is subconcious. I was just speaking with Chica about platonic relationships, and I think it's possible with a man and a woman, while she does not.

[Asha]

Whomever has been simply friends / close friends with the opposite sex will believe it's possible.
Anyone who hasn't will be sceptical and anyone who's failed to simply 'remain' friends will say it's not possible.

There's no answer to this.
But yes, of course it's possible. Saying men & women can't just be friends in or out of game is like saying to a stranger. . ''Hi, don't talk to me becouse we'll eventually end up fucking!''

Which would actually be quite good. :)

[Caiylania]

I have quite a few male friends in GS and out, many who I have known for years. If you sense a guy is starting to feel more towards you than friendship, you need to make it clear how much he means to you as a friend (the best way is perhaps without even letting him know that you think he "likes" you that way) and hopefully he will get the message without hurt feelings.

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by Caiylania
If you sense a guy is starting to feel more towards you than friendship, you need to make it clear how much he means to you as a friend (the best way is perhaps without even letting him know that you think he "likes" you that way) and hopefully he will get the message without hurt feelings.

I used to think that too, but I had a friend, let's call him Howard. Howard and I had been friends for quite a long time, due to similar interests, and we grew up together (I knew him since high school). Anyway, when it became clear to me that Howard was trying to move into a role beyond the one I allowed him (ie; he'd try to tell me what to do with my time, keep reminding me how much fun we had together, dogging my boyfriend etc), I started doing as you suggested, trying to delicately tell him "Look, you are WAAAAAAAAAAAY over the boundaries" without assuming that he had a crush on me.

It didn't work until I antagonized him into admitting his crush and addressed the issue directly (he would always go for the innocent way out like omg! wtf are you getting at??). We don't talk anymore, and I'm glad of that actually because he was turning into a freak. There are some guys that strategy will work on and others that it will actually make the problem worse with. Live and learn, I guess.

-M

[Trouble]

I don't think male/female relationships can be truely platonic. One person always likes the other person more, either emotionally or physically (or both).

I'm mainly talking about RL, but I'd assume it'd carry over into GS, assuming the persons involved thought the other person was actually of the opposite sex.

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Trouble
One person always likes the other person more, either emotionally or physically I always thought platonic just meant non-sexual/non-romantic.

[Skirmisher]

Originally posted by Latrinsorm

Originally posted by Trouble
One person always likes the other person more, either emotionally or physically I always thought platonic just meant non-sexual/non-romantic.

I agree with both of the above.

I think that few relationships between possible partners are without ANY romantic thoughts EVER, but that it is more of a fleeting once in a great while kind of thing and that they can and do enjoy each others company for the great majority of the time simply as friends.

In my own experience at least that's how i find things have worked.

[DeV]

Emotional relationships are also stronger, because they take more time and energy to develop and nurture. They are even more powerful, imo, than a purely physical relationship.

[Trinitis]

DeV and I have a great Platonic relationship. I chase after her hopelessly, and she giggles and enjoys it. See, works out well!

[Skirmisher]

Originally posted by DeV
Emotional relationships are also stronger, because they take more time and energy to develop and nurture. They are even more powerful, imo, than a purely physical relationship.

Far more powerful.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Adredrin
DeV and I have a great Platonic relationship. I chase after her hopelessly, and she giggles and enjoys it. See, works out well! True! :P

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by DeV
Emotional relationships are also stronger, because they take more time and energy to develop and nurture. They are even more powerful, imo, than a purely physical relationship.

True, absolutely true. That is all.

-M

[Tsa`ah]

Once attraction has been established, a plutonic relationship is impossible.

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by Tsa`ah
Once attraction has been established, a plutonic relationship is impossible.

However, a Saturnian relationship may still be possible :saint:

Jorddyn

[Tsa`ah]

Originally posted by Jorddyn

Originally posted by Tsa`ah
Once attraction has been established, a plutonic relationship is impossible.

However, a Saturnian relationship may still be possible :saint:

Jorddyn

Hahaha ... that will teach me to proof read more often.

[Drew]

I'm not sure there can ever be a truly equal friendship between the sexes. One will always have some level of feeling greater than the other, can that still be platonic? I don't know depends on how you define it.

[Leetahkin]

I have the opposite problem. The guy will show every indication of something, then stop mid-stride and back away without saying they're backing away, or why.

I think it's up to both people involved as to whether a platonic relationship can work. I have two male friends that I haven't seen in years from my high school days. I briefly had an interest in them at one time or another, but nothing came of it. I love them to death as friends, and would have it no other way.

Like Drayal said, if I ever had thoughts nowadays of a sexual interest in them, it would feel really weird.


Now I have the need to send them an email/letter to see how they are.

[Czeska]

I think it's possible. But I don't think it's the most common result.

What if you end up making out with your best friend who's gay, is that platonic? Or just very confusing?!?!

[Jadewolff]

Originally posted by Drew
I'm not sure there can ever be a truly equal friendship between the sexes. One will always have some level of feeling greater than the other, can that still be platonic? I don't know depends on how you define it.

Personally, I think this is true in all friendships regardless of whether they're between two opposite sexes or same sex. People think differently and they define friendship differently. I mean how many times have people been disappointed or have disappointed someone of the same sex who thought the friendship meant something different (more or less).

[DeV]

Originally posted by Czeska
What if you end up making out with your best friend who's gay, is that platonic?The boundaries of friendship have been compromised. If the physical desire is there then I wouldn't consider it platonic at that point. The friendship should still be there, perhaps it was a fleeting moment of horniness or sheer curiousity, but you both shared a moment that won't be soon forgotten.
Or just very confusing?!?! Oh, and this too, definitely. :yes:

[Czeska]

:lol: DeV.. it was like 18 years ago, and he will always be one of my best friends. We joke about it with his boyfriend.

[Atlanteax]

A platonic relationship is only possible if the guy is not sexually interested in the female.

[Warriorbird]

Or is convinced it would never work. Or she's out of his league and he knows it.