Responsibility Habit

[Wyndshadow]

In most cases this is not considered bad. But in my case some think I take it to extremes. I have a bad habit of being way too responsible. Mainly this brought on by guilt of if I took the time to do something for myself or be selfish for once how would this effect my family and those around me. I have never called in to work for reasons for myself ( it being sick or needing a day off). When leaving a job I don't quite on the spot (no matter how pissed off I am or how much they are dickheads), I try to put in a 2 week notice. My off days are reserved for family. When I take off it is for others. I even stilled got talked into going to work when my son was sick with the flu so my sister-in-law had to watch him. My family needed the money. I take care of my son, my nephew, my mother-in-law, and my husband. My husband cannot work because of my mother-in-law needs someone to take care of her and the State still won't declare her as being disabled enough for an in care nurse. Same thing for my sister that is on a resperator. Frankly the State I want to tell to kiss my ass. So I am the only one working. And between me and my mother-in-laws disablity check we are struggling to make it. So I always feel obligated to not take off. But sometimes I feel I am going to break. It sucks royally being the responsible one. But someone has to do it. I just look forward to one day being free to retire, but that is a long ways away. Anyone else out ther have the same habit ?

[Edited on 11-14-2005 by Wyndshadow]

[Skeeter]

you certainly aren't responsible with spacing.

Fix that shit and repost.

[SpunGirl]

::eyes bleed::

-K

[Showal]

hahaha

[CrystalTears]

I'dreallyliketohelpbutyouneedtolearntospaceyoursen tencesabit.

Takesomeresponsbilityforhowyoupostforotherstounder stand.kthx.

[Wyndshadow]

ok I edited it, that better ?

[radamanthys]

Always take care of "number one" as first priority. Noone else should matter in your eyes, except the one seeing out of them. Sure it's nice to help people out, but generally, people are responsible for taking care of themselves. The only reason to do nice things (Sounds terrible, but it's true) is if YOU feel good about it.

If you have to take care of your mother-in-law, then why isn' t your husband working? Get his ass out there to find a job.

I'm sorry things are so rough on ya, but only you can do something about that. The less you do for them, the more they have to do for themselves. Don't be a pushover- that's what made communism fail so miserably. If people have no incentive, there's no reason for them to do anything. Think of it that way.

Edit the post so it's easier to read. There's like 3 spaces in that whole paragraph! Prolly a copy/paste thing, but still.

'nother tip? Look up the wording on the ADA and see if you can find a loophole. If she's in such dire straights, then it wouldn't be wrong to try and get her taken care of. If she's still pretty functional, then it's hubby and sis-in-law's job, not yours.

Stand up for yourself! If it's in your power, you have the RIGHT to be happy.

So no, I don't have that habit. heh.

[SpunGirl]

Were you by chance in Teeoncy's Excellermarated Inglish Clash?

-K

[radamanthys]

It wasn't THAT bad.

[SpunGirl]

LOL, you're right, that was mean. I'm sorry.

I agree with Radamanthys, though. If you're not taking good care of yourself, your ability to care for others is going to be limited. Plus, if you're not forcing OTHER people to act responsibly, you're really not doing them any favors.

-K

[Wyndshadow]

No. Sorry, Spun afraid I missed that class. Rada my husband is the one that stays home, becuase out of the two of us he is strong enough to pick her up out of the tub and things like that. He has no choice. It really sucks for him not being able to get out. And on top of that he has to watch our 3yr old. No money for daycare.
But I wasn't complaining. It just I was wondering if anyone else out there was stuck being responsible all the time as well.

[Showal]

it's kinda like that "give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day ..." quote. You have to enable people to help themselves.

[DeV]

You need to switch places with your husband. Tell him you need a break or else you're going to break.

[CrystalTears]

I agree that you need to force the others into helping or doing something, as you're only going to wear yourself thin and won't be of use to anyone.

There has to be some kind of financial support you can get to care for your mother-in-law to help pay for her expenses. But your husband really should try working. Perhaps the combined incomes for the both of you can afford more options for her.

Don't give up. Just take that day off if you need to. Take care of you first if no one else will.

[Ilvane]

You need to take some time to yourself for you. You can't be a support to your family when you can't handle things or need a break. I'm sure you are a wonderful person taking care of everyone, but let your husband know you need a break, and get some help from anywhere to get your sister taken care of.

U2u me if you want, maybe I can help you with finding resources in your state to help get your mother in law on disability if she needs it, I did the same for my mom, and many of my patients.

-A

[radamanthys]

Have him get a "work-at home" type job. If you're struggling, he should at least be trying to help. If it was your mother, would he do the same for you?

Eventually everyone would crack. It's a special kind of torture. Total life.

If she's incapable of bathing herself, then there's something wrong. Keep trying on the ADA thing with your state. There's gotta be a loophole. Either that, or the state is trying to pass off your case. Keep it up- once she's outta yer hands, your life will improve.

Or, you could always bleach her tuna casserole.

[Jennaen]

It's not a bad habit, dear. It's called "doing what you have to do". Sometimes, that's just how life is.

I would suggest taking the aid offered here by others to help you find ways through red tape in order to get more financial aid for your mother-in-law. I would certainly consider a nursing home... I'm sure it would be more beneficial to your immediate family to help pick up the slack between disability, Medicare, and Medicaid, rather than be in your current situation.. and be able to enjoy the time spent with your mother-in-law, resentment-free.

Barring that, it sounds to me as you and your hubby need to split shifts, and work opposing hours, even if one of you only works part time. Might suck, but, again, it's part of life.. you do what has to be done. Also, if your mother-in-law is going to stay in your home, I'd suggest talking to a social worker about resources to help you get more handicapped-accessible equipment in your home, to enable her to be more self-sufficient.

[Asha]

Glad you're posting again, WyndShadow.
:offtopic: sorry.

[Asha]

Posted by Jennaen..
<< It's not a bad habit, dear. It's called "doing what you have to do". Sometimes, that's just how life is. >>

I agree completely. It has only seemed like a habit becouse you've HAD to juggle all this responsibility.
As a couple of posters before me have said, it's so important to find time for yourself. You should talk with your boss about giving an extra day off maybe, and talk to your husband to arrange a swap in duties.
Even if all this provides you is the time to sit at home and watch over the kids and / or your husbands mother, I'm hoping there will be 10 - 15 minutes here and there you could rest.
You're like my mother, who looks forward to nothing more than the end of the day ( 11:30pm ) when she can have time to herself and take a bath or talk to her sisters on the internet or phone.
She says that stuff makes the day worth working through. :)

Well done for doing what you've done already though! I hope someone has actually said that to you.