What to do ??

[Vestarr]

Ok to start technically this is my 3 year wedding anniversary , but she decided a week and a half ago that she needs to "find herself" so decided to separate . Now we have been living together since then uncomfortably at times ..but well Im not just gonna kick her out on the street and her mom isnt helping as much as she said.So now she thinks we should do something tonight just because it is still our anniversary. Im not sure if I can handle it or just go with it an make the best of it .We do still love each other but we grew very different over the past years , an realized we be better off friends . There isnt much chance of reconsiliation Im sure, but I still dont know what I should do about tonight. Do I enjoy myself with her company or do I distance myself and do something else

Thanks for lettin me vent
---Chris / Vestarr

[CrystalTears]

I really wouldn't do anything together unless it's a step in making it work. If not, then you should go your separate ways. There's no point in celebrating something that's inevitably ending.

But my ways may not work so hopefully others can share their view on this. I just don't think it's a good idea.

I'm sorry that this is happening, though. Separation/divorce is never easy no matter how much you both know it's for the best. And unless you have kids, don't try the "stay as friends" scenario. Just let it go and move on. It doesn't really work. Good luck to you. :hug2:

[Edited on 10/31/2005 by CrystalTears]

[HarmNone]

Ish. That's quite a dilemma, hon. It sounds to me like you two need to make your relationship clear. If there's no chance of a reconciliation, you're friends not lovers. If you're still living together, you're roommates.

Roomies can go out and have a good time together as friends; yet, neither should feel they "owe" it to the other to go if they don't want to go. If you think you can enjoy one another's company as friends, go and enjoy yourself. If you feel it would be uncomfortable for you, decline.

From what you say, it sounds like you've decided the marriage is over; therefore, there's no reason to consider this an anniversary, in the common sense of the word. I sorta wonder if she really understands that it's over, though. :(

[Vestarr]

Actually shes the one who decided ...she needed to be herself again ,dinna wanna compromise who she was so she says ...She very stubborn and wont meet halfway on certain matters ,I always thought marrige was about sharing and compromising ,but she refuses to ...

[Wezas]

To throw some of my patented "not the time for that" humor in the thread, I offer this advice:

Insist on going dutch. That should make the signal clear.

[Caiylania]

If your marriage is ending and you feel you two will be following different paths maybe spend the evening with her as a friend and working on that friendship. But I wouldn't do anything else for "old times sake"

[Ylena]

My ex and I went out to lunch right after our divorce was final. We spent the time talking about how much we'd appreciated each other during our relationship while it was working, and talked about how we were going to handle being divorced in a friendly manner. Granted, we had a child together so we were going to have to find a way to cooperate, but it was a nice bridge into having a civilized divorce.

If you both know it's over, maybe you can look at this as an olive branch from her. Go have a decent dinner someplace that you both like and talk about how you got to this point. If you both are truly committed to remaining friends, it should be okay. Besides, it's a whole lot easier (and a whole lot cheaper) to get divorced if you're considerate of each other.

[AnticorRifling]

Tell her to kick rocks.

[CrystalTears]

How about you try for the celebratory breakup sex and then go your separate ways.

I'm being serious.

I honestly don't get the "let's eat out as friends" schtick. You know it won't work that way. It won't feel that way. You'll both sit there, frustrated because this is the last supper. The last time you have a meal as couple. Is it really worth it? Do you think you'll resolve anything in that time? Do you really want to reminisce about your failed relationship? Maybe I'm a realistic and don't understand it.

[Edited on 10/31/2005 by CrystalTears]

[Tromp]

:yeahthat:

If it occurs don't get all emotional about it either. Just finish up, give a good smack in the a$$ and tell her thanks a bunch then go back to your room.

She'll get the point real quick.

[Wezas]

If it were an agreed breakup, meaning both parties wanted out, then I could see the "being good friends, having dinner", etc. being possible.

But you obviously didn't want it to end. And having dinner and being bestest buds is going to give you false hope. Any little thing she does at dinner (smile at you, blink funny, accidentally touch your foot) is going to make you think "maybe she changed her mind".

My brother-in-law seperated from his wife about a year ago. She drained him of all his money and put him in debt to keep her father's company in business. She verbally, mentally, and physically beat him. He broke it off, but every few months she calls him up and asks him if he wants to go to dinner (the 3 of them, they have a son w/ shared custody). After the dinner, my wife always gets a phone call saying "It would be so much easier if I just got back with her". And needed the sense smacked into him.

Seriously, be cordial with your ex, because you have a child together. Nothing more. Nothing worse then being "good friends" and then one person starts to date someone else. It's best to break free and move on with your life.

[CrystalTears]

Wait, is there a child involved?

[Wezas]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
Wait, is there a child involved?

Doh, thought I read something about a kid involved.

No kid = Break it off clean.

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by Vestarr
Actually shes the one who decided ...she needed to be herself again ,dinna wanna compromise who she was so she says ...She very stubborn and wont meet halfway on certain matters ,I always thought marrige was about sharing and compromising ,but she refuses to ...

If she's the one who decided the marriage is over, then she needs to understand she can't have her cake and eat it, too. If she isn't willing to compromise, why would she expect you to compromise? Sounds to me like this young lady wants things all her way, hon.

It's sweet of you not to want to just "throw her out in the street". However, you need to think of yourself here. She doesn't want to be married, but she wants you there to entertain her when she's bored, and to support her when she can't afford to support herself. That doesn't even sound like a friendship to me, Chris. Friends DO share and compromise. If she's not willing to do either, she's not a wife, and she's not a friend. She's an anchor, hon.

[Kuyuk]

Put it in her butt.



K.

[Tromp]

Originally posted by Kuyuk
Put it in her butt.



K.

LMAO yep this will be the only way you'll know if she really loves you. If she does it is meant to be and you'll live happily ever after :lol2::moon2:

[The Ponzzz]

Ok, this looks like something I went through, kinda, but on year 2 of the marriage...

First of all how old are you both(or just her)?

If you wanna make it work, but think more time is needed, maybe just sit around, look at old photos, remember old memories, have a casual dinner and just talk.

If things are at the end now and it's just closure, well, then I'd suggest a short talk, don't be mean to her, and treat it like a normal day... but staying in the house together is not a smart move for much more time...

[Daniel]

Take her to the strip club to emphasis what you're life will be like without her.

.. Filled with drunken fantasies about girls you can never have without taking out a second mortgage.

[Warriorbird]

Ask her if there's a chance of reconciliation. If not...don't do anything. I also strongly question having her stay in your house.

[Vestarr]

ok well thanks for all the advice i ended up going out with some friends to a party ...an she ended up stayin with her mom ...she couldnt understand why i felt awkward ??? which in itself confuses me but i had a fun night ...again thanks all

---Chris

[HarmNone]

I'm glad you had a good time, hon. Don't sweat why she's doing what she's doing. It's impossible to make the unreasonable reasonable. ;)

[Parkbandit]

Get her drunk.. have grudge sex.. get yours.. make sure she doesn't get hers.. then kick her out when you are done.

[Wezas]

Originally posted by Parkbandit
Get her drunk.. have grudge sex.. get yours.. make sure she doesn't get hers.. then kick her out when you are done.

Is that why Chastittee is so bitter towards you?

[TheRoseLady]

Originally posted by Parkbandit
Get her drunk.. have grudge sex.. get yours.. make sure she doesn't get hers.. then kick her out when you are done.

In my best Kip Dynamite voice:

"Parkbandit, like you would ever do that."

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by TheRoseLady

Originally posted by Parkbandit
Get her drunk.. have grudge sex.. get yours.. make sure she doesn't get hers.. then kick her out when you are done.

In my best Kip Dynamite voice:

"Parkbandit, like you would ever do that."

Heh. I was thinking the same thing, TRL! :lol:

[TheRoseLady]

Originally posted by Wezas

Originally posted by Parkbandit
Get her drunk.. have grudge sex.. get yours.. make sure she doesn't get hers.. then kick her out when you are done.

Is that why Chastittee is so bitter towards you?

:lol: As if anyone named Chastittee would even have a chance...