Needing Advise

[Whichwayplease]

Well the guy I have been living with for the past almost 5 years, says he loves me right. Yet he has a friend that is 'in love' with him. He still talks to her, saying he wants to be just friends. But I know he has feelings for her in someway, even though he reassures me he doesn't. They have a very close relationship. And sometimes I get the feeling that he would rather be with her. But he said if he did he would. Am I being parinoid or do I have a reason to fear this women and what could happen between them? Or should I just trust in love hope she will go away or finnaly believe he is right for me and not her.:(

[Axhinde]

My advice? Get a boob job. He'll never leave.

[Wyndshadow]

That was a typical example of 'male advise' , Axhinde. I don't think that was the advice she needed. I on the other hand can't give you any advice either whichway, but that is because I was never good at my relationships either and don't want to screw anyone else up. I would say trust in love, but you never know.Which is why I think you are having doubts. All I can say is best of luck.

[HarmNone]

I don't think that's a question that someone else can answer for you. Talk it out with yourself. ;)

[Axhinde]

I don't think it was, either. Typical male advice? Feminist.

I'd take your man's word for it, as building suspicions over something that may very well not be there can create problems of their own. Don't dwell on it, trust your guy until you find evidence of him cheating. Other than that, not much to advise on.

[Warriorbird]

You've been living with him for five years and you're not sure? How old are you two?

[ElanthianSiren]

My boyfriend is one of my best friends. Whenever he was in a relationship, though I adore the hell out of him, I respected his relationships. I know he'd do the same for me.

If this woman can't respect your relationship with your man, she is not his friend. I wouldn't worry about it.

-M

[Whichwayplease]

mid 20's to answer your question Warrior.
And lets say I have found some evidence that is why I believe he may like her more then a friend. I even asked him about and he said he was trying to somewhat make her feel good. What would be your advise to me ?

Why be greedy? Threesomes can be hot.

Or start taking it in the butt.

One of the two will keep him for sure.

- Arkans

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Arkans
Why be greedy? Threesomes can be hot.

Or start taking it in the butt.

One of the two will keep him for sure.

- Arkans

Emo.

[CrystalTears]

If this person can't decide on which personality to post as, how will they figure out a 5 year relationship? Nope, not touching this with a ten foot pole.

[Axhinde]

I meant evidence, as in, you caught them bumpin uglies. What evidence do you have? It'd be easier if we knew what the situation was.

If giving it to a girl in the butt is Emo, it's time for me to fire up a Dashboard Confessional CD.

- Arkans

[Axhinde]

Ok, I know le situation. This thread is retarded.

Edit: Do him a favor and let the sane woman have him. At least save him the trouble.

[Edited on 9-23-2005 by Axhinde]

[Warriorbird]

You're not married...clearly there's some sort of lack of depth there/you dislike marriage. Arkans' suggestions might be solid.

Alternately, be direct with him. If he's evasive, you don't want to fall prey to the "sunk cost fallacy" you want to get out of there while you're still attractive and there's other men out there. It's much easier for a moderately attractive girl to find a partner than a guy. Even if you're not attractive or even nice you can probably find a partner.

:)

[4a6c1]

He dosnt love you.

:heart:

[Warriorbird]

If giving it to a girl in the butt is Emo, it's time for me to fire up a Dashboard Confessional CD.

- Arkans

Let's go order our thick black glasses and ugly sweaters.

[Whichwayplease]

Well evidence I have is emails. And in the past he has admitted he has thought about the possibility of them being together before. But if the possibility was ther then what's to stop it from happeneing again? Especially if she still has feeling for him admitingly says so.

[Warriorbird]

Break up with him if you're uncomfortable. You're wasting your time if you are.

[CrystalTears]

Why don't you get off Wyndshadow's computer and stop spying on her boyfriend.

[Sean of the Thread]

I'll hook up with you for some mad revenge sex.

[HarmNone]

No matter what, dear, these are not questions that others can answer for you. These are questions that you must...erm...discuss amongst yourselves. Yes. :yes:

[Wezas]

Learn how to spell Advice.

[Axhinde]

Moderhaters in full effect.

/join CT

[hectomaner]

Whichwayplease

down the road, not across the street?

[Warriorbird]

I'll hook up with you for some mad revenge sex.

No matter who you are... Xyelin will hit it.

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by Warriorbird

I'll hook up with you for some mad revenge sex.

No matter who you are... Xyelin will hit it.

:lol: Sadly, so true.

[hectomaner]

Originally posted by Xyelin
I'll hook up with you for some mad revenge sex.

only if she's willing to use a wheelchair as a sex toy right?

[Sean of the Thread]

Jealous h8ers.

[Whichwayplease]

Wyndshadow is a friend. She has no boyfriend,she is happily married. She was letting me use her comp was all. But thinks for all the advise anyway

[hectomaner]

advise? excellerated english anyone?

[Axhinde]

ad·vice n.
1. Opinion about what could or should be done about a situation or problem; counsel.
2. Information communicated; news. Often used in the plural: advices from an ambassador.

[Warriorbird]

No matter who you are... seriously... if after five years you don't feel you can trust him... get out. It isn't worth further investment.

[Wyndshadow]

*chuckle* Can't blam me for trying. She ran next door though,so nomore confussions,eh ?

[Miss X]

You cannot stay with someone you don't trust. That's all the advice I could really give you. Best of luck working things out. :)

Bitch got pwned.

- Arkans

[Wezas]

ad-vise v

To offer advice to; counsel.
To recommend; suggest: advised patience.

We advise you to learn how to ask for advice.

[Axhinde]

con·fu·sion n.


1. The act of confusing or the state of being confused: Backstage confusion made the rehearsal difficult.
2. An instance of being confused: “After his awakening to Chicano identity, he briefly mastered his inner confusions and found an articulate voice” (David C. Unger).
2. Psychology. Impaired orientation with respect to time, place, or person; a disturbed mental state.

[CrystalTears]

If she doesn't have a computer, how did she find email evidence? :?: And if she saw it on his computer, then there's already a trust problem, thus rendering the relationship useless.

[Edited on 9/23/2005 by CrystalTears]

[Axhinde]

Originally posted by Wezas
ad-vise v

To offer advice to; counsel.
To recommend; suggest: advised patience.

We advise you to learn how to ask for advice.

I advise you to be quicker. So slow.

[Warriorbird]

I advise you to notice the difference in definitions. She didn't.

:ducks:

[Axhinde]

:eatme:

It's what I get for skimming....

[HarmNone]

I'd advise you to take your question here:

http://www.psychlinks.ca/phpbb/index.php

[Sean of the Thread]

in·se·cure Pronunciation (ns-kyr)
adj.
1. Not sure or certain; doubtful: unemployed and facing an insecure future.
2. Inadequately guarded or protected; unsafe: A shortage of military police made the air base insecure.
3. Not firm or fixed; unsteady: an insecure foothold.
4.
a. Lacking stability; troubled: an insecure relationship.
b. Lacking self-confidence; plagued by anxiety:


OR

Anal Sex
Noun 1. anal sex - anal intercourse committed by a man with a man or woman

[Edited on 9-23-2005 by Xyelin]

[hectomaner]

main bitch

n. Not a wife, not a girlfriend, but very close to a main squeeze. Usually the favorite girl of several.

"Is that your wife, your girlfriend, or just your main bitch?"--Ludacris

[DeV]

Originally posted by JihnasSpirit
He dosnt love you.

:heart: Either that or he loves the fact that their are two women in love with him that know about it regardless of the relationships those women have in his life. And he may feel you are both ok with that fact which is almost the equiv of having your cake and eating it too.

He wants to remain friends with her. Now there is the kicker. The other kicker is the fact that you are aware that she is in love with him and he WANTS to remain friends with her. That has to feel uncomfortable to you to some degree. I know, I know... she should trust her man, right? Not always. Go with your GUT instinct. Act on it. Don't go off of your emotions. You need to look at the situation logically. If you have any amount of proof that he has feelings for her or has acted on them and he has told you differently then you need to trust yourself. More than likely it's true that he does. It's at that point you have to decide what you want to do about it.

[Viridian]

If this girl isn't respecting boundries, and if he is saying things like, "If I want to be with her I would be." Warning sirens would be going off in my head. Personally, there isn't much you can do other than

1. Bail because of insecurities (which is something I would most likely do.)

2. Wait it out and see if your trust in him is enough. Though you might be pushing him away with your insecurities, but I can't really say that, as I don't know you, or your relationship.

[CrystalTears]

She saw his mail! Whether any of it is true or not would cause me to kick her to the curb!! Talk about lack of privacy.

[SpunGirl]

This is a little silly, sorry to say.

If you don't know someone after five years, you never will. I've been with my husband (from when we first started dating) for around five total years now, and though there are still new and fun things to discover about each other, I know I can trust him. If I couldn't... why in the hell would I still be here?

I realize a dating relationship is not the same as a marriage, but if he doesn't care enough about your feelings to ease your discomfort, ditch him. But I want to know - what did the emails say? Call me curious.

-K

[Jayvn]

If you're that much in doubt, to the point you hang onto old emails and still aren't sure, but won't confront him seriously with it all, just leave, start over with someone else, it's only 5 years, Or stop being paranoid, let it go and try to act like you're happy in your situation. Another option is to become a swinger and invite her over for a wild party involving lots of alcohol and porn.... BTW after you go the third path you can't go back in that relationship, it just won't work.

[Apotheosis]

Originally posted by Whichwayplease
Well the guy I have been living with for the past almost 5 years, says he loves me right. Yet he has a friend that is 'in love' with him. He still talks to her, saying he wants to be just friends. But I know he has feelings for her in someway, even though he reassures me he doesn't. They have a very close relationship. And sometimes I get the feeling that he would rather be with her. But he said if he did he would. Am I being parinoid or do I have a reason to fear this women and what could happen between them? Or should I just trust in love hope she will go away or finnaly believe he is right for me and not her.:(

Well. Lets put it this way. If you can trust him, then you should not have to worry one bit. However, he should be respectful of your feelings and not deal with her.

I would let him know that you do not feel comfortable with him being friends with this woman. If he can respect that, and put some distance between this other person, then I would say you have nothing to worry about.

If he says "don't worry" and dismisses your feelings, without trying to be understanding, then he is really not the one you should be with.

[peam]

Just let him try anal.

Christ.

That's always the issue.

[Alfster]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
She saw his mail! Whether any of it is true or not would cause me to kick her to the curb!! Talk about lack of privacy.

yup yup, if someone I had been dating for 5 years felt the need to go through my shit to find things out, then she more than likely has mental problems.

The reason she's probably still around is because she loves anal.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Alfster
yup yup, if someone I had been dating for 5 years felt the need to go through my shit to find things out, then she more than likely has mental problems.
Or he is really good at hiding things and she's extinguished all other options.

I was trying to be subtle earlier but seriously, you need to move on. Your fears are more than likely true and if you have to go to those depths to find out he's lying to you about his emotional relationship with this woman then you are in store for some hard times ahead with this guy.

In the words of one of my ex-girlfriends, emotional infedelity is worse than physical infedelity to a large extent.

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by DeV

In the words of one of my ex-girlfriends, emotional infedelity is worse than physical infedelity to a large extent.

Truth. But we haven't seen the emails, so we don't have evidence of the emotional infidelity really. What one person considers infidelity, another may consider harmless flirting. FWIW, I don't care of my boyfriend flirts, as long as I'm on the end of it. My boyfriend doesn't care if I flirt because he knows I don't want anyone else.

There are definitely some trust issues here though, and I don't think they're entirely with the guy, judging from the fact that his girlfriend was reading his emails looking for dirt.

-M

[HarmNone]

I don't understand this need to read other peoples' emails. I mean, what the hell is THAT all about? Are you looking to get your ass kicked? If you don't trust someone, move on. Don't go looking for ways to beat yourself up! ::weird: