4 pitchers of beer..2 shots of jager and 1 chick in a wheelchair.

[Sean of the Thread]

Dear Journal.

Last night a chick in a wheel chair with bright red smeared lipstick had the bartender send me a shot.. so I go over to thank her and be friendly and spend some time with her (which really means I went to try and get more free shit.) and find out she is 29 years old and had some spinal manahgjobloply or somin and her legs look pretty fucked up.

Some how I got talked into giving her a ride home at 2 am to save her the cab fare so I wheel her ass out front and go retrieve the obviously too small vehicle. Finally I get her honking chair in my trunk and tie it shut with a computer cable and toss her in the front seat.

As we are driving she starts to say naughty things to me. REAL naughty. I didn't really know how to react so I was just like "Oh stop" and thats when she reached over and grabbed my cock. I still don't know where she lives so I politely hold her hand to relieve my cock and balls and put it back on her lap.

I finish getting directions and continue to use my wax on/wax off defense to beat back her hand. I think I may have bruised her with one of my chops but this does not concern me. I pull in to her TRAILER. Things are getting worse but the worse is really yet to come.

I go to retrieve her chair from the trunk and the cable knot became to fucking tight and it took me over 15 minutes to untie. Finally I get her chair out and start helping her into it with her and that is when I noticed my hand was wet. The bitch pissed in my car. Actually I wasn't sure if it was piss.. sweat ... or uhm.. peach juice if ya know what I mean and I really wasn't going to give it the sniff test. At any rate it made me gag and almost drop her. I wheel her in and prepare to say goodbye.

She wants me to give her a kiss.. I refuse and she pulls the "It's because I'm a piss dripping wet chick in a wheel chair isn't it" card I never was really any good at Magic The Gathering so I succomb. So I lean forward and give her a peck on the cheek at which point she mauls me including a bite on the neck and tongue all over. I decide it is time to retreat and with a quick glance at the clock pull the "I have 15 minutes until I have to be home or my wife will kill me" card.

(I had told her earlier in the evening that I had a wife and kids to deter her blatant advances.. it didn't work)

Now a warning for our readers(serious).. this is where the story goes from rated-R to XXX niche wheel chair pr0n on the back shelf of your local video store.

P.s. God stop reading at this point because I really don't want to goto hell.

She then proceeds to flip out her very nice very big tits from her sun dress and tells me to touch them. I did the proper thing and succomb to the power of boobies. I give them a few little gropes and she begins to moan. Not your typical moan mind you this was a top shelf grade A chewbacca snoring moan. I tell her finally that I only have 10 minutes left to get home or I'm in deep shit. She then BEGS me to let her give me head. At this point I really had to stop and think about wtf I was doing and after 2 seconds of deliberation I unzipped the dockers and let her turn on the hoover. After I finished up and I was looking down at her and the aftermath that was Hurricane Xyelin I had a vision of a scene from Freddy Got Fingered which made me laugh out loud. She asked what was so funny and I told her. She didn't think it was very funny and got pissed.

It is at this point I look at the clock and said "OH SHIT I gotta GO" and literally run out the door. I hopped in the car and peeled the fuck out..only to get lost in her fucking maze of a trailer park.

It is nights like this that remind me why I quit getting piss drunk. It also reminds me why I am going to hell.

[Skeeter]

Only thing I could think while reading this was, Why were you wearing dockers?

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Skeeter
Only thing I could think while reading this was, Why were you wearing dockers?

Stain resistant wrinkle free khakis FTW.

[xtc]

That was some funny shit but try explaining to your wife why some girl in a wheelchair who smells like piss is giving you head in front of her trailer.

You keep this up and you could be a guest on Springer.

Again the funniest thing I have read in eons.

[Edited on 9-20-2005 by xtc]

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by xtc
That was some funny shit but try explaining to your wife why some girl in a wheelchair who smells like piss is giving you head in a wheelchair.

You keep this up and you could be a guest on Springer.

Again the funniest thing I have read in eons.

I don't have a wife. I do have an ex-wife.

[Atlanteax]

Nice Tall Tale. :weird:

[Tromp]

LMFAO!

Huricane Xyelin!!!!!!!

Go directly to confession!

[Apotheosis]

:gawk:

[Sean of the Thread]

Oh I forgot to mention some irony. (I love irony)

This morning I have an aim message from an old friend.

LissaXXXXXX (10:47:53 PM): Do you know anything about americans with disabilities act???

[DeV]

Clue #1. Bright red smeared lipstick. :S:

[peam]

I'm dyin', man.

[hectomaner]

Originally posted by Atlanteax
Nice Tall Tale. :weird:

just because women in wheel chairs know that they can do better than you, doesnt mean that they dont go after other guys.


and why didnt you pull out her couch into the bed and give her something to remember? come on, that would be wild.

[4a6c1]

ROFL

Your nuts.

:heart:

[Viridian]

:lol2: I am laughing so hard right now.....God I just know I'm going to hell for laughing at this.

[Jolena]

Originally posted by Yswithe
:gawk:

This made me laugh worse then the story, because that was my exact reaction to it.

[Jayvn]

The new use for computer cables.

[iomelindi]

LMAO

1 - Love the use of a computer cable. That had me dying

2 - A "I have to get home to my wife" excuse wont work if your dick is in her mouth already. (wife or no wife)

3. - ewww

[Soulpieced]

At this point I really had to stop and think about wtf I was doing and after 2 seconds of deliberation I unzipped the dockers and let her turn on the hoover. After I finished up and I was looking down at her and the aftermath that was Hurricane Xyelin

.

That is quite possibly the funniest sentence and a half I have ever read.... ever.

[MangledKitty]

I'm going to have nightmares.

But haha, you got peed on. Or at least I hope thats what it was, the other stuff is just as gross.

[Chaddy]

LMFAO. Holy fuckin shit. LOL!!!!!!!!!!

[Sylph]

LMAO

[crazymage]

:beer:

[Jahira]

I think the real moral of this story is don't drink and drive

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Jahira
I think the real moral of this story is don't drink and drive

Why?? I was only lost for like 5 minutes in that trailer park.

[4a6c1]

Xyelin for president

[Showal]

one of the best stories I have read in a long time.

[Satira]

My question is what was this bitch doing beforehand that smeared her lipstick?

[Chaddy]

Originally posted by Satira
My question is what was this bitch doing beforehand that smeared her lipstick?
Orally satisfying the Tropical Storm Xyelin, come on folks hurricanes don't come from nowhere something had to get that bull raging. He just told ya the first part of the story.

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Satira
My question is what was this bitch doing beforehand that smeared her lipstick?

Blowing the cab driver on the way to the bar??

::CRINGE::

Nevermind.. she prolly bumped her lip on a beer mug or somin like that.

[Apotheosis]

This is kinda sad....(oops there goes the emo in me)

[Terminator X]

Did you get all up on the nubs?

[hectomaner]

i'll ask the question everyone is dying to know, but afraid of asking as it means eternal damnation. since i dont care....


did she give good head?

[Drezzt]

You guys are all laughing and I'm getting that sick feeling in the back of my throat. You know the one where you're driving in a piece of shit car, it's like 98 degrees outside and you had burritos and beer an hour ago.
You know you're gonna hurl and you feel it coming up but you can't get the damn window to roll down...
yeah, that's the feelin.
PISS, she smelled like PISS! OMG

[AnticorRifling]

Does she realize you look like shrek?

[Sean of the Thread]

MUAHAHHAHAA. I HAVE A BIG GREEN PENIS TOO!

[Jolena]

Man, as funny as the story is, and especially the Hurrican Xyelin part..I cant' get over that she was covered in piss and you still let her give you head and groped some boobage. Just..wow. :weird:

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Jolena
Man, as funny as the story is, and especially the Hurrican Xyelin part..I cant' get over that she was covered in piss and you still let her give you head and groped some boobage. Just..wow. :weird:

Hey I never did verify if it was piss. For all I know it was her loveth flowing overeth.

[Tromp]

wasn't the "pee" thing a topic of conversation just before Xyelin posted this masterpiece?

Coincidence? I think not!

[AnticorRifling]

She didn't have pee in her mouth or on her boobs why is this even an issue?

[4a6c1]

!!!!!!!

:lol2:

[Wezas]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
She didn't have pee in her mouth or on her boobs why is this even an issue?

It would determine if I would try to clean out the car myself or spend the $$$ to get it detailed.

[AnticorRifling]

True but the car cleaning isn't on trial here. It's fact that he tried to read her boobs blindman style and then got some head. Unless she was spraying urine like she's old faithful those two areas in question are wizz free and still considered free game. Now if he went for some taco tasting that would be a whole different scenario.

[Wezas]

He'd need to do more investigative research before hand to see if she can even feel anything down there. Nothing would be worse then working on it and getting no reaction.

[AnticorRifling]

Unless you're like me and just like to work on it. :cool:

[Sean of the Thread]

Seriously I would have fucked that axe wound like a poodle in heat if she didn't do whatever the fuk it was in my car.

[Tromp]

The car thing is making me think of the Seinfeld episode when the valet guy laid the funk BO on his leather seats and Jerry just gave the car away.

I probably wouldn't give the car away but it would be on AutoTrader.com right now.

Be that poodle Xyelin!

[4a6c1]

This thread is now bookmarked in my Favorites "FUNNIES" foldier. Along with Banana Fone, Darth Pranker, the Axel F Frog, and Ouchy the clown. Because I go into fits of laughter everytime i reread it.

[Skeeter]

So where are you taking her this weekend?

[Sean of the Thread]

For the moneyshot I should have shouted TIMMAY!

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Skeeter
So where are you taking her this weekend?

To the abortion clinic.

[Wezas]

Originally posted by Skeeter
So where are you rolling her this weekend?

Fixed your post.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Drezzt
You guys are all laughing and I'm getting that sick feeling in the back of my throat. You know the one where you're driving in a piece of shit car, it's like 98 degrees outside and you had burritos and beer an hour ago.
You know you're gonna hurl and you feel it coming up but you can't get the damn window to roll down...
yeah, that's the feelin.
PISS, she smelled like PISS! OMG You just have to laugh though... the story is hilarious on all points. But still...

It kinda reminds me of some raunchy ass porn that gets you off but afterwards you're like damn, that was some dirty dirty porn. Eww, but it still got me off. :no:

[Burnt out Priestess]

So think she will be looking forward to seeing him more often at the bar now? hehe

[Tromp]

name of bar just so I never ever go there?

[AnticorRifling]

The Blue Oyster

[Wezas]

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:hRpSqnZHRpoJ:www.ncf.ca/chatstreet/oyster.gif

[Snapp]

Originally posted by DeV
It kinda reminds me of some raunchy ass porn that gets you off but afterwards you're like damn, that was some dirty dirty porn. Eww, but it still got me off. :no:
:rofl:

[hectomaner]

Originally posted by Xyelin
For the moneyshot I should have shouted TIMMAY!


you better hope i can find a way to clean the orange juice off my $500 moniter

[Parkbandit]

Originally posted by Tromp
name of bar just so I never ever go there?

LOL.. sure that's the reason.

I see Tromp going there every night JUST to see an easy chick in a wheelchair.

[Tromp]

Originally posted by Parkbandit

Originally posted by Tromp
name of bar just so I never ever go there?

LOL.. sure that's the reason.

I see Tromp going there every night JUST to see an easy chick in a wheelchair.

:grr::stfu::fu:

Damn you PB for figuring that one out!!!

I was thinking we'd rent a party bus?

[Sean of the Thread]

A short handi accessible party bus.

[Urinal Poops]

My question is this; did you let her work the noodle herself? or did you grab the chair by the arms and violently push and pull it?

[Showal]

It was hurricane xyelin. Which do you think he did?

[DeV]

Originally posted by Urinal Poops
grab the chair by the arms :lol:

[AnticorRifling]

Originally posted by Showal
It was hurricane xyelin. Which do you think he did?

Blew fast, made a mess, and then wilted away to nothing duh.

[Showal]

yeah right, he probably grabbed on to that chairs arms and gave that mouth a good hate fuck for pissing in her car.

[Daniel]

hahahahaha

I'm dead

jdjhdhfjhds

[Sean of the Thread]

Lol this deserves a bump due to recent comments and a nearing 2 year anniversary!!!. As a reminder I wouldn't have shared if I gave a fuck about the occasional wheels blast.

[Celephais]

Lol this deserves a bump due to recent comments and a nearing 2 year anniversary!!!. As a reminder I wouldn't have shared if I gave a fuck about the occasional wheels blast.
:rofl: no joke! If you can't take an insult* on the internet you're bound for a very shitastic life.

*I also agree with you about the limit being things like sexual blasts against your daughters, one of those say what you will about me kind of things.

[Danical]

Never read this the first time around . . . Gold.

[4a6c1]

OMG

Hmmm. Speaking of psychos in wheelchairs. What ever happen to Sergey?

[Tisket]

Hmmm. Speaking of psychos in wheelchairs. What ever happen to Sergey?

Nothing:

crazymage Last Activity: 10-02-2009 01:17 PM
Viewing Thread Roman Polanski = Pedophile @ 01:17 PM

[Celephais]

Sean, are your daughters any closer to 18 yet?

[Sean of the Thread]

Oh God.

[peam]

Dear Journal.

Last night a chick in a wheel chair with bright red smeared lipstick had the bartender send me a shot.. so I go over to thank her and be friendly and spend some time with her (which really means I went to try and get more free shit.) and find out she is 29 years old and had some spinal manahgjobloply or somin and her legs look pretty fucked up.

Some how I got talked into giving her a ride home at 2 am to save her the cab fare so I wheel her ass out front and go retrieve the obviously too small vehicle. Finally I get her honking chair in my trunk and tie it shut with a computer cable and toss her in the front seat.

As we are driving she starts to say naughty things to me. REAL naughty. I didn't really know how to react so I was just like "Oh stop" and thats when she reached over and grabbed my cock. I still don't know where she lives so I politely hold her hand to relieve my cock and balls and put it back on her lap.

I finish getting directions and continue to use my wax on/wax off defense to beat back her hand. I think I may have bruised her with one of my chops but this does not concern me. I pull in to her TRAILER. Things are getting worse but the worse is really yet to come.

I go to retrieve her chair from the trunk and the cable knot became to fucking tight and it took me over 15 minutes to untie. Finally I get her chair out and start helping her into it with her and that is when I noticed my hand was wet. The bitch pissed in my car. Actually I wasn't sure if it was piss.. sweat ... or uhm.. peach juice if ya know what I mean and I really wasn't going to give it the sniff test. At any rate it made me gag and almost drop her. I wheel her in and prepare to say goodbye.

She wants me to give her a kiss.. I refuse and she pulls the "It's because I'm a piss dripping wet chick in a wheel chair isn't it" card I never was really any good at Magic The Gathering so I succomb. So I lean forward and give her a peck on the cheek at which point she mauls me including a bite on the neck and tongue all over. I decide it is time to retreat and with a quick glance at the clock pull the "I have 15 minutes until I have to be home or my wife will kill me" card.

(I had told her earlier in the evening that I had a wife and kids to deter her blatant advances.. it didn't work)

Now a warning for our readers(serious).. this is where the story goes from rated-R to XXX niche wheel chair pr0n on the back shelf of your local video store.

P.s. God stop reading at this point because I really don't want to goto hell.

She then proceeds to flip out her very nice very big tits from her sun dress and tells me to touch them. I did the proper thing and succomb to the power of boobies. I give them a few little gropes and she begins to moan. Not your typical moan mind you this was a top shelf grade A chewbacca snoring moan. I tell her finally that I only have 10 minutes left to get home or I'm in deep shit. She then BEGS me to let her give me head. At this point I really had to stop and think about wtf I was doing and after 2 seconds of deliberation I unzipped the dockers and let her turn on the hoover. After I finished up and I was looking down at her and the aftermath that was Hurricane Xyelin I had a vision of a scene from Freddy Got Fingered which made me laugh out loud. She asked what was so funny and I told her. She didn't think it was very funny and got pissed.

It is at this point I look at the clock and said "OH SHIT I gotta GO" and literally run out the door. I hopped in the car and peeled the fuck out..only to get lost in her fucking maze of a trailer park.

It is nights like this that remind me why I quit getting piss drunk. It also reminds me why I am going to hell.

Just in case.

[Solkern]

I remember this story fucking funny as hell

[Sean of the Thread]

Sean, are your daughters any closer to 18 yet?


Don't make me pull a Ratolin.

(yes one is half way there as of 9/15/09)

[Kuyuk]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Celephais
Sean, are your daughters any closer to 18 yet?


Don't make me pull a Ratolin.

(yes one is half way there as of 9/15/09)

Sounds like he's keeping tabs on them too Celephais, you might have competition.

[Sean of the Thread]

Sounds like he's keeping tabs on them too Celephais, you might have competition.


I'm keeping tabs on her college fund so yes.

[Atlanteax]

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/277.jpg

[Jace Solo]

Makes me worry about any subsequent trips to Tampa...Lived in Hyde Park for a while and never heard of that bar...what part of town were you in?

[Sean of the Thread]

This bar was in Dunedin I think.


Anyways come on down and we'll have a blast.

[Celephais]

This bar was in Dunedin I think.


Anyways come on down and we'll have a blast.
Still on the wagon?

[Asha]

Orange Juice lulz