Shart

[Sean of the Thread]

Has anyone here ever sneezed and farted and shit themselves diarrhea style this morning about 10 minutes ago???

Me either but I was just curious.

[Edited on 8-23-2005 by Xyelin]

[Jolena]

:no:

[Hulkein]

I sharted once.

[Jolena]

You all need serious :help:

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Jolena
You all need serious :help:

You're right.. could you spare a wetnap?

[Asha]

Xyelin, you still sticking to orange juice?
:lol:

[SpunGirl]

My husband shuked once in the bathroom at the Aladdin after a long night of drinking.

-K

[Artha]

I saw a picture of someone doing that once. He wasn't wearing plaid at the time, was he?

[Hulkein]

The Irish bathroom is perfect for shuking.

Toilet with a sink in front and within leaning distance.

[SpunGirl]

LOL, no, I don't believe I've ever seen him wear plaid (aside from boxer shorts).

-K

[Shari]

I will admit, I have had it happen, on a fucking PHOTOSHOOT for work. Most embarassing god damn thing to happen to me to this day. Thank fucking god that no one noticed because I waddled my way to the bathroom ASAP and just threw the underwear in the garbage and went commando the rest of the day.

And there was no sneezing involved, I just thought I had to fart and I was DEAD WRONG.









Weren't you just DYING to know that about me? BWAHAHAHA

[Alfster]

Originally posted by Jesae
I will admit, I have had it happen, on a fucking PHOTOSHOOT for work. Most embarassing god damn thing to happen to me to this day. Thank fucking god that no one noticed because I waddled my way to the bathroom ASAP and just threw the underwear in the garbage and went commando the rest of the day.

And there was no sneezing involved, I just thought I had to fart and I was DEAD WRONG.

Oh fuck that is hilarious.

wow.

[MangledKitty]

better not do that in that wedding dress of yours or you are screwed. :lol:

[Shari]

Heh, that little "incident" happened about 6 years ago. Any time I'm feeling uncertain about farting, I make sure my ass is over a toilet first. :D

[Axhinde]

Good to know.

[Shari]

I love how guys think that girls aren't as disgusting as they are.

We are.




I know this girl Scott works with, she's been living with her boyfriend for 5 fucking years. They don't fart infront of one-another. WTF.

[Edited on 8-24-2005 by Jesae]

[Axhinde]

Originally posted by Jesae
I love how guys think that guys aren't as disgusting as they are.

We are.







I know we are. But, when did you decide to join us? In all seriousness, guys know girls do the same things, but we just don't want to think about them actually doing it. I thought your sharting escape was funny though, I couldn't imagine.

[MangledKitty]

You mean girls?

A lot of times in a relationship burping, farting, other stuff in front of one another. Brings the people closer together.

[Axhinde]

Originally posted by MangledKitty
You mean girls?

I'm sure she did. Which is what made it quoteable. :P

[Shari]

Oh, yeah, THAT'S what I mean.

I'm dumb.

[Terminator X]

Amateurs! What a bunch of :newbie:s

I sneezecoughpoopburphiccuppukepeedhadmyperiod all whilst making sweet, sweet love to the misses.

I think it's a fetish or something? Wow I need to sleep, good night :)

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Jesae
I will admit, I have had it happen, on a fucking PHOTOSHOOT for work. Most embarassing god damn thing to happen to me to this day. Thank fucking god that no one noticed because I waddled my way to the bathroom ASAP and just threw the underwear in the garbage and went commando the rest of the day.




HEHEHEH.. At my old job after years of working and drinking together I had become best friends with the other managers in the office. I was standing the customer services managers office door when I felt a good fart coming on so I smiled at her and grunted it out just to make her squeal... heheh.. except.haha I blasted a shart down my leg and onto to her office floor. heheh. Funniest shit ever.. she said my face went from ear to ear grin to smiling like a donut. (oh shit face).

The best part is she didn't know it happened and I waddled out to the bathroom and got cleaned up and came back with paper towels.. hahaha..and heheheheheheh the human resources girl was hahaha.. I'm dying laughing remembering this.. was on her hands and knees SNIFFING the shart stain on the carpet asking the customer service manager wtf it was and calling me for help. I died of embarrassment but I got the last laugh when I came back around and saw that.

[Leetahkin]

My now ex husband took some sort of weight loss pills several years ago, could have been T-Burn? Anyway, he was at work one night, and accidentally shit his pants because he couldn't get to the bathroom in time. I guess that T-Burn stuff messes with you big time.

He called me up in the middle of the night, asking me to bring him a new pair of pants and underwear. I had to be up at the crack of dawn, so I whined and refused. I told him he could tell work he was sick and needed to go home.

I wasn't his favorite person that night.

[Skirmisher]

Originally posted by Nobody Cares


He called me up in the middle of the night, asking me to bring him a new pair of pants and underwear. I had to be up at the crack of dawn, so I whined and refused. I told him he could tell work he was sick and needed to go home.

I wasn't his favorite person that night.

Now that's tough love. :wow:

[Farquar]

Originally posted by Nobody Cares
He called me up in the middle of the night, asking me to bring him a new pair of pants and underwear. I had to be up at the crack of dawn, so I whined and refused. I told him he could tell work he was sick and needed to go home.

I wasn't his favorite person that night.

If I was in the exact situation, I would have divorced you as well. (Probably over the phone.)

[Hulkein]

Yeah, that's pretty low.

Originally posted by Farquar

If I was in the exact situation, I would have divorced you as well. (Probably over the phone.)

It would be funny if the wife in this hypothetical situation said "Okay, see you later Mr. I-Shit-My-Pants."

[Axhinde]

Originally posted by Xyelin
the human resources girl was hahaha.. I'm dying laughing remembering this.. was on her hands and knees SNIFFING the shart stain on the carpet asking the customer service manager wtf it was and calling me for help.

:ohshit: :lol::lol::lol:

[DianaBanana]

This thread is disgusting, yet I cant seem to stop laughing. :lol:

[Wezas]

Because of the recent shart talk in playerscornerchat, I think this could use a bump.

[Tromp]

Ok I had to take some major health examination to qualify for this medical insurance about 15 years ago. I decided to drink some detox tea to cleanse prior to taking the exam. So for two days I was drink like 3 gallons a day of this rank ice tea!

While I was taking my exam I broke into like the sweats and not for being nervous. Exam finished and I ran out as fast as I could to the car. I'm thinking I just needed to lay down. I made it a mile when all of a sudden this major bowel noise erupted. My eyes widened with the "Oh $hit" look. I pulled over to the nearest gas station. My muscles clenching as hard as they could would not stop this detoxification purge from happening. Streamers start to trickle out whilst I run through the door push to the front of the line and demand the bathroom location. Sprinting to the door I was barely able to get the shorts/boxers off when it just turned Xorcist from the other end of my body. Whilst in deep downpour mode i stumble to the toilet almost slipping on the strays. Needless to say if I saw my shoes in the toilet project from my ar$e i wouldn't be surprised. 15 minutes later and the complete roll of tp and paper towels. I haul butt out of there leaving the newly decorated boxers in the trash and a Andrew Jackson pinned to the wall with gum for the attendant bacause you needed a biohazard suit to clean up the sludge.

Thanks for bringing this memory back into my head! Just thought I'd share.

[Jolena]

:rofl:


DAYUMMM..thanks for making me choke on my lunch.

[Sean of the Thread]

Seriously I cannot count how many times I had to push the ejection button on a pair of boxers.

[Viridian]

I laughed so hard I now have the hiccups damn you people!

[Skeeter]

Originally posted by Tromp
Ok I had to take some major health examination to qualify for this medical insurance about 15 years ago. I decided to drink some detox tea to cleanse prior to taking the exam. So for two days I was drink like 3 gallons a day of this rank ice tea!

While I was taking my exam I broke into like the sweats and not for being nervous. Exam finished and I ran out as fast as I could to the car. I'm thinking I just needed to lay down. I made it a mile when all of a sudden this major bowel noise erupted. My eyes widened with the "Oh $hit" look. I pulled over to the nearest gas station. My muscles clenching as hard as they could would not stop this detoxification purge from happening. Streamers start to trickle out whilst I run through the door push to the front of the line and demand the bathroom location. Sprinting to the door I was barely able to get the shorts/boxers off when it just turned Xorcist from the other end of my body. Whilst in deep downpour mode i stumble to the toilet almost slipping on the strays. Needless to say if I saw my shoes in the toilet project from my ar$e i wouldn't be surprised. 15 minutes later and the complete roll of tp and paper towels. I haul butt out of there leaving the newly decorated boxers in the trash and a Andrew Jackson pinned to the wall with gum for the attendant bacause you needed a biohazard suit to clean up the sludge.

Thanks for bringing this memory back into my head! Just thought I'd share.

we call this base camp being overrun by strangers/enemy

[Methais]

WB exposed as a cheap imposter!

Also:
So, According To Reddit, Some Guys Don’t Know How To Poop Properly (https://pizzabottle.com/54377-guys-dont-know-poop/?llid=2OK1B&utm_source=pbls&utm_medium=9Py1)

Some excerpts:
https://static.pizzabottle.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/sub-buzz-20609-1508360045-1.png.jpeg

https://static.pizzabottle.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/sub-buzz-3663-1508360088-1.png-666x750.jpeg

[Tisket]

You signature gifs are incredibly appropriate for that post. Well done.

[Stanley Burrell]

So, According To Reddit, Some Guys Don’t Know How To Poop Properly (https://pizzabottle.com/54377-guys-dont-know-poop/?llid=2OK1B&utm_source=pbls&utm_medium=9Py1)

Some excerpts:
https://static.pizzabottle.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/sub-buzz-20609-1508360045-1.png.jpeg

https://static.pizzabottle.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/sub-buzz-3663-1508360088-1.png-666x750.jpeg

Well, I guess I'll be the first to say it – Your signature gifs are incredibly appropriate for that post. Well done.

Also, sometimes, whether it's a ginormously oversized toilet lid that I can't get comfortable with, or I feel like I need more butt room, I'll sit on the rim.

I said it.

You have to be careful with this because it can make your balls do the dip, so, choke that porcelain bitch with metric shit tons of toilet paper so your nuts stay nice and dry.

…Now let me rep everyone in this thread. Boom.

[Stanley Burrell]

Also, it is very scary when you have an O-shaped toilet lid with like 1 nanometer of circumferencing space to poop; and, in the meantime, your pp tip is now diseased.

Also-also, with a U-shaped toilet lid, everything I just said, except if your junk touches the toilet = rim to the pp hole. Okay :thumbup:

[Tgo01]

Also, it is very scary when you have an O-shaped toilet lid with like 1 nanometer of circumferencing space to poop; and, in the meantime, your pp tip is now diseased.

Also-also, with a U-shaped toilet lid, everything I just said, except if your junk touches the toilet = rim to the pp hole. Okay :thumbup:

What?

[Methais]

What?

He’s saying don’t let your dick touch anything while shitting at work, Walmart, and gas stations unless you want AIDS.

[Stanley Burrell]

What?

Oh, sorry. Here:

http://forum.gsplayers.com/images/buttons/viewpost-right.png (http://forum.gsplayers.com/showthread.php?15581-Shart&p=1990474#post1990474)

[Fortybox]

He’s saying don’t let your dick touch anything while shitting at work, Walmart, and gas stations unless you want AIDS.

That's the worst.

We need more man toilets.

[Stanley Burrell]

That's the worst.

We need more man toilets.

Absolutely.


Don’t let your dick touch anything while shitting at work, Walmart, and gas stations unless you want AIDS.

Since my maturity level is at a zero, Methais is correct. Toilet AIDS on your gonads is just wrong :no:



Lets keep this thread going: For the sake of our children and our children's children's children.

[Methais]

https://scontent.fbtr1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/23376526_10155549952257535_2868708098934666488_n.j pg?oh=85952fa6bde49b499acd48c390934df5&oe=5AA91FFE

[Gelston]

She just got banged in the supply closet.

[Methais]

She just got banged in the supply closet.

Her "freshly banged in the supply closet not realizing I'm on the air in 6 minutes" hair seems to indicate that this is the case.

[drauz]

https://i.imgur.com/XmfProZ.gif

https://i.imgur.com/SlQRyv7.gif

[Methais]

https://i.imgur.com/msi4xfJ.jpg

[Methais]

Fresno man pulls out a 5-foot tapeworm while on the toilet
(http://abc6onyourside.com/news/offbeat/fresno-man-pulls-a-5-12-ft-tapeworm-out-while-on-the-toilet)

FRESNO, Calif. (KMPH) — A Fresno doctor thought he had heard it all... until this.

Dr. Kenny Banh says the man came in complaining of bloody diarrhea, which is fairly common, but then he said he wanted to be tested for worms.

Things got even more interesting when the man opened a grocery bag he was carrying.

Inside the bag was giant tapeworm wrapped around a toilet paper roll.

The man told Dr. Banh he sat down on the toilet, and while he was taking care of business, he felt something wiggling.

At first, he thought his guts were coming out but started to pull on it and it just kept coming and coming.

The man took an empty paper roll and started wrapping it around and around.

He then put the roll in a bag and headed to Community Regional Medical Center.

At the hospital, they rolled the tapeworm out on paper towels on the floor and it measured 5-1/2 feet.

So where did the tapeworm come from?

The man said he hadn’t traveled or had any questionable drinking water that he could think of.

He did, however, tell Banh, “I eat raw salmon almost every day.”

Dr. Banh says he believes that was the cause and also believes the man didn't get it all out.

The good news is the cure is simple – the same pill that people give to infected dogs can be given to humans.

Dr. Banh originally told the story of the tapeworm on the podcast, "This Won't Hurt A Bit."

Click here (http://www.wonthurtabit.com/episodes/6-parasites) to listen to the podcast.

http://i.imgur.com/EqQOTR9.gif

[subzero]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UP8GrqmjMk

[Gelston]

https://scontent.fmem1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/26993800_950556508427812_3639766757083186034_n.jpg ?oh=74b17e60e15f30db6a95e29d26b88f55&oe=5AFAC7C6

[Wrathbringer]

terrible looking uniform, ip's everywhere...gotta be army.

[Methais]

https://scontent.fmem1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/26993800_950556508427812_3639766757083186034_n.jpg ?oh=74b17e60e15f30db6a95e29d26b88f55&oe=5AFAC7C6

Plot twist: The brown parts aren't part of the camo.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

https://scontent.fmem1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/26993800_950556508427812_3639766757083186034_n.jpg ?oh=74b17e60e15f30db6a95e29d26b88f55&oe=5AFAC7C6

This guy had an even worse time in boot camp than normal

[Methais]

https://youtu.be/rS9H18MW7kg

[Methais]

@Wrathbringer (https://www.goatse.cx/)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me2H7Ja93Wg

[Methais]

https://scontent.fbtr1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/27751728_10156315666436042_2969807040690469344_n.j pg?oh=c8531e9cf02d19719d033f9125177b66&oe=5AD868DC

[Wrathbringer]

@Methais


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSKQ3ZNQ_O8

[Methais]

This guy's username:
https://i.imgur.com/cCyHJkg.png

[drauz]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6aUvDsTMRU

[drauz]

https://i.imgur.com/CJP5xRr.gif

[Methais]

Mostly related:
https://i.imgur.com/7yHkvDI.jpg

[Methais]

http://cdn1-www.mandatory.com/assets/uploads/2018/04/funny4-1.jpg

[Methais]

https://youtu.be/Qj1JnOd7c9M

[Methais]

Uranus stinks - literally: Scientists say seventh planet smells like rotten eggs (http://torontosun.com/news/world/uranus-stinks-literally-scientists-say-seventh-planet-smells-like-rotten-eggs)

[Methais]

https://media1.tenor.co/images/cd2c2451dfe827fc2284d7703903adb1/tenor.gif?itemid=5181647

[Methais]

You remove a shart of brown plinite from in your viridian ritual robe.

You carefully pluck the faintly glowing core from the tip of your brown plinite. As you do so, the core flickers and transforms into a vibrating brown core!

You put a vibrating brown core in your black silk bag.

[Methais]

https://i.imgur.com/DdopENU.jpg

[Methais]

https://i.imgur.com/4gsJyhp.gif

[Parkbandit]

https://i.imgur.com/4gsJyhp.gif

LOL

[Methais]

https://www.facebook.com/NewYonkazOfficial/videos/pcb.10213614432341546/10213614431381522/?type=3&theater

[drauz]

https://media.giphy.com/media/1IdV36I4JfpVA236Sg/giphy.gif

[Fortybox]

https://media.giphy.com/media/1IdV36I4JfpVA236Sg/giphy.gif

Why is that guy looking at the other dude like that. Creepy.

[Methais]

https://i.imgur.com/Kzm2kmH.png

[Methais]

https://i.imgur.com/SelC1Dj.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/wT1yFcX.png

Cannot unsee. :lol:

[Methais]

https://scontent.fbtr1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/36614107_10216620158166100_4540614871003168768_n.j pg?_nc_cat=0&oh=e6f019f7e271f93764d03b84434fe9c7&oe=5BDA0874

[Methais]

Taking sharts to a whole new level.

Man’s ass falls out after sitting on the toilet too long playing games on his phone (http://www.ozzyman.com/heres-why-you-shouldnt-spend-so-long-on-the-dunny/)

http://cdn.ozzyman.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/Capture-15-640x360.jpg

[Gelston]

https://scontent.fmem1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/37902136_2172811436110573_5471480373063974912_n.pn g?_nc_cat=1&oh=943394e4f7e0e89e21b010943e8f769c&oe=5BC60076

[Methais]

Shartoose just arrived.

[Astray]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0n28f0j976w&t=774s

[Methais]

https://i.imgur.com/jOj9OPh.gif

[Fortybox]

https://i.imgur.com/jOj9OPh.gif

All those fish are like ZOMG SHART JUICE!!11one

[Methais]

https://i.imgur.com/uUTGO3y.png

[Methais]

https://youtu.be/vo1XVM8FV2o

[Fortybox]

https://youtu.be/vo1XVM8FV2o

:lol:

[Methais]

https://youtu.be/Wqj-rqF9SiY

[Fortybox]

https://media.giphy.com/media/GOYTyC9vT6sc8/giphy.gif

[Methais]

https://i.imgur.com/2uqRPfk.jpg

[Methais]

https://www.facebook.com/kelly.stucker/videos/10152556146344826/

[Methais]

Suspect Hiding From Cops Busted After Loud Fart Gave Away His Location (https://wrno.iheart.com/content/2019-07-10-suspect-hiding-from-cops-busted-after-loud-fart-gave-away-his-location/)

[Methais]

Bride Ruins $15,000 Wedding Dress After She Sharted (https://kprcradio.iheart.com/featured/walton-and-johnson/content/2019-08-09-bride-ruins-15000-wedding-dress-after-she-sharted/?fbclid=IwAR3M8nEwfd3zx4Mxlx2B9x5BKSl9gr2NfEMlu9m-3ZbG3kwQ4-OytMcvDDE)

A woman on Reddit told the following story: (https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/42rw7z/serious_did_you_ever_attend_a_wedding_that_was_a/czdetbs/)

I work as an event planner. It was the wedding of two fairly wealthy families, and the bride had decided on a rather rural, "shabby chic" aesthetic. The reception, she decided, would take place on family property, in a historic barn. This caused a huge flurry of issues, between having to have the barn cleaned, the fact that we needed auxiliary tents as the barn wasn't large enough, and the fact that the property lacked electricity and running water. The latter was solved with a bank of generators, tubs of water for catering, and a side tent with portajohns hidden inside.

The bride had, to be honest, been quite a bridezilla, but it's my job to deal with those things. At this point, the ceremony had ended, cocktail hour is shutting down, professional photos were taken. We were prepping to transition to the entrance of the bridal party, which would be followed immediately by first dance and cake cutting. During this, the dinner would be staged, so every aspect was being fairly carefully timed out.

I was speaking to the caterer when I happened to glance over and see the most curious blend of expressions pass over th brides face, and she frantically waved down my assistant. A few moments later, my headset beeped on, and my assistant said "we have an issue". It turns out that the bride had gambled on a fart and lost in a big way. Now, the bride was wearing a huge, full ball gown, with a fitted, bones strapless top in a sort of embellished mesh. Underneath, she had a shaper garment and hoops and slips. We had already realized there was zero way of her going to the bathroom: we had issues getting her into a limo, and having her use a portajohns meant one of us would have to get personal. That was my assistants job. I radioed to everyone to expect a fifteen minute delay, and they headed towards the tent.

The fifteen minutes pass. Then twenty. Finally, my earpiece beeps on. "The previous issue is more than we anticipated." I ran over to find my assistant looking horrified.

The bride, it turns out, had been using some health shakes in an attempt to fix last minute bloating. This had mixed poorly with the cocktails from earlier, and she had eaten a fairly decent breakfast. The substance that had come out of her body as a result defied explanation. It was slimy, oily even, with stringy bits and the consistency of hair gel. Not only had it been a rather profound accident, but the smell was unrivaled. Generally, a substance no human body should emit.

But the thing that set it over the edge was that the shaper the bride wore was a latex deal that came down over the thighs and up to her bra. Waterproof, the poo had just sort of filled it, like a water balloon of horror. My assistant had opened up the snap crotch and just released the evil trickling down the brides thighs.

My assistant quickly sealed it back up and she and the bride vainly tried to wipe up the goo, dry, with toilet paper. This just spread it around, so they decide to give up.

Now I have a shell shocked assistant and a crying bride. You can smell her four feet away. The bride is just flipping out that she's making her guests wait, that she has a cheorographed dance waiting to happen, and she needs to be introduced NOW. I'm just looking at her manicured nails. Residue of diarrhea are just imbedded in her nail bed. I start trying to scrape the poo out with a fabric stain wipe, while the bride insists that the show must go on, immediately. I give in that this is an issue which will have to wait, and signal to start introductions. The groom looks vaguely disconcerted by his new wife's odor, but I tell my assistant to distract him until they take the floor. Introductions happen, the dance starts, and we find some fresh horror.

The dance was a cheorographed affair, and as the groom spun his bride around, hand on her waist, he is squishing the poo up the insides of the waist trainer, up and out the back waistband. To our horror, we watch as a oily stain spread across the mid back of the gown. As we are still cringing from this, the groom sets his hand firmly in the middle of the poo stain.

Action had to be taken as soon as the couple left the dance floor, it was obvious, and I left my assistant in charge while I made preparations. She kept radioing me: the stain was spreading, she could smell the poo from her spot by the dj. They were cutting the cake now. They were feeding the cake to each other, both now with shit stained fingers. Each was looking downright repulsed.

As they left the dance floor, I had someone rush wet naps to the groom and to bring me the bride. The support tent was closed down for me, and I pulled a tub of clean water from the caterers. She walked in to find me in dish gloves and a poncho, like American Psycho, The five minutes, I was sponging down a sobbing, naked bride, while I questioned every life decision that lead to this point.

The diarrhea was everywhere, spread in a thin layer across her body. It may be the most disgusting thing I've ever dealt with. With her clean, I threw away the waist shaper, and scrubbed down the $15 k wedding gown back in a plastic basin. The inner lining was a loss, and I cut it out completely.

Dressed again,and offered a Xanax, the bride was little worse for wear, except for missing her dinner. The support tent smelled like a sewer and just was closed for the remainder of the event. The groom was a sport, never directly saying anything, but asking if we could cancel the garter toss as he didn't really want to go under her skirt.

Pictures from the event appeared in a magazine. Still photos, away from the smell, were beautiful.

[BriarFox]

Okay, that rivals the Roomba dog poop story. Much green diarrhea rep.

[Fortybox]

Bride Ruins $15,000 Wedding Dress After She Sharted (https://kprcradio.iheart.com/featured/walton-and-johnson/content/2019-08-09-bride-ruins-15000-wedding-dress-after-she-sharted/?fbclid=IwAR3M8nEwfd3zx4Mxlx2B9x5BKSl9gr2NfEMlu9m-3ZbG3kwQ4-OytMcvDDE)

A woman on Reddit told the following story: (https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/42rw7z/serious_did_you_ever_attend_a_wedding_that_was_a/czdetbs/)

I work as an event planner. It was the wedding of two fairly wealthy families, and the bride had decided on a rather rural, "shabby chic" aesthetic. The reception, she decided, would take place on family property, in a historic barn. This caused a huge flurry of issues, between having to have the barn cleaned, the fact that we needed auxiliary tents as the barn wasn't large enough, and the fact that the property lacked electricity and running water. The latter was solved with a bank of generators, tubs of water for catering, and a side tent with portajohns hidden inside.

The bride had, to be honest, been quite a bridezilla, but it's my job to deal with those things. At this point, the ceremony had ended, cocktail hour is shutting down, professional photos were taken. We were prepping to transition to the entrance of the bridal party, which would be followed immediately by first dance and cake cutting. During this, the dinner would be staged, so every aspect was being fairly carefully timed out.

I was speaking to the caterer when I happened to glance over and see the most curious blend of expressions pass over th brides face, and she frantically waved down my assistant. A few moments later, my headset beeped on, and my assistant said "we have an issue". It turns out that the bride had gambled on a fart and lost in a big way. Now, the bride was wearing a huge, full ball gown, with a fitted, bones strapless top in a sort of embellished mesh. Underneath, she had a shaper garment and hoops and slips. We had already realized there was zero way of her going to the bathroom: we had issues getting her into a limo, and having her use a portajohns meant one of us would have to get personal. That was my assistants job. I radioed to everyone to expect a fifteen minute delay, and they headed towards the tent.

The fifteen minutes pass. Then twenty. Finally, my earpiece beeps on. "The previous issue is more than we anticipated." I ran over to find my assistant looking horrified.

The bride, it turns out, had been using some health shakes in an attempt to fix last minute bloating. This had mixed poorly with the cocktails from earlier, and she had eaten a fairly decent breakfast. The substance that had come out of her body as a result defied explanation. It was slimy, oily even, with stringy bits and the consistency of hair gel. Not only had it been a rather profound accident, but the smell was unrivaled. Generally, a substance no human body should emit.

But the thing that set it over the edge was that the shaper the bride wore was a latex deal that came down over the thighs and up to her bra. Waterproof, the poo had just sort of filled it, like a water balloon of horror. My assistant had opened up the snap crotch and just released the evil trickling down the brides thighs.

My assistant quickly sealed it back up and she and the bride vainly tried to wipe up the goo, dry, with toilet paper. This just spread it around, so they decide to give up.

Now I have a shell shocked assistant and a crying bride. You can smell her four feet away. The bride is just flipping out that she's making her guests wait, that she has a cheorographed dance waiting to happen, and she needs to be introduced NOW. I'm just looking at her manicured nails. Residue of diarrhea are just imbedded in her nail bed. I start trying to scrape the poo out with a fabric stain wipe, while the bride insists that the show must go on, immediately. I give in that this is an issue which will have to wait, and signal to start introductions. The groom looks vaguely disconcerted by his new wife's odor, but I tell my assistant to distract him until they take the floor. Introductions happen, the dance starts, and we find some fresh horror.

The dance was a cheorographed affair, and as the groom spun his bride around, hand on her waist, he is squishing the poo up the insides of the waist trainer, up and out the back waistband. To our horror, we watch as a oily stain spread across the mid back of the gown. As we are still cringing from this, the groom sets his hand firmly in the middle of the poo stain.

Action had to be taken as soon as the couple left the dance floor, it was obvious, and I left my assistant in charge while I made preparations. She kept radioing me: the stain was spreading, she could smell the poo from her spot by the dj. They were cutting the cake now. They were feeding the cake to each other, both now with shit stained fingers. Each was looking downright repulsed.

As they left the dance floor, I had someone rush wet naps to the groom and to bring me the bride. The support tent was closed down for me, and I pulled a tub of clean water from the caterers. She walked in to find me in dish gloves and a poncho, like American Psycho, The five minutes, I was sponging down a sobbing, naked bride, while I questioned every life decision that lead to this point.

The diarrhea was everywhere, spread in a thin layer across her body. It may be the most disgusting thing I've ever dealt with. With her clean, I threw away the waist shaper, and scrubbed down the $15 k wedding gown back in a plastic basin. The inner lining was a loss, and I cut it out completely.

Dressed again,and offered a Xanax, the bride was little worse for wear, except for missing her dinner. The support tent smelled like a sewer and just was closed for the remainder of the event. The groom was a sport, never directly saying anything, but asking if we could cancel the garter toss as he didn't really want to go under her skirt.

Pictures from the event appeared in a magazine. Still photos, away from the smell, were beautiful.

:lol:

[Methais]

https://i.imgur.com/WzrbAoj.mp4
https://i.imgur.com/WzrbAoj.gif (https://i.imgur.com/WzrbAoj.mp4)

[Methais]

https://youtu.be/EPDX9iMRJLY

[Methais]

https://i.imgur.com/k40vgvf.png (https://twitter.com/duncantrussell/status/1173824163108118529)

[Stanley Burrell]

I'm like super nervous right now; have to go pick up groceries and stuff, but I've been farting up a storm and definitely did not get enough poop out today, so it's high-alert time :-\

[Methais]

I'm like super nervous right now; have to go pick up groceries and stuff, but I've been farting up a storm and definitely did not get enough poop out today, so it's high-alert time :-\

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/FragrantGreedyKitfox-size_restricted.gif

[Methais]

https://www.facebook.com/childrenofthenight9/videos/2198407307067773

[Methais]

https://i.imgur.com/hA57t5v.png

[Methais]

https://i.imgur.com/h6rzrvf.gif

[Methais]

9:26 "That cop wasn't playing that! I mean..... *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF*


https://youtu.be/dR7Y8PrwZ4o


Sounded juicy af. :lol:

[Methais]

https://youtu.be/Tff2PBatf2Y