Redrum, redrum, redrum

[Prego]

Alright. I created a new handle just for this thread. I am hoping for some advice for something that I really don't want carried over to other threads when I post under my normal handle. WARNING: If you don't like rambling threads don't read any further!

I got married a little over a year ago and now I am almost eight months pregnant. I have had no morning sickness except for some minor stuff early on, no unusual food cravings. Nothing in fact reminds me I am pregnant at all except the changing fit of my clothing and a distinct waddle. Oh and I pee constantly. My problem is I have NO maternal feelings yet. None. Zip. Zilch. I might as well have a pillow under my shirt for all the motherly feelings I have toward this baby.

The one thing I seem to be suffering from is emotional. While I don't cry at the drop of a hat like some pregnant women, I do find myself extremely irritable with everyone ALL THE TIME. I can just glance at my husband and I want to smack him. He was snoring last night so I couldn't sleep. I wanted to smother him with a pillow. Literally, I had the pillow clutched in my hands (forget that he outweighs me by 80 pounds, I'd put my money on hormone induced rage if I was a betting person). Anyway, I am having extreme thoughts and it's totally unlike me normally. I have high anxiety all the time about this. Like is it EVER going to go away.

I always knew I would have children. I want kids. Maybe I didn't plan it to happen so soon but it's hardly reason to plot murder. Why can't I cope better. I talked to my doctor about these feelings and he kind of laughed it off and said I was perfectly normal. Granted I kind of told him in a joking way because I was slightly embarrassed but still. My husband has taken a kind of bunker mentality toward me, sort of a hunker down and wait it out attitude that frankly makes me want to kick him. I am extraordinarily lucky that he is a patient man. I would've left myself. I almost wish he would just blow up. I told him I thought about smothering him and he laughed...laughed and said I was "cute". He is so clueless about what he has living with him right now. I alternate feeling sorry for him and wanting to headbutt him.

I don't mean to imply it is just my husband. He is the one around me the most but I also find myself snapping at other family and friends all the time. Everyone says it will go away once the baby is born. What if it doesn't. I am terrified that this kid is going to pop out and I am going to be like "ewww get it away from me". I love kids normally, what the hell is stopping me from feeling it for my own kid. I don't have any feelings about the kid, negative OR positive. I can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that I actually have another human inside me. I can't explain it very well but it's sort of unreal to me still. And I am eight months along. I don't have much more time left to get used to the idea.

Anyway, once again I cannot sleep. I have no problem power napping during the day but for the past couple weeks I cannot seem to sleep through the night. I like to blame my husband and his snoring but I think it is our mattress and the fact I can't seem to find a comfortable position. And that I think I might actually be an evil person. One who's evilness only becomes apparent when pregnant. God I hope it goes away.



Random prego stuff bugging/worrying me:

What if my baby is ugly. Who wants an ugly baby? Who? Noone thats who. I worry I will poop during labor and my husband will see me poop during labor. Ewww. Not the warm fuzzy image most think of when they think of giving birth. What if my boobs don't work and I can't nurse. I called my baby a parasite and I thought my Mom was going to faint. Oh I almost forgot, I totally wanted to go psycho on this little twit at work who was going on and on about the joy and the glowing and her stretch-mark-free pregnancies. I wanted to stuff a nuke up her ass. I watched her walk to her car in the parking lot and thought how nice it would be if she got run over by a passing truck. I am going to hell, I know it.


Feel free to ignore this thread or feel free to call me unreasonable, unnatural, selfish, a bitch, whatever, I have probably already beat you to the punch. On top of this being the angry pregnancy, its also chock full of guilt as well. Anyway, my body is screaming for sleep so I am going to toss and turn on the sofa now.





P.S. It's a girl btw.

P.P.S. Hubby found a cat. a cat that may or may not be possessed by the devil. I hate this cat. And he hates me. Really, he hisses when I come near him. This has no bearing on my post except that the cat is camped out on the sofa right now. God hates me.

[Kuyuk]

w.t.f.?



K.

[Rainy Day]

I've never been pregnant, so can't say I can relate. But I do know that body changes can definitely do whacky things to your thought processes and overall mental health.

Have you thought about trying to find some sort of support group in the area? I suspect that you aren't alone in your feelings, but that most women won't talk about them because it's not what others want to hear from an expectant mother. Just because people won't talk about it doesn't mean that others aren't going through similar things though.

RD

[Alfster]

wow.

[HarmNone]

The last couple of months of any pregnancy are the worst. You're uncomfortable, feel clumsy, and are just generally out of sorts. That's pretty normal.

I also think there's way too much talk about all these warm, motherly feelings that are supposed to overcome you during your pregnancy. Not everyone feels that way, and whether you do or not is not an indicator of what kind of mother you'll be. It's more an indicator of what the hormonal changes are doing to you, as an individual.

If I were you, I'd call my doctor and tell him/her exactly how I'm feeling and I wouldn't pull any punches. I'd report that I can't freaking sleep, I'm tired, I'm irritable, and I have a nearly irresistable urge to strangle said doctor, even as we speak. There are things that can be done to relieve some of this discomfort, and there's no excuse for your doctor not listening to you and doing what he/she can to help. Don't make a joke of it, hon. Get all up in his/her face and bellow until you get some help.

[Back]

Congrats SpunG! Hope we don’t see you on the 7 o’clock news.

[Trouble]

While I claim no expertise in the subject, I do know my friend's sister was having trouble as a first-timer and she found a group of local women online who were going through the same thing (they were even all due within a month or two of each other) and met like twice a week to talk and support each other. They laughed, they cried, they vented, it was like some chick flick. They helped each other out and still meet every now and then for a girls night out or a weekend outing.

I'd definitely talk to your doctor first, but after that, check and see if there isn't a pregger support group in your area or online.

[Killer Kitten]

Prego...
How to say this tactfully...

Um, you're normal. The happy happy joy joy things you hear about pregnancy from other people are a combination of wishful thinking and bullshit.

Being pregnant blows. You're clumsy, your body is distorted, and your endocrine system is dumping nearly lethal doses of various hormones into your bloodstream to royally bollux up any attempt you make at rational thinking.

The thing you have going for you is that you're nearly done. Four more weeks, 28 days, give or take, and it's over.

I know a girl who called her baby 'the parasite' the whole time she was pregnant. The minute she saw her baby, after delivery, she was completely, totally, head over heels in love with him. The hostility is hormonal, and the endorphins you produce during the birthing process will wash it away.

In the meantime, go back to your doctor and be frank. Do not make light of it or laugh it off. Your doctor can help you with these feelings, but he has to know that you are having a genuine problem. 'Sometimes I want to shoot my husband' said with a laugh sounds trivial. 'I am bordering on psychosis here, I am constantly enraged and I am seriously afraid I will harm myself or somebody else' does not sound trivial and if your doctor tries to trivialize it you need a second opinion pronto.

I would be honest with the husband, too. Yes, it's hormones, and yes it will be over in a month, but you are both suffering and honest communication about the problem will do wonders for both of you.

Seek the help that is there for you, and here's hoping that the rest of your pregnancy passes swiftly.

[Wezas]

Blowjobs for the soon-to-be-father.

Seriously. Lots. That'll cheer you both up.

Plus there's no doctor policy against it.

:whistle:

[Chelle]

Every woman is different and the hormones affect us differently. Not only that but each pregnancy will be different. You will find during one pregnancy you will feel sad and irritable all the time. While the next pregnancy you don't feel as irritable but you are constantly weeping and emotional.

Don't be alarmed that you feel nothing for your baby yet. It is very normal especially if it is your first pregnancy. Your body is working overtime on preparing for the birth, while in your mind isn't used to the idea of another being growing inside you. It is all very normal. This is a new thing a lot of changes are taking place. Your blood veins are expanding to make room for the blood for the baby. Which is why you need to eat more, and sleep more. Sleep all you can.

I recommend breathing and meditation excercises as well. Not only does it prepare your body for labor but it helps with the stress and irritibility.

Your worries about being a good mom, whether the baby will be ugly or deformed, is normal. As long as you take care of yourself. Don't put anything, absolutely nothing in your mouth that you would question. I'm sure your doctor discussed this with you. Don't drink caffiene. I highly recommend reading the book, "What to Expect when you are Expecting". This book will put some of your worries to rest.

Your feelings about your husband is normal too. Subconciously you might be blaming him for your condition. I don't know, of course, but it's a possibility. Discuss this and other concerns of this nature with your doctor. I'm not saying you need councelling but perhaps take a mother to be class, or join a discussion group. You will find you are not alone in your feelings, plus you will probably find tips on how to cope with feelings you wouldn't normally have.

Congratulations to you, by the way! Hang in there. I promise it will all be worth it when it's finally over.

[Edited on 8-10-2005 by Chelle]

[Terminator X]

I thought this was going to be a post about pasta! God, I love pasta...

yah, congratulations :party:

[Sean]

Originally posted by Wezas
Blowjobs for the soon-to-be-father.

Seriously. Lots. That'll cheer you both up.

Plus there's no doctor policy against it.

:whistle:

If you want to let some chick whose given serious thought to killing you in your sleep and then told you about it .. and it's at the moment somewhat unstable ... near your penis with her teeth, well more power to you I guess...

[Prego]

Thanks for the advice. I couldn't get in to see the doctor today but have an appointment for Monday.

Oh and Wezas, I will have sex with my husband when I feel pretty again lol. And what Tijay said fer sure, my husband is a bit clueless sometimes, god love him, but not totally stupid.

[Kainen]

Originally posted by Tijay
If you want to let some chick whose given serious thought to killing you in your sleep and then told you about it .. and it's at the moment somewhat unstable ... near your penis with her teeth, well more power to you I guess...

:lol::lol::lol:

[Janarth]

Ah, seeing as I don't know anyone well (like a friend) who has been pregnant (I'm only 23), I can't really comment...but I've had problems with anger management and depression type stuff. So I'll comment on that...don't let those things fester. Its a lot better to talk to someone, and it really helps when they take it seriously. I'll just echo everyone else and say find a support group. Doesn't have to be a phd, just a group of friends to listen (or in this case, people with similiar experiences). Good luck and congrats

Janarth, whose temper has put him in some pretty tight spots at times.

[Showal]

I'm not trying to get graphic but you'll most likely begin feeling the motherly feelings after birth and after the baby has been breast feeding for a while. Your body releases oxytocin which is implicated in producing "motherly" and a kind of parental euphoric feeling. Furthermore, there is a lot of hormonal changes that deal with the simple touch and smell between a mother and her child.

That being said, you still should consider the feelings you're having now to be very real. You should speak to a doctor. Should you be worried because you'll probably flip out and kill someone? No, I would say you shouldn't be too worried about that, but regardless, you should speak to someone. The idea of the support group sounds good. At the least you can see that other people feel the same way you do and have the same concerns. While that may not make them any less worrisome to you, I can't say, but it'll most likely make you feel more comfortable with yourself.

Here's a book, really expensive, but has a TON of good information on parental care. The Neurobiology of Parental Behavior (Hormones, Brain, and Behavior) by Michael Numan. He was a professor of mine. Brilliant man too.

[Showal]

If you don't feel like spilling out 120 bucks for that book, and I don't blame you, I could probably give you the names of a few authors who have journal articles out on the topic too.

[Prego]

I have a ton of books but very few talk about being this angry in general, and unfeeling toward the kid. I will check out the Numan one though. By the way, why is it that most pregnancy books are written by men?

My doctor is out of town Thursday and Friday and although I dislike seeing a new doctor I might try and get in earlier than Monday with his partner. Five days before I can see my regular doctor seems like forever right now.

[GSLady17]

"ewww get it away from me". :lol2:


I had a friend have a kid and when I saw it, I was like holy cow... I pray to God I never have a kid that ugly. Well the mom got into Meth, dad got custody, to help him out I watched the kid every day. By the time he was 5 months, all of a sudden in my eyes he was the cutest baby in the whole world! And I wasn't even his mom!

Truth is, you might see that baby and you might still have no feelings towards it. There are Women who get depressed afterwards. If that's the case you will probably have to go in for counseling.


But the chances are, soon as you see it, it will kick in. It happens with a lot of Mothers and Fathers. They are scared they won't love it and then they see it and all of a sudden they are in tears thinking how dumb they are because who could not love something that is not only part of you, but part of their spouse who they love already.


You said you didn't plan to have kids this early? Was it an accident? Did you husband want it or did he push you into having it? That might explain how you feel right now. Especially, since you want to smother him.

But don't feel too bad, my boyfriend snores when he is on his back...if I'm on my period and it's 95 degrees out and he's snoring like a chainsaw...yeah I think about the same thing. As long as you know hey----that's bad, don't do it! lol, then I think its ok. Obviously you know right from wrong or you wouldn't have brought it up.

As for being scared about when you give birth. Hey he's your husband... He loves you.

The only thing I'd dp is bring it up so he knows it's a common thing so he doesn't think I'm a freak if it happens to me. Some guys are clueless about birth... But actually, It happened to my same friend above...but I don't know how common it really is.


I don't see why you had to create a new name...Nothing terrible about this, don't feel ashamed or say sorry for writing it. Good luck on your baby girl. You will have to post pictures.

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Backlash
Congrats SpunG! Hope we don’t see you on the 7 o’clock news.

FU. I got married TWO years ago, not one, and I'm not having kids ever if I can help it.

I thought the handle of the poster was a reference to spaghetti sauce until I read the post.

Good luck, though. I think HN gave the best advice.

-K

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by GSLady17

who could not love something that is not only part of you, but part of their spouse who they love already.

Me -- let's see -- vericose veins, cellulite, droopy skin, stretched out boobs, and the large possibility of death resulting from pregnancy. I think I'll pass on birthin' those babies. I agree with whomever said that they're parasitic in the womb, though, I would never ever ever not congradulate an expecting mother.

Congradulations hon :) May your child be healthy, happy, and quiet. I think all of the things that you're feeling are a normal part of pregnancy.

-M

[Artha]

It's ok, all babies are ugly. Most of them get better though.

[GSLady17]

Originally posted by ElanthianSiren

Originally posted by GSLady17

who could not love something that is not only part of you, but part of their spouse who they love already.

Me -- let's see -- vericose veins, cellulite, droopy skin, stretched out boobs, and the large possibility of death resulting from pregnancy. I think I'll pass on birthin' those babies. I agree with whomever said that they're parasitic in the womb, though, I would never ever ever not congradulate an expecting mother.

Congradulations hon :) May your child be healthy, happy, and quiet. I think all of the things that you're feeling are a normal part of pregnancy.

-M


Totally worth it. I plan on having more than one kid. And I've seen women who work out and look fine after they have a kid.

As for large death rate....not that large...technology is awesome these days.

[ElanthianSiren]

The death rate for women who have diabetes 1 and have children is quite high, especially if you have brittle diabetes.

You almost need a surrogant to carry your kid. Honestly, I'd rather adopt.

And while, yes, there are some women who work out and look fine after pregnancy, the majority do not. Your body physiologically changes after having a child.

-M

[GSLady17]

You did not mention having diabetes! If I did, I would adopt. So many kids need a good home.


Very true! It all depends on how much motivation you have to get back in shape!

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Prego
By the way, why is it that most pregnancy books are written by men? Just cuz we let you vote doesn't mean you get to write books, sheesh. Good luck on the pregnancy though. :)

[HarmNone]

Please keep us updated, Prego, about how things are going. If nothing else, this can serve as a perfect place to vent some of those murderous feelings. ;)

Seriously, do let us know how you're doing. Only a month to go, give or take. Then the fun really begins. :)