Sexual experience and marital disclosure?

[longshot]

My friends have started getting married. I personally believe for all the wrong reasons, but that's really not the point of this thread...

Anyways, several of them (both guys and girls) have run into issues with disclosing the amount of sexual experience they've had.

I personally think it's stupid, as past behavior is just that... in the past. If someone is faithful, and doesn't cheat, the number of partners they have had should not be a real concern.

But, while it's easy to say that, I understand living this might be much more difficult. Hell, it could be impossible in certain circumstances.

For me, memories of "Clerks" and the famous "37!" come to mind...

So, I guess to those in a truly serious relationship/married, how did this go down?

Was it an issue for anyone? Was it something you were upfront about? Was the truth "adjusted", or just plain shattered?

My one friend adjusted the number down slightly. He probably didn't have to, but he did for the benefit of his S.O.

The other one was upfront, and is still dealing with bullshit in terms of trust issues because she is more experienced than her husband.

I was curious what other people have experienced.

"Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!"

[Edited on 7-28-2005 by longshot]

[Ilvane]

I'm kind of torn on the whole complete honesty thing. Personally I don't have a lot to talk about when it comes to the "experience" thing, but my friend is actually up in the 30's with partners..so she tells people honestly. It ruined the last relationship she was in because he said he didn't feel special because if she had been with that many men already, and he was seeing sex as being special..how could she feel it was special with him if she had been with that many..

I think it depends. Usually honestly is the best polcy, but some really think that fibbing a little if it's been too many is best idea.

-A

[Warriorbird]

We were pretty direct back when we were just going out. Suprised us both a bit but hasn't been an issue. I could see where it could bother some people though, especially if unprotected stuff got brought up.

[Edited on 7-28-2005 by Warriorbird]

[Wezas]

I'm all for honesty, but if your # vs. your partner's # differ alot I'd be the first one to divide by 3 and let it be.

[Vixen]

I didn't have anything to speak of in the way of experience when I met my husband... I know I know.. I suck at life.
But I had the flip side problem, how to tell someone you have zero experience and not have them look at you like you are a nutjob.
That said, my husband was no saint before me, nor would I ever expect him to be. I don't think you can hold anyone accountable for anything they have done before you got together with them... UNLESS the issue of unprotected sex comes up, then you have a few things to discuss. I think honesty is still the best thing. If you cant tell the truth before the marriage even starts, what else can you rationalize fibbing a little?
Thats just my opinion, but like I said, I have no experience to base it on

[HarmNone]

In honesty, I can't see why it would have to come up for discussion at all. As long as you and your partner are free of sexually contracted diseases, and you care about them and they about you enough to be discussing marriage, the past should remain the past, IMO.

[Killer Kitten]

If somebody asked me how many previous partners I'd had I'd probably answer with some variation of 'Why do you want to know?' or 'How is that any of your fucking business?'.

If a person is worried about health issues they should insist upon using a damned condom. If they want to eliminate condoms from the relationship I'd guess a joint visit to a doctor for tests and a discussion of monogamy is in order.

The past? Irrelevant unless you suspect your partner is in the habit of ending relationships by doing a Scott Peterson on their exes. Then I might make inquiries, but very very very discreetly.

[Brattt8525]

As HN posted the past is the past. If your chosen partner is worried because you had "too many" partners in the past and equates that with cheating then they have some jealousy issues better left to some other poor person.

[Edaarin]

It would be important to me.

I'm not marrying someone who puts out at the drop of a dime. There would probably always be that lingering suspicion that if she gave it up so easily before, why would she all of a sudden just stop? It's like once a cheater, always a cheater.

Of course, as far as I know marriage usually means you never have sex again anyway so it might as well be moot.

[Xcalibur]

I disagree, when you marry someone, you don't want to marry someone that had 543453 other sexual partners before you.

The past tells us A LOT about the future, in every ways:)

Xcalibur that loves his girlfriends virgin

p.s. Pulling a Klaive, here:devilsmile:

[CrystalTears]

I don't see what it should matter who did what before your relationship. If you trust each other, that's all that matters.

My fiance and I didn't hide anything from each other. He's told me about his past relationships, I've told him mine. To deny that either one of us had a past, big or small, is just fooling yourself.

If you make the past matter in your present relationship, then I don't feel that you're secure enough in it anyway. We told each other cause we're just honest with each other and realize that our past made us who we are today, both good and bad. We love each other very much and can't imagine our life without each other, and we feel comfortable, satisfied and happy enough with each other that we feel fine confiding in each other something that is troubling us about someone from our past. We help each other through it. It makes us stronger as a couple.

We're not the model example because many people tend to not be very confident with themselves and have to try to prove to themselves that they are unique in their partner's life. That they were their first true love, the best lover, the best cook, the best listener, the best friend and so on. Perhaps they are now, but to be the Marco Polo of relationships is unrealistic, especially the older you get.

Beware of people who "have" to know your past. They're already too insecure to be able to make it work right.

[Shalla]

It's always a problem for me, reason being is because I'm still friends with most if not all of my exes. Most of the time, they have a problem with me having more guy friends than girlfriends. I'm still friends with my exes, and I have become friends with some guys I dated and didn't have sex with.

When I first started getting to know a boyfriend, I usually tell him the guys I've had relationships with, but I wouldn't necessarily tell him everybody else I've had sexual relations with when I was single, unless he asked. I wouldn't go into detail either, or elaborate. Although if it was the other way around, I tend to ask all the gorey details on how they met, and how it happened, and if they still talk.. just out of curiousity.

If I was invited to a friend's party, who happen to be my ex.. or someone I used to date. Guys always have a problem with it. So, most of the time.. I just say I'm going to a friend's party without having to explain who's throwing it. Unless of course he asked, then I have no choice but to tell him.

Having said that, if my boyfriend feels really wierd/bad/awkward about me going to an ex-boyfriend's party. I would stay home and choose him. I'm not going to make someone I care about feel bad just for some party. That's just it. It's just a party.

[Snapp]

What HN said. My boyfriend and I both have the "past is the past" attitude, so it's never really been brought up. We've mentioned relationships of the past, but never dropped any numbers of how many partners and whatnot. Doesn't seem important to me.

[Terminator X]

I most certainly do not have any clear-cut plans for marriage right now.

However...

I can imagine, however, that if you have been really, really into someone for a good while, you probably have engaged in the modern marvel of talking to that someone. I'd have an extremely hard time believing that in all of the dating which actually led up to popping the question, the issue of prior relationships hadn't at least been skimmed upon.

You don't want to be pervasive in your questioning and if it's really bothering you that much, there are some inventive techniques of ways to touch upon the subject without entering the being-a-douchebag-zone.

[Apotheosis]

yeah, i dunno how I am gonna broach that topic if I ever get married, (not that I have had tons of sexual partners), but umm, just like, I don't think I'm going to be able to get married to the umm, "good catholic woman" that my family wants me to.

[Wezas]

Originally posted by Xcalibur
Xcalibur that loves his girlfriends virgin


Guess that worked out well for you. She didn't have any other schlongs to compare yours to.

[CrystalTears]

Good catholic woman /= joined at the knees.

If I'm asked.. I'll tell. If I'm not asked, why would I bring it up?

- Arkans

[Wezas]

Originally posted by Arkans
If I'm asked.. I'll tell. If I'm not asked, why would I bring it up?

- Arkans

If she offers it up, is it you responsibility to reply? Honestly?

[CrystalTears]

For me, memories of "Clerks" and the famous "37!" come to mind...

I'm sure her answer wouldn't have bugged him half as much if she didn't smack him for answering her in the first place.

"Do you know how many men I've slept with?!"
"Do I get to hit you when you tell me?!"

And that, to me, is the problem is that women (not generalizing, just recounting of the ones I knew and heard of) are hypocrites. They want to know everything about the guy but won't give up anything about themselves because "it doesn't matter because I love you and with you now". Then they reserve the right to get upset when they don't like what they hear.

"Gerry, I'm a woman! We don't say what we WANT! But we reserve the right to get pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating! And not a little bit scary." - Sliding Doors

I'll be honest, Wezas, if she offers it up and there is a huge number (meaning if mine is greater) I'll lower it accordingly. If the number that she has is way greater than mine, I'll keep my number truthful. I mean.. the past is the past, but ehh.. The past can tell a lot about a person.

- Arkans

[Skeeter]

I pretty much go with the X + 3 rule. Whatever the chick says +3. Doesn't make me look as bad, and the chick feels better because she doesn't think she's woefully under experienced.


Of course if the chick says something like 134, I'll just make up a number, since honestly I don't know what my exact count is. Never seemed important enough to write down. I guess I'm a bad person :(

[Skeeter]

Also...don't trust any number your SO throws out. They're likely lying.

[Shalla]

I personally think, getting married too soon is not a good idea.. unless you know your partner, and yourself are open minded and not the least bit judgemental who would accept everything about you.. and even then you still need time to be sure of that. Prior to getting married, I don't think you necessarily have to tell your partner everything that happened in your life, but I think it's absolutely necessary to share everything significant. Like, still being friends with someone you had relations with, sexual or otherwise. At least, if you ever encounter this person at a party.. and some tactless friend brought it up.. your partner wouldn't be caught in an awkward situation and be prepared for it. Or being engaged in the past etc. are just one of those things you really need to tell your partner. I know it's the past, but this information will come up at one point or the other.. there is no doubt in my mind your partner will question if there is anything else you haven't shared her/him.

[Edited on 7-28-2005 by Shalla]

[CrystalTears]

Didn't you just say...


If I was invited to a friend's party, who happen to be my ex.. or someone I used to date. Guys always have a problem with it. So, most of the time.. I just say I'm going to a friend's party without having to explain who's throwing it. Unless of course he asked, then I have no choice but to tell him.

So you basically are willing to lie to someone in order to not tell them that you are still friends with your ex's. Way to start a relationship. What if this guy ends up being the person you want to marry and finds out about this ex/friend? You have spent the last few years lying to him? How is he going to trust you now?


When I first started getting to know a boyfriend, I usually tell him the guys I've had relationships with, but I wouldn't necessarily tell him everybody else I've had sexual relations with when I was single, unless he asked. I wouldn't go into detail either, or elaborate. Although if it was the other way around, I tend to ask all the gorey details on how they met, and how it happened, and if they still talk.. just out of curiousity.

See what I mean? "I'll barely tell you anything but I need to know everything."

[Miss X]

It depends entirely on the person and their own internal moral code. We all have the capacity to deal with things in different ways and I don't think this kind of thing is suitable for generalisations.

From a personal point of view, it's most definitely not the most important thing but there is some significance in it for me. I don't have casual sex (as a general rule, obviously there has been an occasion ;)) for a very good reason. I need the emotional attachment which is something I can't help. Linked to that.... I would not feel comfortable with a guy who can't keep his dick in his pants for longer than a week.

That being said, I understand that I might fall in love with a guy who's had quite a few partners, it isn't a deal breaker by any means but I'd prefer a guy who has only had a few partners. I'd rather be with someone who was on the same wave length regarding that kind of thing.

I had an experience of it with one of my exes, we had been together for two years before I even asked, and I was really shocked to find out how many women he said he had slept with, compared to my relatively minuscule figure. I have to admit, it did make me feel a bit uncomfortable and sometimes I think that moment was the beginning of the end of our relationship. He sort of went from possible husband material to man whore, in my head. ;)

I dunno, its a really personal issue I think, but I'll never forget my Nanna telling me, no decent guy wants to marry a whore. That kind of stayed with me even though it's an old fashioned point of view.

I felt bad whenever I was acting like an insecure prick. I promised myself to not be like that and it's been working wonders. What happened in the past is just that.. then again.. I'd be suspicious if the girl I was seeing was nicknamed "figure cuffs" and going to a drunken frat party.

- Arkans

[Shalla]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
So you basically are willing to lie to someone in order to not tell them that you are still friends with your ex's. Way to start a relationship. What if this guy ends up being the person you want to marry and finds out about this ex/friend? You have spent the last few years lying to him? How is he going to trust you now?

When I'm dating a guy.. rest assured they will be told of the guys I have had relationships with, if not already know of it. What I mean't by saying "I'm going to a friend's" party is just that. I'm going to a friend's party. I'm not lying, because in my head.. he is my friend.. and there is nothing more to it. It's casually saying I'm going to a friend's house. Am I supposed to say, I'm going to a friend's house who i use to have sex with? Of course not.



See what I mean? "I'll barely tell you anything but I need to know everything." It does sound fucked up, but I think you're jumping to conclusions here. I'm very inquisitive, it doesn't necessarily mean I would use it against them. Guys don't like devulging information.. because they simply don't know how to explain.. For me, asking all these questions makes me get to know them better. How they act on certain situations, they decisions they have made.. Why they ended the relationship. I am able to find out more about him by asking these questions BECAUSE I would have an idea what I would have to avoid in the future.

Guys do not express their emotions, especially when it comes to relationships.. or what is bugging them. By asking what they have done in the past, and the decisions they made.. I am able to get to know them better.

I'm not sure about you, but I like details.. I don't know where you are getting the idea that I would use it against SOMEONE I have feelings for.

[Edited on 7-28-2005 by Shalla]

[DeV]

I'm upfront and honest with my lovers/girlfriends about my past relationships because I'm still friends with alot of my ex's, and I prefer there be an understanding before anything along the lines of a real relationship develops. If there is a problem then it saves us both alot of time and energy. It works out well for me because she is open to ask anything she'd like about my past and im cool with it as long as she is.

I agree with HN though. I also happen to be the kind of person who is confident in the bedroom so I don't question past relations nor do I care to know unless there is something adverse affecting our potential sexual relationship.

[Sean of the Thread]

Of the woman I've been stalking for the past year I have counted exactly 72 condoms in her garbage so I would know if she lied to me. I won't let this one blame lying to me because I had a knife this time either.

[CrystalTears]

I'm not sure about you, but I like details.. I don't know where you are getting the idea that I would use it against SOMEONE I have feelings for.

WTF? Where did I EVER say that? All I said was that women want more details from ment than they are willing to share.

And no, I personally don't care about the details. I share them if they want to know, and they tell me if they wish to do that. But do I need to know the intricacies of someone's former relationships? No.

Why? What does it have to do with me? Why does how they met, what presents he gave her, how often they had sex, when he introduced them to his parents and all that nonsense has any affect on my life and our current relationship together?

To me, they're just signs of insecurity if you need to know that much about the past. Sharing it to be honest is one thing. NEEDING to know that information is something else, even if it's just "curiousity". There's always a motive behind the curiosity, IMO.

[Shalla]

Originally posted by CrystalTears

WTF? Where did I EVER say that? All I said was that women want more details from ment than they are willing to share.

From you saying this.




And that, to me, is the problem is that women (not generalizing, just recounting of the ones I knew and heard of) are hypocrites. They want to know everything about the guy but won't give up anything about themselves because "it doesn't matter because I love you and with you now". Then they reserve the right to get upset when they don't like what they hear.

"Gerry, I'm a woman! We don't say what we WANT! But we reserve the right to get pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating! And not a little bit scary." - Sliding Doors

then saying that, in reply to MY post.




See what I mean? "I'll barely tell you anything but I need to know everything."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but from what I gathered.. although you weren't generalizing all women, from that "See what I mean" reply to my post. You obviously think I am onee of those people quoted from sliding doors.



And no, I personally don't care about the details. I share them if they want to know, and they tell me if they wish to do that.

See? you do it too. that is only IF they want to know.. You wouldn't voluntarily tell him would you? you considered that lying just because I think it's of little significance to my life that I didn't find it necessary to tell him. The things I have done in the past? means NOTHING TO ME.. Unless it's a learning experience that it is something of significance I would most definitely tell someone I'm dating HOW it affected me. If they asked me if I had one night stands? I wouldn't lie.. I would tell him, but if that one night stand invited me to a party..and we are just friends.. I would tell my boyfriend.. I'm going to a friend's party.. because I am in fact going to a "friends' party. You consider THAT lying. I wouldn't say I'm going to a friend's party who I used to fuck. If he asks, of course I would tell him which friend it is and he would know right away.



But do I need to know the intricacies of someone's former relationships? No.

More power to you.




Why? What does it have to do with me? Why does how they met, what presents he gave her, how often they had sex, when he introduced them to his parents and all that nonsense has any affect on my life and our current relationship together?

You're just taking what I said literally now. Just because I said gorey details doesn't mean the presents and gifts he gave her and how often they had sex. Give me a break!

When I'm with someone and we're walking and met someone he knows.. and he tells me after that he knew her a long time ago and was very close. GUYS would end it at THAT. They will not explain. Who wouldn't be curious, ( obviously you ) to know how someone you care about will just end something dear to him? I would like to know, because I certainly don't want to get in THAT situation with him. get it? And in case this gets blown out of proportion, I wouldn't start a fight just because he wouldn't tell me either. and If he is adamant about not telling me.. Then there is obviously something there that I should be careful about.



To me, they're just signs of insecurity if you need to know that much about the past. Sharing it to be honest is one thing. NEEDING to know that information is something else, even if it's just "curiousity". There's always a motive behind the curiosity, IMO.

Of course there's always a motive. You're jumping into conclusion and assuming that just because someone asks.. it's a sign of insecurity and negativity. Sorry, but that's your assumption.

I want to get to know the guy, his actions and decisions in the past made him the way he is now.. and whatever decision he made in the past would most likely be done again, unless he is comfortable enough to share it with me. If he is being shady about it, of course I would be suspicious.. but I always give people I care about the benefit of the doubt. .. I don't know if you've been cheated on in the past.. Trust me, I've done your way. Not asking my ex boyfriend the details about his friend Megan.. and giving their friendship the benefit of the doubt.. gave me a lot of heartache.



[Edited on 7-28-2005 by Shalla]

[hectomaner]

Originally posted by Edaarin
It would be important to me.

I'm not marrying someone who puts out at the drop of a dime. There would probably always be that lingering suspicion that if she gave it up so easily before, why would she all of a sudden just stop? It's like once a cheater, always a cheater.

Of course, as far as I know marriage usually means you never have sex again anyway so it might as well be moot.

being a slut has nothing to do with cheating in a relationship. just because she fucks any walking thing, doesnt mean she does it while in a relationship. i wouldnt have a problem if a girl i was getting married to had been easy in the past, as long as she was easy with other people while in a relationship

[hectomaner]

Originally posted by Xyelin
Of the woman I've been stalking for the past year I have counted exactly 72 condoms in her garbage so I would know if she lied to me. I won't let this one blame lying to me because I had a knife this time either.

Just get the sword Bitch!!! :lol2:

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by Shalla


And no, I personally don't care about the details. I share them if they want to know, and they tell me if they wish to do that.

See? you do it too. IF they want to know.. You wouldn't voluntarily tell him would you? The things I have done in the past? means NOTHING TO ME.. Sounless it's a learning experience that it is something of significance I would most definitely tell someone I'm dating HOW it affected me. If they asked me if I had one night stands? I wouldn't lie.. I would tell him, but if that one night stand invited me to a party..and we are just friends.. I would tell my boyfriend.. I'm going to a friend's party.. because I am in fact going to a "friends' party. You consider THAT lying. I wouldn't say I'm going to a friend's party who I used to fuck. If he asks, of course I would tell him which friend it is and he would know right away.

Heh, no, I don't volunteer personal information like that unless asked. Once asked, I'm an open book and tell all. I have nothing to hide and not ashamed of anything in my life. I don't go around saying whom I've slept with to anyone. That's on a need to know basis and strangers don't need to know.

I have friends that I had relations with, sexual and such. My fiance knows about them. He trusts me. I don't like to give generalizations of where I'm going like "I'm going to be with friends". No I tell him with who and names. I don't like to hide or lie to my fiance.


When I'm with someone and we're walking and met someone he knows.. and he tells me after that he knew her a long time ago and was very close. GUYS would end it at THAT. They will not explain. Who wouldn't be curious, ( obviously you ) to know how someone you care about will just end something dear to him? I would like to know, because I certainly don't want to get in THAT situation with him. get it? And in case this gets blown out of proportion, I wouldn't start a fight just because he wouldn't tell me either. and If he is adamant about not telling me.. Then there is obviously something there that I should be careful about.

Again, what do you care how they ended it? What do his past experiences have to do with you now? How will the way he broke up and why have any bearing on how things will work with you? To me, you're setting yourself up for disaster. Men don't share more than they feel is necessary, and rightfully so. What is the point of telling? Sure if you ask, and he wishes to tell you, that's fine. He'll wonder why you care so much though.


I want to get to know the guy, his actions and decisions in the past made him the way he is now.. and whatever decision he made in the past would most likely be done again, unless he is comfortable enough to share it with me. If he is being shady about it, of course I would be suspicious.. but I always give people I care about the benefit of the doubt. .. I don't know if you've been cheated on in the past.. Trust me, I've done your way. Not asking my ex boyfriend the details about his friend Megan.. and giving their friendship the benefit of the doubt.. gave me a lot of heartache.

Yep, been cheated on. Been there, done that. He cheated on me with his exgirlfriend whom we were mutual friends. I actually liked her. I trusted him. He betrayed my trust. Doesn't matter who she was. He was the one who screwed up. I didn't hold that kind of thing against my fiance because they are not the same people. Sure I was a little more guarded, but I accepted and knew of his former fiance and girlfriends and I was fine with that. It keeps me aware of who is a part of his life.

Didn't mean to come down on you, it's just that you happen to be the one here to mention how you wouldn't say much about you but try and pull out details from your boyfriends.

[Edaarin]

I suppose that it's a matter of personalities for me, as well.

I'm absolutely turned off by aggressive girls (among other types), and in my experience those are the ones that tend to get around a lot. One of the first year residents in my dorm last year looks absolutely stunning, but her personality makes her the ugliest girl in the world to me.

Of course there's always those quiet freaks who always end up killing a small pet after break ups, but I haven't run into that situation yet...

Anyway, again, I personally have a preference for girls who take longer than a few weeks to give it up. I have girl friends that are raunchier than PiKA's, and to me that's almlost a big a turn off as girls who smoke.

[Warriorbird]

Sometimes the quiet girls get up to suprising things.

[AnticorRifling]

Not sure how I'd be until I was in that situation.

[Shalla]

Originally posted by CrystalTears

Heh, no, I don't volunteer personal information like that unless asked. Once asked, I'm an open book and tell all. I have nothing to hide and not ashamed of anything in my life. I don't go around saying whom I've slept with to anyone. That's on a need to know basis and strangers don't need to know.

There we go, at least we're in agreement. I don't volunteer stuff either, unless asked. They ask me too the same way I ask them. Especially one night stands.. It's just a feeling like.. god who cares, please don't let that bother you. I would ask him too, what about you? what have you done? and he would tell me. Usually happens during initial stages of dating.. like talking on the phone. These are the conversations of some if not most young couples. I talk to some people here on the phone, and they know I go in great details when telling a story. Not about stuff I prefer to keep private mind you but regular casual conversation.

The stuff that is of great significance in my life that involved other people.. is I think a NEED to know basis.. that I would personally volunteer to divulge or when asked, or when I am comfortable enough that he wouldn't question or feel awkward about how I feel about him.



I have friends that I had relations with, sexual and such. My fiance knows about them. He trusts me. I don't like to give generalizations of where I'm going like "I'm going to be with friends". No I tell him with who and names. I don't like to hide or lie to my fiance.

Yes, that's how I am too.. I have friends who I used to date who would invite me to a party. But I have no feelings whatsoever for them that I would casually say "I'm going to a friend's party" Sometimes, He would ask who's throwing it? and I would say Frank. and he would be like. Oh. If he feels wierd about it.. I wouldn't go. he should already know who Frank is, from initial dating because at one point or the other.. We would have talked about him already from one of our conversations.

For this kind of parties, I don't even care if it was being thrown by my ex. I'm going to a friend's party.. means I'm going to hang out with a bunch of my platonic friends.. and it just happens to be at my ex's house, who I am just friends with. I don't see how I have to elaborate that he used to be my ex. It's irrelevant. Question is, if HE thinks it's relevant matter that he feels wierd about it. Rest assured, I would stay home, just so I wouldn't make him feel bad, and assure him he has nothing to worry about, and that's the end of it.



Again, what do you care how they ended it? What do his past experiences have to do with you now? How will the way he broke up and why have any bearing on how things will work with you? To me, you're setting yourself up for disaster. Men don't share more than they feel is necessary, and rightfully so. What is the point of telling? Sure if you ask, and he wishes to tell you, that's fine. He'll wonder why you care so much though.

I don't necessarily care about his past relationships, nor would it affect me unless for the better. What I care about are the steps he took to solving the matter, or to how he ended it. I'm not going to bug him to tell me something he's not comfortable about.. but for me, when I ask someone if they want to talk about it.. and we get into a conversation about it. I am able to find out more about him more than anything. because I am learning his ups and downs.. therefore, I would try everything in my power to avoid the downs.. I did not want to go through the same mistakes he went through with his ex-girlfriend.. because I don't want him to see HIS ex-girlfriend in me. Like Chica said, it's different for each person.. some establish trust from the very beginning like you have with your man.. some need to build trust and a common ground by sharing life experiences.



Yep, been cheated on. Been there, done that. He cheated on me with his exgirlfriend whom we were mutual friends. I actually liked her. I trusted him. He betrayed my trust. Doesn't matter who she was. He was the one who screwed up. I didn't hold that kind of thing against my fiance because they are not the same people. Sure I was a little more guarded, but I accepted and knew of his former fiance and girlfriends and I was fine with that. It keeps me aware of who is a part of his life.

Yeah well, you were lucky. You found someone you can be comfortably honest with and vice versa. I am one to admit that there are as much bitches out there, as much as there are jerks. Although, Even with my cynicism, I always try to give the benefit of the doubt.



Didn't mean to come down on you, it's just that you happen to be the one here to mention how you wouldn't say much about you but try and pull out details from your boyfriends.

No no, it's no problem at all. :heart: Trust me, I do talk about my life with my partner.. and when I feel I can trust the person.. it will go much deeper than that. Guys don't like talking about their feelings sometimes, and the only way I can avoid hurting those feelings.. is by learning from past mistakes.




[Edited on 7-28-2005 by Shalla]

[Delirium]

I guess it all depends. If i was told that theyve had 12 sexual partners in the last three months id probably run the other way. If however they had 352 sexual partners but most were when they were younger and they are std free, i dont care. On the other side, id be a little weary of dating someone now(im 30) who is a virgin as i want my partner to know what they are doing.

[SpunGirl]

I can count my number of partners on two hands, with some fingers left over. When my husband asked (while we were dating), I only left one of them out, because he's someone who is still a very good friend and I didn't want him to be uncomfortable with us hanging out. He knew we dated, he just didn't know how far things went. I eventually told him, and he wasn't mad - especially since he'd had the time to see for himself that there wasn't anything between us anymore but friendship.

If there are things in his past he's left out, I don't care (unless it's that some woman has his child or something, which I know isn't the case). We're happy now, that's what matters.

-K

[Tisket]

If you really need to say a number, keep the lie as low as you can live with and do yourself a favor: remember that number!!!

[AnticorRifling]

Thus far my number is very easy to remember heh. 1 FTW!

[xtc]

This one is a double edged sword. I believe that someone's past is relevant, it reveals the sort of person they are. If someone has been very sexually promiscuous and/or cheated on their past partners, than I think I would want to know. However I don't need to know who my girlfriend has been involved with, unless that person is still in their life and/or it could embarrass/affect me i.e. she slept with my boss.

[Nakiro]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
Thus far my number is very easy to remember heh. 1 FTW!

I'm in the same camp!

Both my wife and I were both virgins up until our wedding night, so as far as what we did in other relationships the answer is not much. I had kissed another girl before, but definitely nothing serious, and as for her, her only other boyfriend was a guy we are still friends with that she "dated" in 3rd grade, so you can immagine how serious that relationship went.

Though to make things more interesting for everyone else, instead of dealing with the consequences of our past relationships, we had to deal with the consequences of how our pre-marital physical intimacy affected our feelings towards marital intimacy. We had never done much, never seen eachother naked or anything, so there wasn't much regret there either. Looking back though, I am glad I waited until marriage for sex.

As for advice for everyone else, the best advice I can give is to be as honest as need be without causing too much pain. For some people, that may involve saying you are sexually experienced, others maybe more. But I would say to not talk about other sexual experiences, especially if the SO is non-experienced, as it'd just make them more insecure. Instead try to focus on the positives of the future, telling the person how much you're looking forward to sexual intimacy with them.

The question Longshot orginally posed was towards marriagebound relationships, but everyone else here is responding to the question posed in a non-marriagebound dating relationship. Obviously that changes things signifigantly as far as the what kind of impact the question has to offer. I've never had to dealt with answering that question to anyone besides my wife, and we both knew going into our relationship the answer was zero for both of us.

But for everyone else who will face that question, why do you think people even ask? Most of you are saying "It doesn't matter." or maybe it "shouldn't" matter, but why do you think people ask the question anyway? At the time you have sex outside a marital relationship, most of you probably don't view it as much more than a fun time, or an act of love. But do you think, if it is an act of love, it loses any of its specialness by having done it for so many partners?

It just seems like a copout to me to just say the past is the past. I don't think you'd honestly consider marrying someone and just let them say that the past is the past on anything they didn't feel like approaching, much less sex.

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Nakiro
Most of you are saying "It doesn't matter." or maybe it "shouldn't" matter, but why do you think people ask the question anyway?In a serious relationship, everything the other person is and has done matters. Even the most trivial thing can become astoundingly meaningful. This isn't to say that people don't change, but no person is bereft of a past.

I personally am not too interested in past relationships, but I can see how someone who isn't me would be.

[Alfster]

The way I see it if marriage is in the question chances are she can figure out the number on her own. The reason is, if I am with her long enough to even consider marriage, she's met my friends.

My friends like to tell stories of stupid shit I did in the past. Many times, these stories will include girls I was with. The really shitty and embarrassing stories where I did something retarded..such as going home with that fatty, the watch incident, and the time the girl I was dating got a fishing hook stuck in her ass while doing the nasty in my car. So if she hears these stories, she can most likely do the math and figure it out herself.

I've never had a girlfriend ask me the number, nor have I ever thought about how many she was with. If she was with me, I really didn't care what she did in the past. I mean, the first time you're with a girl you can tell if she's had experience or not. If she breaks out the handcuffs and does some freak nasty things to you, you know she's not a saint. You can fool yourself, but you just know.

[Soulpieced]

The really shitty and embarrassing stories where I did something retarded..such as going home with that fatty

.

Slumpbuster!!!!1!!!

[CrystalTears]

But for everyone else who will face that question, why do you think people even ask? Most of you are saying "It doesn't matter." or maybe it "shouldn't" matter, but why do you think people ask the question anyway?

I honestly don't feel that a gaming community is in the norm of relationship ideals. You're talking to people who play games, make up characters in an imaginary world, and have dozens of online friends to chat with that most of the time you will never meet face to face.

The person who asks DOES care. They want to know what makes their partner tick, what made them who they are today, what they did in the past to see how they will behave in the future, how their past relationships will coorelate to their own. To see if they're experienced in bed, not experienced enough, too experienced, match it to their own experiences. There are lots of reasons to ask.


At the time you have sex outside a marital relationship, most of you probably don't view it as much more than a fun time, or an act of love. But do you think, if it is an act of love, it loses any of its specialness by having done it for so many partners?

Anything you do with your partner is going to be special. The dinner that you prepare and eat by candlelight is special. The breakfast in bed is special. Does that mean you won't eat with anyone else because it will lose the special factor in eating with your loved one?

Sure sex is intimate. But for a long time, it's also been a desire. An impulse. A craving. When you crave for food, you eat. When you crave sex, you have it. When you eat, do you eat because you're in the mood, or because you're hungry? When you have sex, is it always about love, or just to get the urge out of your system? Does it always have to be a love-intensified action? Why can't it just be an act to satisfy a craving and nothing more? Who put the stigma that sex can only be done out of love? How many people have had sex out of love?

The sex becomes a problem to people when they tie it in with emotion. When it gets in the way of a relationship that you once cherished. If you're going out of your way to get the sex, abandoning your loved ones, hiding it behind their back, mistreating your loved one to get it, specifically not wanting it from your partner, that is where the problem is. It isn't the act, it's the betrayal of the relationship.

My views aren't typical because some are going to be outraged that I would compare sex to eating. Well... it's a craving and an urge the body needs. If I'm not getting fed at home, I'm going to eat somehow.

Sorry.. got carried away.

[DeV]

CT is so right.

[Delirium]

For me sex is an act of love. I dont believe it is diminished tho just cause it was shared with more than one person in a lifetime. You said youve kissed girls before. Is kissing your girlfriend mundane and not special because of it?

I dont like comparing sex to a physical need like eating tho. If you dont eat you will die. If you dont have sex, while miserable, you will live.

[Alfster]

Originally posted by Delirium
I dont like comparing sex to a physical need like eating tho. If you dont eat you will die. If you dont have sex, while miserable, you will live.

And you're right arm will get stronger.

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
Well... it's a craving and an urge the body needs.This is clearly not true. People have been abstaining for millenia. While one might consider it unpleasant to go without sex, that does not make it a bodily need any more than electric appliances.

[Edaarin]

It's about degrees.

Comparing sex to kissing is like comparing punching someone to shooting them.

[Warriorbird]

"This is clearly not true. People have been abstaining for millenia."

And boffing altar boys and commiting suicide and dying lonely. Little things like that. I wouldn't call it a need, but it sure seems to leave folks happier.

[Edited on 7-28-2005 by Warriorbird]

[TheRoseLady]

Longshot,

I had more partners than my husband. Probably to this day he doesn't really know the exact number ( actually neither do I) but the best way for us to address it was to not really discuss it a great deal. I knew that he would feel a bit insecure and as someone else stated, we are living in the marriage now, not in the past (which in my case is the distant past.) Most of our discussions about "have you ever..." didn't devolve into a big detail fest - just broad strokes ( no pun intended) to paint a picture.

I suspect that if your friend is having serious issues prior to marriage that there's more that needs resolved than just sexual pasts.

If my husband asked me today, I would tell him. It's just not something that we are concerned with.

[Delirium]

Originally posted by Edaarin
It's about degrees.

Comparing sex to kissing is like comparing punching someone to shooting them.

I agree! They both are different degrees of violence. However it also seems to me like comparing sex to eating is like comparing tennis to mowing the lawn.

I wasnt really trying to compare them. Was more trying to show how just cause an act of love is shared with different people at different points in life doesnt mean the act is any less special.

[longshot]

I appreciate the honesty everyone has shared.

Can you share honesty? Whatever, you know what I mean...

I brought this up because the problems I have seen with my friend's relationships. While theirs dealt with serious relationships, I think the problem applies to all forms of committment and people wanting to feel "special".

There was a lot to be learned from all the posts... but to me, this one really stood out:


Originally posted by Miss X

I had an experience of it with one of my exes, we had been together for two years before I even asked, and I was really shocked to find out how many women he said he had slept with, compared to my relatively minuscule figure. I have to admit, it did make me feel a bit uncomfortable and sometimes I think that moment was the beginning of the end of our relationship. He sort of went from possible husband material to man whore, in my head. ;)

I dunno, its a really personal issue I think, but I'll never forget my Nanna telling me, no decent guy wants to marry a whore. That kind of stayed with me even though it's an old fashioned point of view.

People can say that "the past is the past"... but, I really think the question is--

At what point does the number become a dealbreaker?

I'm pretty sure this is something that no one has formalized, but at a certain point, the "number" has to reach a level that begins to make someone uncomfortable...

Then, it reaches a point of subtle nausea that, with some time and healthy rationalization, can be accepted based on the person's other positive merits...

But, I think for most people, there has got to be a dealbreaker number out there.

And this is where the bending of the truth comes in...

For guys- if a girl had you doubled up? How about tripled up? You going to be able to be okay with this?

For girls- if he broke into triple digit territory, would you be okay with that?

Just curious...

[HarmNone]

Again, it wouldn't matter to me. The past is still the past. Today is today, and tomorrow will be tomorrow. I guess I'm one who lives in the moment, but someone's past encounters do not interest me in the slightest, except as they apply to those matters which might negatively impact my health.

If a person can remain friends with those with whom they once had a sexual relationship, I give both people kudos for the ability to do that. I've done it. It takes some effort. I don't, however, see how it would relate to me, if I were in a current relationship with one or the other of them. It isn't my business, and I wouldn't care to make it so. My concentration, in my opinion, should remain on my relationship and in the now.

[longshot]

You're an exception, Harmnone.

I think you will readily admit to this. Most people aren't as forgiving of the past...

[HarmNone]

It might be that I'm an exception, Longshot, or it might be age-related. Things that meant a lot to me when I was younger don't seem to be able to bring on the levels of angst they once did. ;)

[Shalla]

Personally, I don't think knowing how many sexual partners my boyfriend had would affect me at the slightest. It would turn on my alert mode though, if during his sexual escapades.. he had an exclusive girlfriend that he is cheating on.

I would ask him too, if he ever had a long term relationship... Yes, or no.. I would keep an open mind that maybe.. just maybe.. I would be his 1st. I would certainly understand why some people would feel wierd about knowing how many sexual partners their boy/girlfriend had, especially if they never had a long term relationship. They would wonder about his motives.. am I just going to be one of those girls?

After finding out how many sexual escapades your partners had in the past.. I think one should take their time before wanting, or expecting to be exclusive with them.. until they have proven their monogamous love for each other.

For some reason, when I first started getting to know a guy, they had no problems with knowing how many guys I've gone out with on a date.. until I became exclusive with them. After that, they question me whenever I bring up a guy friend's name if I dated them.

[Miss X]

I was thinking about this a bit last night (Yes, I had nothing better to do...) and I can't really put a definite figure on it. My ex said I was around the 55th woman he had slept with, to me that was a huge number bearing in mind he was only the 4th guy I'd slept with.

It made me feel uncomfortable that he had obviously spent the last few years sleeping with as many woman as possible. I'd be much happier with a guy who had slept with less than 20 women I think.

Triple figures would not really be an option for me. To me that is someone who places no emotional value on sex, and I'm just another one to add to the number. I bet no guy who has spread it around that much has used a condom EVERY time... Ick.

I guess the thing is though, if I'm with a guy who's committed to me, and he tells me he had a couple of years of being a general guy and fucking lot's of women, I can probably get over it if he's important enough and I can trust him that it's not something that's going to carry on. People can change I'm sure. :)

[Drew]

Originally posted by Miss X
People can change I'm sure. :)


They say that women marry men thinking they will be able to change them and men marry women thinking that the woman will never change.

[TheRoseLady]

Originally posted by longshot

But, I think for most people, there has got to be a dealbreaker number out there.

For girls- if he broke into triple digit territory, would you be okay with that?

Just curious...

If we're talking about my husband, the answer is no, it would not be a deal breaker. I agree with HN, maybe this is something that age can repair. A guy/girl might have been a complete and total slut when they were in high school and college but slowed down considerably as they got older.

Again, if one is so overcome with a sexual past that they can't handle, there are bound to be larger issues in the relationship that need resolution.

[CrystalTears]

As long as he's clean of disease, I really don't care how promiscuous someone was in their past.

[Killer Kitten]

Hell, I made a living dancing on top of a bar while shedding clothing. The first time I met my husband I was sashaying up a runway wearing a g string and a smile. Of course I'd had a lot more partners than he'd had and a way more casual attitude about sex.

All of that meant exactly nothing when it came to him and me. At first it was all about sex, but within a few days we both knew that what was happening between us was a lot bigger than just fucking.

Why would either of us ruin such a good thing by obsessing over a past that neither of us can change? I had had lots of sexual encounters. He had once been very deeply in love with somebody. My life and experiences are what made me the person he fell in love with. His life and experiences made him into the person I love. Why should he be angry with my past promiscuity? Why should I be angry that I'm not the only person he has ever loved? To berate each other over a past that neither of us can change is just stupid. To end what we have together because of it would be the height of idiocy. I feel very sorry for anybody who ruins a present relationship over something as stupid as a partner's sexual history.

[Miss X]

That's great, I'm pleased for you. The thing is though, while your partners sexual history may be 'stupid' to you, for others it is important. We all have to live with our own moral values and make choices based on those values. I would never be arrogant enough to suggest that someone else's values were stupid, there's no right and wrong with this kind of thing.

[AnticorRifling]

My personal feeling is if it's important to the person I'm with than it's important to me. Now how do I feel about the topic at hand? Well to be perfectly honest I don't put a ton of thought into it. They are with me now and that's what's important. If they had sex before me good for them, if they didn't...good for them. I'm not a judge, I'm not a jury, and I'm not an executioner, I'm the guy she decided to be with and that's enough for me.

[Tsa`ah]

My wife and I have known each other practically since we were sperm.

What we did through HS and into college was more of a "friends with benefits" thing with a blend of monogamy while the benefits were rolling. So we both knew each other's sexual history prior to marriage.

Disclosure is something that has been brought up in both of our circles of friends and there really isn't a solid answer about how honest one needs to be. There does exist a maturity precedent. If you need to know for comparisons sake ... marriage isn't for you. You'll probably end up on the other side of the divorce fence.

Unless this is a person you know through and through, don't ask, don't tell as a late 20s to 30's virgin is a prude or a momma’s boy and can't handle 2 digit numbers from their spouse.

A man's ego demands that he be the best. The chances of him being the best are diminished when his partner has had more partners than him. A woman wants to feel special; likewise her chances of feeling like "the one" are diminished when her partner jumps anything with two legs and breasts.

Now about keeping an ex around as a friend. I can't stress this enough ... it is a bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad idea. That means it is not good. There is a joke among men about the "ex remaining friends". The guy friend is the guy that hangs on for his chance. He doesn't care if you're in a committed relationship, he'll wait on deck and be as subtle as he can in destroying the relationship, and he will so long as you let him hang around, for his chance to catch you on the rebound.

A woman in close contact with her ex-partners will appear, and psychologically is, keeping a garden of men as options. No man will fell comfortable with his partner actively chatting and interacting with another man she has been intimate with. The "can we be friends" thing is a cliche; it is what women say in an attempt to soften the blow. The natural order is for you the two people to go separate ways, not cling on to each other when it's over.

I, nor my wife, ever actively pursued contact and interaction with past partners, most people do not.

Essentially what you're doing is making a fence of ex partners and putting your existing partner on the other side. The only kind of man that will accept that is the cuddle bitch, which comprise the fence.

[Killer Kitten]

Originally posted by Miss X
That's great, I'm pleased for you. The thing is though, while your partners sexual history may be 'stupid' to you, for others it is important. We all have to live with our own moral values and make choices based on those values. I would never be arrogant enough to suggest that someone else's values were stupid, there's no right and wrong with this kind of thing.

I agree when those 'values' have to do with kindness and honesty and generosity, but we're talking about sexual history here. A person who has had a lot of sexual partners is probably less likely to be a bad relationship prospect than one who is a virgin. Personally, I'd prefer the more experienced partner, they tend to be more realistic about relationships and better at communicating and working out problems.

I think that if you find a person that you get along with, can love and laugh with and can trust it would be just plain silly to end the relationship because you can't deal with a past that is beyond human ability to change and none of your business anyway.

[SpunGirl]

Hm. I agree with CT. As far as sex being a "need," okay, maybe not the actualy physical act of penis into vagina (or penis into something else, or something else into vagina... or however you prefer it). But the act of ORGASM is a need. I don't see how this can be disputed. If you're religious and think that jerking it will make you go blind, you're headed for more than a few wet dreams. I've had dreams where I orgasmed before and woke up like, "huh?" (But it was cool).

With regards to the exes-as-friends thing, Tsa'ah, I think you are wrong. I remain good friends with one ex that I had sex with. Part of the reason is that it would be impossible not to - we have too many mutual friends and too much of a history with our group. I'm not going to ditch the rest of my friends because he's going to be around. He's married now, too, and while we might hug each other a nanosecond longer than anyone else, it's because we once cared for each other - and still do! Sentimental attachment to someone you care about does not mean there will be infidelity or that they are trying to "wreck" your new relationship to catch anyone on the rebound.

Just because you have a respect for a shared history doesn't mean it's going to repeat itself. And in all honesty, with regards to the sexual aspect of that relationship - I've so already been there and am no longer interested. So even if he would (and he wouldn't), I wouldn't.

-K

[SpunGirl]

Oh, and PS. One of my husband's exes (that I know he slept with) wound up married to one of his very best friends. Is he supposed to ditch that friend because he married her? Am I supposed to refuse to hang out with them because he once slept with her? Hell no. She's a cool chick, they're a fun couple, and we like being around them.

-K

Hahaha Spun is a swinger. Fun couple. :lol:

- Arkans

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Arkans
Hahaha Spun is a swinger. Fun couple. :lol:

- Arkans

Haha, but ew no. The wife is cute, the husband not so much.

-K

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Killer Kitten
A person who has had a lot of sexual partners is probably less likely to be a bad relationship prospect than one who is a virgin. Personally, I'd prefer the more experienced partner, they tend to be more realistic about relationships and better at communicating and working out problems.Not all relationships require sex. Likewise, not all sex occurs in a relationship. I don't know what makes you think a guy who's participated in 100 one night stands is better at working out problems then the guy who's had 2 partners with whom his relationship lasted three years, unless your idea of "better at communicating" is "get dressed and get out".
Originally posted by SpunGirl
But the act of ORGASM is a need. I don't see how this can be disputed.Saying "act" sort of implies purpose, though. Whereas wet dreams are by definition not purposeful (unless you're Tayre and have magic dream-controlling powers). I don't see any problem in describing orgasm as a need though.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Tsa`ah
The "can we be friends" thing is a cliche; it is what women say in an attempt to soften the blow. The natural order is for you the two people to go separate ways, not cling on to each other when it's over.

I disagree but at the same time I understand you are speaking of heterosexual relationships primarily, so duly noted.

However, If someone is truly saying can we be friends to soften the blow, then there is something wrong with the persons ability to let go themselves or accept the fact that the relationship is in effect, over.
In my case, I have never gotten into a relationship with someone whom I did not LIKE first and foremost. If I felt there can be no friendship connection let alone a sexual one, I knew that person was not right for me. Matter of fact I've always focused on developing a friendship so that a mutual respect is built upon and problems that arise may be worked through, including the parting of ways. In the natural order of things one should progress and move on to someone they feel they are more compatible with and if there is an understanding I don't see why it would be hard for one to remain friends with somone they truly like, hold in mutual respect, and so on even if there was sex previously involved. An ability to be able to seperate the two would also be a requirement in sustaining a friendship with an ex-lover.

Friendship should be a core aspect of any kind of close relationship one wishes to develop with a potential life partner. If you're just talking the hop into a relationship because there was a fiery sexual connection and then hop back out because they realized they had nothing other than sex going on so they'd rather remain freinds so they can fuck whenever the opportunity presents itself or because they can't find a support system through any other outlet, then sure, you're asking for trouble.

[Edited on 7-29-2005 by DeV]

[SpunGirl]

Maybe not purposeful on the person's part, but on the part of the body. In fact, I'd say you're more likely to ignore the need to eat than the need to orgasm. People starve themselves all the time, I've never read of anyone successfully quelling sexual impulse.

-K

[Artha]

There are asexuals running around. Hardly the norm, but they exist.

[SpunGirl]

Isn't that some kind of hormone dysfuction?

-K

[DeV]

Some asexuals have sex drives, and some also masturbate in their spare time, heh. Seriously though, they just view love and sex as a whole entirely different than the rest of us.

[Snapp]

Originally posted by DeV

Originally posted by Tsa`ah
The "can we be friends" thing is a cliche; it is what women say in an attempt to soften the blow. The natural order is for you the two people to go separate ways, not cling on to each other when it's over.

I disagree but at the same time I understand you are speaking of heterosexual relationships primarily, so duly noted.

Maybe it's just a guy thing. ;) Kidding, but I've never been able to make a "we'll still be friends" thing work myself. Feelings either resurface or the fighting just starts back up again.

[Killer Kitten]

Originally posted by Latrinsorm

Originally posted by Killer Kitten
A person who has had a lot of sexual partners is probably less likely to be a bad relationship prospect than one who is a virgin. Personally, I'd prefer the more experienced partner, they tend to be more realistic about relationships and better at communicating and working out problems.Not all relationships require sex. Likewise, not all sex occurs in a relationship. I don't know what makes you think a guy who's participated in 100 one night stands is better at working out problems then the guy who's had 2 partners with whom his relationship lasted three years, unless your idea of "better at communicating" is "get dressed and get out".

It is true that not all relationships require sex. I have a relationship with my mother, one with my sister, and various ones with my co-workers that are completely non-sexual. I believe this thread is dealing with sexual relationships, though.

If a guy has had 2 partners, he's not a virgin. If he's had 2 three year relationships and is still a virgin he has some kind of issue that really needs addressing, preferably by a person with a degree in that sort of thing.

I just don't find my partner's past sexual conduct anything to get my knickers in a twist over. It's the past, it's gone, it cannot be changed. Why would a person berate somebody they supposedly love over something that they can do nothing about? To what purpose? Given my druthers, I'll take a guy who knows where to put it and how to use it over a fumbling, blushing, phobia-ridden virgin any day.

When I was 17 I found a more innocent partner more attractive. Of course, back then I still believed the third biggest lie, too. Thirty years after my 17th birthday I've been there, done that, and my opinion has changed based upon my life's experiences.

[Skirmisher]

I don't know, I have been able to stay friends or at least friendly with ex's.

Not every one of course, but most I would say.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Snapp
Maybe it's just a guy thing. ;) I'm inclined to agree. I think my thing is more of a lesbian or woman thing more than anything...lol. I ryhmed.

[TheRoseLady]

People with kids who get divorced many times find ways to remain friends and despite the most obvious fact that they had sex - everyone learns to co-exist. I say that it's most definitely possible to remain strictly friends with no sexual activity. My ex and I were very close up until his untimely death. My husband didn't bat an eyelash about it. :shrug:

[Back]

I was with a chick once who slept with twice as many people as myself. I have to admit, it did give me some pause for concern... until we were in the sack. :pirate:

But for the most part the number of partners of each person should relatively match for the best results.

[AnticorRifling]

FYI RangerD is making fun of me via IM for my posts in this thread so he should be shunned.

[longshot]

Originally posted by Latrinsorm
Not all relationships require sex. Likewise, not all sex occurs in a relationship....

I will refrain from colorfully illustrating my opinion of what you wrote because everyone here has been gracious enough to put a lot of thought into their posts.

So, I will only say that this should probably be its own thread. Let's try to keep this centered on numbers that make people uncomfortable...

What I'm hearing so far is that with age comes tranquility, foresight, and the ability to accept the past as something that one cannot change.

I can only hope I grow up one day...

I still think Miss X's first post encompasses the feelings that most people have. This idea of "marraige material" is what I witnessed with my friends.

Backlash brings up a good point that it's all relative, too. Even trying to come up with numbers to continue discussion in the thread is difficult... a girl that's been with 2 or 3 guys is probably going to have issues with any guys number...

It reminds me of what Chris Rock said. The girl tells the guy, "Two", and he still flips out.

"I guess that's how you was raised..."

Girls, if I guy had slept with 50 women, could you deal with this?

[SpunGirl]

I don't think I'd care. I dated a guy once who had been around almost that much, but it wasn't meant to be. Not because of his promiscuity, though.

I have a friend who has slept with 50+ guys. She used to call me from her bathroom afterwards and be like, "how do I get this guy the fuck out of my bed so I can order some pizza and go to sleep?" She was truthful with her husband when they met (kind of hard to deny her nature when they had sex within seven hours of meeting each other), but he didn't mind. And his number was lower than hers by about 20.

-K

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Killer Kitten
If he's had 2 three year relationships and is still a virgin he has some kind of issue that really needs addressing, preferably by a person with a degree in that sort of thing.I don't get why a person who's different than you is automatically psychologically disturbed, but I guess that explains why we're having trouble communicating.
Given my druthers, I'll take a guy who knows where to put it and how to use it over a fumbling, blushing, phobia-ridden virgin any day. How this turns into a virgin being comparatively incompetent in a relationship is what has me :?:

[Skirmisher]

No wide-eyed, eager,
Wholesome innocent Sunday school teacher for me.
That kinda girl spins webs no spider ever--
Listen, boy--
A girl who trades on all that purity
Merely wants to trade my independence for her security.
The only affirmative she will file
Refers to marching down the aisle.
No golden, glorious, gleaming pristine goddess--
No sir!
For no Diana do I play faun.
I can tell you that right now.
I snarl, I hiss: How can ignorance be compared to bliss?
I spark, I fizz for the lady who knows what time it is.
I cheer, I rave for the virtue I'm too late to save
The sadder-but-wiser girl for me.
No bright-eyed, blushing, breathless baby-doll baby
Not for me.
That kinda child ties knots no sailor ever knew.
I prefer to take a chance on a more adult romance.
No dewy young miss
Who keeps resisting all the time she keeps insisting!
No wide-eyed, wholesome innocent female.
No sir.
Why, she's the fisherman, I'm the fish you see?--PLOP!
I flinch, I shy, when the lass with the delicate air goes by
I smile, I grin, when the gal with a touch of sin walks in.
I hope, and I pray, for a Hester to win just one more "A"
The sadder-but-wiser girl's the girl for me.
The sadder-but-wiser girl for me.

[Alfster]

Yeah, I don't get it either. Maybe this person that has been in a couple of long term relationship has these things called morals...maybe he actually thinks he's doing himself a favor by not sticking it in this girl 7 hours after he meets her.

I was in a relationship with a girl for about 3 and a half years and for the first 2 years there was no sex involved. I wanted it, she didn't and instead of tossing her aside for one that would spread her legs, I stuck with her. It didn't really bother me all that much because, at the time...she made me happy. Plus, she blew me like once every other day...

[Rainy Day]

Originally posted by Alfster
I was in a relationship with a girl for about 3 and a half years and for the first 2 years there was no sex involved. ....Plus, she blew me like once every other day...

Uhh...that counts.

RD

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Latrinsorm

Originally posted by Killer Kitten
A person who has had a lot of sexual partners is probably less likely to be a bad relationship prospect than one who is a virgin. Personally, I'd prefer the more experienced partner, they tend to be more realistic about relationships and better at communicating and working out problems.Not all relationships require sex. Likewise, not all sex occurs in a relationship. I don't know what makes you think a guy who's participated in 100 one night stands is better at working out problems then the guy who's had 2 partners with whom his relationship lasted three years, unless your idea of "better at communicating" is "get dressed and get out".
Originally posted by SpunGirl
But the act of ORGASM is a need. I don't see how this can be disputed.Saying "act" sort of implies purpose, though. Whereas wet dreams are by definition not purposeful (unless you're Tayre and have magic dream-controlling powers). I don't see any problem in describing orgasm as a need though.

Listen champ... I spent 20 minutes sneaking around some chicks house I don't even know this morning looking for my shorts and shirt trying not to wake her ass up or get her rat of a dog barking. I succeeded.

If that's not building relationship skills I don't know what is.

[Tisket]

I'd like to see a thread where PC members list THEIR numbers. Wonder who would win.

Of course, we would need a volunteer to fly around the country with a lie detector...

[Sean of the Thread]

I'm practically a man whore.

[Miss X]

I'd lose so hard! :lol2:

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Miss X
I'd lose so hard! :lol2:

Now now.. I saw you in Lord of the Cock Rings: Hobbits in Heat.

[Alfster]

Originally posted by Rainy Day

Originally posted by Alfster
I was in a relationship with a girl for about 3 and a half years and for the first 2 years there was no sex involved. ....Plus, she blew me like once every other day...

Uhh...that counts.

RD

Wait a second. How does that count? I thought we were talking about sex....not oral

[SpunGirl]

Yeah. Thanks to Blowin' Bill we have a country full of people that think oral sex does not equal sex. If his penis is in your mouth, you're having sex. Not intercourse, but it's sex. Likewise if your tongue is in, on, or around her vagina.

-K

[Edited on 7-31-2005 by SpunGirl]

[Ravenstorm]

Not to take away from Bill's accomplishments but I think that was already a pretty common perception even before him.

Raven

[SpunGirl]

My husband teaches middle school. There are whole generations of kids giving each other blowjobs in the bathrooms under the perception that "it's not sex." I blame the media coverage of the Lewinsk scandal, plus their own lazy-ass parents.

-K

[Back]

Technically, it IS penetration.

[DCSL]

Just out of curiosity, to add on to the questions of the thread... How do you, of any gender, feel about women and men with triple digit partners? Do you feel differently about each of them? Or is a slut a slut? Does it only matter if you're with them or not even then?

I know a lot of people have already posted that it doesn't matter at all and the past is the past, but if someone came up to you and said, "Hey, baby, you wanna be another notch on my belt?" what would you think of them?

I mean, I remember in high school, listening to the popular girls and boys talk about screwing each other. The guys were always high-fived and the girls were all automatically sluts. I'm just wondering if the double standard has been equalized since then. (Not that it's been that long since I was in high school but.. yeah.)

[CrystalTears]

Someone saying "Hey baby you wanna be another notch in my belt" would turn me off whether they had 5 or 105 sex partners. It's how they behave with that.

If someone was just having fun (heh) and was just promiscuous and didn't flaunt it, I wouldn't care. The people who pronounce it like a medal bother me, and it isn't about the numbers, it's the attitude.

[TheRoseLady]

Originally posted by Alfster
Wait a second. How does that count? I thought we were talking about sex....not oral

I did not have sexual relations with that girl. http://img116.exs.cx/img116/1231/z7shysterical.gif

[Edaarin]

Heh, at my age...if a girl's pushing triple digits, wouldn't even want to be in the same room...man, I don't know, maybe there are girls like that at Radford or JMU...

If a guy my age was in the triple digit range, HIHG FIVEE!1111oneone

Except I wouldn't want to touch his hand either. Yikes.

[Bobmuhthol]

<<I mean, I remember in high school, listening to the popular girls and boys talk about screwing each other.>>

I don't know what it was like less than a decade ago, but the stuff I overhear I don't believe for a second. Things like, "OH MAN WE GOT SO DRUNK FROM SMIRNOFF ICE" or "Her vagina was black" (note: girl in question was not black) just don't fly with me. The stuff about having sex with soandso is even more ludicrous. I'm under the belief that most of these people are not having sex.

To be fair, though, I'm sure it's possible to get drunk because of Smirnoff Ice. You just have to be a 2-year-old girl.

[Killer Kitten]

Originally posted by Latrinsorm

Originally posted by Killer Kitten
If he's had 2 three year relationships and is still a virgin he has some kind of issue that really needs addressing, preferably by a person with a degree in that sort of thing.I don't get why a person who's different than you is automatically psychologically disturbed, but I guess that explains why we're having trouble communicating.
Given my druthers, I'll take a guy who knows where to put it and how to use it over a fumbling, blushing, phobia-ridden virgin any day. How this turns into a virgin being comparatively incompetent in a relationship is what has me :?:

And I don't get where in my statement you see the words 'anybody different from me is automatically disturbed'.
Your propensity for deliberate misunderstanding of what is said gets really boring after awhile.

I'll try this slowly, mmmkay? As a female, the overwhelming majority of males I have met who are interested in a dating/love type of relationship want that relationship to include sexual imtimacy. The few I have met who do not have been, without fail, people who also have issues in other aspects of their lives. Generally this manifests itself through immaturity in social skills, as well as intimacy issues.

As far as your virgin vs. experienced partner misinterpretation goes... I was referring strictly to bedroom technique, not to relationship potential, which would be obvious if you actually read what I had written.

What should also be obvious is that the comment was made humorously.

[Killer Kitten]

Originally posted by Alfster
Yeah, I don't get it either. Maybe this person that has been in a couple of long term relationship has these things called morals...maybe he actually thinks he's doing himself a favor by not sticking it in this girl 7 hours after he meets her.

You're confusing sexuality with morality. It's a common error, given the prevaling perception of sex that dictaes pair bonding in most of the world. I tend to regard sexual behavior as a matter of individual preference, morality doesn't enter into it unless somebody is trying to involve children (yeech) or animals (double yeech), or unless one of the participants are breaking a vow.


Originally posted by Alfster
I was in a relationship with a girl for about 3 and a half years and for the first 2 years there was no sex involved. I wanted it, she didn't and instead of tossing her aside for one that would spread her legs, I stuck with her. It didn't really bother me all that much because, at the time...she made me happy. Plus, she blew me like once every other day...

News flash, Mr. Clinton, a blow job is sex. Congratulations! You're normal! Plus, you did WANT sex, it was her decision to wait and you liked her enough to abide by it. You sound like a normal male to me.

[Alfster]

See, this is why I would have problems if a girl asked me a question like, "How many people have you had sex with?"

I wouldn't include oral unless she specified. This is one of those questions that if you have a great relationship already, why ask it? It's only going to cause problems and some things are probably better off not knowing.

My number is by no means high, but still....why ask it?

[Killer Kitten]

Originally posted by Alfster
See, this is why I would have problems if a girl asked me a question like, "How many people have you had sex with?"

I wouldn't include oral unless she specified. This is one of those questions that if you have a great relationship already, why ask it? It's only going to cause problems and some things are probably better off not knowing.

My number is by no means high, but still....why ask it?

That's my position. Why ask? It's nothing that can be changed and no matter what the answer is the person who asked is gonna hate it.

(Tho I think oral sex counts as sex. I'm pretty much of the opinion that if the sex organs leave the pants and end up in somebody's hands or mouth that's sexual contact.)

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by Vixen
But I had the flip side problem, how to tell someone you have zero experience and not have them look at you like you are a nutjob.

My ex actually had this problem, except he lied about it. He told me he'd slept with 5 people and had tested clean for STDs. He'd never had an STD test done once, I found, and when cornered on the issue, proceeded to deny lying to me until I cornered his lies by his inexperience with STD testing protocol etc. I think it was one of the things that helped me to loathe him.

My current boyfriend chose to come clean with me about how many on his own free will, and honestly, I respected him more for it. I hate having to ask repeated questions, get repeated answers, find the holes in those answers, and make sure that's their "final answer". If I wanted to do that, I'd just screw on a debate floor.

Long story short, don't think people won't fact check your numbers. Don't think people won't notice your inexperience. Don't think people won't figure out you're lying. Annnnnnnd don't be ashamed to not have experience. It's fun to learn together :D (cue cheesy music)

-M

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Killer Kitten
As far as your virgin vs. experienced partner misinterpretation goes... I was referring strictly to bedroom technique, not to relationship potential, which would be obvious if you actually read what I had written.Speaking of actually reading what was said..
How this turns into a virgin being comparatively incompetent in a relationship "This turns into" generally implies that I'm talking about two separate things, in this case sexual proficiency and relationship skills. The issue of sexual experience is the only one that separates a virgin from a non-virgin by definition, so unless you have something more than a few weird guys you met (curiously missing from your anecdotal evidence is the virginity of the men in question) didn't want sexual "imtimacy", you have no other basis for your claim.
he has some kind of issue that really needs addressing, preferably by a person with a degree in that sort of thing.You're welcome to provide an alternate interpretation of this statement. You're obviously not talking about people who espouse the same views as you, and you don't leave any room for exceptions. :shrug:

[longshot]

Latrinsorm, you've created your own retard thread to express your own retarded views on love and sex.

Stop posting your bullshit here.

[SpunGirl]

I think half the problem of threads such as this is that instead of actually debating the topic at hand, people tend to pick apart the "interpretation" and posting styles of the poster/post they're taking issue with.

-K

[DeV]

Originally posted by Alfster
Wait a second. How does that count? I thought we were talking about sex....not oral Oral sex definitely counts. There should be no debate on this. It is one of the primary ways to bring especially a woman and of course a man to orgasm. In alot of cases they can be quite mind-shattering if properly done.

[Tsa`ah]

With regards to the exes-as-friends thing, Tsa'ah, I think you are wrong. I remain good friends with one ex that I had sex with. Part of the reason is that it would be impossible not to - we have too many mutual friends and too much of a history with our group. I'm not going to ditch the rest of my friends because he's going to be around. He's married now, too, and while we might hug each other a nanosecond longer than anyone else, it's because we once cared for each other - and still do! Sentimental attachment to someone you care about does not mean there will be infidelity or that they are trying to "wreck" your new relationship to catch anyone on the rebound.

Certainly there are exceptions to everything and your friend doesn't fit the bill as every other "ex but friend". Do keep in mind that this is one friend that you have an intimate past with, not many.



Oh, and PS. One of my husband's exes (that I know he slept with) wound up married to one of his very best friends. Is he supposed to ditch that friend because he married her? Am I supposed to refuse to hang out with them because he once slept with her? Hell no. She's a cool chick, they're a fun couple, and we like being around them.

Again, this is the exception. I'm not talking about ditching the ex, I'm talking about going your seperate ways ... which is exactly what you have pointed out.


Originally posted by TheRoseLady
People with kids who get divorced many times find ways to remain friends and despite the most obvious fact that they had sex - everyone learns to co-exist. I say that it's most definitely possible to remain strictly friends with no sexual activity. My ex and I were very close up until his untimely death. My husband didn't bat an eyelash about it. :shrug:

Again, this is the exception. You're talking about a relationship where children are involved.

I'm not saying "don't be friendly", "don't be friends", I'm saying "Don't take your new girl/boyfriend to a party where your friends are also on the ex list. You don't tell your SO that your going to go hang out with an ex or any quantity of exs'.

This is more along the lines of "Honey, Brian (name of ex) invited me to go out (as friends ::wink wink:: and we're totally just friends.

That's not going down in any relationship. If you want the male perspective ... watch Anger Management.

[Alfster]

Originally posted by Killer Kitten
(Tho I think oral sex counts as sex. I'm pretty much of the opinion that if the sex organs leave the pants and end up in somebody's hands or mouth that's sexual contact.)

So when someone asks you when you lost your virginity would your answer be the first time someone touched your happy place?

[SpunGirl]

No, losing your virginity is the act of intercourse.

Of course, the definition of intercourse is penis into vagina, but I doubt you'd find many Gold Star Lesbians who still proclaim themselves virgins.

-K

[Alfster]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
Yeah. Thanks to Blowin' Bill we have a country full of people that think oral sex does not equal sex. If his penis is in your mouth, you're having sex. Not intercourse, but it's sex. Likewise if your tongue is in, on, or around her vagina.

-K

[Edited on 7-31-2005 by SpunGirl]

It's still sex, but it's not intercourse.

I fail to see how if you're having sex that you're still a virgin, which is why I don't see oral as sex.

[Skirmisher]

Intercourse is not the only sexual activity you can engage in.

If you can achieve sexual satisfaction, it's sex.

The whole oral is not sex thing is weak.

[DeV]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
Of course, the definition of intercourse is penis into vagina, but I doubt you'd find many Gold Star Lesbians who still proclaim themselves virgins.

-K Yeah, it's an interesting concept to be sure. I could possibly be a virgin and then again not, yet still a sinner at the same time.

Even more odd is the fact that with the help of my trusty pink friend I lay the pipe on my girl often. It's definitely an open-ended debate. :shrug:

[SpunGirl]

OMG DeV is a gold star lesbian!!!1!11! :cheers:

-K

[Rainy Day]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
No, losing your virginity is the act of intercourse.

Of course, the definition of intercourse is penis into vagina, but I doubt you'd find many Gold Star Lesbians who still proclaim themselves virgins.

-K

Yeah, I think that's a pretty antiquated definition of virgin. If you've had sexual contact of non penis-vagina type that leads to someone having an orgasm, it's lame to claim that you're still a virgin. While technically true, it's sure as hell misleading.

RD

[GSLady17]

I look at it as there are many different levels and types of sex. All can be just as meaningful or meaningless then the next.

[DeV]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
OMG DeV is a gold star lesbian!!!1!11! :cheers:

-K lol... Close Spun. I think I fail the requirements because I've dated a guy and a bisexual before. There goes that. Hell, I didn't even know there was a label for it though!

[Skirmisher]

No gold star for you. :bleh:

[DeV]

-->Me :kick:<--Skirm

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by DeV

Originally posted by SpunGirl
OMG DeV is a gold star lesbian!!!1!11! :cheers:

-K lol... Close Spun. I think I fail the requirements because I've dated a guy and a bisexual before. There goes that. Hell, I didn't even know there was a label for it though!

As far as I've been told, the GSL label is reserved for lesbians who have never had intercourse with a guy.

-K

[ElanthianSiren]

Pink Friend -- Put that in the Gender Blender, Bender. I heart Dev.

-M

[DeV]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
As far as I've been told, the GSL label is reserved for lesbians who have never had intercourse with a guy.

-K Teehee, guess I'm in then. :P <-directed at Skirm.

[Snapp]

I think DEV needs a "Gold Star Lesbian" custom title. :smilegrin:

[Skirmisher]

DeV knows she is a gold star in my book. :yes:

[HarmNone]

Heh. Dev's a Gold Star in my book, too, and I'm a Gold Star Heterosexual. ;)

[Satira]

I vote yes on proposition Gold Star Lesbian.

[DeV]

Oh God you guys and girls. :spaz:

Sorry Longshot!

[longshot]

Originally posted by GSLady17
I look at it as there are many different levels and types of sex. All can be just as meaningful or meaningless then the next.

Like phone sex?

You fucking psycho whore...

[longshot]

Originally posted by DeV
Oh God you guys and girls. :spaz:

Sorry Longshot!

No problem. ;)

It's interesting that so many people had issues with what "sex" is.

I always thought of it strictly as intercouse.

I think that's why there are so many "blowjob queens" in the first place...

[Killer Kitten]

Geez, I go away for a couple of days and the world marches on. Guess that notion that the universe revolved around me could use a little revision, huh? :P

Anyhow...
I am of the opinion that the past is the past. Unless the past of my prospective partner includes the torture of small animals or the death and dismemberment of those who irritate him I'm not going to worry myself hugely over it.

To me sex isn't that huge a deal. To other people it's a very huge deal. I think it's silly to worry about a prospective partner's sexual history. Other people might think it's silly to not worry about a partner's sexual history. Different strokes for different folks.

I also think calling somebody a 'fucking psycho whore' because their definition of sexual relationships might include phone sex says a lot more about the person hurling the insult than about the recipient.

[Edited on 8-4-2005 by Killer Kitten]

[CrystalTears]

Yeah he could have just said fucking psycho as it would still apply. :D

I'd like to pose a question though. Suppose you've been married with someone for over a year or two. You never really discussed the past because you were just enjoying each other and the past didn't matter at the time.

Then one day, for whatever reason, the conversation of a past sexual experience comes up and you're uncomfortable with it. Would you stop loving this person and/or get divorced over it?

[Warriorbird]

Depends. If, "I have HIV/AIDs and I didn't tell you about it.", probably...or something on that level. "I killed a whole lot of people that I picked up in bars." would also be a no no. Most other things? Probably not.

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
Yeah he could have just said fucking psycho as it would still apply. :D

I'd like to pose a question though. Suppose you've been married with someone for over a year or two. You never really discussed the past because you were just enjoying each other and the past didn't matter at the time.

Then one day, for whatever reason, the conversation of a past sexual experience comes up and you're uncomfortable with it. Would you stop loving this person and/or get divorced over it?

It depends. If you've never had the conversation before (ie if I never asked, which is unlikely to impossible), then no. If they lied, sure as shit. I'd be gone.

-M

[CrystalTears]

I said a sexual experience, not disease or murder. Sheesh. :lol:

Let's say you really never discussed the past. Then one day he/she says "oh yeah I've had sex with out 30 women/men". They never denied having a past, it was never asked, it just came up in conversation now.

[Edited on 8/4/2005 by CrystalTears]

[Warriorbird]

As long as it wasn't during the relationship/it wasn't lied about, no problems.

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by Warriorbird
As long as it wasn't during the relationship/it wasn't lied about, no problems.

:yeahthat:

-M

[CrystalTears]

Okay so it's not a problem while married, why is it a huge deal when you're not? Why does that binding paper change how you feel? If you let the past affect you before marriage and not after, then I see a big hypocrite in the making.

[Warriorbird]

An interesting notion. I think of marriage as more of a covenant than I ever did just going out with someone. I don't think anyone's past really ever effected me all that much, beforehand, except I don't think I was as loyal to people who I knew weren't very.



[Edited on 8-4-2005 by Warriorbird]

[CrystalTears]

True. But I've heard of people who are engaged breaking up over something like that. I figured if you're that commited, it shouldn't matter then either. I guess I'm just curious. :)

[Warriorbird]

If engaged people broke up over something like that, they probably would've broken up eventually for some other reason anyway.

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
Okay so it's not a problem while married, why is it a huge deal when you're not? Why does that binding paper change how you feel? If you let the past affect you before marriage and not after, then I see a big hypocrite in the making.

I'm confused as to what you're asking CT, I think. It wouldn't matter to me if I was married or not. If my partner lied about his sexual experiences, I would fire him and get one who could be truthful.

If the situation had never come up, and I suddenly decided to ask, I expect an honest answer.

If the situation had come up previously, I would expect an honest answer then too.

Sex is one of those things that's dangerous in today's world, and we rely on our partner's history and their honesty about that history to assess risk factors in our sexual activities. I don't want to be with anyone who lies about it to the "good" (I slept with 1 person! I so virginal) or the "bad" (I slept with 80 people! aren't I stud?).

Is that what you're asking, or have I totally missed it?

-M

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by ElanthianSiren
I'm confused as to what you're asking CT, I think. It wouldn't matter to me if I was married or not. If my partner lied about his sexual experiences, I would fire him and get one who could be truthful.

Nope, I don't mean if he lied about his past. I'm saying if the topic never came up before so there was nothing to dodge or lie about. It was just never spoken of. Then later on, after a serious relationship has been established, and a colorful sexual past is stirred up in conversation... Would you break up over it?


If the situation had never come up, and I suddenly decided to ask, I expect an honest answer.

And say you got that honest answer. "Yeah I had sex with about 50 women". Would it bother you to the point of it affecting your present relationship?

[Killer Kitten]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
Yeah he could have just said fucking psycho as it would still apply. :D



I think I'm missing something here. As usual.

[Warriorbird]

The person in reference, Teeoncy, has an interesting history.

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by CrystalTears

And say you got that honest answer. "Yeah I had sex with about 50 women". Would it bother you to the point of it affecting your present relationship?

Oh okay, good... we were on the same page. It wouldn't bother me as long as the person was honest, and yes, I'd stay with them. I'd want to know that they were tested because that raises risk substantially, but history would be something I would have asked in the beginning.


-M

[Killer Kitten]

Originally posted by Warriorbird
The person in reference, Teeoncy, has an interesting history.

That's what I was missing! I've seen some Teeoncy trauma, but didn't realize that the poster was her.

Thanks for clearing it up. I was SO confused.