Kuyuk
07-02-2005, 09:11 AM
I got this from my brother... Anyone else feel this way(at least, for the majority of the letter?)
Dear Red States,
>
> We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and
> we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own
> country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
> In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,
> Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all
> the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to
> the nation, and especially to the people of the new country
> of New California.
>
> To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave
> states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We
> get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of
> Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You
> get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85
> percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
> get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to
> make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate
> divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
> Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
> bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California
> will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all
> our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to
> fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're
> apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose,
> and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
> children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in
> Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing
> to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
>
> With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80
> percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of
> the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh
> fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve
> French wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90
> percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-
> sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all
> the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
> Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
>
> With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope
> with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected
> health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly
> 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes,
> 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of
> all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,
> Clemson and the University of Alabama.
>
> We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
>
> Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe
> Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe
> life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or
> gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53
> percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61 percent of
> you believe you are people with higher morals then we
> lefties.
>
> By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have
> that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
>
> Sincerely,
> Author Unknown in New California.
Dear Red States,
>
> We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and
> we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own
> country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
> In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,
> Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all
> the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to
> the nation, and especially to the people of the new country
> of New California.
>
> To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave
> states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We
> get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of
> Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You
> get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85
> percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
> get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to
> make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate
> divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
> Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
> bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California
> will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all
> our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to
> fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're
> apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose,
> and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
> children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in
> Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing
> to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
>
> With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80
> percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of
> the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh
> fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve
> French wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90
> percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-
> sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all
> the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
> Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
>
> With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope
> with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected
> health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly
> 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes,
> 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of
> all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,
> Clemson and the University of Alabama.
>
> We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
>
> Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe
> Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe
> life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or
> gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53
> percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61 percent of
> you believe you are people with higher morals then we
> lefties.
>
> By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have
> that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
>
> Sincerely,
> Author Unknown in New California.