Away messages.

[AnticorRifling]

I don't know if anyone else does this but everytime I turn on my monitor I check everyone's away messages on my buddy list. Some of them are the standards like: class, bed, work, sodomy, etc. but every now and then(actually with my buddy list it's more frequent than not) you get people that put thought into their away messages and they are good for a laugh. Share some of your favorites you don't have to list screen names if you don't want to.

Here's one to start:

This guy always puts up stupid 1337 messages and everytime I get a good little chuckle because I'm easily amused his away message is: omg afk kthxbai

[Divinity]

Good thread. :)

"Pick the cotton.. put it in the basket."

Knowing the person, it just makes me crack up.

[Drinin]

Most of my away messages are just parts of random conversations with friends while online. Some harsh language is used, you are warned . . .

XXXX: worst freeze up ever
OLLIE O680: stop downloading that goat porn
OLLIE O680: while you're trying to play the game
XXXX: i can't help it, it had sound this time


XXXXXXX: but you had to kill him, b/c he's evil
OLLIE O680: Andy response: Join him.
OLLIE O680: what are you, a robosexual?
XXXXXXX: Derogatory Response: Fuck you cocksucker.


OLLIE O680: ASS PLUNDER
XXXX: what
OLLIE O680: ASS PLUNDER
XXXX: come again
OLLIE O680: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID

OLLIE O680: DEV RESPONSE: Do not press buttons while the levels are loading, this could corrupt the levels.
XXXX: whatever I do what I want
OLLIE O680: man, i made that up


OLLIE O680: Seems like salvation . . . tastes like shit.

OLLIE O680: The Tubgirl/Goatse.cx example is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. On those boards, people swear left and right, say what they think, talk about whatever they want.. But the community doesn't want to see a woman in the bathtub with a poop geyser coming out her ass.

[Mistomeer]

All my away/profile shit are songs stuck in my head at the moment. I know this one cocksucker who always puts a goatse link in his profile.

[SpunGirl]

I like Bob's away message: "Not here. Kill yourself." I usually use lines from songs I'm currently loving.

-K

[Robert Hamburger]

The Official Away Message Post
http://www.imhut.com/images/newawaymessageexample.gif
Real Ultimate Power

Hi, this post is all about away messages, REAL AWAY MESSAGES. This post is awesome. My name is Robert and I can't stop thinking about away messages. These are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.

Facts:

1. Away messages are text.
2. Away messages tell people you're afk ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the away message is to flip out and show people stupid song lyrics.

Weapons and gear:

http://students.haverford.edu/ekozakew/chatpic1.jpg
Internet

http://www.arcanas.ca/pictures/beazlebub.jpg
Being Afk

http://www.asgoodasnews.com/volume_1/issue_9/images/away.gif
Away Message

Testimonial:

Away messages can say anything they want! Away messages cut off conversations ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These things are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this away message who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the away message spammed Creed lyrics to the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw an away message totally read a lame poem to some kid just because the kid opened a window.

And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't believe that away messages have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will chop your head off!!! It's an easy choice, if you ask me.

Away messages are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These things are totally awesome and that's a fact. Away messages are fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can't wait to start yoga next year. I love away messages with all of my body (including my pee pee).

Q and A:.

Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about away messages?
A: Away messages are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap, but on the other hand, away messages are very careful and precise.

Q: I heard that away messages are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other text, away messages can be mean OR totally awesome.

Q: What do away messages do when they're not trying to sound deep or flipping out?
A: Most of their free time is spent being read, but sometime they spam. (Ask Mark if you don't believe me.)

http://www.zachklein.com/hello/264/994/1024/happyhalloween!.jpg
This is a picture of my best friend Mark showing off. He's a lot older than me and almost done typing out a pointless quote, which is bragable.

http://www.eiman.tv/imkit/graphics/set-away-message.png Link to me, by cutting and pasting the link box!
http://fastcounter.bcentral.com/fastcounter?2850988+5701983
FastCounter by bCentral
================================================== ==
realultimateawaymessages.net
All material here is the property of Robert Hamburger
Copyright 2005

[Sylvan Dreams]

Off topic: I have to give Robert Hamburger credit for being able to come up with so much....interesting information.

On topic: One of my away messages is:
I am not available because I am watching a pornographic film that takes up the whole screen.

(AIM supplies you with a similar one that you can use when playing games like WoW.. I just got creative with it)

- Debia's player.

[SpunGirl]

What the mother....fuck....

-K

[Darnell]

That last picture in the hamburger post, is the next step in Arkans whoring evolutionary chain.

Best away messages are obviously any of the ones that Methais or I put up after having a conversation with Arkans when he's wasted....or spends the night in a shed....

D

[Drew]

Robert Hamburger wins

[Jolena]

Originally posted by Divinity
Good thread. :)

"Pick the cotton.. put it in the basket."

Knowing the person, it just makes me crack up.

Hehehe,I know who that isssss!

[4a6c1]

:rofl: at The Official Away Message Post

[Divinity]

Besides the fact that there is a post missing from the thread, or they deleted it.. ::shrugs::

Anyways, yeah, I know you know who it is Jo. I didn't bother putting mine up because I thought Anticor meant other people's messages. I always like to spice mine up. Ordinary sucks.

[Czeska]

I read people's messages/profiles constantly. The only one I personally have used today for myself is:

Getting coffee and some food cause apparently Paul thinks I'm not so NICE when I'm immersed in a low blood sugar psychosis.

[4a6c1]

Funny away messages. Hmmm.

Arkans' multi paragraph "I R WASTED. I LUV BEER......I R NOT GHEY....i love u all. except the men. because IRNOTGHEY. fuckking wemens right now. I LUV U ALL!!!" (summary) are pretty funny. I never knew you could have away messages that long. :lol:

A rl buddy of mine has one that makes me giggle a little. "If your living, your sinning. Repent." Its funny if you know the person i guess. Its a supposed to be funnymean. Anyhoo.

[Nindy]

I guess I'm all about the cheesy/random messages. Some of my favorite away messages:

Headbutting is probably the manliest thing ever, it's also a great way to break up with your girlfriend. For example, I couldn't find the words to tell my ex that our relationship was over, so one day while we were watching TV I headbutt her in the tits. Then I picked up my jacket and left. No awkward goodbyes, no "still friends" bullshit. Just a couple of bruised titties and a failed relationship. I rule.

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

I am not available because I am playing a game called work that takes up the whole life.

JESUS SAVES
...He Passes It To Gretzky...
Gretzky Shoots...
He Scores!

Give me ambiguity or give me something else!

It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

Like the fat kid in a dodgeball game... I'm out.

Like a blonde's clothes in a frat house... I'm off.

Why not make realistic beer commercials? "It's five in the morning and you just pissed behind a dumpster. It's Miller time!"

[Hips]

The one I've been using recently is:
I'll pistol-whip the next person that says 'shenanigans'.

It's either that or cheesy Beach Boys lyrics. :D

Originally posted by GS3 Michiko
The one I've been using recently is:
I'll pistol-whip the next person that says 'shenanigans'.


Awesome movie -- Super Troopers.

[Showal]

Hey Favre, what's that restraunt that you like with all the stuff on the walls called?

You mean Shenanigans?

[Leetahkin]

Robert Hamburger, in a way I can't reason out, your friend looks cute.

No one ever IMs me when I have my away msgs on. On the flip side, I usually don't IM people when I see their msg on. Maybe I'll have to start.

[OreoElf]

I guess I have al kinds or random things... a lot of lyrics from my favorite dark musicals... Some shakespeare and noteworthy aim snippets... currently been using...

(14:18:56) Valkesh: brains are t3h besxt!
(14:19:00) Me: No
(14:19:03) Me: sex is the best
(14:19:16) Valkesh: I guess.
(14:19:21) Valkesh: sex with brains is the best.
(14:19:22) Me: Ok
14:20:21) Valkesh: brains feel like if you'd take scrambled eggs, put water in them, and stick them in the fridge for 2 days.
(14:20:32) Valkesh: at least pig brains doo.

For some reason that still cracks me up

[Czeska]

Originally posted by Nobody Cares
Robert Hamburger, in a way I can't reason out, your friend looks cute.

No one ever IMs me when I have my away msgs on. On the flip side, I usually don't IM people when I see their msg on. Maybe I'll have to start.


no need. Just hilight their name and click info ;)

[Jolena]

Here's one of my friend's current away message and part of her normal profile:

"I like him so much, I feel like I've had ten drinks today, and I've only had six!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
STILLPeachy123: sphyillis is pretty cute
STILLPeachy123: it's pink and spirally

[Leetahkin]

Originally posted by Czeska

Originally posted by Nobody Cares
Robert Hamburger, in a way I can't reason out, your friend looks cute.

No one ever IMs me when I have my away msgs on. On the flip side, I usually don't IM people when I see their msg on. Maybe I'll have to start.


no need. Just hilight their name and click info ;)

Oh cool, thanks! I'll have to see about peeking at some when I get home. :smilegrin:

[Soulpieced]

I got a gay roommate right now, yeah... my roommate's gay. Alot of people think I'm gay cuz of that, but I got ground rules. I'm like, "You gotta stay on your side of the shower." And if he doesn't, no more back rubs. I gotta lay down the law.

.

Genius.

[KymberlynX]

Originally posted by Czeska
no need. Just hilight their name and click info ;)

That's what I usually do just to see what their message says.

I usually won't IM someone if they have an away message up. If I do get their away message, for some reason it's like "Oh NO, they got me!" :shrug:

[Drinin]

Here's one from a friend of mine that is online right now. He always has some goofy shit as an away message:

A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend you got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.

How are you feeling?
(choose one)

A. i am experiencing mild hallucinations
B. i don't get it
C. necessary evils
D. the television is slowly killing me
E. mighty fine
F. love is all around me
G. keep a minimum distance
H. drowning
I. lost
J. unlovable
K. i stare at the carpets with tears in my eyes
L. NO SUDDEN MOVEMENTS
M. everything that is different from me is bad
N. feed
O. all for the good of the colony
P. the saddest part is that she had no idea
Q. not much else to do but fill out polls
R. as long as you respect me
S. EXTRA MEATY chunk-style
T. my life is extremely important, i just don't know why
U. i read all the magazines
V. impress us
W. don't ask questions
X. i live in a giant bucket
Y. my dirty secrets are your prosperity
26. disappointed there is no Z

[SnatchWrangler]

I used to mess with my roommate in college's AFK message all the time.

Typically it was something along the lines of:

"Sorry I'm not here right now, I'm currently away at my student work program manually masturbating farm animals for artificial insemination."

His mom found it funny when she IM'd him.

[4a6c1]

Now I'm actually looking at peoples away messages because of this thread. :lol:

Brian, there's a message in my alphabits! It says, "ooooooooo."
"Uhh, Peter? Those are cheerios."

^kinda cute

[Hips]

Here's a funny one:

Auto response from drew cantu: I'm out on a date.
With a girl.
Yes, a real one.
Crazy, isn't it?

[Back]

Auto response from RedElement12: I love plastic, its fantastic.

[Edaarin]

Auto response from dpark1022: sticking it in Katie's butt and then packing

[ElanthianSiren]

Happiness is 302 cubic inches of Pony Power!!!

My friend Wayne who loves Mustangs, though we disagree on the absolute best make/model :heart:


Desire is the root of all violence.
-- From Shaun. Love that one.

Mine (breakfast before stocks):

Ldy Vampre:
THE AMITYVILLE TOASTER!
-Make breakfast spooky!
-Spooky talking toast!
Yum yum yum. Human hand.


Every other one is a set of song lyrics.

-Melissa

[4a6c1]

Originally posted by Backlash
Auto response from RedElement12: I love plastic, its fantastic.

:lol:

I laugh my ass off every time I hear Rammstein sing the Barbie Girl song.

Something about a bunch of hardass german men sing 'IMA BARBEE GRRRL, INA BARBEE WUURRRRLD'......

[peam]

There is nothing hardass about a German man.

All of my friends have boring away messages.

[4a6c1]

Well they sound not-nice. Good enuff for me. ;)