Guy single parents.

[Asha]

My sister was dragged out of a ditch again today. I imagine soon, she won't have a heartbeat when they do again.
She's got a daughter to a guy who left her a long time ago.

So..

I'm a single male by heart. 26 years old and never even thought about having my own kids or wife. yada yada.
I really am terrified, but I know one day I'll be my sisters' daughters only blood relative.
She's only 4, but MAN she's the cutest, brightest thing in the world.

Basicly, call me shallow, but when I eventually become her only legal guardian.. Will I still be able to meet women and lead a happy life?
I can't even imagine myself leading this role. I'm scared. But I have to do it.

Plus, the little girl is a sweetheart and I'll gladly give my life up for her.
I just have no clue what I will have left afterwards.

[Edited on 6-13-2005 by Drayal]

[AnticorRifling]

Take her now before your sister does something stupid and ends up hurting her as well.

[Asha]

My parents have her while my sister is acting all fucked up.

They're getting sick though.
I should step in. You're right.

[Miss X]

From a personal point of view, as a woman, I would have no issues dating a single parent. Wouldn't bother me at all. :)

[Toxicvixen]

Little Girls help single guys pick up chicks. Seriously. My Father use to parade me around with pigtails showing "how great" he was as a father and girls use to fawn over him left and right.

Not that you will be using the little girl like he did, but don't think women won't want you because you did something awesome for your family and if they don't you don't want them anyway. :D

[Edited on 6-13-2005 by Toxicvixen]

[Soulpieced]

The fact that she's not *yours* per se, that might open women up as well. Plus they'll see the fact that you will take a child that's not yours and be raising her. That's pretty awesome.

[Asha]

I feel better.
That's an excellent way to look at it Toxic.

[Asha]

Thanks guys.
I actually feel a lot better.

I should stop being so scared.
She's a miricle, afterall.

[Toxicvixen]

She will open up a whole new world for you. Toys and all, and I think you will have fun having her there and knowing your keeping her safe. Its not easy having a parent who is dangerous to themselves as well as their children. Some of us would have killed to have an Awesome Uncle like you willing to take care of us. :D

[DeV]

Originally posted by Drayal


I should stop being so scared.
Like, now! Seriously though, that would be an awesome undertaking. Toxic is right, she will open you up to things you probably would have never even experienced or thought to experience had she not been in your care.

She's only 4, which is adorable as hell. I can see where you might be a little scared though. Hell, I get nervous about the size of food portions being too small or large when I'm babysitting my God-children (2 and 4). I think you'll be fine though. The OCD just may work in your favor too... you'll be able to keep up with having an active toddler running around.

Most women I'd imagine would find it adorable, and highly responsible to a large extent. I would also imagine that the type of woman would vary but as long as you aren't still attracted to the teeny boopers and she's a woman you shouldn't have any setbacks.

[Asha]

You're all so supportive. The replies from each of you has made me realise I can do this.
Thanks for all the important points.
***Some of them blew me away.***

The OCD thing too.. I think I need something to distract myself.
Good point.
Xx

[peam]

Dude, you'll slay gash with a baby to tote around.

[Toxicvixen]

Wow Peam, way to sum up a thread. :lol:

[Skirmisher]

Originally posted by Toxicvixen
Wow Peam, way to sum up a thread. :lol:

Yeah, I can't quite match his summation skills, but I have seen my brother out with his son who is now two and compared to before his son he is getting hit on SO much more often, even with his wedding ring on for goodness sakes.

It's a tremendous responsibility, a life altering one, but not a life ending one.

Good luck with whatever happens.

[AnticorRifling]

Ohh yeah a cute little kid with a sob story involving you taking her in blah blah blah. Instant split tail bait.

You're money. More on point though I'd be more worried about the kid and the rest will just happen as a nice perk. Karma and all that.

[Asha]

More on point though I'd be more worried about the kid
- Anticor
------------------

I'm learning to be.
I never expected this to actually happen. I've got to learn alot quite fast.
Like getting used to me, not being the most important person in my life.

[HarmNone]

I think that's one lucky little girl to have an uncle who cares so much for her. Also, one lucky sister that you're willing to take the responsibility she so easily throws aside. I can't imagine the woman who wouldn't find that pretty awesome. :)

[KymberlynX]

It's easy to put your needs/wants aside when dealing with your own kids, the fact that you are willing to do this for your niece is pretty amazing. Any woman would be fortunate to have a man like you in their life and as Toxic said, if they can't deal with it, they probably aren't worth it to begin with.

[Brattt8525]

Originally posted by Drayal
More on point though I'd be more worried about the kid
- Anticor
------------------

I'm learning to be.
I never expected this to actually happen. I've got to learn alot quite fast.
Like getting used to me, not being the most important person in my life.

I don't think you will have any problems with that, you already want to take this child in and raise her.

Anytime you have talked about your family it has been without any kind of selfishiness, don't worry you will do a great job when the time comes.

Anyone with a heart as big as yours appears to be does not have to worry about not being able to get a woman even with you having your neice. The only thing you should worry about is the user type women who will want to walk all over your big heart.

[Leetahkin]

I think it's a very selfless and brave step for you to take. I know if I was in that position, I would be scared to have someone other than myself to take care of, but I would put my whole heart into it. And a lot of determination to make as life as great as possible for the child.

You've a great heart.

[Edited on 6-13-2005 by Nobody Cares]

[Doughboy]

Heh...I've got my two lil girls an Im definatley single...<insert something about a crazy assed women here> Um yeah...meeting women..heh. Well I'm no use to you. Having kids and working takes up so much of my time and energy I almost never have time to go out and meet women.

[Czeska]

Having a child will be your priority, and take up most of your time. However, if you're worried about it turning someone off, I think that'd be quite rare.

A friend of mine is raising his daughter on his own (ex = nuts) and every time he gets down on himself, all I can think or say to him is, "You think your some kind of loser (for petty reasons) and I think the fact that you sacrifice to take care of that little girl makes you heads and shoulders above a lot of people."

[Wezas]

Single guy walking with his little kid is like a single guy walking a puppy.

Only a better chance of poon.

[Beer Goddess]

Okay I'm a single parent (Mother) and my one little girl is adopted. I'll tell you straight out its hard, its not all flowers and bunny rabbits.

I'm not raining on the parade or being harsh i'm just being quite honest. However I WOULD never change the fact that I'm a mother let alone a single mother.

As for a guy I'm going to tell you right now to me showing that you can step up and be that kind of a man especially raising a child thats NOT even yours. Is totally not only hot in my book but shows me that you are in fact a real man. If I see it like this other women may see it the same way.

But as others have said. The same situation happened with my little girl, her mother passed away and her father blamed the little baby for it. The mother of my friend has Leukimia and is NOT physically able to take care of a child. I already had partial custody of her because of this. My daughters biological father though signed over all parental rights and I adopted her completely.

So honestly I'd step up now and take the job you are going to be not only the childs only blood kin but a rolemodel for her, for the rest of her little life. Kids are wonderful gifts even if she's not yours be thankful for her now. :heart: If you ever get frustrated you can even IM me. I've been there now for almost 4 years I got some experience at being a single parent, and still going. :D

[Jolena]

Ditto to the above post. I have three children and am a single mom. (Well I recently moved in with James (Stunseed) but still I've been a single mom for 5 years now) It's rough, I won't lie to you. But there is just something about when your child takes ahold of your hand and gives you that face encompassing smile and whispers "I love you" that makes it all worth it. Kids have unconditional love for their caretakers. No matter if you are the biological parent or not. I'm sure that you've been involved in your neice's life in some way or fashion over the last four years as well so she will not have to deal with going to a stranger.

Tips I have for you are to get a list of information from your parents as to what she likes to eat, bed times, nap times (if any heh!), habits she has, what she loves to do more then anything, her dislikes, and her tendancies for being ill. Keep her in a routine similar to what she has now because although they might not seem like it, Kids NEED a routine. It will help tremendously in the transition from your parents/sister to your care.

Make sure she has her own space, something that she can help you decorate, pick out things for, and call her own. It will go a long way into making her feel that your house is hers and she can be comfortable there.

Make sure you bring her things and not just her clothing, but her toys as well to the house so that she has familiar objects around. Above all, try to refrain from speaking poorly of her mom to her. If she wishes to speak about it in a negative light, let her, but make sure that you also put in positive aspects and that you try to be as empathetic to her as you can. She will still have emotions and a tough time dealing with her mom's fuck ups for the remainder of her life but that doesn't mean you can't be there to ease the pain and/or provide her with positive aspects to focus on.

Get her books, if she doesn't already have them, and read to her often. Reading seems like a really small thing but to a child at her age, it's important. They are like little sponges and this is the best time to feed her mind and give her other things to think over, like adventures from her books, etc.

Encourage her to do recreation activities such as coloring, drawing, writing (she will start Kindergarten soon, writing now will help her get into that easier), play dough, etc. Do those things with her but also allow her to experience different things on her own for self-expression. you'd be surprised what you can find out about how she's feeling too just from her artwork.

Lastly, but certainly not least, give her a lot of love and affection. Hug her, tuck her in at night, kiss her, hold her on your lap, and dote on her emotionally as she'll definately need it.

good luck hon and if you ever wanna/need to talk just IM me.

[Jenisi]

You'd get bonus points, probally. It woudln't be a negative thing.

[Asha]

I've been showing her the ways of painting and drawing, ever since she was old enough to push a pen/crayon.
She's even left handed, like me. It shows she's already sponged so much. :)

Everyday I see her, it makes her so happy. I think she gets the fun/happy side of her life from me.
Watching her wave to her mother, while she staggered into a police car last night, was easily the most awful thing I've ever seen in my life.
That was when I decided to do this.
No, that's a lie. I decided to do this the moment I saw her.

Thanks so much for all your support.
It's made so much difference to the way I look at this and the hope I have for her and me.
When all this starts to take place, I may just take up the offers of advice too.
So far it's bowled me over.
:)

[HarmNone]

Heh. You've just begun to be bowled over, hon. Kids seem to have a knack for coming up with things that bowl one over. ;)

[Asha]

Originally posted by HarmNone
Heh. You've just begun to be bowled over, hon. Kids seem to have a knack for coming up with things that bowl one over. ;)

I love it!
:heart: