Funny GSIII Top Ten Lists.

[GS4Gurl]

Top ten things an obsessed Merchant hound does while waiting for the alterer to show up.

10. Change that bedpan you've been sitting on for hours after all, its beginning to drip. ew :drunk: :barf:

9. Restock that snack-bar you had going by the desk.

8. Clip toe-nails they're getting long. The fingernails were for breakfast. YUM!

7. Change undies, that is if there's some clean ones in the room. Don't wana take eyes off screen.

6. Aw, screw it, who needs undies?! Oh yeah you were sitting on a bedpan so you didn have to get up.

5. Write adoring love letters to Mr.Whatly. Who cares about that restraining order! Alterations are your life!

4. Sharpen your witty ass kissing abilities by visiting several top ten come on line websites.

3. Send email to your wife/husband and kids, they haven't heard from you in a while.

2. Check screen gah alterer is late again!? How dare they. Bitch and moan with others for a while.

1. Make a vow not to even think about what your alter will look like. Cus you want to take your time and get the alterers opinion and cause others to wait hours for their turn. Gah how dare they rush me. This is a delicate procedure!

**Anyone else have one??!

:bouncy:




[Edited on 9-24-2003 by GS4Gurl]

[Methais]

Here's another for your list:

Act like Augie.

[StrayRogue]

Or Tsin.

[Some Rogue]

Originally posted by Methais
Here's another for your list:

Act like Augie.

There's already one too many. Anymore and I'll have to kill myself.

[Jolena]

I um..wouldn't know because the SAME people keep getting picked.. hmmm imagine that. :rolleyes:

[Morstanya]

Well lets see, I compiled a list of plagues that might beset Icemule should we not appease a certain quest. It's sort of a top 7 list. Humdinger was one of the 'prophets' preaching doom you see, a great big sheet of Ice covering Icemule, which is pretty funny since it's frozen already.

Plague 1: Blood turns to wine. (This is going to have every empath in town sloshed, if they aren't already)

Plague 2: A plague of butterflies (Ok, laugh now smarty pants, just wait until everything is covered by butterfly poo)

Plague 3: 1st born children become pregnant (which is really going to be embarrassing for some men)

Plague 4: The sun will become hotter around Icemule, blazing away like a great big ball of fire that floats across the sky heating everything that passes below with it's big ole heatedness. (I hate to break it to Humdinger on this one, but everyone's gonna pretty much like this around the Trace)

Plague 5: The local rolton herd will suddenly start walking on two legs and reciting poetry in bizarre ancient dialects while they smoke cigars, practice ballet and shave their armpits. (This could be horrible indeed. There's nothing worse than a bore)

Plague 6: A horde of tiny multicolored lizards will invade the Trace, too fast to catch, and constantly singing bawdy tavern songs in large groups to all hours of the night, often stealing sips from unwary drinkers and then relieving themselve later on their boots when they pass out for the night. (I really don't see the threat from this one considering many Tracer's already behave something like this)

Plague 7: Every citizen of the Trace will break out in tattoo's featuring lurid depictions of kobolds engaged in all kinds of nefarious conduct. (Oddly enough, some people will probably like this one too)

Morstanya, Icewitch.

[Morstanya]

This is my top 12 list of things to say to people that pretty much do the opposite of what most folks would want. You know the sort...

Request 1: Never solve problems you start if you have an older brother or sister. Let them ambush whoever you pissed off and kill them. If you are handling things yourself you are just plain wrong and should be ashamed of yourself for ignoring this obvious solution.

Request 2: Don't be afraid to SHOUT ALL THE TIME, repeat things over and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and use any other method that comes to mind to draw attention to yourself. Remember, everyone is just hoping you'll do something they can watch. If you haven't been forcing everyone to watch or listen to you at least once a day, you are a loser.

Request 3: Everyone admires and respects thieves. If you aren't a thief now, you should become one. There's nothing more prestigious than stealing from the healers in town center. As a bonus, something like that can eventually lead to becoming an assassin when you kill the healers for complaining. The only people respected more than thieves, are assassins.

Request 4: If you have a name like Marcus Farthington, you need to change it to something that gets more attention. Like Mucus Fartington. People will notice you a lot more that way and offer you free enchanted weapons, half of their silver, free spellups, and maybe even their spouse. Your name says a lot about you and who wants to say "I'm just another fish in the sea" about themselves.

Request 5: The next time you see someone talking amiably with some critter that looks suspicious, kill the critter immediately. In fact, you probably ought to kill that person too (remembering Request 1 of course). People don't have the right to make friends with your enemies. The friend of your enemy is your enemy too. Make sure after killing the critter to hastily strip it of it's gear and run away laughing something like "Ha ! I killed your ugly friend ! Neener Neener !".

Request 6: Wear as many things as you can possibly attach to your body. If you don't have at least 10 pins then you are shirking off sluggard. Almost as important as SHOUTING ALL THE TIME, and having a good name, being properly dressed is also a way to win friends and influence enemies. As a rule, it should take someone at least 5 minutes to look you over and catch a glimpse of everything you wear. Also, make sure to include certain key items to gain extra respect. For instance, bunny ears, fangs, conflicting holy symbols such as Luukos and Lumnis, at least 6 tattoos (though 10 is recommended), and some kind of mask that demonstrates you are just too good looking to go walking around without stunning everyone that lays eyes on you.

Request 7: Be sure to beg for things. If you beg for spells don't ask someone in particular, they'll loose all respect for you. You want to spray the requests to the entire town in general as that gets much more attention. If you ask someone in particular they'll realize you didn't understand Request 2 at all. Don't limit yourself to just begging for spells as there are plenty of other things to beg for, in particular, silver. If no one gives you any silver, I refer you to Request 3. If you haven't begged for anything in the last week then you are a loser.

Request 8: Try to bed other people's spouses. Sleeping around gains you immense prestige and honor. No one admires people with scruples and dignity anyway. For the men, the best way to impress a lady is to be able to brag about your many conquests. You'll get bonus attention if you can also brag about how many marriages you've broken up. For those of you with Red Rot, why should you suffer alone ? Being promiscuous at this point is the solution to your solitude. For the women, no one likes you if you don't sleep around. If you haven't flashed your skirt at several men in the last week, and whispered "Hey, want some fun on the side", you are a loser.

Request 9: Be sure to tell everyone what you are doing all of the time, and in great detail, using your crystal amulet. Remember, you are interesting and everyone else is boring. People need to know that you went hunting, and where. They'll be riveted as you describe each blow you make, and each wound you take. Be sure to include your AS and DS, as well as your foe's. Never leave out the specific treasures you find off of each kill as that will intrigue and captivate your audience. If you can't keep a running dialog going as you perform even the simplest of tasks, then (you guessed it), you are a loser.

Request 10: If you are a bard, always loresing for people in Town Center and be sure to use the same phrases over and over. Don't get too fancy or complicated like a lot of loser bards who like to use actual poetry or stories. No one likes them. Actually, you should only be using one phrase and just changing a single word in it when you sing over and over to the same item. People like repetition, it makes them comfortable.

Request 11: If you don't know something, don't figure it out for yourself. That's extremely uncool. It's always better to just rub that good old amulet and start asking others to solve your problems (thus potentially satisfying Request 2). Only a stupid person would waste time figuring out things when someone else probably already has it figured out. If no one will answer your question fast, start criticizing everyone listening for being stupid. People respect that and you will get an answer much faster that way.

Request 12: Make judicious use of 'ie' on the end of words. The fastest path to becoming a respected town elder is to know how to phrase things properly. In the past, you might have said something like:

Loser: Is there a locksmith that could aid me in opening some boxes I took from out the south gate ?

This is ALL wrong, and if you've said anything like that please castrate yourself so that the world will never be plagued by your children. What you should have said is the following:

Toughguy: Is there a lockie smith that would open my boxies I got off some kobiewobies pweeeese !?

There's nothing quite as cute as a giantman covered in his foe's blood saying "kobowobies pweeese". If you haven't made extensive use of words like "sorcie" and "wizzie" in the past few days, well, you know what you are.


Hmm, I'd like to rephrase all of that from 'requests' to out and out orders. That's right, I order you to do those things ! You have to, you hear ?

Morstanya, Witch of the North.

[StrayRogue]

lol, that last one was good ;)

[Jolena]

Kind of off topic but um..anyone ever wonder why the clothing shop in Trace sells "sundresses"?! Is it just me or is that insanely wierd..

[Morstanya]

Sun dresses eh ? I know an rather elder empath of Icemule that wears one instead of armor. Maybe you should ask Elanella about the fit and comfort in regards to the seasonal changes. I wouldn't wear one if I was paid, but she seems to like them.

Morstanya, still an Icewitch.