What would you do ?

[Notsosweet]

Ok well first off , I really shouldn't be laying my life out there for all of you to read , But I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I figured I would turn to you people who seem to have good advice to offer on the more serious subjects. < Takes a deep breath > Ok so i was sitting at home minding my own yesterday when the Doorbell rings and there stands the mailman with a letter for me to sign for. I have to show ID and all that .. THAT has never happened to me before . All over this letter is CONFIDENTAL stamped in bright red and a stamp TO BE OPENED TO ADRESSEE ONLY ! Ok so i sit down and open this letter and Im wondering who the hell would be sending me something like this. Of course it didnt occur to me to look at the return address... Ok well as i read this letter .. This is what it was about...
It was a notice of a Parole hearing for some sick person that had not only Molested and raped me but 6 others as well . He has served 10 years of his 25 yr sentence and now they say he is up for parole .. DUE TO GOOD BEHAVIOR ?!?! But the purpose of this letter was to inform me of my right to be at this hearing and voice my opinion if he should be paroled or not...Well It has been 10 damn years ! And i have a family now i have kids im married.. I dont think emotionally i can go through all this again.. But i know in my heart that if i dont go and i dont speak up then this sicko could be back on the streets hurting more people.
I am afraid to go through all of this again , due to the fact that NO ONE believed me in the first place , i thought i had disapointed my parents , shamed my family and i thought this was somehow all my fault that this guy had done all these horrible things to me . I Dont talk about it , I still have trouble sleeping , i shake when i think about it and I try my hardest to avoid this subject .
I feel that i should go to this Parole hearing .. And let them know what kind of monster this person is. I mean i didnt step up to the plate soon enough and if i had maybe he wouldnt have gotten to Molest and Rape 6 other people if i had just stood up for myself and DONE SOMETHING ABOUT IT TO BEGIN with ...So i guess what I'm asking is should i travel 26 hrs to go to this hearing ? I mean i didnt stand up fast enough before and maybe if i do go .. if i can stop this from happening to just one person .. wouldnt it all be worth it ? No matter how i feel ? Please help me out with this.. Thanks

[Artha]

Anything you can do to keep the bastard in jail, you should do.

[StrayRogue]

I know its cold and blunt, but if you don't go, just like you didn't tell on him in the first place, he will be out on the streets again.

[Parkbandit]

Don't take this the wrong way.. but seriously.. get professional counseling.

[Drew2]

I think... you've moved on. Emotionaly and literaly. There's no point in re-living the experience or facing someone who hurt you deeply a decade ago. Just put the letter in the trash along with that period in your life, and continue on. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.

Then again I could be wrong so don't listen to me.

[Notsosweet]

Originally posted by Parkbandit
Don't take this the wrong way.. but seriously.. get professional counseling.

It was court ordered way back when .. But thanks i did use it and it helped me out a lot

[Kurili]

Go, but also seek counseling. This will be VERY difficult, and I hope your family and friends will be supportive. You will need all the love and support you can get.

::hugs::

Acolyte Kurili

[Parkbandit]

Originally posted by Notsosweet

Originally posted by Parkbandit
Don't take this the wrong way.. but seriously.. get professional counseling.

It was court ordered way back when .. But thanks i did use it and it helped me out a lot

It may have helped you out back then.. but it sounds like it could still be of use to you.

There are people that man phone lines that are trained to help you.. and it's free. I wish I had the number to one.. (I think one is called Lifeline)

I could never know what you are going through right now... and it certainly isn't my place to tell you how you should react.

Good luck to you.

[Weedmage Princess]

I'd go...

He raped 7 women, counting you...I'm sure that counts as "serial" ...yet he's only served 10 years. Call me cynical, but I sincerely doubt he's "recovered" too...

You know the world's gone to shit when someone like that, who's raped 7 women can get out of jail in 10 years...but someone who's made counterfeit money will in all probability spend the better portion of their life behind bars.

[Notsosweet]

Well as for Counseling .. That is an option i prefer just the supposrt group that i go to 2 times a week . No one Professional there.. But it does have people that have gone through the same things i have and that seems to help a little more than talking to someone who has never been in my situation. My family and friends are supportive of what i decide to do about this.. My reason for bringing it here was to get some outside input .. thats all .

[Kurili]

That counts as counseling in what I was meaning. Someone supportive who'll listen to what you're going through and actually understand. Group is good.

Acolyte Kurili

[Vesi]

I agree with Parkbandit about talking to a professional. Personally, I see you going through pain whether you decide to go or not go. They'll be so many... what ifs?

Tough call. I'd go. Only because I'd be afraid that none of the other victims would show up. Then, you also have to face the fact that if you do go, there is the possibility he can still be paroled. (this is only what I would do... not saying you should)

I'm sorry you have this to deal with. I wish I could give some good sound advice.

Vesi

P.S. Just read about your support group before I hit the post reply. Sometimes that's as good or better for help than a professional.

[AnticorRifling]

Tell the court what he's done, make up some crap about how his behavior was good before he did that stuff to you. Let them know that if he gets out he's gonna do it again. He should be put in the hole and kept there. Detach yourself and lock the bastard up.

[Notsosweet]

[quote]Originally posted by AnticorRifling
Tell the court what he's done, make up some crap about how his behavior was good before he did that stuff to you.

You know the funny thing is he was an honor Roll student and Varisty everything ! So i dont have to make up anything.. Plus i dont feel like lying i lived in that lie with him for way to long .. therefore it wouldnt be worth it to me . I want to see him rot .. I want him to know the pain he has caused ... But mostly I want to be able to stop it from happening to someone else.

[Sunset]

I don't know what to tell you to do but I do know what you are feeling. I myself was raped. I never told my parents or any person in real life what happened because I was too afraid to have to see their face and see the disgust they would view me with. The incident made me hide very deep inside of myself and I grew up believing I was dirty and trash and that what happened was my fault. In your place, I don't know what you should do because as I have said, I never told anyone.

[Back]

Perhaps doing this is the therapy you need. And while I have not been through it myself.... perhaps you could look at it like this. No matter how much stress it may cause you now, it could never be as bad as the stress of initial incident? And you've lived through that.

[Notsosweet]

I thank you all for your input .. I must admit i was worried that someone would have something rude to say .. so thank you all for being very kind.. And keep on replying this is helping

[Sunset]

Living through it.

[Notsosweet]

Originally posted by Sunset
I don't know what to tell you to do but I do know what you are feeling. I myself was raped. I never told my parents or any person in real life what happened because I was too afraid to have to see their face and see the disgust they would view me with. The incident made me hide very deep inside of myself and I grew up believing I was dirty and trash and that what happened was my fault. In your place, I don't know what you should do because as I have said, I never told anyone.

Well as for telling your parents .. Its never to late to do that . I was VERY scared to tell my parents. When i did it wasnt as bad as i thought it was going to be. As for this jerk that did this to you .. Would you rather keep quiet or have him pay for his actions.. Wouldnt you want to stop it from happening to someone else ? You have that power. You took a step here and replyed to my post . Which took courage.. I have no idea about your situation but i would be more than willing to talk to you about it if you need someone to talk to . So dont be afraid no one will judge you this isnt your fault .. you are not dirty and you are not trash this jerk that did this to you is . Your parents will not look at you in disgust. They love you no matter what they will love you .. I cant explain that to you i didnt fully realise it until i became a parent myself .. and now i can see clearly how i could never look at my child with disgust if they came to me with something like that . Please once again feel free to U2U me or AIM me ..Anytime

[Notsosweet]

Originally posted by Sunset
Living through it.

Do you mean this is ongoing ???

[CrystalTears]

Everyone has given such great advice, but I'll add a little bit of my own.

You should go, simply so that you will have the peace of mind that you did your best to keep him in jail. If you don't go and he is paroled, I have a feeling you may be haunted by it with the never-ending question of, "Had I have gone, would they have kept him in jail?" and having that eat at you will feel all that much worse than the pain you are feeling now.

You're able to talk about it, so that's a great sign that you're moving on. This will be hard to go through, so I send you all my hopes and mental hugs to you. Keep strong and having a loving and supportive family will make it that much easier to endure.

Much luck to you. :)

[Adhara]

I also suggest you go. He might indeed be reformed and if he is, seeing that should help with your inner healing process.

I know it's hard but keep an open mind and an open heart. Try to be ojective in your reasoning but don't neglect your gut feeling (the real one, not necessarily the one you wish you had) about his sincerity.

[Sunset]

Yes, this is ongoing. It's my word versus his and I doubt most will take mine. Didn't the first time. Easier to suffer alone then to take the looks I'd get, I don't want people to look at me like I'm dirty.

[CrystalTears]

He's the dirty one, not you. You did nothing wrong, so don't feel that way. You were a victim. I know it's hard not to feel that way but you need to realize that he was always in the wrong, not you.

[Notsosweet]

Originally posted by Sunset
Yes, this is ongoing. It's my word versus his and I doubt most will take mine. Didn't the first time. Easier to suffer alone then to take the looks I'd get, I don't want people to look at me like I'm dirty.

If people look at you like you are dirty then they dont know how to handle the truth . I think you should talk to someone you trust . There are people out there who will listen and who can help you . I know i would I care about my friends and i would do anything to help them. They wont judge you .. Why dont you reach out to a friend ? like i said ill be there for you .. all you have to do is IM or U2U me.
< Hugs >

[Solkern]

I'd go, if you don't he might start this all over again..

[draconis nematoda]

I guess I need some sleep I'm posting completely unrelated stuff in the wrong thread.

Go. Tell your side of the story and let those in charge make the decision. Hopefully it will be the right one and that person will remain where he is.

Ray

[Edited on 9-24-2003 by draconis nematoda]

[Savanae]

I don't know if this is fesible but get intouch with the DA that handled the case when he was charged, They or someone from victems rights can usually go in your place and make a serious stink in your behalf about him being freed.

Hope that helps.

Suzanne

[HarmNone]

I would probably go to the hearing, simply because I tend to be a confrontative personality. However, that is not true for everyone. I can understand how difficult it would be in this situation.

Is there a possiblity that you could make a deposition to be read to the court if you cannot, or choose not to, attend the hearing? That is a way to express your views without having to see the SOB in the flesh, so to speak. It is something you could investigate, anyway.

Good luck to you. I hope other victims besides you are willing to stand up to this creep, either in person or through depositions. His arse really needs to stay out of our relatively decent world, eh?

HarmNone is not sure rapists are human

[Praefection]

I would go. A man who is a repeated offender doesn't suddenly get better, at least in my opinion. I can't even begin to imagine how hard of a choice it will be, but I hope you are able to make the right one. You need to decide what is right for you, and I think you'll do what you know is best. Good luck and I hope the bastard rots.

[Solkern]

If you don't keep him behind bars what's going to stop him from coming after you again?

[More Lean]

i would forget about it and never talk about it again or think about it either

[longshot]

You should go.

Tell them how painful it was. Especially how nobody believed you, and all the pain it caused you and your family.

I can't possibly imagine how painful this must be for you. I would completely understand if you don't go, but it's my opinion that you should.

[Notsosweet]

Originally posted by More Lean
i would forget about it and never talk about it again or think about it either

You cant forget but you try.. You dont want to talk about it .. but you do because it helps .. You think about it all the time.. no matter what .. so i dont think that is a possiblility.. Unless this has happened to you .. or someone you know i dont think you really would understand

< Kniquee Agrees with Harmnone..Rapists aren't Human >

[Notsosweet]

Originally posted by Sunset
Yes, this is ongoing. It's my word versus his and I doubt most will take mine. Didn't the first time. Easier to suffer alone then to take the looks I'd get, I don't want people to look at me like I'm dirty.

Well if you dont want to talk to someone you know maybe this will help .. 800-656-HOPE.. i think it would help you a great deal .. dont keep this bottled up it will eat at you and destroy you . Talk to someone .. anyone < Hugs you tight >

[Tendarian]

10 years for raping 7 women?!?! Holy crap that is unbelievable. Hopefully this parole chance is like when Manson is up,there is no chance,but they legally have to pretend to listen to his bull and then they deny it.

I have no clue what it is like to be in your shoes but from looking in on it from the outside i would think it would make you feel better to go and point the finger at him and tell the horrible things he did. Standing up to evil is incredibly hard but i bet it feels fantastic afterwards.

[Notsosweet]

[quote]Originally posted by Tendarian
10 years for raping 7 women?!?! Holy crap that is unbelievable.

Got to love CA look at this Crap CALIFORNIA CODES
PENAL CODE
SECTION 220-222
220. Every person who assaults another with intent to commit
mayhem, rape, sodomy, oral copulation, or any violation of Section
264.1, 288 or 289 is punishable by imprisonment in the state prison
for two, four, or six years.


So i guess i should be happy he served 10 ???

[Kefka]

In the end, it's up to you whether you go or not. Whether you want to put the past behind you or go to make sure this person doesn't go free to hurt another, you'll always have family and friends to support you 100%. I've known you for awhile and never imagined you've been through such a thing. I'm sorry you ever had to experience something like that.

Know that you have friends and family around for comfort and support. Same goes for Sunset. You have family and friends. Please remember you're not at fault here.


Kastir

[Tendarian]

Yikes you would think rape would be on par sentence wise to murder. I can at least see why someone would kill someone else sometimes but rape,you must have to be a sick fucker to be able to do that. Lock em up throw away the key and hope they get some poetic justice in the pen.

[Notsosweet]

Originally posted by Kefka
In the end, it's up to you whether you go or not. Whether you want to put the past behind you or go to make sure this person doesn't go free to hurt another, you'll always have family and friends to support you 100%. I've known you for awhile and never imagined you've been through such a thing. I'm sorry you ever had to experience something like that.

Know that you have friends and family around for comfort and support. Same goes for Sunset. You have family and friends. Please remember you're not at fault here.


Kastir

Thank you .. < hugs >

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by Sunset
Yes, this is ongoing. It's my word versus his and I doubt most will take mine. Didn't the first time. Easier to suffer alone then to take the looks I'd get, I don't want people to look at me like I'm dirty.

No, sweetie. To suffer alone is to suffer forever. To talk it out with one (or ones) who care is to shorten the suffering, believe me.

You do not need to talk to those who might judge you; however, you need to know that all will NOT judge you as the guilty party here. I know I would not, and I am positive that no thinking human being would, either.

Talk to someone, hon. Please.

HarmNone understands

[Notsosweet]

Originally posted by HarmNone

Originally posted by Sunset
Yes, this is ongoing. It's my word versus his and I doubt most will take mine. Didn't the first time. Easier to suffer alone then to take the looks I'd get, I don't want people to look at me like I'm dirty.

No, sweetie. To suffer alone is to suffer forever. To talk it out with one (or ones) who care is to shorten the suffering, believe me.

You do not need to talk to those who might judge you; however, you need to know that all will NOT judge you as the guilty party here. I know I would not, and I am positive that no thinking human being would, either.

Talk to someone, hon. Please.

HarmNone understands

I agree with HarmNone.. please talk to someone Sunset..

[Souzy]

Kniq Kniq dear...your going through some stuff this year aren't you? I think I've heard someone tell you to forget about the whole ordeal. You can put it in the back or your head, but you'll never forget it. It's a scarring memory, now that you have children, you'll hope what happened to you won't ever happen to them, so no matter what, it will not be forgotten. It's a mortifying memory that you wish you could forget, but cannot forget. 6 people and only 10 years? Child molester's and rapists aren't treated so kindly in jail. He prolly got bumped up the ass a couple times during his incarceration. But, the choice is yours hon. I mean, can you live with the fact that he would be roaming the streets again? They try to register sex offenders now. Actually, I was watching the news last night, some 7-11 store had hired a convicted sex offender, not only once did he do it but like 4/5 times I think. He ended up pulling a lady in the bathroom stabbing her 24 times and killing her in bathroom stall. Some people just can't break that chain.

This boy that violated you, you said he was in the right state of mind when he did it? Some people get off on the most horrid things. Hopefully he recieved some counciling too. Raping someone should be treated just like murder, because you can't give back what was taken from that person. There's no way to justify why it was done or why it happened. And he did it 7 times thinking that it was okay. Not like he was a loser, like you said, he was an honor roll student and on varsity. Now that he's lost almost everything, I don't think he'd ever care what's going to happen to him next. That whole good behavior thing is a joke! What else are prisoners going to do in jail? Go clubbing? WTF!!! Number one, while locked up for rape/molesting you don't want to cause problems. Number two, you stay quiet in fear of being Big Bubba's bitch. Number three there's nothing to do but lift weights, read books, write letters and think long and hard why you are incarcerated. So if they think 10 years is enough for a rapist, then they need to take people out of death row, what a joke! And what makes them think that someone who's been violated by this animal wants to come back to this kind of shit 10 years later? Can't you just write a letter or call them to tell them your answer? The justice system makes no sense. Do they realize that after all that, you'd like to move on with your life? I am so vexed right now, just thinking about how stupid our court system is. Girl...let him rot in jail and continue holding on to someone's tee shirt.

~Souzy not pleased with the American court system.:thumbsdown:

Edited because it's too damn long!

[Edited on 9-24-2003 by Lalana]

[Notsosweet]

Thank you Lal i love youz

[Sunset]

Talking about things makes you remember them, makes you relive them. it is easier to push it out of your mind and just go somewhere inside that's quiet.

[Bestatte]

Originally posted by Notsosweet
[quote]Originally posted by Tendarian
10 years for raping 7 women?!?! Holy crap that is unbelievable.

Got to love CA look at this Crap CALIFORNIA CODES
PENAL CODE
SECTION 220-222
220. Every person who assaults another with intent to commit
mayhem, rape, sodomy, oral copulation, or any violation of Section
264.1, 288 or 289 is punishable by imprisonment in the state prison
for two, four, or six years.


So i guess i should be happy he served 10 ???

No, he should've gotten 2, 4, or 6 years for each person he was found guilty of raping. That would be a minimum of 14 years, maximum of 42 years. And that's just for the charge of rape. I'm assuming he'd also have charges of aggravated assault, assault with the intent to commit rape, a whole slew of minor charges, etc. etc.

Plus there is, if I'm not mistaken, another charge just for people who commit several of the same crime - a serial criminal charge of some kind or another.

Now, to the advice: first of all, I can tell that everyone here is rooting for you, and so am I. But please - please do -not- get stuck in the guilt trip. The whole "if you don't go, then he might get paroled" thing you don't need hanging over your head. Plus it's bullshit, because you have no way of knowing if your lack of testimony caused it.

Personally, I'd probably go. Not because of that "if you don't go, what if?" but because I'd want to stare him in the eye and let him know exactly what kind of a sick fucker he is. Maybe he won't care. But I'd feel good knowing that I told him.

[Notsosweet]

Originally posted by Sunset
Talking about things makes you remember them, makes you relive them. it is easier to push it out of your mind and just go somewhere inside that's quiet.

But if you leave it inside you .. it will cause you nothing but hurt. You will always ermember them.. you will relive them.. until you get some of it off your chest. Try talking to someone .. I think they will be able to help. < hugs >

[Notsosweet]

Originally posted by Bestatte

Originally posted by Notsosweet
[quote]Originally posted by Tendarian
10 years for raping 7 women?!?! Holy crap that is unbelievable.

Got to love CA look at this Crap CALIFORNIA CODES
PENAL CODE
SECTION 220-222
220. Every person who assaults another with intent to commit
mayhem, rape, sodomy, oral copulation, or any violation of Section
264.1, 288 or 289 is punishable by imprisonment in the state prison
for two, four, or six years.


So i guess i should be happy he served 10 ???

No, he should've gotten 2, 4, or 6 years for each person he was found guilty of raping. That would be a minimum of 14 years, maximum of 42 years. And that's just for the charge of rape. I'm assuming he'd also have charges of aggravated assault, assault with the intent to commit rape, a whole slew of minor charges, etc. etc.

Plus there is, if I'm not mistaken, another charge just for people who commit several of the same crime - a serial criminal charge of some kind or another.

Now, to the advice: first of all, I can tell that everyone here is rooting for you, and so am I. But please - please do -not- get stuck in the guilt trip. The whole "if you don't go, then he might get paroled" thing you don't need hanging over your head. Plus it's bullshit, because you have no way of knowing if your lack of testimony caused it.

Personally, I'd probably go. Not because of that "if you don't go, what if?" but because I'd want to stare him in the eye and let him know exactly what kind of a sick fucker he is. Maybe he won't care. But I'd feel good knowing that I told him.

Should have could have wished he had gotten all that time.. but fact is he didnt. And i think i will be going to the hearing .. He deserves to ROT he needs to see my face and my hurt .. I'm going to stand up to him .. Ill keep you posted as to what happens i think.. but i still like the responces

[Bestatte]

WARNING: LONG

To Sunset: A song, by Billy Joel, performed by Billy Joel and Cyndi Lauper:

Code of Silence


Everybody's got a million questions
Everybody wants to know the score
What you went through
It's something you should be over now

Everybody wants to hear the secrets
That you never told a soul before
And it's not that strange
Because it wouldn't change what happened anyhow

But you swore to yourself a long time ago
There were some things that people never needed to know
This is one that you keep
That you bury so deep no one can tear it out

And you can't talk about it
Because you're following a code of silence
You're never gonna lose the anger
You just deal with it a different way
And you can't talk about it
And isn't that a kind of madness
To be living by a code of silence
When you've really got a lot to say

You don't want to lose a friendship
There's nothing that you have to hide
And a little dirt
Couldn't hurt no one anyway

And you still have a rage inside you
That you carry with a certain pride
In the only part of a broken heart
That you could ever save

But you've been through it once
You know how it ends
You don't see the point
Of going through it again
And this ain't the place
And this ain't the time
And neither's any other day

I know you well enough to tell you've got your reasons
That's not the kind of code you're inclined to break
Some things unknown are best left alone forever
And if a vow is what it takes,
Haven't you paid for your mistakes?

After the moment passes
And the impulse disappears
You can still hold back
Because you don't crack very easily
It's a time honored resolution
Because the danger is always near
It's with you now
But that ain't how it was supposed to be

And it's hard to believe after all these years
That it still gives you pain and it still brings tears
And you feel like a fool
Because in spite of your rules
You've got a memory



Bestatte -does- understand. And so does Billy Joel, for what it's worth.

[Notsosweet]

[quote]Originally posted by Lady Daina
In your shoes I would go, because I find it an amazing healing process to be able to look at someone who wrecked you for so long, and say 'You can't hurt me anymore.'

You're right he cant hurt me anymore.. And its important to me that he cant hurt anyone else again either.. and with that Im going to go .. Im going to speak my mind and i hope he gets 10 more years min.

[More Lean]

i say dont go

[Notsosweet]

Well if you had taken the time to read my post before .. I think I am going .. but thanks for your input

[Sunset]

It has worked very well for me, not telling anyone. Some days you almost even forget about it until there is that nice reminder.

[Souzy]

Originally posted by Notsosweet
Thank you Lal i love youz

Right back at cha babe! You make me giddy :D

[Notsosweet]

Originally posted by Sunset
It has worked very well for me, not telling anyone. Some days you almost even forget about it until there is that nice reminder.

Well i cant make you talk to anyone .. I d love to try to help you with this.. but i wont push you .

Originally posted by Lalana

Originally posted by Notsosweet
Thank you Lal i love youz

Right back at cha babe! You make me giddy :D

I lubs all the wimmens.