I'm on the wagon.

[Sean of the Thread]

As of today I'm sobering up. My drinking has become seriously out of control so I finally took my self by the nads and am actually going to start rehab today. The counselor suggested supervised detox because of how much I drink but I'm going to try this week on my own. I have gotten drunk EVERYday since 1995 minus a 2 week stint in ICU with menegitis.

I am going to use this thread a crutch for myself and keep score of my progress. I still cannot tell my family or ex-wife. My family because I'm ashamed and my ex-wife because she would use it against me somehow with my children which are the single most important thing to me in this world. This is really going to be the hardest thing I've ever done as I've used alcohol for coping and self medication for so long but I've seriously gone out of control.

Has anyone here ever gone sober and stayed? Right now I feel like I cannot conquer my addiction.

Day 1 ~242 lbs (I was 190 in August)
Currently still drunk from last night.

[Asha]

I've kicked smack for 3 years and some months now.
It was the worst feeling in the world. Quickly replaced (4 days into cold turkey) by the best feelings in the world..
Which was being able to smell, taste, fuck, see in colour, and shit properly, once again.

The drink though, I'll never quit it.
It's a freely available, social staple, where I live.
Besides it's fun in moderation. (if you can handle moderation)

[Parker]

I can't say I've ever been addicted to anything, but either way, we're here for you.

Hell, I am anyways, I'm gonna start a "Xyelin's sober" fan club.

[Czeska]

My dad and grandfather both quit drinking after many years of seriously heavy use.

Gramps required hospitalization, dad went cold turkey (was horrible. Listen to your doc, the dt's almost killed my dad).

It can be done. Use the professionals, and find your motivation. For my dad, he said his final straw was me sitting in his lap (this is years ago) and saying flat out "i dont want to see you die"

[Parker]

If I were you, I'd use your kids for that particular bit of motivation. I'm not a father, but I can understand the power those little guys and gals have. Whenever you feel like drinking, just remember what they could lose from the deal.

[Asha]

Shit that can't have helped.

Listen man, every single day you do not drink from now on, you'll feel and see things you had forgotten about. You'll revel in them and love the feeling that they've come back to you.
You might even be shocked due to never realising you lost them in the first place.
Your mind will become much clearer, and as a result you'll be calmer and very , very in control of your life.
Only through doing this , man, will you ever see the reasons you fell into drinking in the first place. And then , with a little bit of fight some days, and a fucking soul tearing seething primal rage on other days, you'll be able to fix everything that's broken in your life.
You can do it , man.
Believing in that is the truest gift god ever gave us.

Good luck.

[Tsunami]

I wish you all the good luck in the world....we're here for you.

Only thing I ever quit was smoking, and for me it was easy.

Keep you're chin up, you CAN do this.

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Drayal
Shit that can't have helped.

Listen man, every single day you do not drink from now on, you'll feel and see things you had forgotten about. You'll revel in them and love the feeling that they've come back to you.
You might even be shocked due to never realising you lost them in the first place.
Your mind will become much clearer, and as a result you'll be calmer and very , very in control of your life.
Only through doing this , man, will you ever see the reasons you fell into drinking in the first place. And then , with a little bit of fight some days, and a fucking soul tearing seething primal rage on other days, you'll be able to fix everything that's broken in your life.
You can do it , man.
Believing in that is the truest gift god ever gave us.

Good luck.

Man that shit rang so true it's scary. That is what I'm afraid of.. seeing things sober. I've gone from near photographic memory to almost daily blackouts of the night before. I seriously have gotten to a point where I don't "feel" anymore. Anything. I would never let this show or tell anyone but here I have anonymity.

And yes Parker, right now my daughters are my ONLY motivation. My youngest turned 3 today... and I forgot her birthday. (I was only a day off but c'mon man.. thats bad.)

And thank you for the words guys. I mean it.

[Edited on 5-20-2005 by Xyelin]

[Vitruvian]

Even though you give me shit about being an ass in a GAME, I wish the best for you and your recovery. YOU NEED TO DO THIS! BEST OF LUCK!

[Edited on 5-20-2005 by Vitruvian]

[Asha]

Hey, you ever feel like you're slipping and might go get drunk again, talk about it.
It's the most amazing thing to share a problem. Something as powerful as this drinking habit could totally tear someone apart without someone to talk to when you're weak.
Remember this,
once you've taken your first step into this, you become the strongest you've ever been. You have a well of strength inside you that's building from every single moment you fight, man.

AIM - greybluehue
If you ever need anything. :)

[Miss X]

Woo! Good luck! Alcohol withdrawal symtoms can be pretty bad though, I'd ask your doctor for something like Librium which is a benzodiazapine that helps control the symtomps. Czeska is right about he dt's, they can be quite serious depending on what type. I would definitely seek some medical help just in case.

I just did some work on alcohol addiction, so as boring as they may be, if you want any copies of my presentations let me know. :)

[Parker]

And yes Parker, right now my daughters are my ONLY motivation. My youngest turned 3 today... and I forgot her birthday. (I was only a day off but c'mon man.. thats bad.)

Yes, but it's not unsalvageable (sp?). I forget my own birthday all the time. ;)

But yes, stick with the kids, man. I don't have any, but I have a pair of neices that I'd walk to the end of the world for.

I can only imagine it being stronger for daughters.

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Miss X
Woo! Good luck! Alcohol withdrawal symtoms can be pretty bad though, I'd ask your doctor for something like Librium which is a benzodiazapine that helps control the symtomps. Czeska is right about he dt's, they can be quite serious depending on what type. I would definitely seek some medical help just in case.

I just did some work on alcohol addiction, so as boring as they may be, if you want any copies of my presentations let me know. :)

I am already feeling some effects I think. Normally at this time of the morning I would have already had a couple drinks to take the edge off of the night before. Thats how the cycle of drinking from dusk to dawn began. I feel very anxious.. on the verge of an anxiety attack. To be honest I just want a fucking drink hahaha. I'll give it a couple of hours. Thanks again for the advice.

[Asha]

Originally posted by Vitruvian
Even though you give me shit about being an ass in a GAME, I wish the best for you and your recovery. YOU NEED TO DO THIS! BEST OF LUCK!

[Edited on 5-20-2005 by Vitruvian]

That was cool, man.
You put a smile on my face when I read this.

[Warriorbird]

Good luck. You really do need to avoid it for forever after, too.

[Asha]

Originally posted by Warriorbird
Good luck. You really do need to avoid it for forever after, too.

This is true man, and if it's anything like heroin..
You'll have to avoid bars like I have to avoid Sheffield.

[Asha]

:lol:

[Back]

Originally posted by Xyelin
I am already feeling some effects I think. Normally at this time of the morning I would have already had a couple drinks to take the edge off of the night before. Thats how the cycle of drinking from dusk to dawn began. I feel very anxious.. on the verge of an anxiety attack. To be honest I just want a fucking drink hahaha. I'll give it a couple of hours. Thanks again for the advice.

Glad to hear you making a good change for yourself.

Curious just how much you drank and what it was. You said every day from 1995. A few beers, 6-pack, 12-pack, quart of gin?

How did you manage a job/school while doing this?

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Backlash

Originally posted by Xyelin
I am already feeling some effects I think. Normally at this time of the morning I would have already had a couple drinks to take the edge off of the night before. Thats how the cycle of drinking from dusk to dawn began. I feel very anxious.. on the verge of an anxiety attack. To be honest I just want a fucking drink hahaha. I'll give it a couple of hours. Thanks again for the advice.

Glad to hear you making a good change for yourself.

Curious just how much you drank and what it was. You said every day from 1995. A few beers, 6-pack, 12-pack, quart of gin?

How did you manage a job/school while doing this?

Easily a twelve pack on teh good days. 1.75 of anything on the real bad days. It has gotten to the point now that I have to drink until I black out for any fulfillment. I'm was what I call a functional alcoholic until the last last 6 months where I have completly lost control. I did drink at work the entire time towards what I am now going to call the end. Prior to that it would be just a few at lunch then party all night after.

Seriously a twelve pack right wouldn't touch me. In fact beer really doesn't touch me anymore..I need the hardstuff with it.

[Edited on 5-20-2005 by Xyelin]

[Czeska]

My dad also buys alcohol-free mouthwash, is careful about what foods he eats (ie, deserts that have liqueurs he avoids), and really just says "no thanks, I dont drink" a lot.

Saved his life, and probably prevented mine from being fucked up in a lot of ways.

He quit on Feb 4, 1988, and I wish him a happy anniversary every year.

[Trouble]

Originally posted by Xyelin
Man that shit rang so true it's scary. That is what I'm afraid of.. seeing things sober. I've gone from near photographic memory to almost daily blackouts of the night before. I seriously have gotten to a point where I don't "feel" anymore. Anything. I would never let this show or tell anyone but here I have anonymity.


I feel the same way. I used to remember things to excruciating detail, but now my short-term memory is gone. Even when I haven't been drinking during an event, the next day I don't remember a lot of it. Half the time I have to really think about what I had for dinner the night before. I used to think it was because of Adult ADD or something, but over time I've realized it might be due to me killing off brain cells.

You mention your ex-wife, was the divorce because of the drinking? My mom and my ex-stepdad were both heavy drinkers and the day my mom filed for divorce was also the day she went sober. That was like 20 years ago and she's been clean ever since. I admire her for cleaning up like that. It was rough on her at first, but she made it.

I keep wanting to quit drinking, but I keep making up excuses not to. I tell myself I'm not that bad yet, that it would be hard to have a social life without drinking, or that it's "only" beer, but I know that's just feeding myself crap.

I wish the best for you, and although I am very new to this place, it seems like you have a lot of great people on this board that can put aside their recreational differences and give you their support. Take advantage of their support and don't be ashamed to do it.

[Killer Kitten]

Sometimes thinking of something in terms of 'forever' and 'never again' can be overwhelming. When you're barely holding on, if you stop and think 'I'm never having a drink again' it just seems too big and can give one the urge to say 'just fuck it' and pick up a bottle.

If that happens, cut it down to smaller increments of time. 'Just for today I will not have a drink' is much easier sometimes than 'I'm never drinking again'. Sometimes it has to be 'Just for this next hour' or even 'Just for the next ten minutes'.

To a lot of people, the thought of going to an AA meeting is scary, actually admitting to yourself and to others that yes, you are an alcoholic. That feeling lasts until you walk into your first meeting. AA people are frank and open about their own issues with the bottle, and that second A is as true for AA as it is in this forum. You truly are Anonymous and the only thing people want from you is to help you in your search for freedom from your addiction.

The best of fortune and I truly hope you make it. I urge you to give AA a try if you need some help. It's free, it's available pretty much anytime and anywhere, and it can save your soul, not to mention your life. At a time like this, a little help is sometimes desperately needed and AA can provide more than a little help.

There is also a tendency to want to hide the truth from yourself and those around you. What one seldom realizes is that everybody around you already knows you are an alcoholic, and have known it for a long time. Acknowledging this, to yourself and to others, can take a huge weight from your shoulders and free you from that self-imposed burden of secrecy that fools nobody but yourself and hinders your recovery more than helps it.

Best wishes to you.

[Asha]

I wish the best for you, and although I am very new to this place, it seems like you have a lot of great people on this board that can put aside their recreational differences and give you their support. Take advantage of their support and don't be ashamed to do it.
Trouble.
--------------------------------------



Word.

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Drayal
I wish the best for you, and although I am very new to this place, it seems like you have a lot of great people on this board that can put aside their recreational differences and give you their support. Take advantage of their support and don't be ashamed to do it.
Trouble.
--------------------------------------



Word.

And boy do we have recreational differences, lemme tell ya.

[Asha]

Originally posted by Xyelin

Originally posted by Drayal
I wish the best for you, and although I am very new to this place, it seems like you have a lot of great people on this board that can put aside their recreational differences and give you their support. Take advantage of their support and don't be ashamed to do it.
Trouble.
--------------------------------------



Word.

And boy do we have recreational differences, lemme tell ya.

:lol:
Almost just typed ''word'' again.
Which would deffinately have started a ''recreational difference'' in this thread.
Folk hate single word posts.

[Parker]

Originally posted by Xyelin

Originally posted by Drayal
I wish the best for you, and although I am very new to this place, it seems like you have a lot of great people on this board that can put aside their recreational differences and give you their support. Take advantage of their support and don't be ashamed to do it.
Trouble.
--------------------------------------



Word.

And boy do we have recreational differences, lemme tell ya.

Yeah, these boards almost never agree, but that's a good thing...if we agreed on things, there would never be a thread longer than three posts.

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Trouble

Originally posted by Xyelin
Man that shit rang so true it's scary. That is what I'm afraid of.. seeing things sober. I've gone from near photographic memory to almost daily blackouts of the night before. I seriously have gotten to a point where I don't "feel" anymore. Anything. I would never let this show or tell anyone but here I have anonymity.


I feel the same way. I used to remember things to excruciating detail, but now my short-term memory is gone. Even when I haven't been drinking during an event, the next day I don't remember a lot of it. Half the time I have to really think about what I had for dinner the night before. I used to think it was because of Adult ADD or something, but over time I've realized it might be due to me killing off brain cells.

You mention your ex-wife, was the divorce because of the drinking? My mom and my ex-stepdad were both heavy drinkers and the day my mom filed for divorce was also the day she went sober. That was like 20 years ago and she's been clean ever since. I admire her for cleaning up like that. It was rough on her at first, but she made it.

I keep wanting to quit drinking, but I keep making up excuses not to. I tell myself I'm not that bad yet, that it would be hard to have a social life without drinking, or that it's "only" beer, but I know that's just feeding myself crap.

I wish the best for you, and although I am very new to this place, it seems like you have a lot of great people on this board that can put aside their recreational differences and give you their support. Take advantage of their support and don't be ashamed to do it.

Yes I got divorced because of my drinking.. although I didn't realize it at the time. I've also realized that it has ruined ALOT more.. almost every aspect of my life but I didn't realize it. I'm not going to let it ruin my one chance to be a father.

And as far as your quit drinking paragraph lemme tell ya you sounded JUST like me a couple years ago. I was thinking about it last night and thought of my journey as a triangle..and that I wished someone smacked me in the head somewhere back where you are now.

[Jazuela]

First of all, and maybe most importantly, CONGRATULATIONS Xylin, on acknowledging you have a problem AND choosing to solve it.

This is nothing to be ashamed of, it's something to celebrate! Be proud of that, it's something no one can take from you.

Every day, you face a choice. Do you choose to let alcohol win? Or do you choose to win? Who is in charge of YOU today?

Don't worry about tomorrrow. Tomorrow will come whether you're here to experience it or not. The only thing that will be in your control, is IF you choose to experience it, by making the right choice for yourself today.

So choose for today. Every day. And celebrate your choice to be sober.

Congrats again!

[Parker]

I want an update. How yah feelin', bud?

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Parker
I want an update. How yah feelin', bud?

Like complete shit..

[Parker]

Ewwwww...it'll get worse before it gets better.

Just remember, I guess, that it DOES get better.

Where are your girls?

[Trouble]

Originally posted by Xyelin
And as far as your quit drinking paragraph lemme tell ya you sounded JUST like me a couple years ago. I was thinking about it last night and thought of my journey as a triangle..and that I wished someone smacked me in the head somewhere back where you are now.

Yeah. I hear ya. I do sorta wonder though what it would be like to be a 20 or 30-something in an urban area who doesn't drink? All my friends do, quite religiously in fact. I'd have to get a new group of friends, new hobbies, new outlets for boredom and apathy...

Speaking of religion and apathy, the 12-step program relies heavily on religion to help people come to terms with life without drinking... what can an atheist, agnostic, or just plain "spiritual but not religious" person look to? Gemstone? It's a religion enough for some...

I'd like to quit, but I do enjoy it now and then... what would GS gathers be without alcohol?

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Parker
Ewwwww...it'll get worse before it gets better.

Just remember, I guess, that it DOES get better.

Where are your girls?
At day care. They also live with their mother. I also know now that I won't be able to do this on my own because I feel like complete shit and all I can think about is drinking to make it stop. I will have to look into detox I have made up my mind.

[Parker]

Something like what I enjoy...GS Gatherings are quite a bit of fun, and I don't drink for em.

Just enjoy the roleplay, get into it and have some fun.

[Czeska]

I stayed sober at Simucon, mostly because I hate being drunk. So it can be done. If your friends aren't supporting you.. then yeah, you need some new help.

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Trouble

Originally posted by Xyelin
And as far as your quit drinking paragraph lemme tell ya you sounded JUST like me a couple years ago. I was thinking about it last night and thought of my journey as a triangle..and that I wished someone smacked me in the head somewhere back where you are now.

Yeah. I hear ya. I do sorta wonder though what it would be like to be a 20 or 30-something in an urban area who doesn't drink? All my friends do, quite religiously in fact. I'd have to get a new group of friends, new hobbies, new outlets for boredom and apathy...

Speaking of religion and apathy, the 12-step program relies heavily on religion to help people come to terms with life without drinking... what can an atheist, agnostic, or just plain "spiritual but not religious" person look to? Gemstone? It's a religion enough for some...

I'd like to quit, but I do enjoy it now and then... what would GS gathers be without alcohol?

That is my problem.. my entire social crowd revolves around drinking. I don't think I'd be able to seperate myself from them. I cannot imagine not drinking right now as everything revolves around it.. I cannot IMAGINE life sober. Maybe I'll become a pot head.

[Sean of the Thread]

Gemstone makes me want to drink.. :lol:

[Parker]

Originally posted by Xyelin

Originally posted by Trouble

Originally posted by Xyelin
And as far as your quit drinking paragraph lemme tell ya you sounded JUST like me a couple years ago. I was thinking about it last night and thought of my journey as a triangle..and that I wished someone smacked me in the head somewhere back where you are now.

Yeah. I hear ya. I do sorta wonder though what it would be like to be a 20 or 30-something in an urban area who doesn't drink? All my friends do, quite religiously in fact. I'd have to get a new group of friends, new hobbies, new outlets for boredom and apathy...

Speaking of religion and apathy, the 12-step program relies heavily on religion to help people come to terms with life without drinking... what can an atheist, agnostic, or just plain "spiritual but not religious" person look to? Gemstone? It's a religion enough for some...

I'd like to quit, but I do enjoy it now and then... what would GS gathers be without alcohol?

That is my problem.. my entire social crowd revolves around drinking. I don't think I'd be able to seperate myself from them. I cannot imagine not drinking right now as everything revolves around it.. I cannot IMAGINE life sober. Maybe I'll become a pot head.

I've been down that road, it's not that good. You lose all motivation for anything, when you're stoned or burnt.

It's probably not a good sign that to enjoy your friends' company you're forced to drink...

Is this a case of 'beer goggles'? Like, 'drink till they're fun'?

[Parker]

sorry, somehow double-posted

[Edited on 5-20-2005 by Parker]

Kicking any habit like that sucks. Just remember, even if you slip up a few times to keep a level head.

- Arkans

[Trouble]

Originally posted by Czeska
If your friends aren't supporting you.. then yeah, you need some new help.

Well, it's not that they won't support me; my friends are great people. It's more that our entire lifestyle revolves around happy hours, parties, and crap like that where not drinking is allowed, but "feels funny," especially later on when things get wacky.

I understand your point though.

[Czeska]

Remember too, that most people outgrow that lifestyle. I'm hoping your friends will take some time off of their party frenzy to just hang with you while you're going through this. It's so very worth it.

[Leetahkin]

I wish you all the best, Xyelin.
I went through a lot of pain getting my (now ex) husband to stop drinking. I wouldn't be surprised if he started back up again now that I am gone, but at least I gave him the motivation for a little while.
If you concentrate heavily on your kids as motivation (which is great in my eyes) try to sneak some motivation in there that you're also doing it for your own well-being.

:grouphug:

Oh, and please don't substitute one evil for another! You'll be back to square one before you know it with the new addiction.

[Parker]

tiny bumb, cuz I don't want Xyelin to think we forgot him.

[Burnt out Priestess]

Congrats hon and good luck,ever need someone to talk to feel free to aim me or send me a u2u,anything hell even find me in game and tell me you need someone to talk to.
My uncle quit cold turkey 3 months ago and he said its the best feeling ever since he has gone sober,he used to drink till he passed out and got really aggressive and always wanted to fight till he passed out,he is thankful my mom and brothers and i out of our family stuck by him the most.

AIM: Inimicalrage

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by Xyelin

Originally posted by Parker
Ewwwww...it'll get worse before it gets better.

Just remember, I guess, that it DOES get better.

Where are your girls?
At day care. They also live with their mother. I also know now that I won't be able to do this on my own because I feel like complete shit and all I can think about is drinking to make it stop. I will have to look into detox I have made up my mind.

My suggestion, for what it's worth, is to get into a detox/rehab program as quickly as possible. Follow your doctor's advice. He knows what he's talking about.

DTs can be life-threatening. That's no bull-shit. You need professional treatment.

For those of you who know your drinking is a problem, I'd suggest the same thing to you. Dying of liver failure after a few bouts with pancreatitis (and other things that go along with this problem) is pretty horrible. I don't want to think of any of you going through that.

Xyelin, hon, I'm glad you've realized the seriousness of your problem. Now, take it to heart, realize that it really is VERY serious, and get some help to kick the addiction. You've got all of us behind you.

This is not a postponement. You had better have realized that while you were typing this because you're not going to put a single addictive substance in your body ever again. I am glad that you told the Gemstone IV Player's Corner Forum about your new endevour, but it will help tremendously to form a support network that is not exclusively limited to letters. This means that any situation in which you feel sheltered talking about addiction is positive, but in no way the final step to fighting it.

This means that you stick to how many AAs or NAs you are going to attend in a week. Even though after a few weeks, staff will have a very good idea of the specific details regarding your substance abuse, you must be openly honest with everyone, including yourself. When you are first interviewed after signing releases, be honest about how many times you've blacked in the past month. If you think you've been intoxicated over five-thousand times in your life, you tell that to the nurse, or whoever is conducting your interview.

This means that if you actually do have to miss one morning group because you are suffering from bubonic plague and two broken collarbones, that you DO vocalize your substance abuse problems to your treating physician so that no painkillers stronger than Junior Strength Tylenol are prescribed.

Having finished up recently with dual-diagnosis rehabilitation, I know that the most imporant key to never relapsing again is that, as corny as this may sound, if you are NOT finished with your treatment and feel like you don't need to show up for a group, that is a sign that you most definately need to show up. There were many days when I felt that I had made enough progress to not show up, whereas in actuality, it was really an excuse to isolate or even relapse.

You will feel patronized. Good. Bash the excercises being taught in group, or lack thereof, but make sure you show up for every single session that you have to attend so that you can snicker at the situation from a sober stance.

All in all, you will be letting down a lot of people, including yourself, if you decide to relapse again. And you had better recognize this.

*Edited for grammar.*

-Good Luck,
B.S.G.

[Edited on 5-21-2005 by Stanley Burrell]

[Vesi]

Listen to the people that are telling you to get help from a doctor to go through this. My ex brother-in-law checked himself into the hospital and they had to put him into a drug induced coma for him to withdraw from the alcohol. They tried to take him out and he had difficulty breathing so they took it slower. Unfortunately, last time I heard from him was when he called around 2 am and left a very garbled and drunken message on my voicemail. This was after he had left the hospital. (he's been in rehab now at least five times) He is killing himself with a bottle of booze.

Stick with it and congratulations on your decision. Not only are your kids worth it, but YOU are worth it. Sometimes, that's the hardest thing to see.

Vesi

[Sean of the Thread]

Well it's 12:30am EST and I'm sober. I feel REALLY REALLY tired for some reason.

means you should go to sleep

[Asha]

Yo, I got my fingers crossed for you man.
It's bound to hurt this morning. Definately see the doctor if you think it's too much.

Try really hard to eat something.
Snickers and coffee really works, when you have to but don't think you can.
:)

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by Czeska
My dad also buys alcohol-free mouthwash, is careful about what foods he eats (ie, deserts that have liqueurs he avoids), and really just says "no thanks, I dont drink" a lot.

Saved his life, and probably prevented mine from being fucked up in a lot of ways.

He quit on Feb 4, 1988, and I wish him a happy anniversary every year.

Weird parallels. For my dad, it was the fact that when my mom left (they separated, now back together), I took care of him. One night, I asked him to read me a bedtime story. He was laying on the floor (like you do), and he kept saying "Few minutes", so eventually my 3 year old self came in and covered him up and sat down by him. He says he said thank you, and I told him... it's okay daddy, you're sick.

...and he realized he was in fact quite sick. His anniversary is Feb 12 1983. Cold turkey.

I've never been a fan of drinking or drugs after watching my parents struggle with that. My mom is a psychologist -- yet a very good co-depedent/enabler. She finally got to the point where she HAD to walk out.

Alcohol can be incredibly hard to kick just because it's so accessible. I echo what a lot here have said: watch your mouth wash, cough syrup, and desserts. Remember your little girls. Daddy is synonymous with God at that age. Best of luck to you Xyelin.

-Melissa

[Asha]

Heh, god's got nothing on my Dad.

:bouncy:

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by Drayal
Heh, god's got nothing on my Dad.

:bouncy:

:) I forgot to mention in my post too that I'm proud of you as well. My best friend was murdered in 2000, and we all thought it was because she was addicted to heroin (5 years later -- turns out it was because she wouldn't date a psychopath). Heroin is nasty and hard to kick. You have my admiration, as do the others here who have kicked substance abuse in its teeth. You rock.

-Melissa

[Slider]

First off, congrats man! Second hardest thing to do is admit you have a problem. Hardest thing is to kick it, but it CAN be done. First week is a killer, but you CAN do it. Even if you have to take it literally minute by minute, as long as you don't take a drink THAT minute, your winning. I know, been sober now for 5 years.

I was in the same situation as you where, Hell, I used to keep a bottle of Baileys at work to put in my coffee, drink all day. For me, I realized I had a major problem, when I went to a party on Friday, and woke up Monday morning....in my cab...after driving the whole weekend. Still have no memory of that weekend. Been sober ever since.

[Asha]

Christ, man.
I'm so glad you were lucky enough not to get hurt.

I'm more and more supprised by how much I underestimated all the posters here.
It seems to me ,even if they haven't been through something totally soul crushing, they waste no time dropping everything to give total support.
I have alot of respect for more of these people now.

[Drew]

Let me echo everyone here Xyelin and wish you best of luck.

[Kuyuk]

Maybe now you'll stop posting stupid ass links in 99% of your threads.

After 10 years of being drunk every night (minus 2 weeks) you FINALLY? realized you had a problem? wtf is that.

Either way, go get sober so you dont kill anyone.

K.

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by Kuyuk
Maybe now you'll stop posting stupid ass links in 99% of your threads.

After 10 years of being drunk every night (minus 2 weeks) you FINALLY? realized you had a problem? wtf is that.

Either way, go get sober so you dont kill anyone.

K.

Harsh. At least he realized he has a problem and is trying to fix it. There are a lot of people who never even get that far.

-Melissa

[Gan]

Good luck bud.

Realization of the problem is one thing, but finally deciding to change it for yourself means you're on the right track. I've got three family members with substance abuse issues, one in recovery for 9 years, another knows he has a problem but refuses to do anything about it (he hasnt hit rock bottom yet) and the third does not think anything's wrong even after hitting rock bottom...

Network some resources through AA/NA group attendance, or a rehab clinic. If you feel that this is too big for you to do alone then GET HELP. Lots of good advice here from folks who have been in your shoes.

Keep re-reading this thread if you start feeling doubts and good luck.

[Sean of the Thread]

First morning after.. I still feel like shit. Really not as bad as yesterday but still very anxious and flighty. I feel real tired still which is way out of the ordinary for me. I have swelling or edeman in my feet and hands and had a real good sweat last nite. It was he anxiety and near panic attacks yesterday that really bothered me but this morning not so bad yet. Yesterday when I went to the movie theatre I heard the music they play in the parking lot and it was really surreal sounding.. hard to explain but it almost kicked in a full blown panic attack haha. I did kick in my GS account last nite just to keep my a little busy, should help a little picking on Suavetard and what not.

[Parkbandit]

Originally posted by Kuyuk

After 10 years of being drunk every night (minus 2 weeks) you FINALLY? realized you had a problem? wtf is that.

Either way, go get sober so you dont kill anyone.

K.

I'm kinda with Kuyuk on this one.

First off.. I have a tough time believing someone can go through life with a family and job being drunk every single day for 10 years. How did you keep a job? How did you get too and from work?

IF that is the case and you are just now realizing that maybe that's a bad thing.. then yea. What the fuck?

I'm just one of those people who don't believe alcoholism is the big bad "disease" many claim it is. To me, it's an excuse and a cop out for being too weak willed to stop it.

Consider this tough love I guess. I do wish you luck Xyelin.. but I don't think you should be looking on an internet message board for support. Find a friend or a family member and let them help you through this.

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Parkbandit

Originally posted by Kuyuk

After 10 years of being drunk every night (minus 2 weeks) you FINALLY? realized you had a problem? wtf is that.

Either way, go get sober so you dont kill anyone.

K.

I'm kinda with Kuyuk on this one.

First off.. I have a tough time believing someone can go through life with a family and job being drunk every single day for 10 years. How did you keep a job? How did you get too and from work?

IF that is the case and you are just now realizing that maybe that's a bad thing.. then yea. What the fuck?

I'm just one of those people who don't believe alcoholism is the big bad "disease" many claim it is. To me, it's an excuse and a cop out for being too weak willed to stop it.

Consider this tough love I guess. I do wish you luck Xyelin.. but I don't think you should be looking on an internet message board for support. Find a friend or a family member and let them help you through this.

It took 10 years to get to this point where I realized that in the past 3 years it has really fucked things up. I've always thought of myself as being the tough guy and also thought of it as you said. Friday night I had a life changing experience and finally admitted what I already knew. Alcohol truly ruled my life. It cost me my job of 5 years.. it cost me my family. Being a drunk for me doesn't always mean being unable to walk or function. I was functional. I wasn't drinking to get drunk I was drinking to remain functional. I was still drinking from morning to night. I could easily drink 15 shots throughout the course of the day and had you met me on the street you wouldn't have been able to tell. At night it would always get capped off in the worse ways. I wasn't exactly looking for support on this board but it was a step I needed to make because to be honest I was afraid. It's hard to explain but this shit creeped up on me.

[Asha]

You get support wherever you can, man.

It's another part of the process, learning to take the fact that some don't see it the way you do.
A lot of people are near disgusted by a weakness or failiure such as addiction. Especially when it comes to someone with children or other dependants. Remember that even though it hurts like FUCK when someone says things which hit you in the soul, especially when you're at your weakest, you're still a human being who deserves a second chance.
Like I said before, you have to fight. Sometimes the enemy is a sad song which will burn you right through and even cause a panic attack (my panic attack was brought on by 'Lock stock and two smoking barrels). Anything which you would normally shrug off.
You're especially susceptable to ALL kinds of hurt right now.
I will tell you though, the feeling of not being the person you've been ridiculed for in the past, and instead being someone who's survived . . is FOR REAL the best feeling in the world.

Stay tough, friend.
Remember to eat.
:)

[Jazuela]

The addict is usually the last to know. Don't sweat it Xyelin. Your edema is probably all the toxins in your system beginning to be released by your organs. It'll go back to normal in a couple of weeks. Drink lots of water, it'll help flush all that stuff out.

Drink orange juice too. You need that vitamin C, and it's tastier than swallowing vitamin pills, and you won't get into the habit of swallowing pills (which can happen in an addictive personality).

Oh and don't try to substitute alcohol with no-alcohol beer or "sparkling juices" that are designed to taste LIKE alcohol. A friend of mine who's an alcoholic tried that and she ended up drinking again.

If you're in need of something to drink, drink something that's designed to be exactly what it is, not a substitute for something else. Like water, or juice, or milk. Try not to go too nuts on caffeinated beverages either. You're gonna be really jittery for awhile and caffeine is probably the last thing you need right now :)

You can try deep breathing exercises when you're feeling panic attacks coming on. Your physician should be able to help you with that. If you're not too far into the addiction (which is entirely possible since you say you were functional), your physician might try and get you back to good health with as little medication as possible (if any). Otherwise he might prescribe one of many different types of meds, such as one kind that makes you puke whenever you try to drink, or another that's used as an antidepressant, etc.

Definitely check with your physician though. He can help you find the most appropriate kind of detox program for your situation.

Congrats on getting through day #1!

[Killer Kitten]

Xyelin,
It will not only be all right, but life will be better than ever.
Some of the best rules to follow are the AA rules, and I urge you again to not be put off by AA dependance on a Higher Power. Nobody there ever ever shoves religion down anybody's throat.

One day at a time.
Live and let live.
Let go and let God.

Not bad principals for everybody to live by. We all have our issues and demons, and some of us go our whole lives without ever confronting ours.

Doesn't matter if it took ten days or ten years to figure out you had a problem, the important thing is that you figured it out and have decided to do something about it.

Life is better sober. And life is better for your loved ones if you are sober. This one comes straight from extensive personal experience.

I can be seen having a ball in a variety of settings, usually carrying a thermos from which I sip constantly. Thermos contains my version of 'nectar of the gods', caffine free Diet Dr. Pepper. Unfortunately, being sober does not automatically grant one good taste. <g>

Keep at it. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Go where you need to go for support, be that AA, your sober friends and family, or even an online message board. It is amazing how good life gets.

Kimm

[Sean of the Thread]

A friend of mine did this a while back so as part of my adherence to "teh wagon" I figured it can only help keep me focused. It's called the 52dc (day challenge)

http://forums.menshealth.com/thread.jspa?threadID=156739&tstart=270

[Asha]

Don't know if this helps, but you've entered my thoughts everyday.

You're a tough motherfucker.
And it inspires me.

Thanks Xyelin.

You are a great inspiration for a lot of us.

Thanks, and thanks again, and again, and again..

In short, tank' ya'. <g>

[Killer Kitten]

You've been in my thoughts and prayers as well.

It doesn't matter if you believe in God. God believes in you.

Best wishes.
Kimm

[Asha]

Originally posted by Killer Kitten
You've been in my thoughts and prayers as well.

It doesn't matter if you believe in God. God believes in you.

Best wishes.
Kimm

:lol:
God has nothing to do with the strength it took to kick his habit.
That came entirely from Xyelin.
The fact lots are praying for him makes the difference, not who they are praying to.

[HarmNone]

Just hang in there, Xyelin, one day at a time. You've got my admiration, and my support. You've got the support of many on these boards. We're rooting for you, and I'm sure you're going to win the fight. :)

[Czeska]

How's it going, Xyelin?

Yo, xylophone mother-fucker, stop being an alcoholic and DCF won't take your kids away. Which they should anyway.

You know that by hiding this shit from insurance or in court, and it becomes suspect the amount of time that your kids should actually be taken away from you is going to be multiplied ten billion times.

Don't fuck up other people's lives.

At least stop trying to be funny in your insults, man. You never were funny. None of the shit you ever said was amusing. Ever. Tayre had it right all along.

- Arkans

Dude. Go back into your manic COCK phase and be amusing on these boards so I can smile.

Penis.

No thanks man, I'm all set with giving you the cock.

- Arkans

That's really great.

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Stanley Burrell
Yo, xylophone mother-fucker, stop being an alcoholic and DCF won't take your kids away. Which they should anyway.

You know that by hiding this shit from insurance or in court, and it becomes suspect the amount of time that your kids should actually be taken away from you is going to be multiplied ten billion times.

Don't fuck up other people's lives.

Don't involve my kids in your bullshit posts you fucking douchebag.

Don't be bugged about it. Just look at where the words are coming from.

- Arkans

You're the douchebag for thinking you're a better father for avoiding the inevitable.

Don't play games with the DCF. What's going to happen is going to happen. Avoiding REAL responsibilities is going to make it that much more tough when your children get taken away.

I've seen it happen before, I'm just giving you the heads up.

[Parkbandit]

Originally posted by Stanley Burrell
Don't fuck up other people's lives.

Glass house, meet a big fucking boulder. Big fucking boulder, meet Stanley's glass house.. or should I say his Parent's house.

You should talk. Not.

[Edited on 6-4-05 by Parkbandit]

[Miss X]

Enough. Take it elsewhere please.

I'd say Stanly should have been swallowed, but even that I wouldn't wish on his mother.

Stop projecting your fuck-ups on people trying to do good.

Keep up the good Xyelin. I know you can do it.

- Arkans

[HarmNone]

I hope things are going well for you, Xyelin. What you're doing is hard work, but the payoff is worth it. :)

You're all a bunch of fuckin' ass holes.

Anyway, like was was mentioned previously, by keeping hush-hush about Rehab, Xyelin may increase his chances that Communities and Families WON'T take his kids away from him. However, if it becomes exposed that he was deliberately concealing this information in order to win a custody battle, I wonder what kind of fucking slime-ball would gamble around with his very own children like that. Like I've said, I've seen it happen where DCF or Child Services find out about these case and the irresponsible parents wish that they were only semi-fucked in the beginning if they had just told the truth. You're doing something EXTREMELY stupid.

People like ParkBandit, and you Arkans. You need to learn how to just keep your god-damned mouths shut about shit that you know NOTHING about, unless you want me to keep pwning you with the knowledge, which I am enjoying very much, if I do say so myself :smug:

Right, I know nothing about it. Stainly (such a good name), I just choose not to flaunt my dirty laundry out in public. I'll leave that to other people.

- Arkans

If I wanted to be a real asshat, I wouldn't have even said anything regarding the kind of trouble that lying to DCF/custody court can get you into. I'm just looking out for this alcoholic's kids, because he sure as hell isn't.

[Scott]

Originally posted by Stanley Burrell
If I wanted to be a real asshat, I wouldn't have even said anything regarding the kind of trouble that lying to DCF/custody court can get you into. I'm just looking out for this alcoholic's kids, because he sure as hell isn't.

You can't even handle your own problems, you shouldn't worry about someone elses.

[HarmNone]

Let's get this back on topic and keep it there. This thread is NOT about Stanley. This thread is about Xyelin and his efforts to remain sober. Let's honor that, eh?

Several off-topic posts have assploded since I made this post originally. Others will do the same. Stay on topic.



[Edited on 6-4-2005 by HarmNone]

[Sean of the Thread]

Thank you.. sorry for my last shit post. Sounded good tho didn't it HN? =P


[Edited on 6-4-2005 by Xyelin]

[Keller]

Originally posted by Xyelin
Thank you.. sorry for my last shit post. Sounded good tho didn't it HN? =P


[Edited on 6-4-2005 by Xyelin]

I always miss the good posts. :(

[Parker]

assploded

....:heart: HN.

Says enough.


Xyelin, you do what you think is best, bud. If you think that it's best for you to give it a shot on your own, then go for it. Don't listen to people who can't control their OWN addictions, trying to give advice to you on how to control yours. If what you've told us thus far is true, you're doing unbelievably. Keep up the good work, because everyone on here with at least enough brains to fill a thimble is behind you.

[Nieninque]

So my post about how Xy is not going to get penalised for doing something about his problems is deleted because I also called Stanley a fuckhead?

Ridiculous

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Nieninque
So my post about how Xy is not going to get penalised for doing something about his problems is deleted because I also called Stanley a fuckhead?

Ridiculous

I saw it before it got assploded if it makes you feel any better. HN is right tho..were are just giving stainly :lol: fuel to burn. If we just ignore his ass he will run out of gas.

[Nieninque]

ok cool :)

[Jenisi]

Good luck. <3

[Brattt8525]

When you get the urge to relapse look at your kids, that in itself should be enough to push you past the humps along the way.

Your doing whats best for your kids and yourself, keep it up.

Still, Xyelin and other people are missing the point.

If you really loved your kids you would do what is right for them. You are willingly going to avoid bringing up the issue of rehabilitation in court. Like what another poster said, at least if DCF sees this, it's going to be taken as a step in the right direction.

Lying about it is not only selfish so that you can get what *you* want, but also has the potential to get your kids taken away from your for a lot, lot longer.

I really can't make it any simpler than this. If people disagree with this sentiment than you must be doing more drugs than I am.