Am I being unreasonable?

[Edaarin]

So, I've been sitting at the library since about 3:30 and I have not been productive. Went to lunch at 3, and while checking my voicemail one of my friends left me a message that's just been messing with my head.

Basically for the past couple weeks I've gotten upset at her a few times for not calling me when plans change. Happened Thursday before last, and happened again last night. Yesterday, she asks me if I want to hang out one last time before she goes home, so I told her to call me.

I have a final Monday, so already I was sacrificing a few hours where I should have been sleeping so I could spend some time with her. 10 pm comes, no call and I can't reach her...I decide to give it another hour before I call it a night and go to bed.

In the morning, I mentioned this to a mutual friend of ours who told her I was upset, and she left me a 2 minute message about how sorry she was. The whole thing made me feel like an asshole, like I was being too demanding.

[HarmNone]

It doesn't sound like you're being unreasonable to me, hon. This seems to be a habit with this particular friend, and it's very inconsiderate. You said you'd spoken to her about the issue before; yet, she pulls the same thoughtless trick. It inconvenienced you, and you've been inconvenienced by this person before. You've got every right to be irked, and no reason to feel guilty for it. Word.

[Myitkyina]

It probably would have been better to talk to her about it directly (rather than to your mutual friend). But, otherwise, no, you're not being too demanding. It's perfectly reasonable to ask your friends to respect you and your time by letting you know when plans change--especially when they know you're busy with other things (like during finals!) Of course, it's good to be flexible and understanding when important things come up--but it sounds like this is more of a recurring pattern. And there are very few times when someone really can't pick up the phone to let you know what's going on.

Just my two cents worth...

[Makkah]

Sounds like you got fucked over. c'est la vie

[Edaarin]

Yeah..there's obviously more to the story, but basically she knows she sucks at returning calls, and last time she knew she let me down. My thing is I guess I expect more out of my friends than other people might, but that' s just because I'm willing to do more for my friends.

It just sucks because I hate leaving shit unresolved, she's not returning my phone calls, and I can't get any work done until I get this thing settled.

[Makkah]

I think the real question here is:

Is she hot?

[Trinitis]

Originally posted by HarmNone
It doesn't sound like you're being unreasonable to me, hon. This seems to be a habit with this particular friend, and it's very inconsiderate. You said you'd spoken to her about the issue before; yet, she pulls the same thoughtless trick. It inconvenienced you, and you've been inconvenienced by this person before. You've got every right to be irked, and no reason to feel guilty for it. Word.

Not to derail the topic or anything..but

Does anyone else get a fit of giggles every time Harmnone posts "Word." at the end of her post? :P

[HarmNone]

You'd probably benefit most by just letting it go, Edaarin. You can't make an inconsiderate person consider the feelings of others. You've spoken to her about this before, and got zilch for your efforts. Chances are, the results will be the same if you manage to get in touch with her now. Don't punish yourself by getting yourself into a hole for another person's bad behavior.

[Edaarin]

http://forum.gsplayers.com/images/public/img-1111465281.jpg

She's even hotter because (aside from this one thing) she has no psychotic tendencies typical of most women.

Isn't that the same girl that you both decided to not go out?

[ElanthianSiren]

A big question for you is: are you calling her, wanting to hang out ALL the time? Do you give her a week to herself, or does she casually mention to you that she's just chilling out by herself or will be, and you jump on the opportunity to hang out -- EVERY TIME?

I, personally need alone time. When a guy won't leave me alone, at first I'll try to distance myself, then I'll try to make it clear to him I need alone time, then I will cease all association with him. I don't like smothering friends. I'm not saying you're a stalker, but I am saying I can't be the only person who needs alone time and finds constant hanging out to be smothering and annoying.

Either way, she should just be frank with you because you sound wounded by her habits.

-Melissa

[Edaarin]

Yeah, but she's one of my only girl friends here.

EDIT: To answer ElanthianSiren, both incidents were times where she asked me to hang out. We do spend a lot of time with each other, but part of that was because we have a bunch of classes together, and we worked together for awhile too.

[Edited on 5-8-2005 by Edaarin]

Yea, you would'n't have these problems if you didn't do stupid ass shit like you did the other day. How'd that final go anyway?

[Edaarin]

If you hadn't signed off you would have seen my IM.

I finished it in < 1 hour. I could have taken the test drunk and gotten a 95%.

I didn't sign off the comp I was on had an ip conflict so I switched and I'm too lazy to sign on again. I gotta use aim express which is super not heterosexual.

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by Edaarin
EDIT: To answer ElanthianSiren, both incidents were times where she asked me to hang out. We do spend a lot of time with each other, but part of that was because we have a bunch of classes together, and we worked together for awhile too.

[Edited on 5-8-2005 by Edaarin]

then no, I don't think you're being oversensitive at all.

-Melissa

[peam]

She's clearly insane. Look at the gleam in her eyes.

[Gan]

If she was responsible then she would have made the time to at least give you the courtesy of a call back. Fish or cut bait? I say cut bait. It sounds like you keep meeting her halfway and she fails. No sense in bringing yourself down to her level. Either she comes up to yours or she gets left behind...

Tell her the Edaarin train tickets dont come cheap so she should either cash em in or use em. But dont expect the train to wait at the station for her when she's late.

[Anailea]

You are not being oversensitive. But you don't have to not be friends either. You just need to know that this is how she treats you.

Anailea

[Edaarin]

It just baffles the hell out of me because she can be the most considerate person in the world. She's dropped whatever she was doing to drive me to the airport more than once.

<-- still unable to get work done

[longshot]

You shouldn't feel bad.

You made it clear what you were sacrificing to hang out with her, and she didn't care enough to call.

Nobody wants to upset someone they like...

However, by calling her to see if she's alright because she fucked up probably makes you look weak from her perspective.

I went through this in college. The girl was a lot of fun, and stripper gorgeous. 18 years of gymnastics. You couldn't have asked for more. But, she had issues, and it always was a game when making plans, or seeing who called who. It made it more interesting, and definitely more fun when we did get together, but I just knew that I was never going to reach an acceptable comfort level with someone like that.

Don't let this person string you along. You have finals. I can't think of anything more important... and you are letting this chick's feelings bother you, when she didn't care about yours. This is not good.

If anything, taking the high road will make her like you more. Don't be available. Don't answer her calls. Return them, but never answer them.

I know it's tough, but you should get rid of her. On any level.

It will save you a lot of heartache.

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by longshot

If anything, taking the high road will make her like you more. Don't be available. Don't answer her calls. Return them, but never answer them.


Sound advice. A needy man is a discarded man.

-Melissa

[Edaarin]

So, update on the situation.

I'm dwelling on this way too much. I know that. I did not study a single hour between 3 pm yesterday and now, and I had a final this morning. Thankfully, it wasn't bad...but this shit is starting to gnaw at me inside.

I wanted to say goodbye face-to-face, but didn't see her this morning since I finished my exam so early. I hate leaving shit unresolved.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Edaarin
http://forum.gsplayers.com/images/public/img-1111465281.jpg

She's even hotter because (aside from this one thing) she has no psychotic tendencies typical of most women. Ahhh, was gonna say just from reading your initial post that she sounds like more than "just a friend", at least from your vantage point. She blew you off more than once. There are only a couple of good reasons to do this to someone you consider a friend and likewise. Obviously, you feel more strongly for the friendship than she does or else she would consider your feelings. At the very least she could have sent you a text message, e-mail, something if she wasn't going to have time for you.

I'd take Longshot's advise and call it a day.

[Edaarin]

Went on a few dates, but decided it wouldn't work and it'd be best not to go too far with it.

But yeah, my feelings for her have only gotten stronger since. It sucks. Well, she's out of my life for the next 3 months.

[Atlanteax]

I think you handled the situation fine Edarrin.

I ran into a similiar kind of girl during my college days (who was also an attractive blonde) but she had quite a track record of flaking out on me, and probably others. She also admitted that she flakes out and apologize.

However, you need to accept that it is rather unlikely that her behavior will change.

So what you need to decide if this "problem" is "acceptable" to you in the long-run. If it is going to aggravate you too much, you probably should let her go.

I ended up doing the later.

[Edaarin]

Last update.

She didn't respond to the voicemail answer to her original one that I sent her Sunday, or the e-mail I sent her on Monday.

Turns out someone close to her died Sunday not long after her initial VM to me. Ouch.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Originally posted by Edaarin
So, I've been sitting at the library since about 3:30 and I have not been productive. Went to lunch at 3, and while checking my voicemail one of my friends left me a message that's just been messing with my head.

Basically for the past couple weeks I've gotten upset at her a few times for not calling me when plans change. Happened Thursday before last, and happened again last night. Yesterday, she asks me if I want to hang out one last time before she goes home, so I told her to call me.

I have a final Monday, so already I was sacrificing a few hours where I should have been sleeping so I could spend some time with her. 10 pm comes, no call and I can't reach her...I decide to give it another hour before I call it a night and go to bed.

In the morning, I mentioned this to a mutual friend of ours who told her I was upset, and she left me a 2 minute message about how sorry she was. The whole thing made me feel like an asshole, like I was being too demanding.

I like you, so I'll be gentle.

Stop being a woman about it. Ball is in her court, let her call you. Getting upset because she doesn't call you... is she your girlfriend? If not, who cares. I wouldn't sit around waiting for her to call either.

[Sean of the Thread]

Listen mang, take a few steps back. I could go into more detail but trust me when I say none of this is worth getting worked up over.

[longshot]

Originally posted by Edaarin
Last update.

She didn't respond to the voicemail answer to her original one that I sent her Sunday, or the e-mail I sent her on Monday.

Turns out someone close to her died Sunday not long after her initial VM to me. Ouch.

FOCUS!!

Final exams and finishing strong in college vs. some flake that I gaurantee you will forget her name.

[Edaarin]

Originally posted by Suppa Hobbit Mage
I like you, so I'll be gentle.

Stop being a woman about it. Ball is in her court, let her call you. Getting upset because she doesn't call you... is she your girlfriend? If not, who cares. I wouldn't sit around waiting for her to call either.

Heh. I've gotten the same advice (a lot more bluntly put) from most of my buddies.

Easier said than done man. I've never been this fucked up over a girl, and we're not even dating anymore. It sucks.

It's weird man, I've never been irrational over a girl before. I've been bummed out, I've been pissed, but right now I'm being a tool and it's like I'm looking at it from the outside.

[Edited on 5-11-2005 by Edaarin]

[Edaarin]

Originally posted by longshot
FOCUS!!

Final exams and finishing strong in college vs. some flake that I gaurantee you will forget her name.

I'm pretty much finished with my finals, have a few that are pretty much just formalities where I can basically get a C and still do well for the semester. I lucked out in finishing the hard shit last week, and thankfully Monday's wasn't too bad even though I was woefully unprepared.

The messed up part is I have a date pretty much all afternoon tomorrow with another girl that I've been talking to for the last couple weeks. Hopefully it'll get this shit out of my mind.

[longshot]

This is going to sound barbaric at best...


New pussy cures all.

[Edaarin]

Actually, it's working pretty well. I spent like 7 hours out to lunch, shopping, and watching a movie today with this girl I've been tryin to holler at for awhile.

By the by, The Interpreter is about an hour and a half too long.

[Edaarin]

Okay, it's been damn near a month.

I've reached the conclusion that I'm entirely too nice to girl friends. I'm making a promise right now to look at them as just another notch during my last year of college.

You went to the library, like, the kind with books, that you read... over a girl!? Methinks you need to reassess a few priorities.

[Sean]

Originally posted by Edaarin
Okay, it's been damn near a month.

I've reached the conclusion that I'm entirely too nice to girl friends. I'm making a promise right now to look at them as just another notch during my last year of college.

Atleast you'll finally be setting a good example for your younger residents.

[Edaarin]

Originally posted by Stanley Burrell
You went to the library, like, the kind with books, that you read... over a girl!? Methinks you need to reassess a few priorities.

It was finals week.

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Edaarin
Okay, it's been damn near a month.

I've reached the conclusion that I'm entirely too nice to girl friends. I'm making a promise right now to look at them as just another notch during my last year of college.

Don't listen to stan.. you are SPOT on brotha. College is for soiling your oats. The quality of drunken sweet fine ass pussy you bag is at an all time high in college.

College is about..
1)Leaving home.
2)PUSSY. Lots of it.
3)Networking.. very important. NETWORK NETWORK NETWORK.
4)PUSSY.
5)Beer. See also 2 and 4.
6)Education.

When you finally graduate and get a job you will be ROLLING in cash (it is all relative after all) At that point with you new digs and job and new found cash flow you will begin the reallll GAME. Have more fun for a few years.. all the chicks are gonna dig you. Then find the right one out of that bunch and settle down.

Bottom line__________GO FUCK CRAZY your last year in college MAN!

You being our self proclaimed "Token Asian Guy" and I being your attorney.. I highly suggest you watch this video complety for motivation. Remember man these are your GOOD years.. youth never comes back mang.

http://www.hawtalta.com/viewvideo.php?id=339

[xtc]

Edaarin forget having women as friends. What that really means is you want to get into their pants but they don't want you there.

Find some nice girl who wants you in her pants so you can concentrate on finals.

[Keller]

That video was funny after I got through the first 3 minutes.

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Atlanteax
I think you handled the situation fine Edarrin.

I ran into a similiar kind of girl during my college days (who was also an attractive blonde) but she had quite a track record of flaking out on me, and probably others. She also admitted that she flakes out and apologize.


It's the tie

[Atlanteax]

Originally posted by Nieninque

Originally posted by Atlanteax
I think you handled the situation fine Edarrin.

I ran into a similiar kind of girl during my college days (who was also an attractive blonde) but she had quite a track record of flaking out on me, and probably others. She also admitted that she flakes out and apologize.


It's the tie

Duh-oh!! Cursed thing!!

I suppose I should finally burn that tie and be done with it? :rolleyes: