On the Radio this morning (*caution*, racial topic)

[Wezas]

A local radio show DJ was talking about his night in Richmond - which he spent out with a couple he knows.

The couple is a white man and black woman. They'd been dating for a while.

He went on to say that a black gentleman came up to their table and asked if he could speak to the lady for a moment in private. She didn't know this man and had never seen him before. She responded "I'm sure anything you need to say, you can say here in front of my boyfriend".

He seemed to ignore what she said and stated "I have a business proposal to discuss with you". She declined from getting up from the table, and he gave her his business card and shook her hand. He was a lawyer or something similar. She is a school teacher.

The DJ went on to say that the couple explained to him that it happened all the time. Black men would come up to her and either hit on her (when her man was with her) or make comments like "He can't do the things that I can do for you".

They had a few people call into the radio show and state how the same goes for Black man/white woman relationships. Black females will sometimes hassle either party or make comments.

I've seen this in a few movies - but didn't realize this is actually something that happens regularly.

I wonder if my sister and her husband have the same issue occur.

And I'm also curious as to why the opposite doesn't happen? Are the white men/women who want to say something afraid to?

For those in same sex interracial relationships - does this type of thing happen to you?

(Mods, if this topic gets too heated, feel free to shut it down or delete posts)

Keep all the racial jokes and bigoted racial comments to a minimum, please.

[Edited on 5-3-2005 by Tijay]

[Jadewolff]

Actually, it has happened to me and I was quite offended. I'm from Indian descent and my husband is white. Some Indian guy started hitting on me while I was engaged. To shorten the whole exchange: I told him that I wasn't interested...he asked me if I was engaged to a white man...I said I was.

He started going off on how white men only use you for one thing etc etc. When I got offended, he was like "But I'm just telling you this as a brother would a sister." Um, I was under the impression that when you hit on someone, you most definitely do not think of them as a sister.

Anyway, it was quite disturbing and I didn't have any witty come backs since I was so appalled that he had the audacity to say those things to my face.

Thankfully, something like that has only happened once. My husband and I do get stares from other people of indian descent when we walk down the street together but nothing that really bothers us overly.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Wezas
For those in same sex interracial relationships - does this type of thing happen to you?
Yes, all the time.

The attention primarily comes from black men and they are very aggressive when it comes to checking out a woman of [any] race, if they're bold enough. They usually don't care that my girlfriend and I are together once we ignore them, or say we're not interested. Come to think of it, this may be one of the biggest reasons we completely ignore any type of attention such as this on the streets, and it causes us to have to be cautious. Some men don't take rejection well and this one guy actually harrassed us for 15 minutes after we politely told him we were not interested in anything he had to say.

The stories I could tell are ridiculous.

[Sean]

<<They had a few people call into the radio show and state how the same goes for Black man/white woman relationships. Black females will sometimes hassle either party or make comments. >>

I find this to be true and usually it comes packaged with some guilt trip thats aimed towards me. From what I understand from conversations I've had with black women about it, is that a lot of the hostility comes from not a lot of a young black men bothering to get educated or having any sort of real ambition. I don't know how true it is though, just from what I've been told.

But another interesting I've noticed and been told is that it tends to happen more to lighter toned black men/women.

[Edited on 5-3-2005 by Tijay]

[Skirmisher]

Do you think this is more confined to here in the US and or black and white relationships?

I have a good deal of personal knowledge and experiences with South Americans marrying white North Americans and I have to say I do not ever recall hearing a similar sentiment being expressed by men or women from South America.

[theotherjohn]

Originally posted by Jadewolff
He started going off on how white men only use you for one thing etc etc. When I got offended, he was like "But I'm just telling you this as a brother would a sister." Um, I was under the impression that when you hit on someone, you most definitely do not think of them as a sister.



depends on what state you are from

[Nieninque]

I think it's a little naive to say that white people dont approach the white person in a mixed race couple...

Why is that

[Myitkyina]

my fiance is vietnamese, I'm portuguese...

when we first started dating, he was afraid to tell anyone about me, thinking his friends would tease him for being with a white woman and that his mom would quickly try to arrange a marriage for him... but, none of this has happened. We've never had any experiences like the one Wezas described or anything even close. His mom had a few stereotypical ideas of me before she met me, but she seems really supportive now. Maybe we're just lucky, but everyone (in both of our lives) has been really great.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Nieninque
I think it's a little naive to say that white people dont approach the white person in a mixed race couple... I don't know how it goes for opposite sexed couples but it does happen to my girlfriend but usually in indirect ways and not as often as it happens with black men. White men will not approach, nine times out of ten, but they will stare, glare, smile and nod, make licking motions with their tongue from a distance, and so on. Their ways are much more subtle yet equally unappealing.

Also, Tijay hit the nail on the head. From the black women I've talked to, I think alot of the hostility and anger stems from their personal experiences with black men. Or should I say, black men as a whole. Generalizations, stereotypes, media, and society also add to and don't attempt to detract from the images of the white woman as a trophy. Alot of it also has to do with being close-minded when it comes to things that are considered "different" or not the norm in the black community, which still includes interracial relationships.

[Tsa`ah]

A former co-worker/superior of mine is married to a white woman and I've witnessed similar events when the wife and I would go out with them.

He constantly had to deal with evil glares and snide remarks from black women and she had to constantly fight off advances and monetary "proposals" from black men.

In regards to his wife, it was assumed that she was one of two things. A prostitute or a white woman with a dark meat fetish. With him it was always assumed that he had a prostitute on his arm or he was just into white chicks.

They both took it in stride when they considered the sources of the proposals and remarks ... those that fit a stereotype. Truth be known, it's those that fit the stereotypes that make me sick to begin with.

[ElanthianSiren]

My father's sister is married to a lighter skinned half african american/half native american gentleman.

My aunt is not approached so much as my Uncle, Bill, is. I don't think it's ever escalated to anything physical, though I know it used to piss her off quite a bit. I think she is just desensitized to it now though as someone else pointed out in the thread. They tend to just ignore those others and have a good time together -- totally what coupling should be about anyway imo. You don't need people raining on your parade.

-Melissa

[Sean]

Originally posted by Nieninque
I think it's a little naive to say that white people dont approach the white person in a mixed race couple...

This is true..

But I can say only speaking for myself, and I've been in several interracial relationships, have never experienced it that way. I've never had a white man or woman for that matter come upto my girlfriend or even just a friend for that matter and comment to her infront of me.


Edit to say: But I've definitly been a vicitim of looks and glances. Although, and this is a bit of a reach because I didn't spend a whole lot of time down there, but the looks tended to be a lot nastier and meaner when I was in NC than those I recieve up here in NJ/NY.

[Edited on 5-3-2005 by Tijay]

I tend to gravitate towards people who don't suck at life, regardless of race, religion or sexuality. If you have a shitty existence, then I don't want to exist with you, period.

Also, someone explain to me how a term for someone who sits on cracker barrels by boat docks somehow bares an iota of the offensiveness that a term for a person of color being referred to as property would?

[Gan]

Racisim is just stupid. We're all the same color under the skin. White folks will lie out to become darker while black folks will stay out of the sun so they will be lighter. And yet we feel the need to degrade each other based solely on stereotypical nonsense as the color of ones skin. It is not scientifically proven that the pigment type of ones skin is tied to IQ, so why do we still treat people that way?

So what if you're dating a person of a different skin tone. Do you like each other? Do you treat each other with respect? Are you happy? That should be more important than what freaking color you are. Hell, I'm from Texas and it does not bother me if both of the people are even the same sex... WHO GIVES A SHIT!!! Please see the above questions if you're really concerned about whether each of the people in question should be together.

Yes, this is a soapbox of mine. People are too busy judging others and not looking in the mirror and fixing their own miserable existence instead.

As far as the incident mentioned at the first of the post. The offending idiot would have gotten one verbal warning before he was physically removed from the area. I have not the time in my short existence here on earth to waste it with people who do not have a clue. And disrespecting my lady or anyone in my party like that will result in a lesson being taught that will be remembered...

feh!

[Back]

My Mom (caucasian and very pretty) married a Mexican. Our family grew about 400%. lol I’ll have to ask them this question. The way I was raised, it never even crossed my mind.

I know shit like this happens. Its disappointing, but not surprising at the same time.

Had a white buddy in NY whose girl was black. He told me they encountered some messed up shit. How fucked up is that? A guy and a girl who dig each other go out and some asshole has something to prove and fucks up their evening? And I mean not just my buddies case, but all interracial couples.

I suppose now caucasian men don’t speak up much, but they used to lynch black men who were with caucasian women. Slave owners didn’t have that problem and fathered many more mixes themselves.

[Edaarin]

One of my real good girl friends told me how much shit she used to get at the dining hall whenever she went with my roommate (she's white and he's black). The people who work there (a lot of whom are unhirables) would just be like, "Who does she think she is?" and talk shit audibly.

I take a lot of flak from my parents for going out with white girls. I used to get stares from girls' sorority sisters, but who the hell cares what they think.

[Shalla]

Originally posted by Skirmisher
Do you think this is more confined to here in the US and or black and white relationships?

I have a good deal of personal knowledge and experiences with South Americans marrying white North Americans and I have to say I do not ever recall hearing a similar sentiment being expressed by men or women from South America.

I think majority of it are in the U.S. I've dated black and white, and other ethnic backgrounds and I haven't encountered any rudeness like that, ever. I'm not saying it never happens here in canada, but I'm sure it's very rare. Maybe because we didn't have that racial issues in our history.

[Snapp]

My boyfriend is black, and I can't say we've had many problems really (I'm guessing because the gay community is usually more open-minded, but not always). Although, I can say I've had similiar experiences to the white woman in Tsa'ah's example. When my boyfriend and I used to go out to gay bars/clubs, I would sometimes get hit on by other black men who assumed I just had a fetish for any black man that passed me... while my boyfriend and I were obviously standing there TOGETHER, holding hands or whatever. It's just so rude and obnoxious that they'd have the balls to do that with him standing there.

[Caiylania]

I dated a black guy once and got a few comments about it, I just blew them off. Sad thing is, one of the people who accused me of dating the guy just because I wanted to see 'what black was like' ran into me after I was married, and when he saw my husband was white, basicly said "I knew it"

How lame is that? So, if I date a guy with blonde hair, but marry a guy with brown hair, i was just seeing what 'blonde' was like? Give me a break.

Just to say, "Save the last Dance" is one of my favorite movies. Watched it one time with a black friend, and I asked her what she thought. (She loved it btw) her comment was that, a lot of it was very true. Like the sister's blow up to julia at the doctor's office and things like that.

I will always hold on to the hope that one day, racism will be a thing of the past, along with so many other stupid shit like sexism, and bias against gay people.