To love or to be loved..

[Shalla]

Ok, my sister asked me last night. Would you rather be loved or be the one loving? I know we want it all, but we all know that one person always feels more than the other. I had experienced both. but never a mutual thing.

I have loved deeply, but felt very vulnerable. I have been loved before, but didn't feel content because I was not inlove. I don't know if I will ever feel both, I certainly don't want to settle, but I don't want to have no trust on my partner either.

My hope is that when people get married, they have found to some extent, the mutual love that I seek.

[ElanthianSiren]

Hmmm tough question. Luckily, I love and am loved presently, but if I had to choose one of the two, I would definitely choose to do the loving.

In situations where people have been in love with me, and I don't return the sentiment, I tend to maintain a neutral demeanor. If they're persistent about it, I will withdraw, then progress to basically telling them to fuckoff, so if delusion had to happen one way or the other, I would rather be the one deluded.

-Melissa

[4a6c1]

Be the one loving. Im not good at the rosy-colored glasses thing but I am good at knowing when a good thing is over. To me, being able to just pick up and go without disrupting anything/anyone is ideal.

[Souzy]

Why is everyone never satisfied? If I'm going to marry someone, Hell no, I will not settle. He better be the one if I'm going to spend the rest of my damned life with him. I'd rather it be a mutual feeling though. There shouldn't be a label on love. It's either you love them or it wasn't love, it's just infatuation.

[Brattt8525]

I think either one is a sad situation. I have been in love to not have it returned, and I have been loved and not felt the same for them. In both situations I was uncomfortable, one because to be in love with someone and not recieve the same leaves you with so many worries. The having someone be in love with you but you not feel the same way leaves you feeling guilty etc.

I would rather be alone for the rest of my life then live either way.

[Apotheosis]

I would take a moment to say that people should consider what love actually is to them first too....

i personally would rather love then be loved, i guess, for many reasons which I do not feel like going into detail here.

[DeV]

I would rather be the one loving.

[Xcalibur]

Be loved

[Brattt8525]

Why would you want to be the one loving? To be giving all of yourself to someone who does not feel the same way. It only leads to bad feelings in the end. Yes being in love is an incredible feeling/high but the crash that follows because eventually you will feel unfulfilled is horrible and can be self destructing.

Jesus thats where the "you don't love me enough" you never put in the effort, you this you that and in the end it just falls apart. IMHO that is worse then actually being alone.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Brattt8525
To be giving all of yourself to someone who does not feel the same way. I have honestly never had this happen in any relationship I've been in. It has always been that I connect with people who love to love just as I do and let me tell you, it has been just the opposite for me. Sometimes, the loving in return is very intense and you connect on levels that are unexpected.

I think it boils down to your expectations in a partner and who you end up choosing. Compatibility.

[SayGoodbye]

To love is a wonderful thing, you find yourself falling completely into someone, giving up all defenses, trusting your heart in someone's hands. It's a very dangerous feeling because you never know if you're going to be uplifted or completely destroyed.

I would rather love, than be the one who constantly has walls put up and never let's anyone in. It's better to have loved and lost? I'm not sure about that, but while it lasts, that feeling simply cannot be beat.

Being loved is a fickle thing. But then again I suppose loving is as well. The whole damn business is such a gamble, and in the end you just gotta hope you come out somewhat not fucked up.

So in answer to the question, I would rather love, because If I love, then I know what I feel is real, and hopefully the person returns the feelings.

[Jorddyn]

I'd never again settle for either. I've been on both ends, and it is very uncomfortable and unfulfilling.

Jorddyn

[Brattt8525]

Originally posted by DeV

Originally posted by Brattt8525
To be giving all of yourself to someone who does not feel the same way. I have honestly never had this happen in any relationship I've been in. It has always been that I connect with people who love to love just as I do and let me tell you, it has been just the opposite for me. Sometimes, the loving in return is very intense and you connect on levels that are unexpected.

I think it boils down to your expectations in a partner and who you end up choosing. Compatibility.

If I read the first post correctly it was would you rather be the one loving without it being mutual, or be the one loved with it not being mutual. Maybe I am wrong.

[Back]

Been on both ends and I have to say, the mutual love is best. You may ask yourself, why give that up? My answer is, I was not the one who did.

An on-line test asked me once, “What is the best feeling in the world?” It was a fill in the blank test. My answer was being loved.

[DeV]

I would rather be the one loving for the very reasons that SayGoodBye listed in their post. I've never not had the feeling returned with any less intensity than I give of it freely. So, I'd definitely want it to be mutual, and it always has been.

Yeah um

I could be getting some good loving in all fashions from someone. But if I even doubt myself as not having reciprocating action, i'll just tell myself what a dick I am, and then slash my wrists.

[Back]

Originally posted by DeV
I would rather be the one loving for the very reasons that SayGoodBye listed in their post. I've never not had the feeling returned with any less intensity than I give of it freely. So, I'd definitely want it to be mutual, and it always has been.

Exactly, I give as much love as I get. The mutual love, of course, being best.

[Leetahkin]

Originally posted by SayGoodbye
To love is a wonderful thing, you find yourself falling completely into someone, giving up all defenses, trusting your heart in someone's hands. It's a very dangerous feeling because you never know if you're going to be uplifted or completely destroyed.


So in answer to the question, I would rather love, because If I love, then I know what I feel is real, and hopefully the person returns the feelings.

I agree completely with this. Nuff said.

[longshot]

It's better to be loved.

If you love one person, then your energy is consumed by that person.

If you are loved, you can be loved by many.

[Latrinsorm]

Loving: none in return, that hurts the self.
Loved: you know that you're hurting the other person, that hurts the other.

I would choose to be loving.

p.s: Isn't it funny how poorly words cover emotions?

[Apotheosis]

Originally posted by Jorddyn
I'd never again settle for either. I've been on both ends, and it is very uncomfortable and unfulfilling.

Jorddyn

Stop being a goth and/or feeling sorry for yourself.

[Edited on 4-28-2005 by Yswithe]

[Gan]

I'd rather be/do both. The act of... and reciprocation of are both something that I'd choose. Not one or the other, for that would only mean being half of what could be... what should be.

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by Yswithe

Originally posted by Jorddyn
I'd never again settle for either. I've been on both ends, and it is very uncomfortable and unfulfilling.

Jorddyn

Stop being a goth and/or feeling sorry for yourself.


You really need a visit to a neuroproctologist.

Jorddyn, neither

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Ganalon
I'd rather be/do both. The act of... and reciprocation of are both something that I'd choose. Not one or the other, for that would only mean being half of what could be... what should be. The point is you can only choose one. Nobody would choose just one when you could have both.

[Stunseed]

I'd rather love, then be loved.

[Gan]

Originally posted by Latrinsorm

Originally posted by Ganalon
I'd rather be/do both. The act of... and reciprocation of are both something that I'd choose. Not one or the other, for that would only mean being half of what could be... what should be. The point is you can only choose one. Nobody would choose just one when you could have both.

If I can not have both then I choose neither.

(yes I'm feeling non-conformist today)

[4a6c1]

Originally posted by longshot
It's better to be loved.

If you love one person, then your energy is consumed by that person.

If you are loved, you can be loved by many.

I used to feel this way until I was married. Honestly, love makes people act insane. I'd rather be the one giving the crazy than receiving all the crazy. I dont like having to deal with anyones crazy except my own.

[Asha]

It's too easy to just 'be' loved.
You can end up spending a damn long time smiling politely at the girl you're with while keeping you eyes open for someone else.

Loving someone is better. It makes all the most passionate parts of our nature come to the surface. Either in an effort to make the person we love 'our own', or in a way to deal with how we'll never have them completely.

[Nakiro]

I'd rather love. I can love someone without being in love with them too. For me those are two different things.

Remember, love is a verb, an action. You have to do it, not feel it.

[HarmNone]

Love is also a noun. It's something one can give to, or receive from, another.

I really think we need to define what kind of love we're talking about. If it's romantic love, that's one thing. If it's platonic love, it's quite another. Romantic love bears with it expectations. If those expectations are not met, romatic love will, inevitably, die. Platonic love is given without expectation and will remain no matter what happens.

[Tsunami]

If I had to pick one or the other, I would rather be loved, than love, I can deal with the guilt much better than the heartache.

Fortunately my husband and I share an intense love I never before thought possible.