Texas

[Drew2]

I just got this in an e-mail. Everything here is 100% true. :D


Things to know about Texas:

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a few no one
has ever seen before.

Raccoons will test your melon crop and let you know when they are ripe.

If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you!

Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.

There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house.

A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 till June 25, then it stops totally until
October 2.

Onced and twiced are words.



Coldbeer is one word.

People actually grow and eat okra.

Green grass DOES burn.

When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them
off at your front gate in the middle of the night.

The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks.

When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a doctor.

Fix-in-to is one word

A TANK is a dirt hole that holds water for irrigation, watering the cows, or
swimming

There ain't no such thing as"lunch". There is only dinner and then there's
supper.

"Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when
you are two.

Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "did you eat?"

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You
work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You Know you are from Texas if:

1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch for "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

3. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

4. You see a car with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with no
one in it, no mater what time of the year.

5.You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixin' to go to the store. (note: in
the portion above "fix-in-to" is one word....)

6 All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a vegetable.

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables for your own car.

9. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.

l0. You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Catsup, and
Tabasco.

11. You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.

12. You think sexy underwear is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.

13. The local papers covers national and international news on one page but
requires six pages to cover Friday night high school football.

14. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

15. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

16. You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm

17. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer and
Christmas.

18. You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas as
soon as he opens his mouth.

19 Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin Wal-Martin" or "off
to Wally-world".

20. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.

21. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop....It's a Coke
regardless of brand of flavor.

22. You understand these jokes.

[Solkern]

LOL that was funny shit

[Drew2]

"Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when
you are two.

Sweet tea > all

Edit: Sweet tea, not sweat tea.

[Edited on 9-22-2003 by Tayre]

[Scott]

Wally-world? That's.... weird. Made me laugh though.

[Drew2]

You've never heard that term? Hmm. It's very common here, seriously.

[Snapp]

That's really bizarre.. Texas people are really hicks.

[Drew2]

To us, you're the weird one.

[Scott]

I've never heard Wally world or heard Walmart used a verb. I'd laugh if someone said that where I'm from.

[Kurili]

It all works in rural Florida and in Georgia too. And yes, there are Wally-worlds there too.

Armadillos are born looking for a highway to fling themselves on.

Acolyte Kurili, fluent in redneckese

[Betheny]

The only Wally-world I've heard of is in National Lampoon's Vacation.

[Savanae]

My two favorite sayings since I moved to Texas eight years ago have been,

"If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes it will change."

"Texas is mexican for ant hill."

Let me tell you, fire ants suck! Every year I get nabbed by them and when the swelling finally goes down I start packing to get the heck out of this place. Then I realize that means going out side and dealing with more ants. So I just lock the door crank the A/C and wait for December.

[Betheny]

Fire ants really exist?!

[Zanagodly]

"Time to pack the family of 10 in the old station wagon, and hit up Wally-World to pick up a package of parachute panties, a case of Sam's Choice Cola, and 3 boxes of Marlboros."

[Betheny]

I love Wal-mart. :(

[Savanae]

Originally posted by Maimara
Fire ants really exist?!

Oh heck yea, you should see the huge mounds the build right after a rain storm around here.

I really hate those little buggers man.

[Artha]

Some bug spray should fix your problem.

*edit: Or piss them off. One of the two.

[Edited on 9-22-2003 by Artha]

[Kurili]

Having once owned three acres of Florida, I can assure you, fire ants scoff at bug spray. They are barely annoyed by the expensive stuff just made specifically FOR them. It seems to kill off a few of the weaker members of the colony, and might cause the others to abandon that mound and move five feet away. No more. You can pour gasoline on the mound, let it soak in, then light it, and there will STILL be plenty of ants left to just relocate.

Acolyte Kurili, enemy of fire ants

[Savanae]

Originally posted by Kurili
You can pour gasoline on the mound, let it soak in, then light it, and there will STILL be plenty of ants left to just relocate.

Acolyte Kurili, enemy of fire ants

Heck with relocate, it really pisses them off and they revolt!

[Kurili]

That too.

Acolyte Kuril, now in Michigan, and hopefully antless

[Savanae]

Originally posted by Kurili
That too.

Acolyte Kuril, now in Michigan, and hopefully antless

I could send you a colony or two if ya miss 'em.

I wonder if sending fire ants through the mail is a federal offence. hmmm.

:D

[Artha]

You can pour gasoline on the mound, let it soak in, then light it, and there will STILL be plenty of ants left to just relocate.

Durrr, that's what they're called fire ants. You have to freeze them.

[Kurili]

Why do you think they live where freezing is about as common as a snowball in hell?

Acolyte Kurili

[longshot]

Originally posted by Tayre

Coldbeer is one word.



I worked for a wine distribution company for an internship during college. I was taking an order at a walmart, and this woman thought I worked at the store. She asked me if I knew where the "Coldbeer" was.

I brought her to an Austrialian dessert wine called "Corbet".

The look of dissappointment on this woman's face was priceless.

"No, no, no, honey... "Cold Beer".

"Ohhh.... sorry I don't work here..."

That was really funny Tayre. Good e-mail.

edited to fix formatting

[Edited on 9-22-2003 by longshot]

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

When I lived in Texas we used to pour a little gasoline in a rattlesnake den (you have to be precise because not enough did nothing, too much killed them), and then sit back with a 22 rifle and shoot them as they came out. Ahhhhhh, memories.

That and the 4 lbs grasshoppers.

[Scott]

Originally posted by longshot

Originally posted by Tayre

Coldbeer is one word.



I worked for a wine distribution company for an internship during college. I was taking an order at a walmart, and this woman thought I worked at the store. She asked me if I knew where the "Coldbeer" was.

I brought her to an Austrialian dessert wine called "Corbet".

The look of dissappointment on this woman's face was priceless.

"No, no, no, honey... "Cold Beer".

"Ohhh.... sorry I don't work here..."

That was really funny Tayre. Good e-mail.

edited to fix formatting

[Edited on 9-22-2003 by longshot]

That reminds me a story. I was sitting in Best Buy waiting to pick up a TV. So I'm just sitting around and this lady comes up to me and asks me to get this TV off the shelf. So I pull over those crazy ladders they have and get it down for her and everything. Then the manager of the store came over and starts telling me not to use the ladder again, I wasn't allowed to do that. After a little arguement he left the lady asks me why the guy yelled at me, I was like I don't work here. She smiled and theanked me for my help and then bought her TV while I waited for mine. I got my TV and I walked up to buy it about 5 minutes later, the guy handed me a reciept and said "Thanks for shopping at Best Buy" and smiled at me. The lady bought my 35 inch TV for me.

4 LB Grasshoppers!!!! WTF!!!!

[Savanae]

Don't forget cricket season! This is the only place I have ever seen crickits just all over buildings and roads and oh damn their everywhere for like a month then just disapear.

[Kurili]

Hey, that was a nice surprise, eh Sintik. There are a lot of good people around.

Acolyte Kurili

[Kurili]

And I dont miss the fire ants, so dont be sending any. It probably is illegal anyway. :-)

Now some little green tree frogs from Florida you can send.

Acolyte Kurili, missing the tree frogs

[i remember halloween]

texas is the reason that the president's dead

[DCSL]

Heh, most of those are SOOOO true. I guess because I live in Austin (which is a strangely eccentric environmentalist haven sitting in the middle of hick land) I don't hear ALL of those things. We've got a few Wal-marts but I've never been Wal-marting.

And yes, the fire ants are very real and very horrible. Recently, we found a couple in our second story apartment... they bit the hell out of my foot and it got all swollen.

But, I can live with the fire ants. What I really hate are the scorpions! My favorite scorpion-killing was when I found a scorpion in an empty glass cup, still alive. Dunno how it got in there or why but it was a great opportunity! I poured a bunch of lighter fluid in there and set the fucker on fire. I really, really, really hate scorpions...

What else in the way of critters? Centipedes. The kind with the stingers that're six inches or more long. They don't die, I swear! One of them fell on my mother from a vent and got stung.. she said it felt like an electric shock... I stomped on it with my Doc Marten but the fucker wouldn't die! I lifted my foot up and it didn't even have a dent in it! Finally, I cut it into three pieces that continued to flop around and sting the floor.

Yep. That's Texas. Australia is alot like it in some places, I hear, with a large amount of deadly/poisonous critters.

Edited for spelling.

[Edited on 9-22-2003 by DCSL]

[Snapp]

Okay, with bugs like that, I definitely will never visit Texas.

[Savanae]

Originally posted by Kurili
And I dont miss the fire ants, so dont be sending any. It probably is illegal anyway. :-)

Now some little green tree frogs from Florida you can send.

Acolyte Kurili, missing the tree frogs

Unfortunatly I am in Texas and not Florida, so alas I can not send you any cute tree frogs.

Savanae pouting cause there aren't any cute tree frogs where she lives.

:spin:

[longshot]

Sintik, I didn't even get a 40oz out of the deal...

That's awesome though!
Great story.

[Kurili]

Awww. we'll have to make an illegal wildlife-grabbing run to Florida and liberate some tree frogs.

Acolyte Kurili

"Free the Frogs!"

[Jenisi]

I would love to live in Texas because of the heat and weather. But yeah, I'm terrified after these stories. I lived in North Carolina for a year and we had fire ants, but they weren't nearly as bad as what I'm hearing here. I got bit by one once, it didn't swell up or anything but it hurt like a bitch. I miss the south *sigh*

[Edited on 9-23-2003 by Jenisi]

[Drew2]

It's really not that bad. I rarely ever see fire ants anymore, really. They made fire ant killer for a reason. :D Most places are usually pretty good about keeping their ant population down. But I have to say being bit by one, no matter how infrequently you see them, is a pain in the ass.

The seasons are basically true, however. Summer, almost summer, not quite summer, Christmas. (Or something like that). Our best weather is in early winter, I think. And that's usually lower 70's, upper 60's. In Houston, anyway. The farther away from the coast you get, the colder it gets, obviously.

[Artha]

Don't you also have killer bees in texas?

[Drew2]

We have killer everything in Texas. But yes, I've heard stories of Killer Bees somewhere around here. They're not very frequent, though.

OMG This is my 1001 post.

[DCSL]

New Mexico has it worse in the killer bee department, I think. I've heard of deaths over there from them. But of course, they are a neighboring state, so the bees are probably all over here too. Killer bees aren't any more poisonous than regular ones, anyway... one sting won't hurt you any more than usual. It's just that they're so aggressive, they will swarm at the drop of a hat and keep stinging until you stop moving if you get trapped with them. I've never been stung by anything but scorpions though, heh... so I dunno. I just got all that from a nature show on deadly insects in the US.

My favorite Texas season is summer. I guess it's my Cuban genes or something, but I love the heat. I like to bask. My boyfriend says I turn into some kind of lizard in summer. A hundred degrees? No problem. Love it.

[Weedmage Princess]

There was a little tree frog on my balcony a couple of nights back. Second time it got up onto my balcony...cute lil thing.

[Kurili]

Used to have tree frogs in the bathroom. Couldnt get rid of them. But...my now ex-Mother in Law wouldnt go NEAR the bathroom once she saw them, which meant she seldom visited, which was a very good thing. Bless the tree frogs!

Anything that kept 'The Evil One' from visiting was fine with me.


Acolyte Kurili

[Savanae]

Originally posted by Kurili
Awww. we'll have to make an illegal wildlife-grabbing run to Florida and liberate some tree frogs.

Acolyte Kurili

"Free the Frogs!"

Sounds like a plan to me!

I Had a cute little geko in the house last night, I had to save him from my cats. Geko's are cute little buggers.

Suzanne

[Kurili]

Free the Frogs! Gecko Liberation!

Acolyte Kurili, who is losing it

[Savanae]

Originally posted by Kurili
Free the Frogs! Gecko Liberation!

Acolyte Kurili, who is losing it

I think Geckos are one of the few good things about Texas.

Suzanne joining the Gecko liberation movement. (GLM!!!)

:tumble: