Elizabeth, or Change

[Ylena]

It's that special time of year again. I'm going to be 42 in 20 days.

I hate birthdays. Yet another 'gentle' reminder from the Powers That Be that there's no cosmic exception for me on the aging and dying thing.

If I left my hair alone, it would be almost entirely white. Instead, it gets to be a new color every 5 weeks or so! Yay! I'm hoping I'm imagining it, but my eyelids seem to be much less resilient.

Gary and I started doing Atkins a couple of weeks ago. I've been really, really strict about it. No more cokes, at all. Surprisingly, quitting this time was much easier than it usually is. I've got a box of Diet Dr Pepper at work, some bottled water, and some salami and cheese in the fridge so that I can restrain myself from tossing .50 in the vending machine for Fritos.

The only thing worse than being old or fat is being old AND fat. I've struggled with it with varying degrees of success my entire life. I had gastric stapling done 11 years ago, and went from 425 to 201. Over time, a fair bit has crept back on, but I'm nowhere close to what I was at my peak.

Morbidly obese. Well, I feel morbid right now, that seems pretty appropriate.

I know I shouldn't dwell in the doldrums. In a hell of a lot of ways, I'm an extremely fortunate person. I just need to learn to be okay with the fact that I'm never going to be a fortunate person who was tiny and cute. Maybe I can at least get to smaller and passable.

[Jorddyn]

I'm not hitting the same age, but my golden birthday is coming up in a couple months, and I'm struggling with the same issue. I seriously wish you the best of luck. I know it isn't easy.

Jorddyn, day 3 at the gym

Yeah, too bad you missed out being in better shape during the younger years of your life.. Look at this way, 40 is the new 30 though! Good luck on losing weight! :D :D :D :D

- Arkans

[TheRoseLady]

You know Elizabeth, you are one of those rare persons with whom I never fail to to read your posts, and when I do, I come away from them with some greater appreciation, knowledge or insight about something. You're one of the rarest in that respect.

Dare I suggest that until you work through your issues with food, no diet or future gastric revision will make those long terms complications disappear. I know that we've talked about this before, it sure is a journey.

Even if you never lose another pound, you're really such a wonderful person that both fit and unfit could take a page a two from your playbook. If you do lose weight, do it for your health and not to achieve someone else's vision of what is "acceptable".

As for getting older, I seriously need to get my hair dyed - my natural blonde is getting naturally grayish blonde. (The one thing I always loved - my hair - it's failing me.) :spaz:

Never lose that wonderful edge, you're really a gem.

[Edited on 4-20-2005 by TheRoseLady]

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I'm 34 and probably 30 lbs overweight. I've been working out six days a week and eating smaller portions... averaging 4-6 lbs a month weight loss (assuming I'm getting muscle mass too). The thing I REALLY miss is that when I was 28, 29, if I did this, I'd be lean and mean inside 3 or 4 months. Now... I'm looking at half a year or more :(

Getting older doesn't really suck so much, as how it sneaks up on you. I have grey hairs in my goatee!

Oh well, I will say this, I get more attention from the ladies at 34 than I did at 25.

<3 the ladies.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

And I didn't say it in my post, but basically what I mean is, I can relate, even if it's to a lesser degree. We are all human, and sometimes being human is hard.

I may not be happy with how I look, but I am happy with who I am. I think you should be too Elizabeth. I'd agree with TRL, I don't skip your posts.

[SpunGirl]

What TRL and SHM said, Liz. You're someone I love seeing when I go to gathers and I hate missing a chance to chat with.

I remember the first time I met you, it was at one of my first GS gathers. You were someone I'd been previously aware of as a kind of "GemStone Celebrity" (or really well-known con-goer, to say the least). Out of everyone, you have been one of the most geniune and welcoming people I've met.

Good luck in your goals, and call me next time you come to town!

-K

[HarmNone]

Sweetie, you are beautiful. There is so much more to beauty than the external shell. You know that, and I know you know it; however, at our age it's easy to get side-tracked around those nasty birthdays. ;)

Whether you lose weight, or not, you are still a glorious person and a true light in the world. Let that light shine and don't worry about the externals. They're superfluous to that which is who you are.

[Edaarin]

Holy crap, you're old enough to be my mom!

But I'd like to echo SHM's sentiment, he hit the nail on the head.

[Ylena]

My son Chris is going to graduate from high school at the end of the month.

A year and a half ago, Chris was one messed-up kid. He was living with me, failing school, and had a horrible attitude. After the last big blowout, he ended up in Juvenile Hall for nine days. The lowest point in my life thus far was watching my kid get handcuffed in my living room, knowing there was nothing I could do about it, and hoping desperately it would prove to be the wake-up call he needed.

Chris moved in with his dad, step-mom and three step-brothers, and has done a great job in getting his act together. He's made all As and Bs since the move, and he's going to graduate on time -- something that was VERY much in question a year and a half ago. I hate like hell it's worked out the way it has, but he's a better, stronger person, and has learned from his mistakes. I am so proud of him.

I found out the week before spring break that Chris' choir was going to Disney World, and Chris wasn't going. Not because he couldn't.. because 'he didn't think anybody could afford it.' He never told me he needed money - hell, I would have paid for it in a heartbeat. Come to find out today that he's never had his senior picture taken, and nobody ordered his graduation invitations or his cap and gown. He'd given the order form for the invitations and cap/gown to his step-mother, who didn't order anything because she didn't think his step-brother would be graduating. WTF??!! It has nothing to do with Chris. Jeez.

He's planning on moving in with my parents and going to junior college, but it looks like things are falling apart at his dad's, so now the odds are good that he's moving in with Gary and I for the summer. In a one-bedroom apartment. (My folks are going to Alaska this summer, else they would gladly have him earlier.)

Looks like I'm going to get more change than I planned.

[Ylena]

And, BTW, thanks for all the encouragement. You guys are much nicer to me than I probably deserve. Upon re-reading, that was a lot more self-pitying than I ever intended. I'm honestly quite optimistic at the moment in general, but gah, the birthday shit sucks.

[HarmNone]

I'm so glad to hear your son managed to find the right path for himself. That says a lot for him! You'll probably enjoy having him with you a lot more this time, and he'll probably appreciate you a lot more. It happens that way.

And, yeah...the birthday shit certainly does suck! :lol:

[Parkbandit]

Holy shit.. someone older than me!

:D

[SnatchWrangler]

Hey, good luck with the diet. I just started on the same thing a little over a week ago. I got sick of going to work with my pant's button undone and my belt covering up the undone button.

Thankfully I quit smoking about 6 months ago...but I've slowly gained 20 or so lbs since then.

( <-----Has roastbeef, prosciutto, and cheese in the fridge)

[Shari]

I'm going to see if I can sum this up in a few paragraphs, hopefully without sounding like a snot. Because that is FAR from my intention.

I think that the best way to be comfortable with who you are, is to remove people from your life that base who you are, on what you look like.

Now, I'm no where near my mid-life crisis yet, (Though sometimes I swear I go through mini-mid-life-crisises) and maybe I have no room to talk because I have no gray hairs (that I've seen anyway) or children I'm sending away to college. However, I hope, by the time I reach that point I will be beyond having to worry about those gray hairs and just be happy with who I am, and the wonderful people I keep around me.

Don't let another notch on the wall keep you from being happy about where you are now in life. I mean DAMN, loosing all that weight is a huge deal, and perhaps you aren't meant to be 130lbs, hell, I know I'm not. And you've got a husband, who are you trying to impress? :D (this to be taken in jest!)

I would concentrate on YOURSELF, enjoying where your at now. You know that whole "youth is wasted on the young" phrase? Well, I look at my parents with envy at times, wishing I could skip past all the bullshit of having to pull myself out of the mud, becoming financially stable, raising a family, etc...to be retired and look back and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

I think I'm starting to ramble now, but don't let a number get you down, you're only as old as you FEEL.

[Rutilcaper]

Hate to sound unsympathetic but:

Don't do the Atkins diet. My roommate did it and he lost a lot of weight, real fast. Then he started eating bread and crap agian and gained it all back and MORE. A friend's roommate was doing it in college and was eating a BAG of pepperoni a day. That was his food. The kid's gonna have a stroke at 25.

If you're going to do it at least do it smart. Eat chicken and salads and fish. Take your vitamins. Otherwise you're just trading one problem for another.

I still stand by the old mantra of exercise, exercise, exercise though. A diet without exercise is pointless in the first place, because the first thing you're gonna lose is muscle weight. It's amazing what even 20 minutes a day on a treadmill and 100 sit-ups can do for you and you can only go up from there! And you can eat all the bread you want!

Regardless: Good luck in future endeavors.

[Edaarin]

I think that it says a lot of your son that he would sacrifice an end-of-high-school trip out of consideration for his parents. I'm not going to make any presumptions as to what kind of person he is, but something like that shows me more than 1000 posts on a message board can.

[Ylena]

Jesus, sometimes reality imitates fantasy.

A few years ago, Mattel had a Barbie doll that you could custom build. I created a Ylena doll. Her gown was called Purple Passion.

So fast forward a bit to this week. We're going to a masquerade ball in Hollywood next weekend, and on short notice, I had to find a gown. So, what did I find? Purple Passion. It even freaking looks like the doll's gown, comes with a shawl, etc.

I'm turning into my fantasy other me!

[Back]

From what I remember of Ylena, you should look fabulous.

[Jazuela]

Silly woman. Okay - you're a big lady. It's no secret, eh? But you're a big gorgeous lady with an even bigger gorgeous heart, and an immense gorgeous spirit.

So STFU about your self-depreciating crap will ya? Good grief. You Are Loveable. Period! Not "you're lovable, but you should lose a few dozen pounds." Not "you're loveable but I can't breathe when I smuch my face between your boobs." Not "you're loveable but you're fucked up." Not "you're loveable but you're old."

You're Loveable. Now all you need to to is REMEMBER that about your SELF, and everything else will fall into place. The weight will come off, because you won't need to feel like punishing yourself for being you anymore. The little wrinkles you hate around your eyes will become the frame that surrounds the sparkle of joy that reflects outward to everything in your view.

Never be afraid of growing old. Always consider the other alternative - NOT growing old. Mark each birthday as a celebration of not only making it through the past year, but making it through surrounded by family and friends. You have much to celebrate, Elizabeth.

With love!!
Roberta - who just happens to be older than you, so there, nya!

[HarmNone]

Chuck the shawl, hon. You need a boa! ;)

[Ylena]

Funny you should say that...

The dress is really, really purple. It looks terrific when I hold my emerald ring against it. I'm strongly considering carrying my very very cool peacock feather boa. It's super-fragile, I've only ever carried it around once, but I'm thinking maybe a peacock feather mask and the boa against the purple would be absolutely fab.

Now, where the hell can I find somebody to dye me shoes and a purse to match the gown? <scramble>

[HarmNone]

You positively MUST do the boa! There can be no Passion, Purple or otherwise, without the boa! The boa is the fashion statement. Without it, passion is mute. ;)

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

And remember to flaunt the twins!

[Ylena]

Today would have been my nineteenth wedding anniversary, if I'd stayed stupid and unhappy. :)

Fortunately, I've got a better event to commemorate today. My son Chris formally enrolled in jr. college today and bought his books. YAY! He's taking English I, Biology I, Government, History of US to 1877, a guitar class, and probably singing in the choir (he has to audition next Wednesday, but he'll get in).

I am teh proud parent. It's certainly not Harvard, but it IS progress.

Now, I just need to figure out what the hell to buy him for his 18th birthday on Saturday...

[Soulpieced]

Now, I just need to figure out what the hell to buy him for his 18th birthday on Saturday...

.

a guitar class,

.

Is it really that difficult?

[HarmNone]

Wonderful news, Elizabeth! It's always hard to see them grow up, but it's rewarding to see them start off on a life of their own. Congratulations, to you and your son! :)

[Leetahkin]

I had never seen this thread before, so I read it from the beginning. Being a person who is a bit overweight, I can't help but say I took all of these posts to heart. From you, Ylena, opening up and talking about it, to the support around the PC.

That is awesome that you are able to stabilize your weight. It's a good sign (I think) that you will be able to lose more, at your own pace.

In the past two years or so, I have lost 30 - 40 pounds, and have been hovering around the same weight for a while now. It's time I tried to lose a little bit more. Give yourself small goals - I try to focus on 10 pounds at a time. Then stay there. Don't rush. I have about the same amount left to lose that I have already lost.

That is also awesome that your son is moving on to college. I can imagine that you're very proud of him.

Keep up the great work in your life, you sound like you're having a ball! Above all, keep smiling for who you are.

[Chelle]

Unfortunately I have not had the pleasure of meeting you, Ylena, but like others your post is one I go to because it's worth reading.

It is true though 40 is the next 30! I'm turning the big 33 round the end of this month as well. So happy birthday to you...and to me! :D

[Artha]

Now, I just need to figure out what the hell to buy him for his 18th birthday on Saturday...
Hey, my 18th is on Saturday too. Weird.

Anyway, take him to a strip club.

[Doyle Hargraves]

Originally posted by Ylena
It's that special time of year again. I'm going to be 42 in 20 days.

I hate birthdays. Yet another 'gentle' reminder from the Powers That Be that there's no cosmic exception for me on the aging and dying thing.

If I left my hair alone, it would be almost entirely white. Instead, it gets to be a new color every 5 weeks or so! Yay! I'm hoping I'm imagining it, but my eyelids seem to be much less resilient.

Gary and I started doing Atkins a couple of weeks ago. I've been really, really strict about it. No more cokes, at all. Surprisingly, quitting this time was much easier than it usually is. I've got a box of Diet Dr Pepper at work, some bottled water, and some salami and cheese in the fridge so that I can restrain myself from tossing .50 in the vending machine for Fritos.

The only thing worse than being old or fat is being old AND fat. I've struggled with it with varying degrees of success my entire life. I had gastric stapling done 11 years ago, and went from 425 to 201. Over time, a fair bit has crept back on, but I'm nowhere close to what I was at my peak.

Morbidly obese. Well, I feel morbid right now, that seems pretty appropriate.

I know I shouldn't dwell in the doldrums. In a hell of a lot of ways, I'm an extremely fortunate person. I just need to learn to be okay with the fact that I'm never going to be a fortunate person who was tiny and cute. Maybe I can at least get to smaller and passable.

You gotta at least give yourself credit for giving a shit about yourself enough to at least attempt to do something about it.

It could be much worse. You could just not give a fuck at all and be like this demonstration of what a waste of life truly is:
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a162/DoyleHargraves/FatSlobEatingPie.jpg

[Ylena]

...8...9...10. Okay.

Excess body fat does NOT equal a waste of life.

Posting exploitative pictures of fat people is not at all motivational. Believe me.

[Doyle Hargraves]

No no, what I'm saying is props to you for caring enough about yourself to do something about it.

The person in the picture is quite the opposite (as in just doesn't care). It wasn't meant as an insult towards you in any way whatsoever.

I apologize for the misunderstanding.

[Hulkein]

I think he's more referring to the candy wrappers on her leg and the entire cake she's set to devour, heh.