Confess your secrets

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I have a few dirty secrets I feel like sharing.

I collect comic books. I have every comic I ever bought since the 1970's, and I spend probably 1-200 a month on series that I literally just buy, bag and board and file away. I have probably 70 long boxes of comics.

I am a prepper. I have ammunition, water, water filters, freeze dried food, go bags, all kinds of paranoid shit. My wife puts up with it. I have a full walk in safe room in my basement.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

In my safe room, I have coffee and cigarettes for the end of times barter. I seriously have a problem.

[Amerek]

Do cigarettes ever go stale?

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Do cigarettes ever go stale?

In the zombie apocalypse, no.

[Neveragain]

I have a sister that was put up for adoption after my mom was raped in high school. She recently has been communicating with my mom.

My sister has 2 daughters, happily married and has lead a very good life.

Why I fight.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Not everyone drinks coffee or smokes, canned foods are better imo. Get precious metals, like gold or silver coins, for big purchases, “need your generator, I’ll give yah 5 1 ounce silvers for it. etc.”

I have a generator, food for two with a 25 year shelf life for 6 months. I don't have gold or silver though.

[PoBoy]

Don't forget pint bottles of cheap whiskey for barter. If you plan to grow and can your own food, make sure you have plenty of extra canning lids.

[Astray]

Under the house I have a box of hollow points I bought in Mexico and a pistol without a serial.

[Neveragain]

In my safe room, I have coffee and cigarettes for the end of times barter. I seriously have a problem.

When I hear preppers talk about storing coffee for bartering, it always reminds me of the movie "Cold Mountain".

Renee Zellweger "That there's real coffee, not none of that chicory and dirt." What an amazing performance.

[Gelston]

What is this? fucking Gossip Girl?

[Astray]

What is this? fucking Gossip Girl?

Yes.

[Gelston]

Yes.

Oh. Then, I love this song.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ncnKjZzOPs

[Taernath]

I have a few dirty secrets I feel like sharing.

I collect comic books. I have every comic I ever bought since the 1970's, and I spend probably 1-200 a month on series that I literally just buy, bag and board and file away. I have probably 70 long boxes of comics.

I am a prepper. I have ammunition, water, water filters, freeze dried food, go bags, all kinds of paranoid shit. My wife puts up with it. I have a full walk in safe room in my basement.

Those are hobbies, not secrets.

[Gelston]

The biggest secret anyone should have here is that they post on a forum for a text based RPG from the '80s.

[Taernath]

The biggest secret anyone should have here is that they post on a forum for a text based RPG from the '80s.

Yeah GS is something I have never told anyone else about. The handful of times someone has walked in on me playing GS I tell them I'm coding.

[Gelston]

Yeah GS is something I have never told anyone else about. The handful of times someone has walked in on me playing GS I tell them I'm coding.

I've always said it was a chat room. I mean, I'm not technically lying.

[Taernath]

I've always said it was a chat room. I mean, I'm not technically lying.

30-40 year old guy in a chat room is just as bad a look as MUD player, maybe. That's one reason I stay away from Discord.

I've got a secret. I ordered the 40k Ork codex off Amazon years ago - it was super late arriving and when I complained the seller sent another one. They both wound up arriving at the same time and I never sent one back.

[Gelston]

30-40 year old guy in a chat room is just as bad a look as MUD player, maybe. That's one reason I stay away from Discord.

I was 26 the last time someone saw me playing GS.

[Ardwen]

Comic books aren't a secret, if you are smart they are a very good investment. I have lots of them, not 70 boxes which is like 30000 comics eesh.

[Astray]

Didn’t want to go back to the office, saw Annabelle instead, only one in theatre, got scared after 29 minutes in and left. Am I a pussy?

Yes. Jesus Christ, it's a dumbass movie about a stupid doll.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Those are hobbies, not secrets.


Naw, these are things I don't tell people I know. So, secrets to me. And prepping isn't a hobby, it's serious business.

[Stanley Burrell]

If I'm in my house or an extremely clean + private restroom, I usually disrobe to help me take a shit. I think it's an OCD behavior or some shit like that.

[Astray]

If I'm in my house or an extremely clean + private restroom, I usually disrobe to help me take a shit. I think it's an OCD behavior or some shit like that.

I hover in any place that isn't home. I can't touch a strange toilet or even a friends toilet, no matter how clean.

[Stanley Burrell]

I hover in any place that isn't home. I can't touch a strange toilet or even a friends toilet, no matter how clean.

Word, I always get a lingering still-isn't-all-out feeling when rushing (rushing by my standards) in a hover zone.

Edit: Also, this is douchey, but I drop a ton of toilet paper in public bathrooms if I even think for a fleeting nanosecond that my scrotum might make contact with the fungus water. Sorry about making whoever wet-vac.

[Tisket]

Word, I always get a lingering still-isn't-all-out feeling when rushing (rushing by my standards) in a hover zone.

Edit: Also, this is douchey, but I drop a ton of toilet paper in public bathrooms if I even think for a fleeting nanosecond that my scrotum might make contact with the fungus water. Sorry about making whoever wet-vac.

That's not douchey, that's smart.

[Taernath]

If I'm in my house or an extremely clean + private restroom, I usually disrobe to help me take a shit. I think it's an OCD behavior or some shit like that.

I take my shirt off while pooping whenever I can.

[Back]

I did not vote for president in 2000. (My state went Gore tho.)

[Some Rogue]

Got some George Costanza poopers in here.

[Parkbandit]

Got some George Costanza poopers in here.

LOL was thinking the exact same thing

[Taernath]

Embrace your true potential.

[Lord Orbstar]

What kind of secrets are we looking for here?

[Astray]

I was fucking around with a nail gun and I shot a nail through my neighbors tire. He thinks he ran it over.

[Gelston]

I was fucking around with a nail gun and I shot a nail through my neighbors tire. He thinks he ran it over.

Reported to Bridgestone/Firestone Enforcement Committee.

[Tisket]

I take my shirt off while pooping whenever I can.

I will do just about anything to avoid pooping in a public restroom.

I usually keep my clothes on though.

[Wrathbringer]

I will do just about anything to avoid pooping in a public restroom.

I usually keep my clothes on though.

:lol: YOU POOP WITH YOUR PANTS ON IN PUBLIC????

[Ososis]

I shit in Harrison Ford's house one time.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I saw Jeff Goldblum, Laura Dern and Chris Farley at the 4 seasons in LA. My secret is that I got giddy as shit about Chris Farley and kept trying to stand up when he was nearby/walking around.

[Ososis]

I saw Jeff Goldblum, Laura Dern and Chris Farley at the 4 seasons in LA. My secret is that I got giddy as shit about Chris Farley and kept trying to stand up when he was nearby/walking around.

We call it "fan-girling". I've always been decent about it then it struck me HARD with a musician from a key point of my younger years. My inner monoluge was something like- Fuck. fuck. Don't tell him you love him, people don't appreciate that...but maybe he loves me back? What? No! That's crazy talk. Pull it together. Fuck, how long have I been standing here? But what if he DID love me and I never said anything? Just tell him he doesn't know you, but you are soul mates and should totally be best friends, yeah thats not murdery at all! Oh wait, SHIT! Did he ask a question? Oh yeah! FUCK! Answer before he thinks you want to wear his skin! "Uh, oh yeah. Fuck yeah I smoke weed"

[Astray]

Reported to Bridgestone/Firestone Enforcement Committee.

Apparently he works in a warehouse and lots of shit falls off the trucks where employees park. His work has a monthly tire replacement deal. So I don't feel quite as awful as I did initially.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I drive a full sized pickup. When I'm driving I frequently have very specific fantasies of just ramming cars that piss me off, off the road or into oncoming traffic. Like... how easy it would be.

[leifastagsweed]

I drive a full sized pickup. When I'm driving I frequently have very specific fantasies of just ramming cars that piss me off, off the road or into oncoming traffic. Like... how easy it would be.

Same


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siTTQUhFGSw

[Tisket]

:lol: YOU POOP WITH YOUR PANTS ON IN PUBLIC????

Yeah, I realized how that sounded after I posted, but didn't seem worth editing.

lol

[Ososis]

Yeah, I realized how that sounded after I posted, but didn't seem worth editing.

lol


Official Butt Flap Scripts: as confirmed by Gm Consort Tisket. Plate armor will have an additional 5RT but fastshart passes will be available for simucoins. EG will be featuring a new currency, PeeShells, which can purchase fluffer tier unlocks for pisspant flares. BE AWARE, these are different from the HorseyShells that unlock your mounts to allow ambient shit messaging, and piss attacks! Thats right, you can unlock a 1x/day ability to have your steed pee AT someone! Similar to the water cannon script, this attack has a high rate of stun for the target and a lesser chance to stun all non-grouped party members due to startled revulsion. This IS considered an attack, so justice applies. While unlikely, there is a chance the torrent of horse glory will completely overpower the target causing drowning death.

[Stanley Burrell]

Got some George Costanza poopers in here.



↓


Embrace your true potential.

I am not at all convinced that this it, on these forums, for George Constanza poopers by a longshot. …Go!

[Luntz]

100% true

When I was 5 years old I was riding the bus to Kindergarten and shit my sweatpants. It wasn't wet or anything, very dry and I just kinda sat in it til we got to school, I don't think anyone noticed. When we got to class I asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom. When I got there, I took off my whitey tighties which were fucking DEVASTATED and tossed em in the bottom of the trash.

I never got caught and somehow escaped being made fun of for the one time I shit myself in public. I don't know how nobody smelled it but I specifically remember thinking wow, never had any consequences to THAT one. 5 year old shitty bawse moves wut wut

[Tisket]

Official Butt Flap Scripts: as confirmed by Gm Consort Tisket. Plate armor will have an additional 5RT but fastshart passes will be available for simucoins. EG will be featuring a new currency, PeeShells, which can purchase fluffer tier unlocks for pisspant flares. BE AWARE, these are different from the HorseyShells that unlock your mounts to allow ambient shit messaging, and piss attacks! Thats right, you can unlock a 1x/day ability to have your steed pee AT someone! Similar to the water cannon script, this attack has a high rate of stun for the target and a lesser chance to stun all non-grouped party members due to startled revulsion. This IS considered an attack, so justice applies. While unlikely, there is a chance the torrent of horse glory will completely overpower the target causing drowning death.

You amuse me.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

My wife laughs at me when I "floss" in my underwear. It's my version of foreplay.

[Methais]

One time I farted in the tub. And then I realized that there were no bubbles...

[Gelston]

One time I farted in the tub. And then I realized that there were no bubbles...

https://i.makeagif.com/media/6-13-2015/Yz_iFx.gif

[Astray]

I was flirting with my neighbor at one point and she goes to sit on my motorcycle. Not even 20 seconds later and she gets up to leave in a hurry. Look down and see this red patch on my seat.

Yeah man.

Edit- Back when I lived in Texas. Sold it shortly after. Just lost all interest.

[Methais]

I was flirting with my neighbor at one point and she goes to sit on my motorcycle. Not even 20 seconds later and she gets up to leave in a hurry. Look down and see this red patch on my seat.

Yeah man.

Edit- Back when I lived in Texas. Sold it shortly after. Just lost all interest.

Bike for sale, only ridden for a short period, send offers.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I don't feel like that's a secret.

[Astray]

I don't feel like that's a secret.

The secret is that I had to pretend like nothing happened.

[Gelston]

The secret is that I had to pretend like nothing happened.

No you didn't.

[Astray]

No you didn't.

I could have been a total dick and flipped my shit.

[Gelston]

I could have been a total dick and flipped my shit.

Or you could have said "Hey, clean that shit off, you nasty ho."

[Astray]

Or you could have said "Hey, clean that shit off, you nasty ho."

I could have.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

A kid my wife works with (kid=26 yo) either committed suicide or accidentally overdosed, and all I can think is that the MFer ruined my weekend. It's possible I have no heart at all.

[Gelston]

A kid my wife works with (kid=26 yo) either committed suicide or accidentally overdosed, and all I can think is that the MFer ruined my weekend. It's possible I have no heart at all.

We had a kid in my platoon swallowed razor blades, and I was the closest NCO there, so I had to go to the hospital and shit and make a report. I was 2 seconds from drinking a beer and getting ready to enjoy my Saturday.

[Taernath]

We had a kid in my platoon swallowed razor blades, and I was the closest NCO there, so I had to go to the hospital and shit and make a report. I was 2 seconds from drinking a beer and getting ready to enjoy my Saturday.

How were you the closest NCO? Were you on staff duty or did you live in the barracks?

[Gelston]

How were you the closest NCO? Were you on staff duty or did you live in the barracks?

I was the only one that lived in the Barracks. They were all from the Boot drops and I was a new join, so we formed our own New joins unit while the Battalion was on post deployment leave. The only duty there was at the regimental level and they didn't call up there when shit happened in our area.

[peam]

While in undergrad, I shared an apartment with my best friend from high school.

Things were going well and we decided to get cats. Both of us ended up getting a ~3 month old kitten. Mine was a gray tuxedo and his was a gray tabby.

One weekend, I ended up having a Saturday off from the video store so I decided to do my laundry. I heard the washer buzz so I moved the wet clothes to the dryer, started it, and loaded up the washer.

I played Knights of the Old Republic on my Xbox for about 45 minutes... an hour.. somewhere in there.

Something reminded me of the laundry so I went to check it.

As I approached the utility room, I heard...


THUMP..... THUMP..... THUMP... rhythmically.

I opened the dryer to a warm blast of shit and blood. Laying amidst the clothes was a dead kitten, limbs askew, with eyes dead and dull from dehydration.





We were all upset that my roommate's cat ran away.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Not the secret I was expecting, but a secret non-the-less.

[French MacGyver]

Une fois, j’ai essayé d’enfoncer une banane dans la gorge pour voir ce que cela ferait. Vous savez, une femme le fait.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Fuck off, frenchie.

[BriarFox]

Une fois, j’ai essayé d’enfoncer une banane dans la gorge pour voir ce que cela ferait. Vous savez, une femme le fait.

Et, après ça? Est-ce que tu as epousé la banane?

[peam]

Not the secret I was expecting, but a secret non-the-less.

Whatever do you mean, eskimo brother?

[Tosk]

Et, après ça? Est-ce que tu as epousé la banane?

Now we are asking the real questions.

edit: er, I mean "Now wé are askéng la reahl questshé-ons."

[Astray]

Something about a banana? French is a terrible language.

[Gelston]

Something about a banana? French is a terrible language.

French is better than Spanish. Only faggots speak languages other than American English though.

[Astray]

French is better than Spanish. Only faggots speak languages other than American English though.

I don't speak Spanish, thank fuck for that.

[Gelston]

I don't speak Spanish, thank fuck for that.

My respect for you increases.

[Gelston]

And then decreases. You single language speaking fucktard.

[Ososis]

My respect for you increases.

Hmmm, I don't know. I feel like if you gave respect for lack of knowledge we would be better friends.

[Astray]

And then decreases. You single language speaking fucktard.

LOL

Fuck you.

[Wrathbringer]

Et, après ça? Est-ce que tu as epousé la banane?


French is better than Spanish. Only faggots speak languages other than American English though.

This is correct.

[Lord Orbstar]

I took some dudes ass virginity in my car last week. He was 18. Now you all know that secret.

[Wrathbringer]

I took some dudes ass virginity in my car last week. He was 18. Now you all know that secret.

Speaking of fags... I thought you got married to a 16 year old boy? Or did that already fall through for you (surprise surprise)?

A few serious questions, though, if you have time:

When you smell shit, do you become aroused because it reminds you of dirty man ass?

What about when someone farts?

Do you ever worry about getting poop in your peehole?

Thanks, I appreciate your time.

[Neveragain]

I took some dudes ass virginity in my car last week. He was 18. Now you all know that secret.

Why I don't suggest Gemstone iv to people.

[Astray]

Since Wrath was here.

I was at a job and I was really hung over. Well I go to fart and just explode in my boxers. Go use the owners bathroom (they weren't home thank God) to clean up. I had to use one of their towels. Took my boxers and flung them over the fence wrapped up with the towel. Went back to work, didn't trust a fart all day.

I don't know if anyone found the mess.

[Tosk]

I have a child aged somewhere 6-16, I split up with the mom 5-10 years ago because she is... very difficult. She is borderline personality disorder and when she gets angry it's off the rails. Minor example, when a verbal fight would start if I said anything like "Can we go somewhere NOT in front of the kid?" she would turn to them and start gently saying HORRRRRRRIBLE shit about me TO my kid. Suffice it to say even after breaking up I moved to a different state because while I have NEVER hit a women out of anger, I was worried one of the hundreds of times she honestly deserved to get punched in the face, I was gonna be having an off day and just lay her teeth to the side. Shes a fucking monster.

Thats not the secret, thats just shitty backstory.
My secret is that over the last 3 months I have moved back and fabricated a romantic interest with the mom, fully planned and manipulated situations designed to win her over. In all fairness, she has gotten somewhat more grounded over time and I have been trying to actively work on some issues that we had with communication and some baggage that is still carried and there has been minor progress so...yay I guess. It's still rough as fuck, but even small progress leaves the door open for more in the future. Priority 1 is thread the needle of psychotic and marry this bitch (probably about 6 more months of minefield) Priority 2 is polish this turd as best I can and hope she gets into the range of functioning human being before she caps out her range of growth. Priority A1++superstar is be able to see my kid every fucking day. Thats what this bullshit is all about. 3-4 days a week doesn't cut it anymore. The mother is dropping the ball on a lot of aspects that I can't catch up in 3 days, and I DGAF what I have to do to make this shit work, I will make it work. I will be the best husband she could hope for as I BS my way around her brain. She will love it, I will hate it, but my kid will keep me in the net positive. And hell, maybe someday the Mom will get her shit together (she won't) and we could be good for each other (we won't. Well, SHE won't cause she is terrible) But until those planets align, I will be doing probably the most intentionally manipulative thing I have ever done, disregarding her feelings and overall wellbeing, saying "I love you" to someone I really hate, playing the part to get what I want only. It's less damning that the thing I want is to be able to see my kid more but I fully realize this is hellfire shit. Fine, fuck it. Fair trade

[Taernath]

Forcing a relationship with a trainwreck mom will just fuck the kid up. They'll start thinking whatever the mom starts doing is normal in a relationship. Just focus on being a stable influence whenever you see your kid.

[Lord Orbstar]

1. No. The exact opposite. Scat is disgusting. Douche your ass WB before daddy slides home. If you’re into piss play, I will force you to your knees and give you want like a good submissive, But never scat. 2. Depending on the setting and noisie volume I either laugh or think they are classless pigs or both. 3. Yes. That’s why you must have a clean ass WB before I put my babies inside you. Afterwards I shower and will piss too. Otherwise you can get gonorrhea. My husband was 23 when we met. He is 27 now.
Speaking of fags... I thought you got married to a 16 year old boy? Or did that already fall through for you (surprise surprise)?

A few serious questions, though, if you have time:

When you smell shit, do you become aroused because it reminds you of dirty man ass?

What about when someone farts?

Do you ever worry about getting poop in your peehole?

Thanks, I appreciate your time.

[Lord Orbstar]

Forcing a relationship with a trainwreck mom will just fuck the kid up. They'll start thinking whatever the mom starts doing is normal in a relationship. Just focus on being a stable influence whenever you see your kid.. He is totally right. Do not do that. The child will come to resent you and see you as batshit crazy for putting up with that too. If anything, use your newly won good graces to find and DOCUMENT her crazy so you can win full custody of your child and take him. My dads second wife was a crazy drug using bitch and our childhoods were fucked up. If your child is a girl, you do not want her to be raised in crazy and have daddy issues. Daddy issues will lead her to be sucking dick under the high school Bleachers as a freshmen and pregnant to some dude on probation by 17. The younger your child is, the worse it will be for them mentally. Also, your life will be hell and your health will suffer.

[Archigeek]

. He is totally right. Do not do that. The child will come to resent you and see you as batshit crazy for putting up with that too. If anything, use your newly won good graces to find and DOCUMENT her crazy so you can win full custody of your child and take him. My dads second wife was a crazy drug using bitch and our childhoods were fucked up. If your child is a girl, you do not want her to be raised in crazy and have daddy issues. Daddy issues will lead her to be sucking dick under the high school Bleachers as a freshmen and pregnant to some dude on probation by 17. The younger your child is, the worse it will be for them mentally. Also, your life will be hell and your health will suffer.

As disturbing as Orbstar is, this is good, blunt, advice. You are not doing anyone any favors by entering into a shitstorm relationship. All you will accomplish is teaching your kid that shitstorm relationships are the kind they should have. And that will be a subconscious attraction, which they will have a really hard time getting past.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I took some dudes ass virginity in my car last week. He was 18. Now you all know that secret.

Seriously, no homo. I can't believe people still fuck in cars. So uncomfortable.

[Fortybox]

. He is totally right. Do not do that. The child will come to resent you and see you as batshit crazy for putting up with that too. If anything, use your newly won good graces to find and DOCUMENT her crazy so you can win full custody of your child and take him. My dads second wife was a crazy drug using bitch and our childhoods were fucked up. If your child is a girl, you do not want her to be raised in crazy and have daddy issues. Daddy issues will lead her to be sucking dick under the high school Bleachers as a freshmen and pregnant to some dude on probation by 17. The younger your child is, the worse it will be for them mentally. Also, your life will be hell and your health will suffer.

Wait...so you are cheating on your husband with an 18 year old?

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Oh I just remembered a good secret. I pulled a gun on a very aggressive door to door salesman who wouldn't "get off my lawn".

[Gelston]

Oh I just remembered a good secret. I pulled a gun on a very aggressive door to door salesman who wouldn't "get off my lawn".

Did he get off your lawn? I've never had to pull a weapon on anyone in the US. Times I felt it might escalate to that, but never did.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Did he get off your lawn? I've never had to pull a weapon on anyone in the US. Times I felt it might escalate to that, but never did.

Yes, he left in a hurry.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Oh, and the moral of the story was I immediately felt regret and I had overreacted. I actually made some significant changes in my life after that because I recognized I was in the wrong.

[Gelston]

Oh, and the moral of the story was I immediately felt regret and I had overreacted. I actually made some significant changes in my life after that because I recognized I was in the wrong.

That is why I've never pulled a gun on anyone in the states. You really only have one option after that.

[Astray]

Oh I just remembered a good secret. I pulled a gun on a very aggressive door to door salesman who wouldn't "get off my lawn".

Ever shove a Mormon?

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

That is why I've never pulled a gun on anyone in the states. You really only have one option after that.

Yeah, pretty much what I concluded. I have no regrets about owning or carrying a firearm, I just needed to reset myself mentally. I was about to have heart surgery and was doing shit like writing a will, setting up an estate and trusts and I let it all get to me too much.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Ever shove a Mormon?

I lived in Utah for a couple of years, they are incredibly nice and polite.

[Back]

Oh I just remembered a good secret. I pulled a gun on a very aggressive door to door salesman who wouldn't "get off my lawn".

You should not own a weapon in my opinion.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

You should not own a weapon in my opinion.

Good thing your opinion means jack shit.

[Astray]

I lived in Utah for a couple of years, they are incredibly nice and polite.

They put their foot in the door on my Grandmother when she had cancer. I have never crossed a room faster.

[Gelston]

You should not own a weapon in my opinion.

Luckily, your opinion doesn't mean shit to anyone.

[Tosk]

Forcing a relationship with a trainwreck mom will just fuck the kid up. They'll start thinking whatever the mom starts doing is normal in a relationship. Just focus on being a stable influence whenever you see your kid.

I appreciate the sentiment (and everyone's) and the advice. "staying together for the kids" is always a clusterfuck, but this situation isn't quite the same. Mom will be happy, and I am a rational adult who can keep in check. I don't plan to roll this out in it's entirety to try and prove my point, so you will have to give me a bit of good faith on this one. I spent <many> years following the "be happier and better parents apart" ethos. It's solid advice and I have spent <many+more> years contemplating the matter in depth so this isn't a brash decision.

To the solid points of concern raised by you and others, I make the most of me and kid time every time, but it's a balancing act of Us time, Education time, and allowing Kid some freedom and responsibility without (respectively) shirking my tougher duties to just hang out and have fun, being "homework dad" and Kid not wanting to go to my house because it's like school (because kid gets no education beyond what I provide this is a major time expenditure to balance and keep up and literally be school), being negligent while trying to give kid freedom (Kid gets no freedom aside from what I give them. I know, that sounds hyperbolic, how could a kid get NO freedom right? Again, gonna have to just trust me on this point). It can't be done in half a week. Just can't. Especially with Mom's crazy and having to combat it from a distance. I see the dangers of normalizing Moms shit behaviors, but being around I can at least have some impact on it know what flavor crazy is on the menu that day. Her being with her mom half the week is much more normalizing especially cause I can't see whats even happening to try to counter balance it.

I do appreciate the concern, and the tips are valid to other situations, but not mine, which I'm not explaining so thats a pretty unsatisfying answer and I apologize for that. But, for <lots of years, god damn it I can't be this old>I have been working on how to win this level before it fuuuuuuuucks my kid up. I know this is the right play. lamely you all will just have to accept it's the play I am going with.
In any case, its a decision I have come to with good reason and the boulder has dropped so I won't be switching ponies at this point. Just seemed like a worthy secret. I didn't expect the SPANISH INQUISITION!!!....huh, thought that would work.

@Lorbstar. "I wish upon my kid the sex I would wish upon myself as a youth (highschoolish maybe). Safe, fun, and consensual" if Kid wants to blow dicks, great. I need to educate them on how not to get a disease, not get expelled because you didn't want to walk 5 blocks off property, and not be having sex that can make-a da babies (gonna start calling it lorbstaring now) until you are actually wanting da babies. It's still a concept that makes me a touch uncomfortable, but thats my own hangup to deal with.

[Taernath]

Oh I just remembered a good secret. I pulled a gun on a very aggressive door to door salesman who wouldn't "get off my lawn".

You couldn't just shut the door in his face? How aggressive we talking here?

The only solicitor I got pissed off at was a younger guy who woke me up from a nap. I go out there, he starts his spiel, and I cut him short asking what he's selling, he's evasive and holds out his hand like he expects me to shake it. I kind of look at it and ask again what he's selling. He says something like, 'no need to be an asshole about it'. I say 'I don't know you, you're not my fucking friend, get the off my property'. He did, but I checked my car later to make sure it didn't get keyed.

[Gelston]

You couldn't just shut the door in his face? How aggressive we talking here?

The only solicitor I got pissed off at was a younger guy who woke me up from a nap. I go out there, he starts his spiel, and I cut him short asking what he's selling, he's evasive and holds out his hand like he expects me to shake it. I kind of look at it and ask again what he's selling. He says something like, 'no need to be an asshole about it'. I say 'I don't know you, you're not my fucking friend, get the off my property'. He did, but I checked my car later to make sure it didn't get keyed.

I'd probably really consider pulling a gun if a salesman put his foot in my doorway. I'd probably tell him to leave or I'm calling the cops first, though I do keep a shotty by my door.

[Taernath]

I'd probably really consider pulling a gun if a salesman put his foot in my doorway. I'd probably tell him to leave or I'm calling the cops first, though I do keep a shotty by my door.

Oh yeah, foot in the doorway = broken kneecap.

[Stumplicker]

I have a child aged somewhere 6-16, I split up with the mom 5-10 years ago because she is... very difficult. She is borderline personality disorder and when she gets angry it's off the rails. Minor example, when a verbal fight would start if I said anything like "Can we go somewhere NOT in front of the kid?" she would turn to them and start gently saying HORRRRRRRIBLE shit about me TO my kid. Suffice it to say even after breaking up I moved to a different state because while I have NEVER hit a women out of anger, I was worried one of the hundreds of times she honestly deserved to get punched in the face, I was gonna be having an off day and just lay her teeth to the side. Shes a fucking monster.

Thats not the secret, thats just shitty backstory.
My secret is that over the last 3 months I have moved back and fabricated a romantic interest with the mom, fully planned and manipulated situations designed to win her over. In all fairness, she has gotten somewhat more grounded over time and I have been trying to actively work on some issues that we had with communication and some baggage that is still carried and there has been minor progress so...yay I guess. It's still rough as fuck, but even small progress leaves the door open for more in the future. Priority 1 is thread the needle of psychotic and marry this bitch (probably about 6 more months of minefield) Priority 2 is polish this turd as best I can and hope she gets into the range of functioning human being before she caps out her range of growth. Priority A1++superstar is be able to see my kid every fucking day. Thats what this bullshit is all about. 3-4 days a week doesn't cut it anymore. The mother is dropping the ball on a lot of aspects that I can't catch up in 3 days, and I DGAF what I have to do to make this shit work, I will make it work. I will be the best husband she could hope for as I BS my way around her brain. She will love it, I will hate it, but my kid will keep me in the net positive. And hell, maybe someday the Mom will get her shit together (she won't) and we could be good for each other (we won't. Well, SHE won't cause she is terrible) But until those planets align, I will be doing probably the most intentionally manipulative thing I have ever done, disregarding her feelings and overall wellbeing, saying "I love you" to someone I really hate, playing the part to get what I want only. It's less damning that the thing I want is to be able to see my kid more but I fully realize this is hellfire shit. Fine, fuck it. Fair trade

I wish I had something more useful to say, but you'll never know if your decision was the wrong one until it's too late with something like that. You've chosen a path and done so for the good of your child. Stay the course as long as it seems to be doing more good than harm. I chose my path wrong, and I will regret that choice until the day I die, but it was a choice, and at the time, it was the right one to make. Hind sight is 20/20. You can only do the best you're able with the information at hand. Seems to me you're doing that. Good on you.

[Fortybox]

I wish I had something more useful to say, but you'll never know if your decision was the wrong one until it's too late with something like that. You've chosen a path and done so for the good of your child. Stay the course as long as it seems to be doing more good than harm. I chose my path wrong, and I will regret that choice until the day I die, but it was a choice, and at the time, it was the right one to make. Hind sight is 20/20. You can only do the best you're able with the information at hand. Seems to me you're doing that. Good on you.

Flimbo is talking to himself.

[Methais]

A kid my wife works with (kid=26 yo) either committed suicide or accidentally overdosed, and all I can think is that the MFer ruined my weekend. It's possible I have no shart at all.

Fixed.

[Methais]

Whatever do you mean, eskimo brother?

Who did you and SHM both bang?

Also:

While in undergrad, I sharted an apartment with my best friend from high school.

Fixed.


Things were going well and we decided to get cats. Both of us ended up getting a ~3 month old kitten. Mine was a gray tuxedo and his was a gray tabby.

One weekend, I ended up having a Saturday off from the video store so I decided to do my laundry. I heard the washer buzz so I moved the wet clothes to the dryer, started it, and loaded up the washer.

I played Knights of the Old Republic on my Xbox for about 45 minutes... an hour.. somewhere in there.

Something reminded me of the laundry so I went to check it.

As I approached the utility room, I heard...


THUMP..... THUMP..... THUMP... rhythmically.

I opened the dryer to a warm blast of shit and blood. Laying amidst the clothes was a dead kitten, limbs askew, with eyes dead and dull from dehydration.





We were all upset that my roommate's cat ran away.

I hate you. Reported.

[Methais]

Something about a banana? French is a terrible language.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVVTO2VmIBE

[Astray]

While in undergrad

Bro.

[Methais]

I don't speak Spanish, thank fuck for that.

DO YOU SPEAK MEXICAN THOUGH?????

[Methais]

Why I don't suggest Gemstone iv to people.

But Gemstone IV doesn't have cars.

Yet.

[Methais]

Since Wrath was here.

I was at a job and I was really hung over. Well I go to fart and just explode in my boxers. Go use the owners bathroom (they weren't home thank God) to clean up. I had to use one of their towels. Took my boxers and flung them over the fence wrapped up with the towel. Went back to work, didn't trust a fart all day.

I don't know if anyone found the mess.

Wait 1 year, then send them a handwritten letter along with a map that will lead them to it.

[Astray]

DO YOU SPEAK MEXICAN THOUGH?????

EVERYONE SPEAKS MEXICAN THEY JUST DON'T KNOW IT YET

[Gelston]

EVERYONE SPEAKS MEXICAN THEY JUST DON'T KNOW IT YET

Taco burrito quesadilla chimichanga sophapilla tortilla flautas empanada enchilada flan fajita

[Astray]

Taco burrito quesadilla chimichanga sophapilla tortilla flautas empanada enchilada flan fajita

Yes.

OR

Si.

[Methais]

You should not own a weapon in my opinion.

Shut up Gay Backlash.

[Methais]

I'd probably really consider pulling a gun if a salesman put his foot in my doorway. I'd probably tell him to leave or I'm calling the cops first, though I do keep a shotty by my door.

Just shoot him through the door. As a warning of course.

https://i.imgur.com/AGVKAaP.png

[Ososis]

Just shoot him through the door. As a warning of course.


I have a vivid childhood memory of my scoutmaster explaining to the troop that you should always shoot a warning round into the air/ceiling...Afterwards though, for legal purposes

[Gelston]

I have a vivid childhood memory of my scoutmaster explaining to the troop that you should always shoot a warning round into the air/ceiling...Afterwards though, for legal purposes

No, you should never fire randomly into the air.

[Parkbandit]

You should not own a weapon in my opinion.

No one should in your opinion though.

Did you ever get rid of the gun you claimed you had?

[Parkbandit]

I'd probably really consider pulling a gun if a salesman put his foot in my doorway. I'd probably tell him to leave or I'm calling the cops first, though I do keep a shotty by my door.

I've had a couple salespeople do that to me... all it takes is a look at their foot, a glance back at their face and a smile... and somehow they moved it rather quickly for me.

I guess they saw the joy in my face and figured they wanted to walk away under their own power.

[Parkbandit]

I wish I had something more useful to say

But you never do....

[Gelston]

I've had a couple salespeople do that to me... all it takes is a look at their foot, a glance back at their face and a smile... and somehow they moved it rather quickly for me.

I guess they saw the joy in my face and figured they wanted to walk away under their own power.

Door to door salesmen are actually illegal in my city. They are allowed to leave a card, but they can't knock on the door and try to sell you shit.

I was actually curious about whether or not it is considered inside your house if they put a foot in your door without you inviting them in. In Louisiana, perfectly legal to shoot them if they enter uninvited, but I don't know what would constitute them being inside. Maybe you can shoot their foot? I have a fairly heavy front door though, so I'd probably just slam it on their foot if the situation ever happened.

[Parkbandit]

Door to door salesmen are actually illegal in my city. They are allowed to leave a card, but they can't knock on the door and try to sell you shit.

I was actually curious about whether or not it is considered inside your house if they put a foot in your door without you inviting them in. In Louisiana, perfectly legal to shoot them if they enter uninvited, but I don't know what would constitute them being inside. Maybe you can shoot their foot? I have a fairly heavy front door though, so I'd probably just slam it on their foot if the situation ever happened.

It depends.. is the "salesperson" pushing on the door in an attempt to over power you to gain access to your home? Green light to open fire.. your life is in danger.

If it's just their attempt to lengthen your conversation.. no.

[Gelston]

It depends.. is the "salesperson" pushing on the door in an attempt to over power you to gain access to your home? Green light to open fire.. your life is in danger.

If it's just their attempt to lengthen your conversation.. no.

Foot inside my door is a foot inside my property. Besides, he'll be dead. He can't argue back!

I feel like one day I'll be involved in a shooting and this will be used against me.

[Parkbandit]

Foot inside my door is a foot inside my property. Besides, he'll be dead. He can't argue back!

I feel like one day I'll be involved in a shooting and this will be used against me.

You can't legally use deadly force because someone is on your property. You have to also believe your life is in danger.

[Gelston]

You can't legally use deadly force because someone is on your property. You have to also believe your life is in danger.

I can legally use deadly force one someone who came into my house unwelcomed. I don't need to feel in danger.

"The Louisiana “stand your ground” law assumes that you had a reasonable belief that deadly force was necessary if:

(1) You were lawfully inside of a house, business or vehicle.

(2) You used deadly force against a person who was trying to unlawfully and forcibly enter that house, business, or vehicle (or had already unlawfully and forcibly entered).

(3) You knew that an unlawful and forcible entry was happening or had happened."

[Gelston]

(4)(a) When committed by a person lawfully inside a dwelling, a place of business, or a motor vehicle as defined in R.S. 32:1(40) when the conflict began, against a person who is attempting to make an unlawful entry into the dwelling, place of business, or motor vehicle, or who has made an unlawful entry into the dwelling, place of business, or motor vehicle, and the person committing the homicide reasonably believes that the use of deadly force is necessary to prevent the entry or to compel the intruder to leave the dwelling, place of business, or motor vehicle.

(b) The provisions of this Paragraph shall not apply when the person committing the homicide is engaged, at the time of the homicide, in the acquisition of, the distribution of, or possession of, with intent to distribute a controlled dangerous substance in violation of the provisions of the Uniform Controlled Dangerous Substances Law.

That is directly from the code. So yeah, don't enter someone's property without a welcome in Louisiana. It is justified homicide and there is no requirement for anyone to retreat.

[Parkbandit]

I can legally use deadly force one someone who came into my house unwelcomed. I don't need to feel in danger.

"The Louisiana “stand your ground” law assumes that you had a reasonable belief that deadly force was necessary if:

(1) You were lawfully inside of a house, business or vehicle.

(2) You used deadly force against a person who was trying to unlawfully and forcibly enter that house, business, or vehicle (or had already unlawfully and forcibly entered).

(3) You knew that an unlawful and forcible entry was happening or had happened."

Not going to lie: That's kind of a fucked up law. You don't have to be in actual danger to kill someone.

[Wrathbringer]

Not going to lie: That's kind of a fucked up law. You don't have to be in actual danger to kill someone.

How would you prove "actual danger" anyway? All you'd have to do is say, "he said he was going to kick my ass so I shot him". Not like the dead guy is going to refute your claim.

[Gelston]

Not going to lie: That's kind of a fucked up law. You don't have to be in actual danger to kill someone.

In Texas it used to be completely to kill someone that was just in your yard if it was night time. Whether they were walking through or whatever. I think they changed it after some guy blasted some teenager.

But yeah, I remember growing up, they always said "If you kill someone, drag them into your house!"

[Gelston]

How would you prove "actual danger" anyway? All you'd have to do is say, "he said he was going to kick my ass so I shot him". Not like the dead guy is going to refute your claim.

Feeling like you are in danger is subjective on the person anyways. Some people on my neighborhood FB pages are scared of black kids walking down the streets with rakes.

[Wrathbringer]

Feeling like you are in danger is subjective on the person anyways. Some people on my neighborhood FB pages are scared of black kids walking down the streets with rakes.

Exactly.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Feeling like you are in danger is subjective on the person anyways. Some people on my neighborhood FB pages are scared of black kids walking down the streets with rakes.

My neighbors are a mixed family of black and hispanic, and they are hands down the nicest neighbors I've ever had. Their kids are polite, they are considerate whenever they have a party or something they let me know and invite me. I've had their son house sit for me with my dogs when we were out of town for a week. I've loaned him tools before, and I never loan my tools.

It's almost like they don't know they are black and hispanic and just work hard in life and are successful. Someone should tell them they are victims and to get with the program.

[Gelston]

My neighbors are a mixed family of black and hispanic, and they are hands down the nicest neighbors I've ever had. Their kids are polite, they are considerate whenever they have a party or something they let me know and invite me. I've had their son house sit for me with my dogs when we were out of town for a week. I've loaned him tools before, and I never loan my tools.

It's almost like they don't know they are black and hispanic and just work hard in life and are successful. Someone should tell them they are victims and to get with the program.

My city is still, oddly, very segregated. White people live in these districts, black people in the others. There are smatterings of black people in predominately white and white people in predominately black, but not much. It is weird too, because there is literally a street that divides it. One side is all white, other side is all black.

[Taernath]

My city is still, oddly, very segregated. ... It is weird too, because there is literally a street that divides it. One side is all white, other side is all black.

You've heard of redlining, right?

[Methais]

Door to door salesmen are actually illegal in my city. They are allowed to leave a card, but they can't knock on the door and try to sell you shit.

I was actually curious about whether or not it is considered inside your house if they put a foot in your door without you inviting them in. In Louisiana, perfectly legal to shoot them if they enter uninvited, but I don't know what would constitute them being inside. Maybe you can shoot their foot? I have a fairly heavy front door though, so I'd probably just slam it on their foot if the situation ever happened.

Just crossing the threshold, even if there's no actual door, can be considered breaking and entering, in which case you'll want to make sure they know you're there, since surprises are the cause of a lot of accidental shootings. Then, if they want to shoot you, you try and convince them that robbery is not as bad as felony murder or felony a&b. If they seem adverse to such advice, you leave.

[Lord Orbstar]

I can legally use deadly force one someone who came into my house unwelcomed. I don't need to feel in danger.

"The Louisiana “stand your ground” law assumes that you had a reasonable belief that deadly force was necessary if:

(1) You were lawfully inside of a house, business or vehicle.

(2) You used deadly force against a person who was trying to unlawfully and forcibly enter that house, business, or vehicle (or had already unlawfully and forcibly entered).

(3) You knew that an unlawful and forcible entry was happening or had happened."


But Gemstone IV doesn't have cars.

Yet.

Well, well, well. After you finish your homework, dadddy will teach you how to drive. I will take you to a magical place in Elanthia. It is right past this dark street.

Ps Lorbstar Tutoring services available.

[Stumplicker]

I thought there was a car in the rift.

[Methais]

How would you prove "actual danger" anyway? All you'd have to do is say, "he said he was going to kick my ass so I shot him". Not like the dead guy is going to refute your claim.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPvmIxu-LSA


Feeling like you are in danger is subjective on the person anyways. Some people on my neighborhood FB pages are scared of black kids walking down the streets with rakes.

What about black kids without rakes? Or black adults with rakes?

Resist white supremacy.

[Stumplicker]

What color are the rakes?

[Methais]

Well, well, well. After you finish your homework, dadddy will teach you how to drive. I will take you to a magical place in Elanthia. It is right past this dark street.

Ps Lorbstar Tutoring services available.

https://media0.giphy.com/media/4pMX5rJ4PYAEM/source.gif

[Wrathbringer]

https://media0.giphy.com/media/4pMX5rJ4PYAEM/source.gif

This is fucking correct.

[Astray]

I thought there was a car in the rift.

It's a super mysterious thing that can't be explained!!!!!1!111one

[Gelston]

What color are the rakes?

The trash bags are always black. I know that.

[Lord Orbstar]

80 percent of the time they are

[Methais]

The trash bags are always black. I know that.

Only 15% of trash bags are black but they still pick up 65% of the world's garbage.

[Gelston]

Only 15% of trash bags are black but they still pick up 65% of the world's garbage.

Thats because they are usually yard bags and a lot larger than white kitchen bags.

[Methais]

Thats because they are usually yard bags and a lot larger than white kitchen bags.

https://media0.giphy.com/media/YWwYgeKquXKJq/giphy.gif?cid=790b76115d2e06725a796b7a49288cae&rid=giphy.gif

[Parkbandit]

1. No. The exact opposite. Scat is disgusting. Douche your ass WB before daddy slides home. If you’re into piss play, I will force you to your knees and give you want like a good submissive, But never scat. 2. Depending on the setting and noisie volume I either laugh or think they are classless pigs or both. 3. Yes. That’s why you must have a clean ass WB before I put my babies inside you. Afterwards I shower and will piss too. Otherwise you can get gonorrhea. My husband was 23 when we met. He is 27 now.

https://media.giphy.com/media/3o7TKAd9iYpRgNJnKo/giphy.gif

[Methais]

Wait...so you are cheating on your husband with an 18 year old?

WE STILL NEED ANSWERS!

https://media.makeameme.org/created/i-need-answers.jpg

[Lord Orbstar]

haha, no. He let's me, I do it with permission, I take pics and video, and he sometimes joins in. it is an uncommon occurrence, but fun. I am a sexual tyrannosaurus. That is Not really a secret though. lol. Twinks are my natural prey. I will privately share pics if you so desire. lol. You are welcome for TMI.

[Methais]

haha, no. He let's me, I do it with permission, I take pics and video, and he sometimes joins in. it is an uncommon occurrence, but fun. I am a sexual tyrannosaurus. That is Not really a secret though. lol. Twinks are my natural prey. I will privately share pics if you so desire. lol. You are welcome for TMI.

So when gay dudes go to the beach or something do they typically wanna bang almost every dude they see, like how most straight dudes are with chicks? Asking for Gay Backlash.

[Parkbandit]

haha, no. He let's me, I do it with permission, I take pics and video, and he sometimes joins in. it is an uncommon occurrence, but fun. I am a sexual tyrannosaurus. That is Not really a secret though. lol. Twinks are my natural prey. I will privately share pics if you so desire. lol. You are welcome for TMI.

https://media.giphy.com/media/3o7TKAd9iYpRgNJnKo/giphy.gif

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

New secret; I don’t replace my underwear until
i wear out the ass in them. When I find holes is when I know it’s time to throw them away.

[Stumplicker]

New secret; I don’t replace my underwear until
i wear out the ass in them. When I find holes is when I know it’s time to throw them away.

Well, as long as it's a related secret I don't really care about, I'll go ahead and confess to the opposite. I frequently buy packs of socks or underwear if I'm at a store getting something else so I don't have to wash my socks for a while longer.

[Astray]

I don't replace my underwear or socks that often but I will replace the shit out of my shirts if they have even a slight bit of wear to them.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Don’t get me wrong, they are clean. I’m just too cheap to replace them until they are worn out.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I don't replace my underwear or socks that often but I will replace the shit out of my shirts if they have even a slight bit of wear to them.

Agree 100%.

[Methais]

New secret; I don’t replace my underwear until
i wear out the ass in them. When I find holes is when I know it’s time to throw them away.

Getting holes in your underwear just means one less step to deal with when taking a dump.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

New secret. Frankly I'm amazed it's the truth.

In all my years of online porn, I've never seen someone I know.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Not sure if it's a secret, but I've been trying to make my own slow burning fuse using cotton twine, crushed coal and white glue.

I saw it on a survival show (that and how to build a gasifier) and I always wanted to see if worked.

Thus far, no.

[Astray]

Not sure if it's a secret, but I've been trying to make my own slow burning fuse using cotton twine, crushed coal and white glue.

I saw it on a survival show (that and how to build a gasifier) and I always wanted to see if worked.

Thus far, no.

How'd they do it on the show? Mix the glue and crushed coal into a paste and apply it to the fuse?

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

How'd they do it on the show? Mix the glue and crushed coal into a paste and apply it to the fuse?

Yeah, I wish I could remember the show name.

They took cotton twine (I recall very specifically they said cotton) and you crush the coal into dust, dip the twine in glue, and apply the coal dust.

I have no use at all for it, but I always wanted to try it out after I saw the show.

[Astray]

Yeah, I wish I could remember the show name.

They took cotton twine (I recall very specifically they said cotton) and you crush the coal into dust, dip the twine in glue, and apply the coal dust.

I have no use at all for it, but I always wanted to try it out after I saw the show.

Assuming regular old Elmer's glue, right?

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Assuming regular old Elmer's glue, right?

Correct.

The shows premise was a bunch of people were stranded in a warehouse at the end of the world. They had to leverage each others skills to get potable water, food, defense, etc etc. Was neat to watch them create things like the gasifier to run a generator, a gravity water filtration unit using charcoal, sand, stones. I forget what they needed the fuse for, but it failed on the show as well. That probably should have been a clue for me.

[Astray]

Correct.

The shows premise was a bunch of people were stranded in a warehouse at the end of the world. They had to leverage each others skills to get potable water, food, defense, etc etc. Was neat to watch them create things like the gasifier to run a generator, a gravity water filtration unit using charcoal, sand, stones. I forget what they needed the fuse for, but it failed on the show as well. That probably should have been a clue for me.

Yeah, white glue doesn't burn too well, last I checked.

[Neveragain]

Yeah, white glue doesn't burn too well, last I checked.

Could be possible if it's mixed in the right ratios and allowed to dry, it may react like a realllly slow burning form of chemical explosive. I'm pretty sure white glue is made from cornstarch and could provide enough sugar to act an oxidizer when it burns.

Now I'm pretty sure I'm on the watch list for looking up different chemical compounds used in making explosive chemicals. :forehead:

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Now I'm pretty sure I'm on the watch list for looking up different chemical compounds used in making explosive chemicals. :forehead:

I know. Apparently stump remover has a plethora of uses.

[Wrathbringer]

Getting holes in your underwear just means one less step to deal with when taking a dump.

:lol:

[Parkbandit]

New secret. Frankly I'm amazed it's the truth.

In all my years of online porn, I've never seen someone I know.

My wife worked with someone and the rumor was she was a porn star. We looked her up and sure enough, she was.

She wasn't very good though :(

[Stanley Burrell]

She wasn't very good though :(

...In what respect? :D

[Parkbandit]

...In what respect? :D

What do you look for in a good female porn star?

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

No talking, deep throat and anal?

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Enthusiasm? Big tiddies?

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Daddy issues? Tattoos and piercings?

[Astray]

Daddy issues? Tattoos and piercings?

The package deal.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Glasses? Pony tail and schoolgirl skirt?

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I feel like I’ve said too much.

[Stumplicker]

I feel like I’ve said too much.

You don't know what too much is until you offer commissions on deviantart.

[Parkbandit]

Enthusiasm? Big tiddies?

https://media0.giphy.com/media/wYyTHMm50f4Dm/giphy.gif


Daddy issues? Tattoos and piercings?


https://media0.giphy.com/media/wYyTHMm50f4Dm/giphy.gif


Glasses? Pony tail and schoolgirl skirt?

https://media0.giphy.com/media/wYyTHMm50f4Dm/giphy.gif

[Parkbandit]

No talking, deep throat and anal?

https://media0.giphy.com/media/1BeDLYNywynG5iyR3R/giphy.gif

https://media3.giphy.com/media/UVTJOUHNmy84TRne5m/giphy.gif

[Astray]

I get annoyed watching The Walking Dead.

[Stumplicker]

I get annoyed watching The Walking Dead.

Jesus. Me too. I'm one of those people who can't watch a popular show until it's over and/or people stop talking about it. I dunno why, but at any rate, it means I have to watch it without that lens of cultural significance. I only got through the first two seasons. The first one was okay. The second one dragged. I caught bits and pieces of other seasons but I'd sooner watch The View. If they're gonna do nothing but talk, it's easier to make fun of the ladies on the view without bystanders getting upset at you.

If I watch an episode now, it's just with the hope that they kill Rick. He is the most annoying main character in the history of main characters. I want so badly for him to die. If he dies, somebody let me know and I can go and just watch that one episode and be done with it.

[Astray]

Jesus. Me too. I'm one of those people who can't watch a popular show until it's over and/or people stop talking about it. I dunno why, but at any rate, it means I have to watch it without that lens of cultural significance. I only got through the first two seasons. The first one was okay. The second one dragged. I caught bits and pieces of other seasons but I'd sooner watch The View. If they're gonna do nothing but talk, it's easier to make fun of the ladies on the view without bystanders getting upset at you.

If I watch an episode now, it's just with the hope that they kill Rick. He is the most annoying main character in the history of main characters. I want so badly for him to die. If he dies, somebody let me know and I can go and just watch that one episode and be done with it.

See, the sole problem I have is the ability to see someone being a problem and just not immediately solving the problem right there. How many times are people gonna go "No, you can't just kill that person because morality"? It's so fucking stupid.

It's the end of the World! Nobody is going to arrest you. The idea of not blowing a persons brains out when they are literally being a snide, obviously threatening little shit, is absurd.

[Stumplicker]

See, the sole problem I have is the ability to see someone being a problem and just not immediately solving the problem right there. How many times are people gonna go "No, you can't just kill that person because morality"? It's so fucking stupid.

Yeah, it does seem to be the same conversation over and over and over again. I haven't seen the later seasons, but I'm told they just kind of repeat the same bad guy too with a different actor. I only saw random episodes up through where the Governor was the bad guy and one or two directly after, but it seemed to be repetitive even then.

[Astray]

Yeah, it does seem to be the same conversation over and over and over again. I haven't seen the later seasons, but I'm told they just kind of repeat the same bad guy too with a different actor. I only saw random episodes up through where the Governor was the bad guy and one or two directly after, but it seemed to be repetitive even then.

I was convinced into watching 'Fear the Walking Dead' and it was alright, for the most part. Then S3 rolled on and it just became shit. I dropped it at S4 because they literally have a guy roll up onto their colony and he's like, "You're gonna die anyway so just give us your shit" and I could not roll my eyes harder. They have a baseball stadium, reinforced walls and sniper positions with plenty of ammo. As soon as the main female protagonist walks away, it would have been head shots and Molotov cocktails.

But no, it was "no killing" the obvious problem.

[Stumplicker]

I watched the first episode of that because my cousin was in it, but I haven't seen anything since. The pilot seemed okay though.

[Astray]

I watched the first episode of that because my cousin was in it, but I haven't seen anything since. The pilot seemed okay though.

It was alright. It shows the breakdown of everything and then it devolves rapidly into Novella territory with zombies.

[Stumplicker]

I'd like to see what they would've been able to do with stuff with a real network budget, but I'm told the comics weren't much more action-packed. I don't like full on action shows, but I do like a little bit of a mix. You can't swing too far one way or the other. I liked Terra Nova when it was on. It was basically just a crime show mixed with a monster of the week show mixed with sci fi and post apocalyptic and also there were dinosaurs. ...There was a lot going on. Plus Stephen Lang was in it!

[Taernath]

Walking Dead drags so much. Ever since the second season when it wasn't as bad, and I guess up until now. It's the same plot points over, and over, and over again. Stealth zombies, extras literally added to the crew so the main guys don't get killed off, 'we found a safe town oops now it's ruined', etc. etc. I haven't watched it for a while, but have they killed Negan yet? I liked him at first, but every episode with him in it turned into a Negan Power Hour with him delivering a vaguely threatening speech and Rick quivering angrily. So over it.

[Gelston]

I haven't watched Walking Dead since season 3 or so. I like the collapse of society more than the surviving after and rebuilding part. That is why I enjoyed season 1 of Fear the Walking Dead, but stopped watching after that.

[Stumplicker]

All this talk about the walking dead makes me want to go home and play the last of us again. That was zombies done right.

[Methais]

New secret. Frankly I'm amazed it's the truth.

In all my years of online porn, I've never seen someone I know.

More details required.

[Methais]

Walking Dead was great at first until you eventually realize probably halfway during season 2 or 3 that nothing about the outbreak will ever be explained (except the tiny bit from the CDC scene in season 1 which doesn’t really explain anything) and that there’s no end game. Just mindless wandering and recycling the same conflicts over and over with different people and the same stupidity, and most of the characters get less likable over time, usually because they’re so fucking stupid.

[Stumplicker]

Walking Dead was great at first until you eventually realize probably halfway during season 2 or 3 that nothing about the outbreak will ever be explained (except the tiny bit from the CDC scene in season 1 which doesn’t really explain anything) and that there’s no end game. Just mindless wandering and recycling the same conflicts over and over with different people and the same stupidity, and most of the characters get less likable over time, usually because they’re so fucking stupid.

That CDC scene was ridiculous. I had seen bits of season 2 before season 1 and then came back a few years later when I actually sat down to watch the show. Literally every scientist in the facility except this one guy gave up within a couple weeks and committed suicide? That's beyond pessimism and into ultra unrealistic territory. Two things in shows are the only things that can really bother me. First, blatant product placement episodes (See the 20 minute Dodge ads embedded into several Breaking Bad episodes), and second is when people do things for no reason other than "the plot required it".

[Gelston]

Walking Dead was great at first until you eventually realize probably halfway during season 2 or 3 that nothing about the outbreak will ever be explained (except the tiny bit from the CDC scene in season 1 which doesn’t really explain anything) and that there’s no end game. Just mindless wandering and recycling the same conflicts over and over with different people and the same stupidity, and most of the characters get less likable over time, usually because they’re so fucking stupid.

It was explained. A bad batch of meth turned everyone into zombies. The series exists in the same universe as Breaking Bad.

I'm not even joking, this is a legit theory that makes sense when explained.

[Taernath]

I really hate how they constantly switch up how the virus operates. The characters rub zombie guts all over themselves to blend in with hordes, then later rub zombie guts on their weapons to infect other people.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

It was explained. A bad batch of meth turned everyone into zombies. The series exists in the same universe as Breaking Bad.

I'm not even joking, this is a legit theory that makes sense when explained.

How did everyone alive get the virus then?

[Gelston]

How did everyone alive get the virus then?

We are all meth heads.

[Astray]

I really hate how they constantly switch up how the virus operates. The characters rub zombie guts all over themselves to blend in with hordes, then later rub zombie guts on their weapons to infect other people.

Everyone has the virus is a stupid, lazy piece of writing.

[Methais]

How did everyone alive get the virus then?

Tainted Funyuns.


https://youtu.be/pyHiMoy4Ym4

[Stumplicker]

Counterpoint.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0OVpyvey4U

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Not a secret, but "The Boys" on Amazon is the full on tits. Great anti-superhero movie.

[Lord Orbstar]

the Boys of Helix Studios are better.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I was published in a few fairly prominent media websites and my info wasn't 100% correct.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I own a Trump 2020 baseball hat.

...
...
...
made in china.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I've had a 3d printer for 2 years and never used it.

[Astray]

I've had a 3d printer for 2 years and never used it.

Print some shanks.

[Methais]

just drink it black faggot.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JANcVXHqNTI

[Astray]

I don't write in cursive. When asked to do so, I scribble.

[Gelston]

I don't write in cursive. When asked to do so, I scribble.

I write in block letter, because the goal of writing is to convey information in a legible fashion.

[Astray]

I write in block letter, because the goal of writing is to convey information in a legible fashion.

You're goddamn right.

[Taernath]

I don't write in cursive. When asked to do so, I scribble.

Who asks you to write in cursive?

[Astray]

Who asks you to write in cursive?

Two specific contracts I've had both requested cursive writing on them.

[Taernath]

Two specific contracts I've had both requested cursive writing on them.

Fifth grade english assignments?

[Astray]

Fifth grade english assignments?

No, for simple repair jobs and shit. Some of these old fuckers get ornery about shit like that.

[Gelston]

Probably some dumbass Boomers that also bitch about cursive not being taught anymore(when a lot of places do still teach it). I've asked someone what purpose does being taught cursive serve and they said "So you can sign your name!" and "So you can read old documents!".

[Taernath]

No, for simple repair jobs and shit. Some of these old fuckers get ornery about shit like that.

So it's a hand-written contract? I guess if it's for an IOU with a mole person. But damn, I don't have time to sit around and wait for someone to scrawl that out.

[Astray]

So it's a hand-written contract? I guess if it's for an IOU with a mole person. But damn, I don't have time to sit around and wait for someone to scrawl that out.

It's a contract someone prints up at home and I sign it in person. Very few people do it like that anymore but there's a lot of jackasses that'll come in, agree to do work, get an advance and vanish.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I set up a spy cam in every room of my house and it cracks me up to see my wife watching me. She says I mush my lips together when I'm watching tv. Cracks me up.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Spy cam is an exaggeration. They are just camera's but it cracks me up to see her move them and watch me.

[Methais]

Spy cam is an exaggeration. They are just camera's but it cracks me up to see her move them and watch me.

Next time she does it start fapping.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Next time she does it start fapping.

start?

[Methais]

start?

Finish*

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

When I go into the mens room at work to take a shit, if all the stalls are full, I still go to the urinal and piss - because I do not want everyone to know I went in there to take the Browns to the Superbowl.

Unlike Doug in my department, who takes his reading glasses and a newspaper. No shame in his game.

[Methais]

When I go into the mens room at work to take a shit, if all the stalls are full, I still go to the urinal and piss - because I do not want everyone to know I went in there to take the Browns to the Superbowl.

Unlike Doug in my department, who takes his reading glasses and a newspaper. No shame in his game.

Fuck that. Announce your presence and yell something like HEAVE HARDER AND GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD THE SHIT WINDS ARE A BLOWING

Assert dominance over your fellow dumpers and show them who king log is at work.

EDIT: How do they know it’s you though? Are you being identified by your shoes?

EDIT EDIT: If so, there’s an easy solution.

https://i.imgur.com/ewNlxkS.jpg

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I bought three bronze age x-men today for almost $400.

[Durok]

I bought three bronze age x-men today for almost $400.

Which ones? Any first appearences?

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I'm filling some holes I had, or in the case of 102 a very bad condition copy. Uncanny x-men 102, 106 and 110. I want to replace my 101 copy eventually, it's in 7.5 condition and I want to get a graded 8.5+ eventually.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

101 is the first appearance of Phoenix and a couple others. I have every uncanny x-men from 101-544, minus a couple of variants (literally a couple). I'm working my way backwards now, by far they are my favorite comic and i"m getting into issues I bought when I was 6/7 years old.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Alison from Telemericorp is kinda hot.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Serious question. Do you think porn stars pussies are wore out and sex is not exciting to them? I do. I mean, if you rub/slap a dildo in that pussy all day long, I can't imagine a dong in it does anything for you.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Beat Bobby Flay is one of my favorite tv shows to "not watch" while I surf the web.

[Astray]

Pretty sure a Netflix documentary exists for your question.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I've always thought Tisket is hot, and I've never ever seen a picture of her.

I also think Anticor is funny and secretly wish he'd return.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I've bought CBD oil capsules for my dog in hopes it alleviates her arthritis/pain and worry I'm over compensating for her getting old

[Parkbandit]

I've bought CBD oil capsules for my dog in hopes it alleviates her arthritis/pain and worry I'm over compensating for her getting old

My dog takes these:

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/419QwGHEiML.jpg

[audioserf]

My dog takes these:

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/419QwGHEiML.jpg

We give our dog the same, and a prescription (Deramaxx) for a hip issue he's got. He takes a half a Deramaxx every third day. Any less and he limps. That dose keeps him feeling good. He gets blood work done to make sure his kidneys are OK because Deramaxx can cause some problems there in certain dogs.

[Methais]

I've always thought Tisket is hot, and I've never ever seen a picture of her.

Can confirm. Her boobs are posted somewhere in the boob thread too, assuming the links still work.

[Some Rogue]

Can confirm. Her boobs are posted somewhere in the boob thread too, assuming the links still work.

http://giphygifs.s3.amazonaws.com/media/1319b2IYiS4xag/giphy.gif

[Gelston]

This thread is like 20 pages of suppa hobbit mage.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

This thread is like 20 pages of suppa hobbit mage.

True. I have many secrets.

[Astray]

True. I have many secrets.

Not at this rate.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Maybe not so much secrets as confessions. Random things I think about.

Like how come I've never seen a baby squirrel?

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

My dog takes these:

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/419QwGHEiML.jpg

She gets that also, and now I giving her the CBD oil as well.

[Astray]

Maybe not so much secrets as confessions. Random things I think about.

Like how come I've never seen a baby squirrel?

Because squirrels mature quickly and don't let their young roam free.

[Methais]

Like how come I've never seen a baby squirrel?

http://www.wildliferehabilitators.org/pix/babysquirrels.jpg


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYwwyfYVVMs

[Taernath]

That last baby squirrel has some good technique.

[Some Rogue]

This thread is like 20 pages of suppa hobbit mage.

I thought he was working up the courage to come out as gay.