Little Johny! And other hilarious jokes.

[Jolena]

Found these posted on a forum board that I frequent and couldn't stop laughing hehe. So, I figured I'd share.

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

[Jolena]

Little Johnny was playing with his train set. His mom was passing by the playroom when she decided to listen in on him playing.

Little Johnny called out in an announcer-like voice "All passengers going to Chicago, the fucking traing leaves in 15 minutes. All passengers heading to Los Angeles, the fucking train leaves in 25 minutes. Hey asshole, if you're taking that fucking train to New York, you better move your ass or you'll miss it."

Johnny's mother was appaled at him! She burst into the room and scolded him! "Johnny how dare you speak like that! Now you come with me this instant!" She grabbed him by his ear, sat him down in the corner of the kitchen and said, "You just sit right there until you are ready to play nice!"

Poor little Johnny sat there crying and muttering to himself in the corner. After two hours his mother came back and asked him if he was ready to play nice. He said he was, so she let him go back to his trains.

Little Johnny sat and began his announcer's voice again, "All passengers going to New York, the train leaves in 15 minutes. All passengers heading to Chicago, the train will depart in 20 minutes. All passengers complaining about the 2 hour delay - blame that bitch in the kitchen!"

[Jolena]

This one made me snort laugh.