The Man Code

[Wezas]

Did a search - didn't see this in another post, so here it is:

The Man Code (http://www.liquorwits.com/code.html)

My favorite:


13. Before dating a buddy's ex you are required to ask his permission. If he grants it, he is however allowed to say, "man, your gonna love the way she licks your balls"

[4a6c1]

This one made me laugh so hard:

69. It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in need of assistance in obtaining every guys dream (threesome with two girls)

[Edaarin]

Yeah I've been getting my away messages from here.

Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:

When a heroic dog dies to save his master.
After being struck in the testicles with anything moving fast than 7 mph.
When your date is using her teeth.
The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.

Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"Come on, give me one more, harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers"
"Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?"

The Man Code, Rule #63

In an empty room, car, etc., a man cannot ask another man if he is mad because he isn't talking.

[Latrinsorm]

48. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.

Nobody EVER gets it when I'm arguing with someone and hold up my fist for rock paper scissors. :(

57. You have not made any mistake if you find that there are extra pieces after reassembling or assembling an object. In fact, you have just found a way to make that object more efficient.

TAKE THAT, LEGOS!!!

[Slider]

<< We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want... Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing" we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun information, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[The Korean]

Originally posted by Latrinsorm
48. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.

Nobody EVER gets it when I'm arguing with someone and hold up my fist for rock paper scissors. :(



The guys on my floor in the clinic abide by this rule in mostly everything we do. Even in front of the patients, we'll go, "I'm not checking them in." "Neither am I" *both put fists to the ready. 1,2,3, shoot!* "Ah, fuck." *goes to check in patient who likes to talk a lot about their problems with details I don't want to know about*

The above happened today.

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Latrinsorm
Nobody EVER gets it when I'm arguing with someone and hold up my fist for rock paper scissors. :(



Actually, this is funny because Jake and I do it all the time. We'll break out the rock, paper scissors in the middle of the grocery store when we're at odds about what to get for dinner, or in the Blockbuster trying to decide which movie or video game to rent. People always laugh at us.

But we do best two out of three.

-K

[Latrinsorm]

I don't understand people who DON'T do best two out of three. The game just lacks the narrative drama if it's one and done.

I'm glad there are people SOMEWHERE who get it, even though they are either Arizonian (crazy) or Navy (even crazier). ;)

[Edited on 3-2-2005 by Latrinsorm]

[The Korean]

We have to do it one-time-win sometimes, because we'll all end up doing the same thing a couple of times. We do 2 out of 3, we'll be at it for awhile.

[SpunGirl]

I'm frankly a little worried that I have something in common with a religious zealot. :scared:

-K

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
I'm frankly a little worried that I have something in common with a religious zealot. :scared:I wear underwear too. HA!! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!! :heart:

Repetition is an acceptable loophole for the 2 out of 3 and ONLY 2 out of 3 rule.

[Flurbins]

Originally posted by The Korean

Originally posted by Latrinsorm
48. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.

Nobody EVER gets it when I'm arguing with someone and hold up my fist for rock paper scissors. :(



The guys on my floor in the clinic abide by this rule in mostly everything we do. Even in front of the patients, we'll go, "I'm not checking them in." "Neither am I" *both put fists to the ready. 1,2,3, shoot!* "Ah, fuck." *goes to check in patient who likes to talk a lot about their problems with details I don't want to know about*

The above happened today.

The "NOT IT!" game is much more efficient in this situation.

[The Korean]

But it's not as fun. There's just something so refreshing about a game of rock, paper, scissors.

[Bobmuhthol]

Who does "Not it"? It's all about Nose Game.

[The Korean]

That's not one I've heard of. Explanation please.

[Jonty]

3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

Hell no.

[Hips]

Originally posted by The Korean
That's not one I've heard of. Explanation please.

I think it's when everyone puts their finger on their nose, and whoever is last to do it has to do whatever.

Never heard it called the Nose Game though.

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Latrinsorm

Originally posted by SpunGirl
I'm frankly a little worried that I have something in common with a religious zealot. :scared:I wear underwear too. HA!! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!! :heart:



No comment. :grin:

-K

[Latrinsorm]

:O

Also, an addition to the code.

1020340. The first game of Spring Training is on or above the level of importance of your wedding.

[Warriorbird]

My grandpa was in a sailboat race while my grandma was having my dad.

[Latrinsorm]

Did he win?

[Edaarin]

Modifying the following:

Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:

When a heroic dog dies to save his master.
After being struck in the testicles with anything moving fast than 7 mph.
When your date is using her teeth.
The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.

to include

When watching Apollo Creed die in Rocky IV. THROW IN THE F***ING TOWEL. I still haven't gotten over this.

[Warriorbird]

Came in second. Still it was the Mackinaw Island race.... which is the quintessentiel manly sailboat race.