The Return of short jokes!

[longshot]

NOT FOR THE WEAK!!!

You've been warned, so please, don't bitch.


Rules--

The jokes have to be short.

1. No long winded crap only uncles that have gone sexless for seven years find funny. Short and to the point.

2. The worse the better. Last time we did this, a certain member thought she would save us from dead baby jokes... she paid for it dearly.

I'll begin with one of my favorites!!

--What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus??

--One has fishy-flaps and whiskers...
the other is a walrus.

[AnticorRifling]

A baby seal walks into a club.

[Hulkein]

Linda Cohn, John Elway called, he wants his teeth back.

[StrayRogue]

What are three things you can't give a black guy?
A black eye, a fat lip, and a job.

[Bobmuhthol]

What makes pistols better than women?

You can silence the pistol.

[peam]

How do you get a chick from WV pregnant?
Jizz in her shoes and the flies do the rest.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

- Arkans

[Bobmuhthol]

I wish I wasn't banned during the first posting of this thread. Jesus Christ that was a good read.

[longshot]

How can you tell if a Polish girl has her period?

She's missing one of her socks.

[peam]

Why does Stevie Wonder smile all the time?
He doesn't know he's black.

[Drew]

Why does the bride always wear white?

Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the 'fridge and the stove.

[peam]

What's the difference between a pair of Dockers and an Ethiopian?

The Dockers only have one fly on them.




What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an octopus?

I'm not sure, but it can pick a lot of lettuce.




Why does Mexico always suck in the olympics?

All the people who can swim, run, or jump have already left the country.

[Hulkein]

What's the first thing you hear when you see a black man in a suit?

- Would the defendant please rise?

[Hulkein]

Why were there only 500 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?

They only had three pick-up trucks.

[Edited on 2-24-2005 by Hulkein]

[Drew]

A mexican and a black man are in a car, who's driving?
The cop



How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?
Put velcro on the ceiling



How do you sink the Polish navy?
Put it in water.

[peam]

What's more fun than fucking a dead baby?

Fucking two dead babies.

[peam]

How do you make a baby stop crawling around in circles?

Nail it's other hand to the floor.

What did the black kid get for Christmas?

My bike.


What do you do when you see a one legged black guy?

Stop laughing and reload your shot gun.


How do you stop a group of black guys from raping a white woman?

Throw them a basketball.

- Arkans

[peam]

How many babies does it take to paint a house?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

[peam]

What's the difference between a baby and a styrofoam cup?

Burning a baby doesn't harm the ozone.

How do you make a little girl cry?

Whipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear.

- Arkans

[peam]

What do you call a baby born 24 weeks premature?

An appetizer!

[Hulkein]

STOP IT PEAM, THINK OF TEH BABYZ

[Jorddyn]

An Irishman stumbles into a bar looking for a bathroom. He sees a sign reading "Clean restrooms"

So he does.

[peam]

What did the blind, deaf, and parapalegic baby get for Christmas?

Cancer.

[Jorddyn]

A polish family is heading to Orlando for vacation. They're almost there when they see a sign reading "Disneyland Left."

So they go home.

Jorddyn, :heart: second grade jokes

[peam]

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a wall?

Nailing it to a dead puppy.

[peam]

What's the difference between a dead baby and a pine cone?

A pine cone doesn't stink when you leave it in the sun.

[peam]

How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?

A wood chipper.

How do you get them out again?

Nachos!

[Drew]

The dead baby jokes are :barf:





What do black men like least about sex with white women?
The mace!





A man comes home and sees his wife packing her bags. He asks, "what are you doing?" She says "I'm leaving you, I heard you were pedophile." He says, "Pedophile? That's an awfully big word for a 12 year old."





How are an ambulance and a gay man similar?
They both get loaded up in the rear and go "whoo whoo!"

[peam]

What does a Ford Pinto and a baby have in common?

Both are fun to ride, until they explode.

[Skeeter]

Man comes home and announces: pack your bags I won the lottery.

Wife says: that's great, should I pack for the beach or the mountains.

Man says: I don't care, just get the fuck out.

[Skeeter]

What's the best thing about fucking twenty-three year olds?

There's twenty of them.

[Dionisius]

I must say that I laughed at a few jokes but WHAT THE FUCK is up with the black jokes? Am I the only one thats offended by that shit? At first I was cool with reading one or two (even though I didnt think they were funny) but I just kept reading more and more. I must say that I am EXTREMELY offended by the numerous amount of racial jokes I have seen in this thread. If its like that then maybe you all should just start using the word "nigger" since abviously knowone has any fucking respect.

[StrayRogue]

Its ok to laugh at dead babies but not black jokes? Its uptight people like you that make jokes like that even more funny, IMHO. You can joke about stuff, doesn't mean for one second you mean it.

[The Korean]

I do believe this is a joke thread, not a let's make serious insults thread. Relax.

[Dionisius]

Relax? I just sat here and read numerous racial "jokes" that completely insulted my race and your telling me to relax? Its everyday bullshit like this that remind me how society views the black community.


Originally posted by StrayRogue
Its ok to laugh at dead babies but not black jokes? Its uptight people like you that make jokes like that even more funny, IMHO. You can joke about stuff, doesn't mean for one second you mean it.

That comment just shows how much you respect you have for the black community. You disgust me.

[StrayRogue]

You're an idiot. I joke about people in wheelchairs too so by you tremendous logic I would therefore have no respect for people in those right? Wrong dumbass. Its the same for everything. Theres always some uptight moron like yourself who'll get offended no matter how benign the joke. Personally I take everything with a pinch of salt and see it for what it is: a joke.

[The Korean]

Can I go ahead and sue 100's of comedians for racially harassing me with their asian jokes?

[StrayRogue]

Same goes for those against every different religion, race, age, sex or sexuality too.

[The Korean]

Man, society must hate itself.

[StrayRogue]

Oh, and just for you Korean:

A group of Asian women were visiting a village somewhere deep in Africa when they came across a trader selling human breasts.
One of the Asian ladies asked the trader, "Why are you selling women's breasts?"
The trader replied, "Locally, we have found that consuming the flesh of a woman's breast can increase men's sex drive, and enlarge the size of their penis."
Hearing with interest about the 'enlarging the penis' the Asian woman was determined to buy some for her husband. She quickly asks the butcher for the price of the breast.
"Well," says the butcher, "It depends on what kind of breast you want. We have black breast, white breast, and Asian breast."
"Give me the price of each." said the Asian lady impatiently.
"The black breasts are $200 a pound," the butcher says, "white breasts are $300 a pound, and the Asian breasts are $400 a pound."
The Asian women were glad to hear that Asian breasts were the most expensive in the breast booth.
"Hey, not bad! Asian breasts are worth more!", said one of the Asian ladies.
"No no no, you don't understand," the trader explains, "you don't know how many Asian women we have to kill to get one pound of breast!"

[drigore]

Fuck you, and I'm sorry for slavery too...riiiight.

What's a Cocoon? Another n-n-name for a n-n-n-iggah.

A joke is a joke is a joke, period, end of story. I don't get upset when people talk about 'freedom fries', or call me a frog. Take the hair from across your ass and floss with it.

[The Korean]

Hah, that's one Asian joke I haven't heard yet.

[Scott]

There is always one......

[The Korean]

Well, of course with old men like you and your alzheimer's.

[StrayRogue]

Just googled for some REALLY bad ones. These are terrible but I couldn't help laughing. I MUST BE RACIST:

Why do n*****s wear wide brimmed hats?
So birds won't shit on their lips.

How do you stop black kids from jumping on your bed?
Put velcro on the celing.

Why do n*****s smell so bad?
So blind people can hate them too.

[Edited on 24-2-05 by StrayRogue]

[The Korean]

Originally posted by Drew
How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?
Put velcro on the ceiling

[StrayRogue]

PWNED by google.

[Scott]

Originally posted by The Korean
Well, of course with old men like you and your alzheimer's.

I must say that I am EXTREMELY offended

[Dionisius]

Are you serious? I just sat here and read numerous racial "jokes" that completely insulted my race. You dont even understand the amount racial issues I have to deal with almost everyday and you have the audacity to tell me im uptight? Who the hell do you think you are to even let anything racial come out of your fucking lips whether joke or not? I was cool reading the first couple black jokes because some people may find them funny (even though I didnt) and I understand people are just joking but this shit has crossed the line. Its like one person wrote a black joke and everyone took that as an invitation. Racism is a major issue to the black community and a lot of people fail to notice that. I suggest you stop because this shit is FUCKING SERIOUS.

[The Korean]

*looks at the title of the tread*

*goes to look up the definition of a joke*

[The Korean]

I seriously hope you've never laughed at any other type of racial joke in your lifetime.

[StrayRogue]

Something said or done to evoke laughter or amusement, especially an amusing story with a punch line.
A mischievous trick; a prank.
An amusing or ludicrous incident or situation.
Informal.
Something not to be taken seriously; a triviality:

[StrayRogue]

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?
N*****s.

Why don't sharks eat n*****s?
They think it's whale shit.

One for Tayre:
How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don't work in the future, either.

[Edited on 24-2-05 by StrayRogue]

[Dionisius]

OH MY GOD! I am in complete shock at the amount of ignorance that is presented in this thread. The use of the term "nigger" alone was just unbelievably disrespectful. I am completely disgusted by those of you who blatantly disrespected black history and those who fought and died just so that the term "nigger" wouldnt be used to describe a black man. You ignorant mother fuckers are a disgrace to life itself and you better believe that your going to get what you deserve.

[StrayRogue]

LOL I don't think he realize I'm posting to spite him right now. More jokes of HATRED. PS, I was condemned to hell along time ago probably, so what do I care?

Why are there no n****r astronauts?
Their lips explode at 50,000 feet.

Why do n*****s walk the way they do?
Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging a coat hanger.

If its too much, I won't miss your absence.

[Edited on 24-2-05 by StrayRogue]

[Drew2]

While I don't condone the use of the N word (and I'm sure it will be edited out soon), I don't see anything wrong with the jokes.

I think you're over reacting, Dio. No one here is seeking to insult anyone's race, sex, orientation, etc. etc.. They're just JOKES based on outdated stereotypes. No one really believes this shit. And if they do, they don't post here because we usually don't have much tolerance for ignorance.

Please get over it.

[StrayRogue]

Originally posted by Tayre
While I don't condone the use of the N word (and I'm sure it will be edited out soon),

I think that has to do with most of the N word jokes being directly copy/pasted from a website. All mine are atleast.

[Shari]

You know, I'm sorry you deal with race issues every day, but this is a jokes thread, get the fuck over it.

I'm Polish, do you think I give two shits about people making jokes about it? No.

To top it off, friends of mine who are Mexican and/or black laugh at most of their own racial jokes that are aimed at them.

Society has to get a grip on certain things. I have the fortunate experience to be around people who are able to laugh at themselves.

Pity you don't.


Why don't blacks take painkillers?
-They don't like to pick the cotton out of the bottle to get to it.

What kind of car does a Jewish person buy?
-The kind that can stop on a dime. (So they can hop out and pick it up)

[drigore]

Funny, I get the best jokes from my black friends, and on top of that, they're the most racial people I know. If your problems are that big, stop paying for GS and move out of the projects, might get a little more respect.

Ever see any black people in the Jetsons?
Future's looking pretty good.

[Scott]

Originally posted by Dionisius
OH MY GOD! I am in complete shock at the amount of ignorance that is presented in this thread. The use of the term "nigger" alone was just unbelievably disrespectful. I am completely disgusted by those of you who blatantly disrespected black history and those who fought and died just so that the term "nigger" wouldnt be used to describe a black man. You ignorant mother fuckers are a disgrace to life itself and you better believe that your going to get what you deserve.

J-O-K-E. JOKE.

Just because someone makes a joke or uses the term "nigger" doesn't mean they are serious. You're getting all worked up over a joke. Go send Chris Rock an letter and tell him he's an ignorant mother fucker for calling white people, crackers.

[StrayRogue]

Just for Jesae :D

Q. Why don't polish women use vibrators?
A. It chips their teeth.

Q. How do you sink a polish battleship?
A. Put it in water.

[Dionisius]

Originally posted by drigore
Funny, I get the best jokes from my black friends, and on top of that, they're the most racial people I know. If your problems are that big, stop paying for GS and move out of the projects, might get a little more respect.


Whats funny is that this thread has changed and now everyone is throwing out black jokes just to spite me since I feel disrespected about people undermining my race. Everyone who posted a black joke has basically spit on the graves of those like martin Lughter King Jr. and others who died in the struggle for the mental and physical freedom of the black race. Im at the point right now that I would kill each and every one of you that blatantly mock me and my race. Im done with this shit, have your fun.

[Shari]

OH MY GOD I AM SO OFFENDED, I HATE YOU PEOPLE!

[Dionisius]

Oh, and the reason I quoted drigoe was because I just wanted prove my point that people regard black people as a "lesser" race. Who said I lived in the projects? I guess because im black I must be from there.

[Shari]

:banghead:

[Scott]

Originally posted by Dionisius

Originally posted by drigore
Funny, I get the best jokes from my black friends, and on top of that, they're the most racial people I know. If your problems are that big, stop paying for GS and move out of the projects, might get a little more respect.


Whats funny is that this thread has changed and now everyone is throwing out black jokes just to spite me since I feel disrespected about people undermining my race. Everyone who posted a black joke has basically spit on the graves of those like martin Lughter King Jr. and others who died in the struggle for the mental and physical freedom of the black race. Im at the point right now that I would kill each and every one of you that blatantly mock me and my race. Im done with this shit, have your fun.

I think MLK would be more upset about threats of violence then a few jokes.

[StrayRogue]

Originally posted by Dionisius
Everyone who posted a black joke has basically spit on the graves of those like martin Lughter King Jr. and others who died in the struggle for the mental and physical freedom of the black race.

If you're going to mention such a great man in such a light, spell his fucking name right plz.

[StrayRogue]

Originally posted by Dionisius
Oh, and the reason I quoted drigoe was because I just wanted prove my point that people regard black people as a "lesser" race. Who said I lived in the projects? I guess because im black I must be from there.

Ironically you've made no mention about the anti jew/baby/mexican/white/pole jokes.

By my guess I reckon you're just a racist, bias totally on the side of your own race *shrug*

[Iqxero]

I'm not for or against racially offensive humor. But, as an aside, if you are fighting for the "mental and physical freedom of the black race" might I recommend spell checking your post and cutting out the threats of murder? As well as being in at least as equally bad taste as the jokes, they don't exactly give your argument added value.

[Shari]

Hey, I don't consider black people to be a "lesser race". I had a friend who was black!






Until my daddy sold him.





Honestly though...Way to perpetuate the hate by threatening to kill us all, MLK would be *so* proud.

[StrayRogue]

Originally posted by Jesae
Hey, I don't consider black people to be a "lesser race". I had a friend who was black!
Until my daddy sold him.



OMG N-word Jim worked on our farm too!Small world.

[Scott]

Originally posted by Dionisius
Oh, and the reason I quoted drigoe was because I just wanted prove my point that people regard black people as a "lesser" race. Who said I lived in the projects? I guess because im black I must be from there.

You're making a huge generalization there. Thanks for letting me know that I think white people are supreme beings to blacks, because I didn't know that. :rolleyes: Yes, there are white people who think that blacks are a "lesser race." There are also black people who think white people are a "lesser race." Get over yourself. I don't think anyone who has posted a joke hates or dislikes blacks in any way.

[Drew]

The funny thing about all of this is that Dionisius told me in-game before that he was Italian..... so take that for what it's worth.

[Keller]

Originally posted by Scott

Originally posted by Dionisius
Oh, and the reason I quoted drigoe was because I just wanted prove my point that people regard black people as a "lesser" race. Who said I lived in the projects? I guess because im black I must be from there.

You're making a huge generalization there. Thanks for letting me know that I think white people are supreme beings to blacks, because I didn't know that. :rolleyes: Yes, there are white people who think that blacks are a "lesser race." There are also black people who think white people are a "lesser race." Get over yourself. I don't think anyone who has posted a joke hates or dislikes blacks in any way.

If only Arkans hadn't posted, this might have the possibility of being true.

[HarmNone]

Because this is a thread for jokes, I'm going to leave it alone as far as editing is concerned, unless Kranar objects or it crosses the line from jokes to insults.

Dionisius, I hope you'll reconsider your stance on this issue. I have no love for racism, or any other form of discrimination. Quite the opposite is true, believe me. However, a joke is a joke and should be taken as such. Don't infuse these jokes with more meaning than they are intended to carry.

[Drew]

Originally posted by HarmNone
Don't infuse these jokes with more meaning than they are intended to carry.


Especially if you are italian :lol:

[HarmNone]

Heh. From the way these jokes are going, it wouldn't matter much who, or what, you are. There's something in here to offend just about anybody if they're of a mind to be offended. ;)

[Dionisius]

Originally posted by Drew
The funny thing about all of this is that Dionisius told me in-game before that he was Italian..... so take that for what it's worth.

WTF?... Italian?...who are you?


Originally posted by HarmNone
Because this is a thread for jokes, I'm going to leave it alone as far as editing is concerned, unless Kranar objects or it crosses the line from jokes to insults.

Dionisius, I hope you'll reconsider your stance on this issue. I have no love for racism, or any other form of discrimination. Quite the opposite is true, believe me. However, a joke is a joke and should be taken as such. Don't infuse these jokes with more meaning than they are intended to carry.

I remember one of my posts being pulled because I used the word "gay" and not even in a bad way. Its good to know that the word "nigger" isnt as bad and can be used freely on these boards.

[Sean]

I must be a bad black guy because I'm not offended by the jokes :(

[HarmNone]

No, Dionisius, that word is not acceptable on these boards when used in an insulting context. However, in this thread people are posting jokes. Jokes, while often in poor taste, are just that...jokes. They are not meant to be taken seriously.

Any use of sexual slurs, racial slurs, or ethnic slurs directed at another poster will result in edits or a pulled post. That has not changed. I'm just making a little room for people to tell jokes without feeling that someone is sitting on their "edit" key, ready to pounce.

You, on the other hand, are connoting insult where no insult is intended. They're telling jokes, man.......JOKES. Shall I get my knickers in a knot over the jokes told about women? I think not. I know they don't apply to me, even though I'm a woman. They don't apply to anybody. They're JOKES. :rolleyes:

[Drew]

Personally, as a white heterosexual protestant male of anglo-saxon descent I feel a little left out here, no one really has "stuck it to the man" yet.

[Dionisius]

Originally posted by Tijay
I must be a bad black guy because I'm not offended by the jokes :(

Doesnt mean your a bad guy. Just says that your the type of person that wouldnt mind a white guy calling you a nigger because he thinks its funny or a joke. I on the other hand wouldn't take that shit. More power to you though.

[Drew]

Originally posted by Dionisius

Originally posted by Tijay
I must be a bad black guy because I'm not offended by the jokes :(

Doesnt mean your a bad guy. Just says that your the type of person that wouldnt mind a white guy calling you a nigger because he thinks its funny or a joke. I on the other hand wouldn't take that shit. More power to you though.

No one is calling YOU anything!

[Dionisius]

Originally posted by HarmNone
No, Dionisius, that word is not acceptable on these boards when used in an insulting context. However, in this thread people are posting jokes. Jokes, while often in poor taste, are just that...jokes. They are not meant to be taken seriously.

Any use of sexual slurs, racial slurs, or ethnic slurs directed at another poster will result in edits or a pulled post. That has not changed. I'm just making a little room for people to tell jokes without feeling that someone is sitting on their "edit" key, ready to pounce.

You, on the other hand, are connoting insult where no insult is intended. They're telling jokes, man.......JOKES. Shall I get my knickers in a knot over the jokes told about women? I think not. I know they don't apply to me, even though I'm a woman. They don't apply to anybody. They're JOKES. :rolleyes:

You know what, you are absolutely right. This is all jokes. Im starting to understand it now. Hey, maybe i'll start another thread dedicated to telling jokes about your dead family members, your children or anything else you would consider to be something serious. That way if you get upset I could always tell you to calm down and everything will be alright because you know what, they're just jokes.

Honestly, im really really trying to find out whats so funny about undermining black people.

[Edited on 2-24-2005 by Dionisius]

[Dionisius]

Originally posted by Drew
What do black men like least about sex with white women?
The mace!


Looks like you just called me a rapist right there.

[Drew]

Originally posted by Dionisius
Honestly, im really really trying to find out whats so funny about undermining black people?


I know you're a huge troll, but I feel compelled to respond. No one is calling you anything. No one is "undermining" anyone. If you think that some jokes on a message board undermines the entire black race... you may be underestimating black people. Or should I say "African-American". I remember there was a time in the 90's that saying "black" was nearly as bad as saying the "N" word.



On the other hand, if you win me over to your side, I am 1/8th black. So I may be 1/8th very offended by all of this.

[Drew]

Originally posted by Dionisius

Originally posted by Drew
What do black men like least about sex with white women?
The mace!


Looks like you just called me a rapist right there.


And by extension, all white women, rape victims. Better call N.O.W. as well.

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by Dionisius

Originally posted by HarmNone
No, Dionisius, that word is not acceptable on these boards when used in an insulting context. However, in this thread people are posting jokes. Jokes, while often in poor taste, are just that...jokes. They are not meant to be taken seriously.

Any use of sexual slurs, racial slurs, or ethnic slurs directed at another poster will result in edits or a pulled post. That has not changed. I'm just making a little room for people to tell jokes without feeling that someone is sitting on their "edit" key, ready to pounce.

You, on the other hand, are connoting insult where no insult is intended. They're telling jokes, man.......JOKES. Shall I get my knickers in a knot over the jokes told about women? I think not. I know they don't apply to me, even though I'm a woman. They don't apply to anybody. They're JOKES. :rolleyes:

You know what, you are absolutely right. This is all jokes. Im starting to understand it now. Hey, maybe i'll start another thread dedicated to telling jokes about your dead family members, your children or anything else you would consider to be something serious. That way if you get upset I could always tell you to calm down and everything will be alright because you know what, they're just jokes.

Honestly, im really really trying to find out whats so funny about undermining black people.

[Edited on 2-24-2005 by Dionisius]

Actually, I haven't read one joke in this thread, yet, that caused me to even crack a smile. However, my determination of what's funny, and what isn't, is not the criteria by which all jokes are judged. Neither is yours.

There's no way on earth you could possibly make fun of any of MY dead family members, or my children. You don't even know who I am. By extension, nobody is making fun of you, your dead ancestors, or your children because nobody knows who you are, either.

You're making something serious that is not serious, Dionisius. If you're really all that offended, I must wonder why you're still reading this thread at all. Just note those you consider to be discriminatory and haters of your race and avoid them like the plague, including anything they post. That way, you'll avoid all this angst.

[Dionisius]

Well, I apologize for "over-reacting," as you all say, to the racial jokes in this thread. Just erase my posts, pretend I never wrote anything and continue with your "jokes."

[Drew]

Originally posted by HarmNone
Actually, I haven't read one joke in this thread, yet, that caused me to even crack a smile.

I'd really like to hear a joke that HarmNone considers funny. :yes:

Lol, what the fuck. Dude, who the fuck died so you couldn't have a sense of humor? Get with the program and crack white jokes. As for people dying so the N word wouldn't be used? Are you serious? I hear the shit every time I pop in a CD or go home on the block. Maybe someone shoulda informed the black community of that.

You serioulsy need to lighten up its not cool

-Black man who has lived in the projects

[Sean]

Originally posted by Dionisius
Doesnt mean your a bad guy. Just says that your the type of person that wouldnt mind a white guy calling you a nigger because he thinks its funny or a joke. I on the other hand wouldn't take that shit. More power to you though.

This would be a correct assessment. I wouldn't care what anyone who doesn't know me comes upto me and says for humor or otherwise. This has no regard to race, sex, or sexual orientation.

What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?

"Hey! Watch this!"

what's big long and white?

uh..i dunno.


What does a white woman and a tampon have in common?

They're both stuck up cunts

What do you call a White man with a sheep under each arm?

A motherfucking pimp bitch.


Whats the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?

A white girls ass


How is spoiled milk and a fat white girl's legs alike?

They're both white and chunky

What do white people see when they look at their family tree?

A straight line

[Drew]

What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in a room?
A full set of teeth.



Why are there no fertility clinics in the south?
They would tell the women to try another brother.


What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonalds on Friday night in Iowa?
Prom.




How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?
Three. One to eat it, and two to watch for cars.

[Sean]

2 of my personal faves.

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

How do you know a redneck girl is a virgin?
She's 7 years old and can run faster than her brothers

[HarmNone]

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour. ~Tijay

Gotta admit, that one got a chucle out of me. :lol:

[Tsa`ah]

What's the first thing a Jew does after having company over?

Check the couch for change.

[Nakiro]

What can a pizza do that a black man can't?

Feed a family of four.

[Brattt8525]

What's the difference between dog shit and n#$^%$s?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.

What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father's Day.

Why did the 6 blondes in the back of the pick-up truck drown?
They couldn't get the tailgate down.

Mommy, Mommy! I thought it was my turn to lick the bowl?
Shut up and flush.

Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Shut up and keep licking.

Mommy, Mommy! are you sure this is how to learn to swim?
Shut up and get back in the sack!

[Edited on 2-24-2005 by Brattt8525]

[Kainen]

Mommy mommy quick gimme a fork.. daddy threw up and jimmy is getting all the big chunks

How do you stop a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.

How do you make a man happy?
Who cares?

Whats grosser than gross?

Getting to the bottom of the jar of mayo and finding a condom.
When you poke a rump roast and it farts.
When you bite into a hot dog and find a vein.

[AnticorRifling]

How many freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to hold the lightbulb and the other to hold the penis I mean ladder!

What do you call someone that always tries to play the race card?

Beef Wellington

[Bobmuhthol]

What happened to the black guy who didn't STFU on the Players' Corner?

Nobody cared and then he STFU.

[Warriorbird]

What happened to this thread being funny?

Oh, wait.

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by Drew
What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonalds on Friday night in Iowa?
Prom.


C'mon, now, we take limos to prom just like anyone else.

The tractors are for homecoming :D

Jorddyn

[StrayRogue]

Originally posted by RangerD1


what's big long and white?

uh..i dunno.




LOL. Pwned.

How do you keep a black guy from moving across the street from you?

Hang one outside your house.


How do you stop a Polish tank division?

Shoot the guys pushing.

- Arkans

[Kainen]

How many polish does it take to make popcorn?
One to hold the pan, four to shake the stove.

How do the Polish make ice?
No one knows, they lost the recipie.

How can you tell when a blonde's been making chocolate chip cookies?
By the M&M shells on the counter.

What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
"Oh look.. doughnut seeds!"

What do you call the black stuff between the elephants toes?
Slow natives.

[DeV]

How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, white guys can't screw.

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

What’s better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.

What's eighteen inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?
George Bush's tie.

[Wezas]

Originally posted by DeV
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.


That one is awesome.

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by DeV
How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, white guys can't screw.


:lolwave:

Jorddyn

P.S. We really need a duct-tape over the mouth smiley.

[peam]

Why do tampons have strings on them?

So you can floss after eating.

[Shari]

:barf:

What do you call an old black guy in a barn?

Antique farm equipment.

- Arkans

[peam]

What did the pedophile say to the little Jewish boy?

Hey little boy, wanna buy some candy?

[Drew]

Originally posted by Tijay
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

What do you call one white guy surrounded by three black guys?
The victim.

What do you call one white guy surrounded by ten black guys?
The quarterback.


What do you call a white guy surrounded by one thousand black guys?
The warden

[crazymage]

Next time you see a blind man, kick him. Why should you be kinder than God?

[crazymage]

For harmnone

Why dont witches wear panties

better grip on the broom

What do you call two black men and a hispanic driving a car?

Probable cause.

- Arkans

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by crazymage
For harmnone

Why dont witches wear panties

better grip on the broom

Tell it to Czeska. I am not a witch. I'm a Pagan, dammit!:P

Feh! You're not Christian! You're obviously a Pagan and need to be burned alive.

- Arkans

[crazymage]

One day a man is walking along the beach and sees a quadriplegic girl on the boardwalk, sitting in her wheelchair and crying. He decides to be a good samaritan and asks her what's wrong. She replies sadly, "I've never been hugged."
So he hugs the girl, which seems to cheer her up and he continues on his way.

The next day he sees the girl again, still sitting on the boardwalk and crying, so he asks her what's wrong and she replies, "I've never been kissed."

So, he kisses the girl dutifully and goes on his way.

The following day, he passes her again, and once again, she's crying and he asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I've never been screwed."

So, the man wheels her down the boardwalk, pushes her off the pier and says, "Now, you're screweed!"

[crazymage]

What's the difficult thing about eating vegetables?
Getting around the wheelchair.

[Bobmuhthol]

That's mean, Sergey. I'd totally do a chick in a wheelchair if she was crying.

[Skeeter]

what's green and yellow and hangs from trees.

Girraffe snot.

[Geoff]

A marine is out on manuevers and sees another marine across the river he's following.
He yells "How do I get to the other side of the river?".
The other marine replies "You dumbass, you're ON the other side!"

How do Marine brain cells die?
Alone...

[Edited on 2-25-2005 by Geoff]

[The Korean]

I have way too many dumb marine stories. No offense to the marines, but some of y'all just lose your minds out in the field.

[longshot]

All my Korean jokes are in Japanese... they don't translate :(

[longshot]

What's the object of Jewish football?

Get the quarterback.

[Artha]

Have you heard of the newest Jewish car?
It stops on a dime; then it picks it up.

Why are Jewish noses so big?
Air's free.

How do you fit 1000 dead babies into a telephone booth?
A blender.

How do you get them out?
A straw.

Why wouldn't Helen Keller's dog come when called?
You wouldn't come either if your name was AUGHAUGHGUGHGAUGHGUGH.

edited because Arkans stole my joke :(

[Edited on 2-25-2005 by Artha]

[Hulkein]

Three of the five jokes you posted have been told already, heh.

[BigWorm]

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

Rearrange the furniture.

[drigore]

Originally posted by BigWorm
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

Rearrange the furniture.

Put saran wrap on the toilet.
Put on cleats and stomp on her books.

What happened when she jumped off the cliff?
She screamed her hands off.

Why didn't she scream when she fell down the well?
She had mittens on.

[Wezas]

Heard this one on the radio yesteday.

What's the easiest way to starve a black guy?

Hide his food stamps under his work boots.

[Parkbandit]

Did you hear that FedEx and UPS merged?

The new company will be called FedUp.

:)

[AnticorRifling]

Ohh FYI If Tayre ever says "Do you want to see a short joke" as he's reaching for to undo his pants, say no. I did and I'm still able to sleep because I said no.

[Parkbandit]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
Ohh FYI If Tayre ever says "Do you want to see a short joke" as he's reaching for to undo his pants, say no. I did and I'm still able to sleep because I said no.

:?::?:

So you are losing sleep because you didn't get an opportunity to see Tayre's stubby?

Falgrin would turn over in his grave.

:no:

[Slingblade]

Originally posted by Dionisius

Originally posted by Drew
What do black men like least about sex with white women?
The mace!


Looks like you just called me a rapist right there.

The joke said black MEN, not black whiny piss drinking ass jobbers.

And uh, to stay on topic, or something:

How do you keep a moron in suspense?

[Edited on 2-25-2005 by Slingblade]

[Parkbandit]

HOW??????

POST THE ANSWER AS I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

[Darnell]

short jokes eh....

Hey (Insert white friends name), pull down your pants.

D

[longshot]

Wouldn't you be pulling down their pants?

Not much of joke there...




Why are there no Arab poets?

Because nothing rhyms with Alarckbtrebekakk.

[Brattt8525]

What do you get if you mix Viagra and Prozac? - A guy who is ready to go but doesn't really care where

Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel

[Kainen]

Originally posted by BigWorm
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

Rearrange the furniture.

Left the plunger in the toilet.
Put the doorknobs on the walls.

ow?

[Sylph]

Dunno if this one has been posted yet because I haven't read the thread but...



So a guy walks into his house with his groceries in his right hand and a duck tucked underneath his left arm.

His wife looks up in surprised and he says, "This is the pig that im fucking."


His wife shakes her head and says, "Honey, that's a duck."

He responds, "I was talking to the duck."

[Killer Kitten]

What makes the sound 'Ho de doh! Ho de doh!'
Jesse Jackson running for the elevator.

What do you call a closet full of lesbians?
A licker cabinet.

What do you call a blonde behind the wheel of a Mercedes?
An air bag.

How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
30. One to change the bulb and 29 to relate to the experience.

How many mistresses does it take to change a light bulb?
One, you spineless bastard.

How did Helen Keller burn her hands?
Reading the waffle iron.

How do you drive a Jew insane?
Put him in a round room and tell him there's a nickel in the corner.

And a Gemstone joke:
A warrior is bleeding at North Gate and a passing empath asks if he would like it healed.
The warrior says, 'No I can fix it.'
The empath says, 'Ok. Suture self.'

[longshot]

How many sorority girls does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four- One to change the lightbulb, and three to make t-shirts.

[Some Rogue]

What do black people use to wash their white clothes?
BLEEATCH!

Did you hear about the jew who told her husband, "Give me 10 inches and make it hurt."?
He fucked her twice and threw her down the stairs.

[Wezas]

What's easier to load onto a truck, 50 bowling balls or 50 dead babies?

http://members.cox.net/legendwezas/dora.jpg

[Dionisius]

Originally posted by Slingblade

Originally posted by Dionisius

Originally posted by Drew
What do black men like least about sex with white women?
The mace!


Looks like you just called me a rapist right there.

The joke said black MEN, not black whiny piss drinking ass jobbers.
[Edited on 2-25-2005 by Slingblade]

LOL...whiny...piss drinking (LOL)....ass jobbers!!!

Keep your stupid ass worthshit insults to yourself. That fuckin shit wasnt even half funny. Ass jobber?.... STFU and get some new insults. You sound like an upset 9 year old that was just ass-raped and wants to vent on a message board.

[Bobmuhthol]

You sound black.

[Sean]

Why would you rederail a thread that just got back on track? Don't bother answering that. But seriously just let it go or take it to u2u's seeing as how it no longer relates to the thread intent and is just about fueling a fued.

Go back to prison, Dio.

- Arkans

[Keller]

Originally posted by Arkans
Go back to prison, Dio.

- Arkans

Go back to your trailer park.

Unfortunately, Massachusetts doesn't seem to have many trailer parks. Also, you should be telling me to go back to middle class white suburbia with my good credit. :(

- Arkans

[Keller]

Originally posted by Arkans
Unfortunately, Massachusetts doesn't seem to have many trailer parks. Also, you should be telling me to go back to middle class white suburbia with my good credit. :(

- Arkans

No, racist bigots live in trailer parks.

Blacks live in prisons.

I was just humoring your worldview.

[Shari]

Unfortunately, people can live in nice homes and drive nice cars and still be considered white trash. :saint:

That goes the same for any other race that gets referred to in a derrogitory manner. Keep that in mind.

C'mon man, are you incapable of getting stereo-types correct? Majority of rascists make their homes in suburbia, well, until a black family moves in. Then it is time to pack the bags before the land value drops.

- Arkans

PS: Yes, the above is the actual truth in the suburbs of Boston.

[Shari]

Its funny you should mention that. A majority of my extended family lives in Pennsylvania and its astonishing to me the amount of racism that still exists back there. Sometimes it feels as though the east coast is a third-world country in some aspects.

Not even close to a third world country, but very financially concerned. When you have regular single family houses going for a MINIMUM of $350,000 you will do anything to come out ahead with that investment. Whether you are rascist or not, moving becomes a serious options when the value of your land is at stake here.

- Arkans

[Shari]

Makes me even more glad I don't live back there. :D

Aside from the high cost of living, the Boston area really is a nice place to live. You just need to take the good along with the bad. The majority of suburban neighborhoods are extremely safe, the school systems here are excellent, and our social services are really top notch (though a bit excessive). Though I plan on moving out in a relatively short amount of time, I'll have to say, that I will miss certain aspects of Boston.

- Arkans

[Keller]

Originally posted by Arkans
C'mon man, are you incapable of getting stereo-types correct? Majority of rascists make their homes in suburbia, well, until a black family moves in. Then it is time to pack the bags before the land value drops.

- Arkans

PS: Yes, the above is the actual truth in the suburbs of Boston.

I can't find my book, but I TA'd a sociology course on Race in America and it's statistically proven that poor whites have a significantly higher ratio of racial prejudice. It's their way of find self-worth in their otherwise shitty existence.

I won't argue your point, but what I am saying is that the stereotype for whites is far from poor.

- Arkans

[Bobmuhthol]

<<I can't find my book, but I TA'd a sociology course on Race in America and it's statistically proven that poor whites have a significantly higher ratio of racial prejudice.>>

There are more poor whites in America than any other race/class combo. I bet it's also statistically proven that billionaire black women with afternoon television shows are named Oprah.

[Shari]

Actually, believe it or not, we were actually in agreement of something.

I don't consider the term "white trash" limited specifically to poor white people who live in double-wides. I consider it to be any white person with limited, racist, and other backwards views on situations.

Whites that have a back-wards view for me generally are called "rednecks", though at this point we are just playing semantics.

- Arkans

[Sean]

Topic please? There are enough threads about stereotypes and racism as it is. That however isn't the intention of this thread. While I'm glad you guys are being civil for the time being I'm gonna ask that you find the right thread to continue this discussion.

[musicisart]

Yes..this is a joke thread..too bad they aren't funny.

[Sean of the Thread]

What does a black person and Arkans have in common?

They're both ignorant.

[Sean]

Originally posted by musicisart
Yes..this is a joke thread..too bad they aren't funny.

So contribute some jokes you find amusing?

What does a promiscuous gay guy and Xyelin have in common?

They both suck massive amounts of cock.

- Arkans

[Apathy]

Have you heard the cookie joke?
Forget it its crummy.

How many feminists does it take to screw a lightbulb in?
That's not funny.

What does IROC stand for? (camaro IROC for those not in the know)
Italian retard out cruising.

A blonde is driving through the country when she sees another blonde in the middle of a field trying to row a canoe. She gets out of her car and yells, "You dumb bitch you give blondes a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and kick your ass!"

How do you know it's bedtime at the Neverland ranch?
When the big hand is on the little hand.

Why do women have legs?
So they don't leave a slime trail.

How many goths does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None cause they live in the dark.

What do you get if you mix a black and a mexican?
Someone too lazy to steal.

What do you get when you hit a baby with a baseball bat?
An erection.

What's the best part about sex with a 10 year old girl?
Turn her over and pretend she's a 10 year old boy.

What's the best part about sex with a 14 year old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair back and she looks 12.

What's a guy's idea of safe sex?
A padded headboard.

What's the best form of birth control?
A fake name.

Why do women have foreheads?
So you have something to kiss after you cum in their mouth.

What's wrong with 4 mexicans in a sedan going off a cliff?
A sedan will seat six.

What do you call 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

What's red and bubbly and claws at the window?
A baby in a microwave.

Why can't Helen Keller drive?
She's a woman.

How do you circumsize a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.

Why do gorillas look so pissed off?
Because they know in 1000 years they'll just be another stupid N.

What's the slang word for the entire dick, bush, and colon area?
The white house.

What's the best part about getting head from an ethiopian?
You know she'll swallow.

Why'd the little girl fall off the swing?
She had no arms.

Why did the drunk Arab die?
Who cares?

-I have no friends :)

[Drew]

Originally posted by Arkans
C'mon man, are you incapable of getting stereo-types correct? Majority of rascists make their homes in suburbia, well, until a black family moves in. Then it is time to pack the bags before the land value drops.

- Arkans


What's a word that starts with 'N' and ends with 'R' that you NEVER want to call a black person?


Neighbor!

[OreoElf]

What's the hardest part of a Vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair!

[OreoElf]

Sorrybout the extra post but heard this and HAD to post it

[OOC]-Amerith: "What does eating a girl out and being in the mafia have in common?"

[OOC]-Amerith: "One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit!"

I bet my credit is better than arkans

THAT is a challenge that I would take.

- Arkans

[longshot]

Originally posted by Dionisius
Im at the point right now that I would kill each and every one of you that blatantly mock me and my race. Im done with this shit, have your fun.

I think you made your point the first time.

Threatening members of the boards with bodily harm because you cannot comprehend the nature of the thread will do little to gain sympathy. It's also blatantly against TOS.

This wasn't enough though. I guess you weren't done...


Originally posted by Dionisius
Keep your stupid ass worthshit insults to yourself. That fuckin shit wasnt even half funny. Ass jobber?.... STFU and get some new insults. You sound like an upset 9 year old that was just ass-raped and wants to vent on a message board.

Even after I laid out the ground rules in the very fist post, you chose to ignore them.

Then, you chose to ignore the moderator as well, derailing the thread for a second time.

In the future, if you don't like, don't read it.

It really is that simple.

These are jokes that people make about stereotypes, and not personal insults. Fight your battles somewhere else.

The property values / homogeneous community thing can really be it's own thread, if one wishes to discuss it further.

For those who still have jokes, please post them.

[Edited on 3-1-2005 by longshot]

[Apathy]

What do you get when you have 4 Catholics?
A fifth.

[Artha]

Im at the point right now that I would kill each and every one of you that blatantly mock me and my race. Im done with this shit, have your fun.
Good work perpetuating the violent black person stereotype. You're making excellent strides forward for you and your race.

Anyway...

So an orc with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar. I ask him where he found that, and the parrot says, "In Durotaur; they've got them all over the place!"

[Drew]

Originally posted by Artha
So an orc with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar. I ask him where he found that, and the parrot says, "In Durotaur; they've got them all over the place!"


Is this a WoW joke? :no:

THAT is a challenge that I would take.

^

Bring it on white man!

[StrayRogue]

Why to n*****s smell?
So blind people can hate them too.

[Slingblade]

Originally posted by Drew

Originally posted by Artha
So an orc with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar. I ask him where he found that, and the parrot says, "In Durotaur; they've got them all over the place!"


Is this a WoW joke? :no:

It's not only a WoW joke, it's also the worst joke ever told in the history of the universe. :lol:

[Kainen]

What's the differance between a blonde and a brick?
Brick won't follow you around after you lay it.

[Killer Kitten]

Sorry to be a thread bumper, but my cousin sent me these and I wanted to share the pain:

What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.

What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.

What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with?
Whatever she wants. He's sleeping.

Where does virgin wool come from?
Ugly sheep.

How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony?
It isn't hard.

How can you piss off your husband while making love?
Call him from your cell phone.

What does the bride of a Polish man get that's long and hard on her wedding
night?
His last name.

What's the down side to a threesome?
You could disappoint two women instead of just one.

How do you know you're really ugly?
Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg.

Why are hurricanes named after women?
Because they arrive wet and wild, then leave with your house and car.

(Apologies if some are repeats, I'm too blasted tired to look.)

[Bobmuhthol]

<<Why are hurricanes named after women?
Because they arrive wet and wild, then leave with your house and car.>>

This joke lost its validity over 25 years ago.